With great loss one can
truly know, in life, what to
live or live without.

I sinned today...
The slow draw swept me away.
I tasted such sweet nothing.
Warm smoke, finished with that sting.
It started with a harmless light,
The toxic chemicals wrapped in white.
I truly thought I was done,
It was four months, since I had one.
I thought I could escape its hold,
Yet I find myself still clutching death in the cold.

Wish I had someone
to hold me and console me
when my world is cold.

What's a tree to you,
With its unseen roots sprawled out
Forever searching.

Feel so close to you
when our skin touches, a fire
ignites between us.

Hide away in the
daylight, with no shadows cast...
one can't be unseen

I love the way your
skin feels on my fingertips
when my hands explore.

Your eyes tell the truth
right through to your heart and soul
until we grow old.

when I'm next to you
my heart trembles with fear
for when you're not here

Peace fills my whole heart
with unconditional love
when I'm with my sons

Type away on your
Keys of black and ivory
mysteriously

love is expressed by
each time I look in your eyes
looking into mine

I miss you like the
Cloudless night sky would miss stars
If they were stolen.

thoughts of you
race through my mind
even as my
consciousness expires
like the remnants of a fire
dwindling down
to the last embers light

I want you....
in a primal, instinctive, ravaging way.....
I want to tear the clothes off your body
in a lustful vengeance
and taste your quivering lips while slowly plunging my eager fingers
into the pool of wet desire that
resides between your shaking legs...

as I'm sitting here, waiting for my train
it's like sitting anywhere, waiting for my life to change
constantly I see the same reaction
my heart is on life support my mind is in traction
sleeping in chairs without destinations
taunted by the torrid past and current aggrevations
born as a child with a bleak chance of survival
patiently awaiting my intended, glorious revival
as the Phoenix, so have I, been burnt to ashes
will I rise again to be dispersed to the masses?

how many steps must I take
joints grind and bones to break
this is for your sake
regrets follow in my wake
your face and smile fake
poker table I'm the rake
Nicki, Kanye and Drake
like filligry on my cake
like edgewater on a lake
real estaste will always make
dem big booties shake
to make the earth quake
and when will you flake
and make my heart break
It's then I realize you're my only mistake

Feeling unsatisfied never swept over me
only a fire blazing hotter, unabashedly
Carnal knowledge never my only motivation
overwhelming magnetism distracted by seduction
Felt high like a ******, thirsting then drawing blood
feelings are magnified when all of our emotions flood
Mind drowned by the drugs only the body can provide
feet lifted, mind blown, heart pounding and eyes wide
Tasting, drinking, thirsting the drug that is you
better than down, higher than up, I found both to be true
....but....
As high as Icarus flew, so fast did he fall
as fast as I was flying, so did I hit a wall
We got to this point in a blink of an eye
faster than comprehension can deny
A reality check came that I couldn't cash
sudden as a car crash, smash face on the car dash
That blast was so bad and it ****** up my ****
you're worse than coke or even dope to quit
Regret didn't exist when next to me you were fastened
my thirst is now a sickness, I wish you never happened

at the first sight of you, my eyes did lie
such a vision aptly defined by
a priceless, timeless, true original
work of fine art but unobtainable
with one simple question
you enslaved my attention
instant gratification
was my only compulsion
led to no insinuation
just an invitation
fueled by a connection
forced us in the direction
that led to a culmination
that never came to fruition
....but...
no real violations
to either one's restrictions
you stuck to convictions
no need for contritions
taking considerations
realized complications
to us as additions
for any continuations
or further desicrations
on sacred institutions
...and...

Where did you go when you left me to die
you turned around so fast when you said your goodbye
Like we had met just the day before
like you were buying milk and eggs at the grocery store
we're only 33 so I guess 13 doesn't matter
that's years not months not weeks no better
I remember the words you said every single one
one day I will always love you the next day I'm done
You said I was the best thing to happen but now I'm not the one
you said I was everything but now I'm clouds covering your sun
I took those words to be truth but truth be told
never was I the one in your heart did you hold
wished you would have just told me your love grew cold  
or it's the time to fold but you just watched it die old
Now you sling your words cold as ice
your words stab like daggers, does that suffice
where was I every time you were sick in bed
where was I when you wished you were dead
who was your man after men left you broken
the one you stare cold now and leave forsaken
I gave you every ounce of my very being
you gave me nothing and walked away lying
Don't you remember when you swore off your name
now you drop mine the second you get some fake fame
you think they're supporting you the ones who hurt you
now you're off telling the world I'm the one who left too
your Facebook fame came the second you blocked me
Don't you know it only came to you so falsely
there are eyes on your lies and witness to your two face
our son's will know someday how my name you disgrace
that's how it goes use our offspring to **** me
the poison you spread don't you see how its deadly
reality will someday run away with your sanity
you think its easy now but its breezy with no integrity
keep that party line **** on me till I die
hope you have an answer when our boys ask you why
they will see through the lies and all your *******
they will know who really pushed who to the limit
you were gonna send me to jail or 6 feet under
guess you proved them right ease every wonder
every step you took I was the crutch
every leap you made started with my touch
every game you blame you laid on this shoulder
the reality of your lies you see in yourself now older
remember to tell your girl who got you to her wedding
tell her in the midst of the lies about me your spreading
tell your mom how great she was when you were fifteen
remind your pops how he turn a blind eye to that scene
remember to tell your new man all of the above
when he doesn't blink you can ask where's that love?

From the first dawn of time
to the last fine dime
from my first bout with pain
till the day I go insane
thought you'd stand by me
definition of loyalty
what I thought to be true
not the same for me as you
the passing days will do
passing plays to make loot
it was never just for me
selflessly to idiocy
all for my...family
now lay waste in misery
how did it come to this
when we started with ignorant bliss
how did I miss all the signs
or were you just always outta line
always did you **** with me
****** me blind to your history
to find out inevitably
that were not meant for me
how ungraciously
you left me to bruise and bleed
In my time of misery
when I was at my greatest need
this is how you slay me
indignant cold shoulder be
how you treat me currently
negativity is your recipe
for disaster how dastardly
you blame me constantly
the lies you spread about me
disbelieve the sanctity
that blind the tendency
that binds our calamity
trigger me please leave me
painlessly to rest in peace
I feel like living needs to cease
see there's nothing left of me
wouldn't you agree?

Still don't know the meaning of love, only tears
lonely years of believing scared just outta fears
of losing whats known to our comfort zone
the only known nightmare being left to die alone
no matter how many times you play the story out
trying to figure what you missed only causes doubt
you don't need to keep going there I swear I keep telling me
no need to compare our life's inequalities
only casualties are left by scars that you cannot see
invisible nightmares leaving evidence so vividly
I do know what very few of us men do
the power of being merely accountable to
I know I said I'm sorry bout a billion times
but I do know that's shadowed by the one and only line
I love you, that's who, *** you have always been my tru
And now you kick and cheat me like you always wanted to
Wash the blood from your hands with a pool of my tears
****** in cold blood committed without fears
Insanity fears no perjury glazed over with a cold stare
A knife in my heart you imparted without even a care
Where did your soul go when ya lost your mind?
In due time come find mine if ya can it's lost with the drugs and wine
Did you imagine it killing me watching me bleed out?
Or was it execution style as to not leave a doubt
I hope you liked it thought it out and put it to plan
It's always so easy to stab the heart of a trusting man
It's always so easy to entrap the **** of a lusting man
In the minds of all women its not if only can