Sometimes,
when the face in the mirror isn't who I want it to be

and those thoughts,
those ******* disgusting worms crawling out of my brain,
to simply drive me insane

I think it's subconscious,
I never quite think it,
before the thought is reaching my hand

A little mascara
brush through my hair

(I want to feel pretty
again)

A dusting of powder
touch up my chapstick

(this face
THIS FACE ISN'T RIGHT
THIS ISN'T THE PERSON I WANT  TO BE-)

-
It's ok to be.
-

Switch up the perspective:


I Will fix my issues,
one brush at a time

A swipe of lipstick
layer eyeshadow

Please don't clump, mascara
Add some concealer

(I NEED TO FIX
THE VOICES IN MY HEAD)

Some brow gel
Some eyeliner.

Top it off
With a



[[I hear voices say,
voices far away
"say cheese!" click]]


I-
I'll be O.K.

Would that I could see the sun
Would that I could watch the sea
Would that I could be with thee
If only time could turn around
Of only it could see
The times left behind me
Are the ones that couldn't be

My heart is set on a golden cloud
My eyes strain to see it
My heart is gone, so far away
And mine eyes cannot reach it

Take me back
Bring me home
I wish not to linger
In this world
So dark and cold
Where I am still
Alone

Sometimes
when I look in the mirror
i'm startled to see
me

When
I scrub off the pen lines
odd bits of makeup
all that's left is me

I stand there
bare and trembling
these are the pieces of me
and maybe I'm starving

but at least
I can feel myself smiling
because
these are the marks of my survival

Reached a point
Now it's just the waiting
Stay in line
Stay behind
Just the waiting
Sure ok
Swear in my face
It's not my place
It's a point
Soon it'll be revealed
And everyone will see
Who's really me
But for now
Just the waiting.
(I don't want to call it hiding)
There's a point
You're getting there
(I'm already past it)
But I'm ok with
Just waiting

this is me
screaming into
the void
a whisper
i am deserving and worthy of love

this is me
constructing pieces
of boundaries
i can't put up yet

this is me
speaking words
that are not lies

this is me
preparing for the worst

this is self-preservation

Staring in a mirror. Again
It makes me feel worse just to see

I braided my hair so neatly
Now it's falling apart at the seams

There's a comparison there
Let's not look into it

If I stick pins in
Tie up all the loose ends again

It'll look neater, sure
As long as you don't look too close

Cause there's a glittering metal barricade
Of a halfhearted hairstyle I tried to save

Please, tell me to love you again
For I will
I will love you with every breath
Like I'm a dying star and
You are the brightest light

Please tell me you love me again
And mean it
Love me with every one of
Your broken pieces and
I will love with every one of mine

Please don't walk away
Without saying goodbye
My heart is fragile
And it wants to love you
Yet I don't want to let it

So please give me a reason
Tell me it's ok to love you

hey i heard you are doing better
im glad
for you

im not doing better
it's worse


im tired of drawing lines on my arm
running out of time all along

they told me it'd be ok
well what if everyone was wrong

?

do you still need me

you sent me a post
"send this to the person that saved your life, even if they didn't know it"

im glad you're better
im glad i could help

but dear god i'm still falling apart

Look around and see
People who don't have
Everything that they need right now

Then look at the ones
With guns in our schools
Taking others with them in suicide

So just feel free
To sit there in your chair
Doing whatever you could possibly want

Without checking to see
Where your children went
After they told you that they felt depressed

Yes I know this world
Is still messed up
But could it possibly hurt to try

The water opens wide
Swallowing me up again

I rest in their peaceful grasp
My mind floats free

It sees the rushing tide
From deep inside
Wondering when will it all end
When will the world fall away
Will we live to see that day

Soon it is coming
Rushing upon us
We will not see it
Will not hear it
Wil not smell it
Will not feel it
Will not touch it
Until it has come
Then all will be at it's end

My mind upon returning
Confused and bewildered
Tries to relate to me the warning
But I, like so many cannot hear it
Cannot see it
Cannot smell it
Cannot feel it
Cannot touch it
My mind cannot commute to me the danger
Of not believing.
and who
will listen?