Take away the pills, I have more.
Oh im not good enough?
Just look at my sister, flithy *****.

So iv developed a few new habits,
Poppin pills, and alcohol. Might as well start lookin for caskets.

They think I do this to numb the pain,
What they dont know is im tryin to remember what it feels like...
Kissing her in the rain.

Last thing I saw before I was tied to this hospital bed, was the last drop of jim beam and the tree branch next to my head.

It's 3 a.m. And I just want to sleep,
Grasping for my pills
These rope burns hurt my feet.

Drugged out prince is what they call me
More like broke loser
Begging to be set free...

Im a ****** with an addiction and its you.
I was sober 2 months 13 days and 11 hours, till you texted. I thought I could take one little night off and be with you for an hour.  I remember why I quit you in the first place, your everything iv ever wanted.

Im selfless when im with you, there is no king and queen with a happy ever after. There is just you with me as your servant. You know my weakness is my heart, much like achilles with his heel. I must start the process all over again because I havent learned to say no to you yet... If only rehab was made for all drugs and vices because I can't quit you babe.

This flim maker,
this idol, this obsession,
to be like him,
better then him.

He is why I write to you, to practice.
Quentin Tarantino, if I could meet with him and speak, that would be a dream come true. But to direct a flim with him, to share a piece of his magic with me and I learn... that would be the wish of my life. I want to be better then his genius mind in flim... but thats a pipe dream. To me there is no one greater not even myself. Its not about money to me, its about people seeing my vision and sharing it with as many people as possible on a huge scale. Then one day the money will be there, till then he will just be the god in my eyes

The way I feel about you, love doesn't even come close.
Your my best friend, the one I look forward telling everything to.
Your my light when I get lost in my own head and it seems like a dark twisted tunnel.
You cheer me up on the rainy days and let me know there are plenty of sunny ones to come.
You have let me understand what love is.

I not only look forward to dating you, but I see a future, and I'm not going anywhere.
I look forward to the proposal, the planning all of it up to the wedding.
I look forward to the fights, screaming kids, being parents and growing old with you.

Till' death doesn't apply to us, beautiful your who I want to spend eternity with. Your who I want to carry out every dream, hope, and prayer with.

Your it, your what iv been writing about for two years straight, the hardships, the pain, everything because everyone else just didn't make my cut.
Your who I have lovedone in past life times and many more to come. I'll always find you and fall right back in love again and again....

When the light goes out at night, what do you see? Most people see darkness, black shades or shadows of objects in the room.

I see fear. I see what can go bump in the night, the things that leave your hair up on end and your goose bumps on your body.

I see what could grab you and torture you till suns first light. I see the future of one hundred possibilities come to life in a matter of minutes.

Yes you could say I sleep with the light on, it eases my senses. I sleep with a fan on to **** any sound rumbling outside my door. I do grip my pillow tight and have slept with on eye open as a child.

These nightmares dont just happen at night, I see them without closing my eyes. I see them as I drive down the road in daylight. I see them out with friends and movie theaters.

I must ignore the sight to get through my day, such like the hulk is always mad but learns when to turn, I am always scared and seeing the darkness but know when to block it and see reality.

Soon my mind will eat me alive, golfed in a world of fear and torture. As my fingers twitch and legs shake, the madness will paint brush strokes on paper and please other people in their own fantasy land, while i write it will be a cry for help....

When he dies, so will joy.
So will pain
So will any sort of feeling other then bitterness.

He's my life, the one person I love more then myself.

He is life, love and joy everyday to me.
When he passes so will I.

I will be a walking zombie. Free from any emotion, any life.

One thing I'll say to him when he passes is, "I sure will miss you dad, I love you more then air".

I hope he is not like me, that he understands how much you are.
The gravity you have on a relationship is so amazing, maybe because it reflects on the person you are.
He better make you happy, not laugh, or have good days, but if happiness was a currency he would make you wealthy.

He better never, miss treat you, because I'll have something to say if I ever find out. I hope he understands the love and caring you bring to the table, and it's not something to take for granted. I hope he knows that your smile takes away bad days, the way your so positive helps with the stressful days.

I hope most of all that he knows your a beautiful girl with insecurities and he has to be patient with you, your body will never live up to your expectations and thats ok, your an unstoppable force that will never stop doing the right thing, geting better for your self, and showing the one you chose to love, what love actually feels like.

So to you my friend, although the girl you have around your arm is the love of my life, shes happy with you. It's taken me along time to come to terms with that, take care of her shes a broken dish, but shes put back together with melted gold. Which means, although at one time she was perfect and brand new, her mistakes have made her way more attractive to the right person who can take her flaws and all.

Raise your glass to the tears of loves gone to past.

Drink up the sorrow of  lovers quarrel.

I lift up my drink to you my friend, soon one day love will find us right around the bend.

Driving tipsy down heartbreak road, love songs sing to me, straight to the soul.

If you loved me like I love you, we would share this half empty bottle of *****.

Cliche walks on the sand, I get on bended knee and give a gentle kiss on your hand.

I speak those words and you say yes! I lift you up "CLEAR....." (ok we have him back)

Sir can you hear me, you have just been an a car collision, we are on our way to the hospital now.

Drink, Drunk, Drank...

I hate how you sought me out to ruin my happiness.
I hate that I wasnt strong enough to see your plot.
I hate that you stole my paradise from me.
I hope that we will dine together one last time in hell. For sinners like us, who lie, steal, and cheat to get what we want, you will feel every last bit of hate I can muster.

She was my everything, and you couldnt handle it. She was better, and beautiful beyond compare.

You foolish little girl, who tricked me time and time again, you may have made me lose my one an only, but that means I have more time to focus on you, to feel hated and lonely.

Do not fall in love with a woman who loves the same music you do, because when she leaves, music is all you have left, then even your passion for music, begins to betray you.

What am I doing with my life?
I love a girl who doesn't want me,
Head over heels, drop what ever it is im doing to run to her.

You may think, stop, its just a girl, you will find a better one, just give it time and move on.... Yeah no.
This is is literally the woman I dream about, not in a ****** way, she honestly completes me, and she knows I complete her, she just is scared... She has no idea what she wants and defiantly does not want to waste her time on a fool like me.

I miss it, that feeling she gives me just by the touch. When she shows me at times that she wants me I go wild, and with out her I feel dead and gone. Life would not have meaning unless she's in it, by my side, as we push each other to be better. She calls me and just drags me along.
im already dead and gone.

at what point do I stop pretending to be Batman, like everyone wants, And I start living my real life as the joker and find my harley quinn? To love me as I am, strange, fearful, unpredictable. Not as a false idol, everything society sees me to be, what you love me to be.

I tried for the last time tonight,
Shes like a waterfall, forever moving forward, unstoppable to any change.
For you to read this, take away one thing, which is never let go of what you think could be the greatest thing in there life, not yours, because maybe just maybe they will return the favor.
I lied saying I was done, ill never be done, just learning to face and deal with the pain. I am the Lillie, travelling, and going no where at the same time. Im content on what happens but am sad as I pass people, places, and things on my travels.
We crossed paths and I never looked back. Your rushing water took me to better places fast, but with every waterfall, you ended abruptly and I fall deep without you.  On a bright side I will land on another adventure. Still travelling through life free and beautiful.

as watch myself become infinite, the days go on by myself in the loop day in and day out the same thing over and over again sleep, work, by myself, sleep, work, alone. This infinite loop is a struggle, although I don't see myself in this loop forever, I don't know how to change it. I know where I want to be, I know what I can be, it's the motivation I don't know how to grasp.to whom that is reading this I have a question to ask you. Have you ever seen a TV show called Californication? The main character is named Hank Moody, is a writer alone in LA, with a daughter, chasing after his ex, who runs into the arms someone she cheated for. He can't write, he has no aspirations, no motivation. but we watch as he drowns himself in smoke, *****, and alcohol. It's so entertaining to the viewer because he is a walking case of misery and self-loathing. It makes ourselves seem like our lives are so much better, When they're really not. the strange thing is I see myself becoming Hank Moody and not the viewer, I get excited over new ***** but it doesn't fill the hole that I had for another. So my life becomes an endless loop. Work, sleep, ****, drink, alone, repeat.
infinite.

When I think of you, I think of him.
My body shakes with anger, life gets grim...

If our relationship were a game, it would be basketball, last shot was just off the rim. With two seconds left, I just fall.

You think of me as just a friend,
You come around like a bad habit.
This is no fairy tale, like peter ******* rabbit.

You dont get to just not hurt,
When all I feel is pain and despair.
You only feel better because your a cute flirt.
This cant be real, life is just not fair.

You want the real poet? Stick around baby girl, I just might show it!
Love is like a game, and im stuck in it.
But this time now,
you will feel the shame.

You say your on an adventure, but also still a rock? Cant you see that rocks dont move, faded memories of you looking like 2pac.

Learning and trying real hard to be myself.
But the future is hard when iv put you on the tallest shelf.

One day I hope you come back and see me.
For one day ill be better,
Your smell still lingers from my favorite sweater.
Hope your dreams come true. ill see you around, one day when your downtown

Empty.
That's what I feel these days.
Not even sad, just empty.
I'm missing you.
Everyday seems like a life time.
I now see what the appeal of cigarettes and alcohol give.
Something to fill this swirling black hole of what used to be love for a girl.
Now it's empty.
I don't even find the company of ladies amusing anymore.
I only want you.

I cant loose you too. Not you father, you are all I got left.
I hear you, breath heavy in the morning's, I see the traces of ***** still lingering on the toilet.
I weep every night. I love you more then my own life. This year has stripped me of everything.
They say god gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers, by now ill be invincible, fear no pain.
But I will always remember you as my own superman. Always there. Even when your gone.
You will always be with me. Always.
Ill soon be behind you dad, but ill take my time, make you proud of me.

I am a fool, so foolish, so trapped in love.
What is love? Tolerating someone whose good looking more then anyone else?

Im I'm trapped.
Trapped in a game with myself, losing and winning it makes no sense.

A fool to believe she was reading this whole time, to think she would come back, to think that maybe even if it was deep down inside she thought about me once in awhile.

Foolish self hatred and melancholy reactions to every scenario. Trapped in a hopeful lustful tasteless romantic comedy about love. A tragedy about star crossed lovers that doesn't end in a happy ending. She gets him and you get a 1st class seat to watch your love live life with someone else.

Hands shaking, trembling on my screen. Thoughts sporadic jumping to emotions left and right. heart stressful heavy and pumping fast. This is what love is when its gone bad, jealousy.

No matter how much pain she brings me, looking at her smile settles the twisting sea inside me.
No matter how much I want her wrapped in my arms, such beauty should be seen by the world.

I am not an angry person, ill walk up to that bridge from time to time, but never cross it.

I feel like that is what makes me stand out, defines me as a person. My inability to to rage out.

Don't get me wrong I can get mad, and be mean, but im not a person to be angry for more then a short time.

I do hold a grudge for a long time, its like how my mother taught me how things hurt... If I touched a got stove id only do it once, thats how I take in people.

Other then select family, there are two females I can forgive timeless times and keep getting hurt, but never angry.

I was once asked to choose who I would save among the two, of i had to choose... I guess now I would just turn and keep walking.

I want to flip out in anger.
I want kiss every part of your body.

The rush of rage filling me to completion.
The rush I get from seeing you.

The way you're out with other guys around your friends torments me.
The way you are around my friends, im at home.

I scream and shake with jealousy

My life is like the negatives in a photo reel.
Black and white, and barely seen.

I layed next to her, looking in her eyes, I knew I loved her with a love that was more then love.  
A bond, something even a blind man could see. The fire and passion we have for one another.
Too bad life is hard and being scared of what you feel, scared to dangle on that tight rope of love, thinking more about falling than getting to the other side...

I cant sleep, I see her in my dreams, and its hard to wake up from perfection.
All her insecurities and flaws make me love her that much more.

I dont go out, to see her happy with another would rip a hole in my soul, far worse then any hole in the heart.
But if she was with another, he must make her smile, it will bring joy to the world, he must make her laugh for it will surely cure sadness, and he must make her happy, for its the least he can do for me.

Please rest these demons I have swirling in my head, I feel so lost but still connected somehow.

Please tame these beasts, these thoughts, I dont want them any more.

I want to be alone now, I don't want to be with anyone if its gonna feel like im miles away when im holding you tight.

These moments id rather feel nothing at all then this lost emotion, agony, and constant annoyance. I just wanna leave, before I have a chance to begin.

So I hide in this persona, this confident, not caring, dont give a **** party animal. When I walk in, they will all know me by my name, scream it as I walk in the door...

                        **Rosencrantz

**** I miss you, why have you left? What have I done? This is surely a blown chance at romance and happiness. I cant help but regret the mistakes iv made. The time machine couldn't get here soon enough. I miss you, ****** I do. Just to talk to the real you, deep down inside I know you feel it too. I cry out, over and over in my head day to day... replaying the things iv done wrong... maybe it wasn't just all me, maybe you had mistakes too? Thats what helps me finally rest my head at night... lying to myself about you. Why cant I just have what I want even if I made a mistake or two? Why must my hope life be miserable due to my trouble some youth...

Mind is flustered, with silly emotions.
Body is clustered, with progressive motions.

Lick your lips, tease my eyes.
I do flips, you dont care for my cries.

We share lustful touch, mood swings slurr.
I kiss you in clutch, vision starts to blurr.

After we conclude, you leave with regret.
I get defensive and rude, leaving should be a safe bet.

Id rather you stay and build us, there's more to learn here.
I won't go without a fuss, for this I know is clear.
I hope to see you again, in the day this time. This is where we begin, I'll end this poem in a rhyme.

Lies *** drugs life woman ***** respect dying love lost trouble *** smoking drunk bang theories hate cant wont music cold sweat wilpower slower apologize blonde.

Words are optional.

Love ***** with the wrong person who cant use words, But you cant blame them.

Words are optional.

Good luck and take what you will.

I cant stop loving you,
Loving you is the closest thing I come to,  seeing happiness.
The way you smile at me then play it coy like I don't notice your joy.

I pray to love you longer,
even if you dont feel the same,
at least I can say I love something more then myself and mean it.

Push it down,
       Always push it down
                          Never show her
Never show her your feelings again

                                         Keep pushing
                           Deep down
Till you can't feel it  
  But you will
         Like a pebble in your shoe.
              It dosnt hurt, just an annoying pain
      Till you do something with it

Never.
Keep it pushed down, no matter what.
Never show your feelings,

Your pain
                Your stress
                                   Your tears

eyes
Lips
Kiss

Hands
Sweat
Lust

heavy breathing
Passion
Love

soft  touch
Cuddling
Remorse

Iv watched some of my youthful days disappear in the moment. Caught up in glory and seduction.

The lesson in life is live the glory as it comes, but watch it pass with the love of your life.

I am a boat, and life is the sea.
Im minding my own business,
Trying to get from point A to point B.
Wave after wave, life crashes into my boat.
Wave after wave I barely stay a float.

I race to my lover, wherever she may be.
I am but lonely in this boat,
I cry for her, at last!  her kingdom by the sea...

I speak up and with Cause,
She stares open, looking right through me.
I wait for its a long pause...
She says to me, "oh dear traveler from the sea,
You come but I need no rescue your trip has ended for I seek and wait for my lover"
"But I travelled over your crused sea, surprised i didnt flip, wave after wave I sit, and all this time it was for another?"
"Oh weary traveller you have much to learn,
For I am not your queen, but just a girl waiting her turn."

With that she let me go on my way,
Hopeful that I find happiness some other day.
I fell in love with my travel to get her,
beauty, grace, the memory is now a blur.

You won't be forgotten, ill try to keep close, just in case you ever fear,
Your call will reach me, no matter how far or how near.

My little boat carrys on with hope in my heart, that one day ill find her
may we never fall apart.

She was the light in my future.
She was the wall that held the tsunami that crashes in my mind at bay.
She was a dance at 9 in the afternoon.
She was the song at the end of a hard day.
She was a beginning to me.

She is now gone....

Now I have hope.
Now I dont need a wall.
Now there is no storm in my mind.
Now I dance and sing all day.
Now we have a life, not just a beginning.

But she was my everything, and I had to have you, to show me what everything could be.

I can't break down, I must ignore you.
I can't break down.

If you text I'll have no choice but to not reply no matter How much It kills me inside.

I am a hungry shark...
you are alone in the dark...
No more waiting
for your text
For your Call
im going to live my life now,
soon my memories of you will fade,  I have to get over you,
Get over you..
Get over you..
Get.. Over..
this curse of true beauty I see in you.

That one girl you think you can live without so you pretend not to care, that one girl that every time you see her you hate her, but you hate yourself more because she is happier with someone else.
Theres 13 angels standing on display, I think they should take me away from this place. Away from the sight of her, one life time gone and now my soul is dead, the angels just shake there head. Oh the ******* rage takes over my body. Eyes filled with hate, mocked by her and her ex. I was just practice, something to keep her from being lonely till he came back and sweep her away. I dont wanna killem. But I wish to hurt them. Im angry all the **** time, hateful, sad, and disappointed in myself that I cant have the best ******* thing iv ever laid eyes on. She knows it, craves the attention I try not to give... But im weak, and now im lonely. I wonder if she ever had ment the things she said about me or ment she loved me. How soon she would jump back into his arms after leaving me... The thought is unbearable. Cant believe I had my sights on marriage with this girl. My angels standing in a row looking down on me waiting.... For me to just do it.

The sadness dwells on my heart

A broken mind, miles apart.

Flashes of blue, blonde and glee

Memories tired, wanting to run free.

Love at first sight, blinded after first fight.

Tears pooled up at the eyes.

Woeful songs play as I cry.

Wishing of motivation to get better.

Cuddled up next to your warn out sweater

"Please don't go, I love you so..."

That was the tune I would sing, repeat it like it would somehow get you to stay...

You wanna go? go, im done trying to stop you.
Since you have no idea what you want, good luck going, because you honestly are perfect for me, so far.

Soon ill find a place for another, an I hope you do the same, however, if your lonely and drunk looking for a *******, I wont be answering that phone.
Best thing I can do is leave you too.

Best wishes maybe if I let you go, you might find what you were looking for, which coincidentally might be me me the whole time.

I write this poem just for you
With all these feelings what could I do
A tomb of words that stack like that
Surrounding things seep though the cracks
Words hard as brick to build my tower
Piece by piece hour by hour.

Basicly I'm saying I'm making my grave
If I stick around you, there's no way I'll behave.
My words are all I have left to display my affection
Once you listen you come quick with correction

I lay here dying in my tomb
Your lurking silhouette still lingers in my room
Casting your shadow for me to see
Your presence haunts me in my dreams

Like a broken dish, I long to be whole again, although iv been put back together, I'll never feel the same.
Much like a dish with a crack or chip in it I am still functional, but to others eyes im past over with one glance second to something brand new. I feel like iv been tossed aside, given to a second hand store, waiting for the one person to be drawn to my cracks, dings and chips and appreciate my beauty, until then ill wait here patiently.

Have too many feelings but never anyone or place to put them in.

Sacrifice a day for plans with people who always seem to let you down or bail on you.

Accept the hurt and live in it.

Become over joyed and too hopeful too easy.

Lay awake to wonder and ponder love and life, restless legs never allow me to rest easy.

In the darkest moments of my life I was always able to rely on friends more then family at a young age.
As I grew older I sought out many beautiful women to settle down with, as my best friend to rely on.
In the past coming months, iv lost my best friends, and my girl. I sit at home calling and calling on them in my time of need, no answer.
Im a simple man, I love a girl whom I made  childish mistakes with, she no longer loves me. I enjoy my friends company, they are a great group. I abandon them for my love, when I came up short with her, I had no one.

As a romantic I tend to find happiness in the darkest corners of the world, lately... I cant even find happiness right in front of me.
I talk to my woman everyday, she grows tired of letting me down day after day.
"Im sorry i dont feel that way" it's never gonna happen again" "dont get used to us talking, I wont be here forever"

Every new day I find a new way to have her take me back. Although I know it will never be...

The internal battle I have with myself about you is enough to make anyone go mad, there are days I type in your name to look for you and I scream inside not to press search.

Iv come too far to have it torn down by your happiness with another man, as if I hadn't existed at all. My fingers tremble, my heart aches as tears still stream down my face as I type your name...

Just a bunch of letters on a screen and I'm still an addict. My rehab is the happy memories I hold clutch and dear to what little mind I have left before I go completely mad.
Ive forgiven you almost in an instant, but i beg for forgetfulness to put this torment at ease.