It never feels like autumn down here,
the trees are barely orange before they die.
You loved autumn though,
so I painted my sky in ways that'd make you
smile.

It made you a little sad, I know,
all the things we couldn't share together.
You loved to spend time with people,
so I painted our time together in a way that'd make you
feel warm.

I was never pretending,
my love was always sincere,
were you pretending all along
that loving me helped set you free?

They say hearts never break the same,
I believe that to be true.
Its not about the pattern the crack follows,
but the way you own a piece to fit your own.
How could our hearts break the same
when the pain we feel is so different?

How could our hearts break the same
when they were already broken to begin with.

Even if a little bruised,
I'll keep your piece of heart in a box.
I don't think I'll be returning it soon,
I hope you find one that fits you better.

I hit rock bottom,
and then I start again.

I don't let the bad times take away the positive things I've done.

I take a deep breath,
I get up,
I continue walking down the road.

There are so many things I would like to do before I'm gone,
I'm not letting a little wind take away my opportunities.

I hit rock bottom,
and then I start again.

Even when it seems like everything is lost.
Even when my head hurts for crying.
When my eyes burn because of the tears.
Even when my knees are red for being on the floor,
and my body can't hold itself straight anymore.

I wake up to a better day, every day.

I put on my jacket,
my favorite pair of boots,
the nice beanie my mom knit for me,

and I go out.

I keep on dreaming.
I keep on smiling.
I keep on breathing.

I live.

I've been on a journey
to the depths of my own
                                            mind.

i didn't like what i

l
e
  a
   r
    n
     e
      d

but i know it was needed.

                          I've been (dis)connected

up, down,up ,down u,p ,down

in (a)n(d) out

blur is what i see.

i know ::myself:: better now

you were red.

you were red every day,
like the fiercest sunrise
showering the city
in its warmest colors.

red like the sun on its peak,
like the greatest burning fire.
red like the juiciest apple,
the sweetest strawberry.

red like the sexiest lingerie,
the most tempting lollipop.

and then you changed.
or was it my eyes?

it changed and you became blue.

it was sudden,
like a blue night when it pours,
you were blue like the sadness.

blue like the ocean when it's angry,
like the neon lights at the bars,
blue like that one old mug,
and the lips of a lover when cold from touch.

it took me a while,
realization came too late –
you were never red nor blue,
but the brightest purple on the
watercolor box.

purple.
purple.

purple like my favorite sunsets,
like my cats favorite blanket,
purple like grandma's favorite flower,
and my mom's favorite pendant.

it took me a while to realize,
but you were purple to the brim.

my favorite person,
purple like the sky above,
and all the things i love.

you were red some days,
a bit blue other nights.

but it was purple all along.

And just like that,
you broke me.

But it wasn't blood that poured out.

Growth.

As my roots spilled all over,
the seeds of my healing.

Sprouts of tomorrow.

All over.

You broke me,
but I did not bleed.

I forgive me.
I forgive you.

I forgive us.

And I heal,
and I grow.

And I'm stronger.

I move on.

To everyone I've ever met,
to everyone who once tried to get to know me.
To everyone who wanted to be my friend,
to everyone who had to deal with me.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I'm stubborn.
I'm sorry I'm insecure.
I'm sorry I locked you out.

I'm working on becoming a better me,
I've realized I turned into a loner.

I. don't. wanna. be. a. loner.

¿Do you know what's the problem with society nowadays?
No one is allowed to feel anything about themselves in any way.
Yet, society is allowed to press standards on us.
Behavior standards.
Beauty standards.
Appearance standards-
You can not consider yourself ugly because everyone's beautiful. But you can not consider yourself beautiful because you are not the center of the world.
You can not wear baggy clothes because they hide your figure. But you can not wear anything "too revealing" because you will be a ****.
You can not use makeup because that's effeminate. But you can not have one "imperfection" on your face.
¿Do you know what's the problem with society nowadays?
Everyone considers themselves gods.
Everyone considers their opinion the only one valid.
Everyone thinks they are way over the top from others. When in reality, we're only flesh and bones.
We're only minds, spirits, trapped inside a body.
¿Who gave us the power to judge each other? ¿Who decided what is or not beautiful? ¿Who decided what is or not acceptable? And why do we cope with those ideas.
We are all equal.
We are all humans.
We are all fragile and sensitive.
¿So who are you to tell me what can I do or not?
The problem with society nowadays is that we don't want to learn.
We don't want to evolve.
The problem is that we have taken so many things from life, and twisted them until they became what we wanted, that we don't know what is their meaning anymore.
And we are not allowed to feel in any way different from what others tell us.
And we are not allowed to think in any way different from what society teach us.
And we are constantly looking for answers ¿But who's asking the questions?
We are lost.
We are lost souls.
We are wandering on earth without purpose.
And in the end,
it does matter.

am I really that hard to love?
or am I just unlovable?

it's my fault for pushing everyone away.
it's my fault because I'm never there.

it's my fault.
is it?

am I really that hard to love?
or am I just afraid of getting hurt?

am I really hard to love?
should we love?

how does one love?

am I really that hard to love?
or it's just we all love differently.

what is love?

Do you think it's silly?
How I crave all the conversations we never got to share.


What happened to our early mornings?

What happened to our late night talks?


Is your favorite color still the same?
Are Wednesday still filled with laughs?
Have you been eating your meals every day?

Do you belive the stars have ears?
What do you crave the most in the world?
Will we ever have a second chance?


I miss you. I miss the smile you put on my face. I miss your wise words,  your company, you.

All of you.

I still miss you.

Sometimes, some days, I think I'm okay.
Some days I wake up and you're not here and I understand.

Some days I still wake up missing you.
The impotence, the emptiness, the hole widens the days I miss you.

Today I missed you.

Some of my tears, they have your name. I save them for when I feel like I can't do this anymore.
They remind me of you, and how alive I felt with you.  I need them.  I need you.

I lost you, but I have you.
Can I keep you?

Is it okay to keep your memories in a crystal box, is it okay to go back when I need them.
Is it okay to keep your smile in my eyes and your voice in my ears.

It's okay. Right?


I hope you're good. I hope you don't get the bad days.
I hope you let someone hold you when you're down.


Did I ever tell you just how wonderful you are?

You're wonderful.


Goodnight.

We are free souls.
We are free spirits, yet
we are waiting
for someone to show us the
way.

We are pure,
we are unique.

We are strong.

We are beautiful.

We are the ones that decide our destinies.

Nor illness, nor hurt, nor death can stop us.

We are light,
we are energy.

We are souls, inside bodies.

But we,
we are not trapped.

We are not prisoners.
We don't need help.

We are more than we think.
We are
free
souls.

I miss you I miss you I miss you,
I need you I need you I need you,
I crave you I crave you I crave you,
I want you I want you I want you,

I'm dying without you.

There is a hole, there is. And I can't fill it, no matter what.
It's you shaped, it's for you only. No one else can fit.
Your name carved on my bones.

It needs you.

My heart, it needs you to be complete.

Why did it have to end this way?
Why did we have to crash and burn this hard?

I'm here even long after you're gone, and I wish I could reach and touch you.
I wish I could call for you.

I wish I was the moon, so you could miss me so deeply whenever I'm gone.
I wish I was the moon, so you could need me whenever the nights are lonely.
I wish I was the moon, so you could crave me during the cold nights.

I wish I was the moon, so you could still love me so pure and endless.
I wish I could've gotten you the moon, you always loved her best.

I love you I love you I love you I love you.