Pity, that's all that was.
Faking it, just because.
loneliness made me weak
attention is all you seek
why care about what you feel?
When none of it has been real.
Except getting me between the sheets
And ******* me until you admit defeat

(which coincidentally wasn't longer than 5 minutes)

Thrive on being the one with power
Leaving you without answers
My walls made this Tower.

Trust is something you misuse in your game

just like me,

a glass, once broken is never the same.

I'm learning my lesson
And sorry, but you will never win.

What do you call a saint who knows how to sin?

Oh I remember now...
a liar
a phony
a crook
try all of the above...

To the people that hurt us,
To the people that we love and trusted...
This goes out to you.

That feeling you get when you put all your eggs in one basket... fuckem.

How dare you be with me and think of another, how dare you through all of the pain and suffering I put up with, mostly your ****, dream of someone else.

We are all human and we make mistakes, so I forgive you to some point because iv been there. But to like it? To love a dream with you in there arms while with me...

You had your chance with them and you didnt last. Im with you and we barely last... you forever want to be alone?

Im done playing the victim of your games, you are so easy to point a finger, who hurt who first... are you that naive?

Please read this and tell me im wrong, a hypocrite, or have no clue as to what im talking about... the same **** you tell me and yourself just to get you through the day. This pain that I feel..

One day ill make you feel much worst, problem is, why should I hurt for loving someone like you when you cant have what you want and settle for someone like me?

Aint life a painful *****.

There are times I often dream about her blue eyes and blonde hair, in the kitchen with her dad as she looks at me with such a pretty smile.

Faded are these memories I hold close. I hope there are days she dreams the same. On the other hand, if it hurts her to think about these things as much as it hurts me..

Id rather spare her pain.

Iv come to conclusions,
1. She won't ever want me the same way I want her

2. If that's the case I'm wasting my time.

No out come that iv thought of has yet to bring you closer tof me. No matter what I do.

Iv never been one to give up especially since

Your the reason why I can't wait for tomorrow.

In my eyes the one thing thats most pure and true other then death, is looking up to a clear sky and seeing the vibrant and bright moon.
So rare in its beauty, yet to be seen by anyone who takes the time to look and enjoy it.
I wonder if it could think or comprehend beauty of it knew how majestic it is.
Same could be told about my woman, used to be my woman.
Now my moon hurts me when I look at it, floods my mind with things that once was and never could be.

He arrives in a tattered torn wardrobe
Scraped, scared, and beaten.

Still standing, looking death in the eye.

He does it for love.

Swaying side to side like a pendulum, with his head held high.

Death with his blank stare stands motionless at the man in front of him.

The dark knight rises out of the rings of hell to save his dear beloved.

after the dance with the pale raider

The dark knight's beloved see's a new knight off in the distance, radiant and shiny without a scratch on him.

As the dark knight falls to his knees after countless battles to save his true love, he looks up to find her in the arms of another.

He knows Love lost is better then none, but he is far too tired to care much longer.

Broken physically, and emotionally he lets his beloved go, stands up with his head held high and walks into the distance at a shambling speed right pass the two new found lovers.

One day he will meet a love that will go to hell and back for him much like he did for his last love.

**Until then, the dark knight he will remain

Sometimes I click on her name and start typing, I ease it and start over.

Second guess my actions.

I'll do this about three times back to back.

Then I convince myself its a waste of time.

I cant help she occupies my thoughts.

ill just push is deep down and ignore it like she would ignore my texts anyway.

Ill continue living my life as if the thoughts and endless,
(but never Written) conversations, never went through my head at all..

I feel like my mind is coked out and im a zombie, wandering aimlessly through this abyss we call life. Brain dead, scarred to do anything about it. There are days I feel like I could lift skyscrapers, and then there are theses days where im alone, inside dead and struggling to do anything with my life. In my head its going 300 miles an hour, but I move so slow and pathetic on the outside. The very thing that keepa me alive is whats killing me. How ironic? I had dreams and goals. High school cheerleaders I still needed to ****. **** random girls at lalapaoza. Do something epic with my friends ill never forget no matter what I put in my body... but responsibility and regret took my selfish goals and dreams out the Window. Dont pitty me, because I dont. I know I ****** myself over plenty of times due to me being a lazy *******. I still have these illusions of possibilities, of a better life. None that has me in the bathroom of my buddies house snorting death off the back of his toilet seat.  Or taking my happy meds right before some ****** looks at my girl and I beat his face in with a socket wrench. I had have to leave and jump from town to town to hide from me mind. I dont have multiple personalities... I have regretsyndrom, its ******* over the girl of your dreams with her cousin and hoping she doesn't find out. Arrogant ******* he is. Cant keep a ******* girl even if it were to save his pathetic life. He really is a ***** on the inside. The little ****** cries at the end of my girl and Charlie st cloud... but hes "hard" nothing but a wanna be... blames it on his regret for a girl... shut up dude he loved her. If he loved her we wouldnt have tryed to be with her cousin because we got bored. Whose we? You didnt say **** because you were too worried she would find out. Well she did, didnt she? Oh like you are always right... just like you thought it was a good idea to **** your step sister...? Huh? *******. Iys 9 oclock larry you need to to take your meds again... what? Answer the telephone. Larry your meds...! Answer the telephone steveie! Leave me alone. There's no Larry or Stevie here... no ringing... and I cant take medicine... go away... hello?
Well im alone again... uh great =/ come back guys...?

It's been 543 days since you and i.
That measurement of time should be enough to forget how you feel about someone.

This is how I know time is irrelevant when it comes to love.

You were my sun, my whole world revolved around you, and you were my light in the darkest times of my life.

It's been five hundred and forty three days that you would have been the center of my universe.

Tomorrow will be another day without you.
And I'm always gonna love you till the end of my days, and beyond...

This power she has over me, iv never felt anything like it. Its the best feeling iv ever had, shes magic.
I see her, I light up.
I touch her, I feel like every thing else can compare.
The kiss, kissing her is something no words can describe, incredible.
Her personality and laughter puts me through my day. How have I met someone that makes me feel so much joy in so little time..?  I scare myself due to the feelings she may not share for me. If I fall deep and shes not there with me, what shall I do? Just time to wait it out I guess because shes worth it. The beauty, life, and joy from her when I see her. Iv looked at her eyea when she sees me, I see her light up in the face with pure happiness. She says we should slow down, take things slow and make this last. I just don't know how I can, how to go slow for someone. All iv ever known is lust, the drive for ***. No feelings or caring for someone like I do for her. She makes me, make myself be better, feel better. The happiness I have now with her in my life should bring hope to all others. I just hope I dont get burned and fall too quickly and she leaves...

I turn 23 today, and iv never felt so ******* alone in my life. Sure my friends take me out. not because they remember it's my birthday, but because I had to make the plans, and even then some bailed. I waited all night to have the love of my life wish me a happy birthday, and nothing. Maybe because she knows the only way ill be happy is if she gave me another chance... Which wont happen, so she stays away.
I just wanted one day for people to actually think about me so im not so forgotten and hurt all the **** time.
This isnt really a poetry site for me, more like an anonymous private journal, so one day someone can relate to my struggles.
The one day where your supposed to wish for yourself outa the whole year, I normally wish for my dad to make it another year... But i want her back more then I want air to breath.
Im stupid I know, but love is stupid.

I cry every night.
I wallow, and I weep.
The tears stream down my face.
I ask, and blurt out useless prayers.

She may be my one an only, but maybe, maybe shes someone elses... If so, then they deserve her.

Lying naked, glaring at me, she haunts my thoughts. Her most pure form. No clothes to shield her beauty, those majestic eyes see right through me.

Love they call it. The brother of hurt.
The sister of sorrow. And the mother of healing.  Time fades with that absent love, its never forgotten, but maybe learned to love deeper then the last.

I cycle through the stages of grief and love lost, like a man playing Russian roulette.  

I often think about her at night, my last smile, followed by a tear, before I dream.
I wake to checky phone in a hurry, just to see if today is the day. I listen to our music, to hear of i missed anything that could have saved me, and I find myself more alone and lost, while searching for answers.

It hit like chronic to the lungs, sharp,  blissful pain. Reality My daily dose, chalk full of excitement, pleasure, and vigorous torture.  
I am defeated. I am shattered.
My head plays like a grimy ***** with bad shots. My affection is a void of self loathing and set on fire by pity.
The smile I use masks the pain of my true self, for the most troublesome people, bring the most joy to the world, for if they cannot be happy at least the others around them can. I will not apologize for whom iv become. No one has apologized for making me this why.

We cannot escape this prison.

The chains hold us back.

As the storm passes through my body, lighting shoots through my veins.

I seek no help in this torture, bless the grave and forgive the fires that burn my sins.

A labeled cheater, and his words as weapons, I spit lies to my loved ones like venom on prey.

Slow pain till you realize it's too late, my love has gotten ahold of you, and the pain is to hard to take.

Flee, run! As fast as you can, my love.
But soon the memories will fallow your foot steps and it will all come rushing back.

I fall to my knees, and grab my own blade, to see the mess iv made.

Tears bombard my cheeks to the souless woman I see before me, cold and dark my spell has made you, and forever ill weep.

Never yours, never mine, the future holds grim.

Shes a cancer.
My disaster.

Her whispers ringing in my head.
Lonely nights i dread.

Those lovely eyes stun me.
Bliss is the touch of her body.

Kills me from deep inside.
I run but still cant hide.

I leave, but im never gone.
Off to tomorrow for it brings a new dawn.

That girl, my once golden shimmering Mirage, made me sick. To think my solace resided in her is now tarnished with betrayal and the ever-burning flame of hate. A goddess she stood before me, the very essence of her well-being warmes my soul. In a blink of an eye she is wrapped around another. As I sit here cold and lonely passing away every breath shorter and colder

I ripped you off like a band aid and it never felt so good.
Im glad you can find happiness in him and with my friends because I know they will be good people for you.
Iv haven't felt this great without you in my life and I honestly dont need the attention from another to relieve my loneliness for a day or two. I figured out how to be happy on my own and its a good thing your on gonna weigh me down any longer.
I havent found the light yet, but I have found a path, it will take awhile out of this cave I built but ill do it and come back better then ever!

I find myself surrounding my life in things you once told me about.
Movies, books, poems, writings, and music.

I adore your art work, what light has shown through this tattered canvas of mine...

To have a taste to feel what you feel. To see these images and understand your mind just a little deeper.

Your lost. I'm on the same journey you took, and im on my way to get lost with you.

It kinda feels like nothing after awhile, rejection.
It's much like being a Detroit Lions fan, always starts with a radiant amount of hope, only to end with sure disappointment.
They say, "put your self out there and someone will come along and take all the pain away..."
To them, my responce is "We all have pain, how is anyone gonna make you feel better if they, themselves can't?

When a soul mate comes into your life there are two certainties,

1. You will challenge eachother till the end of time.

2. You will be addicted to that challenge.

When you realize your soulmate got there too early in your life, and you just missed it. you will be alone with loneliness till you do anything to get them back. Getting them back will take short of the impossible, but the rest of your life will be worth it.
Keep trying, everyday is a new beginning, to get that soulmate.

I had a dream about her again... she was mine like always. But something always happens in it where we are not together. Like the dream just makes me happy with what I want, taunts me, then shes gone. I mess up again like I did in life or she just disappears.  Dreams are the only thing I look forward too, bc she does come walking back into my life. " I miss the air so much, I miss my wife, its so lonely out in space, on such a timeless flight... I think its gonna be long long time, till touch down brings me around again to find, im not the man I think I am at home..." perfection and happiness is just... a dream.

We all have it, that fire inside that pushs us. Could be here for another or that sensation you get working out, but nevertheless its that fire.
My passion had this fire, as you see in my writings.
My hate for the enemy's that want to see me fail at what I love.
My fire that drives me away from my Exs, ******* *****.
My fire that is ready to explode with crafty vengeance to hurt amd destroy the ones that lie and back stab me.

We all feel it, yet hardly any of us use it to get what we want. I still dont, As I feel like I still have some heart left.
Id tell my past self to use my hate, fire, passion, all of the above and take what I feel belongs to me. Id **** her, id take the money, id trash all those ******* lives. I wont fail at it, un like there unsuccessful trys. Please mother *******, you have no idea what this mind is capable of.

He didn't come from money or a loving home...
He didn't have a nice car or a big house...
He didn't even have a job to be proud of...
            But she loved him anyway.

He remembered her favorite things and spent time with her.
He made her laugh and smile with ease.
He let her be wild and goofy bc she was happy.
            This is why she loved him.

He wasn't classicly handsome...
He wasn't too smart or athletic...
He wasn't even that great in the bedroom.
      But she loved the way he treated her.

He wonders where he went wrong so many times.
Thinks about it when she's away...
His old jokes don't work, she has new favorite things, and she's more mature now.

She left him behind much like a old toy when you become too busy with such things.
He waits for her to notice him again..
But with no money, no family, no good looks or nice things... what would she even come back to?

release me from my demons, take away the pain. I'm done hurting myself, and my foes. I'm tired of being shackled, iv brought this on myself. the dark shadow that follows me, my self conscious all the wrong doings I've done. how can I forgive others when I can't forgive myself? why must I feel so low are doing nothing wrong? when does a good man become a bad man? this is many little bad things or one big bad thing? Or is it just something he was born to do? I'm tired of lying awake in my bed asking these questions. my brain won't settle down it knows too much, hopefully when I'm done punishing myself I will be absolved of my so called "sins". although I have yet to lay in bed with another *****, I still feel *****, unclean, I'm beginning to fall for another but how could I even think someone would fall for such a disgrace as myself? she looks at me and lights up like I'm the best thing on feet, my words are perfect, my intentions are good, but when I look into a mirror all I see is a broken old man in tattered slave clothes with nothing to offer anyone. if she only knew how I looked at her, the pedestal I've created, she wouldn't look at me the same she would probably walk away like everyone else. so I ask again so politely release me from my demons, please release me from myself.

Dear to whom it may concern,

Thats how it starts... Iv been thinking about Us (with a capital you) the story of us. How the **** do I sum it up? Has it been perfect? Hardly. Any story with me at the center of it will never be anything less then a big smiling mess, But here's what I know for sure, our time in the sun has been a thing of absolute ******* beauty. The nightmares, the partys, the hangovers, the wedding... This magnificent shimmering insanity in this world of ours. When for months I woke up to you leaving because you cant sleep till 2 pm, I roll outa bed telling you im sorry, I'll do better, then proceed to disappoint you and repeat till you walked out for good.

As writer I'm a hopeful sucker for happy endings, the guy gets the girl she saves him from him self and they live happy ever after.

As man who has loved such girl, I realized there is no such thing, there's no sunset, there's just now, just the two of us which can be ****** scary and ugly sometimes.

But, if you close your eyes like I have and listen to the whisper of your heart, if you simply keep trying and never... ever give up. No matter how many times we get it wrong, maybe till the beginning and end blur into something called, until we meet again.  Thats.. Thats all I got, I didn't know how to finish it, but it's not finished it never will be with me and you.

I wrote you, because every single time I try to speak, something stupid comes out of my mouth, and the words dont mean what I want them to mean, or even half of what I want them to mean.

Its, It's never over for me. Never.

Torn between lust, old love, and new beginnings.
A fear of messing up.
A weight of guilt still lingers.
Will I ever be better?
Will I find myself wanting more?
The struggle is so terrifying not to **** up again, I cant get close.
Alone is where ill make a mistakes.
With her its bliss.

Fun times
Goofiness
Honestly
Happiness
Trust
Courage
Beauty

She will be my rock... Like one other...
My old flame.

           Oh how she still burns bright

I think of her ever day,
Oh will the pain just go AWAY

Like shadows, lust forever fallows me.
Pain from all the memories.

I want to grow up.
I NEED to grow up.

Be a one woman man, loving another with all I have, time and effortlessly putting in more.

I wish I wasn't so torn.

I fear falling asleep for I might not wake up tomorrow.
The fear of not loving more when I had the chance.
The fear of people not understanding who I am, or why I do what it is I do.
We often give flowers more at funerals then we do when people are here and alive, because grief is stronger than gratitude.

If loving you, is a crime, lock me up im doing the time, because I'll always be guilty.
Any day now my heart will bust out of my chest, and ill be gone, im glad I touched the ones I did with my poetry.

Insomnia what a cruel mistress you are.
You take me away from my safe haven, sleep, the place I go to get away from it all.
You make me keep living the day as long as you can.

You leave me awake and wanting, hunting my thoughts, running scared to sleep.

Eyes weak and heavy, yet my blood pumps hard, heart beat is quickens, and my legs restless.

Freedom of the pain, a ease into less chaos, and a sweet passing into the night is all I ask.

Subscribe to my vibe, rolling to the sea.
It comes with the tide thats pulling at me.
The ride I ride screams with glee.


As a freak I blend in,        with the geeks.
A fine *** woman,       *i seek.
Iv been celibate,       for about a week.
Man that future,    sure looks bleek.

Blonde wavy hair she has,
What id give, to pound that ***
Ride or die, ill be smoking that grass,
Livin up in rockin roll heaven will be a blast.

she was different, so he liked her. he wasn't by any means ordinary so she grew on him. he loved her with every breath he took, even down to his last...and she knew it.he can never really have her, the love that is, another possessed it.so he protected her without acknowledgment she didn't even know he was there. he watched her for nothing in return. her living was more than enough. her memory would just break him if she wasn't here. But the day came... When her and the one she love past... He broke. You he fell just like the girl he loved. No matter the protection, safeguard he tried... It was going to happen. Not a day goes by he doesn't think about her. Her memory is all he's got, till that fades with age and death. He won't, couldn't love another, like he did for her. Thought about her often and with her memory came happiness... For the time when he could hold her when they were young. Play like children and laugh together. Every time the memory ends the same way, one tear, a wipe of the hand, breathe in, out, and keep moving forward. He looks happy, beautiful, because he lived with love, although he couldn't hold her, he loved her. That's what matters to him that's all he needed to live.

Why do we do things that we know are wrong and will still hurt others, especially the ones we love?
To feel alive or something.
Im not a bad man, iv tried my damnedest to be I good i swear.
But i guess you cant always get what you want, but if you try, you get what you need.
Im desperate, I think im having what you call a crisis of faith... Im a lover, yet im too much of one and cant do a thing right.
I need help lord.

Life is too short, the world is actually small, and we age too fast...
Music is the transition through it all, helps cope with each event coming and passing.
Risk is the rush to make life more beautiful.
Time is a ever going fictional object, that keeps track of the events and risks that leave scar tissue.

Your never to far outta reach are you?
I see you, hiding, waiting.
You fallow and keep close just in case you need me to save you, not the other way around.
As I walk among the Lillies you think you blend in like a tiger lillie.
Find someone else to stalk, I always feel your presence like is breathing down my neck.
You say your leaving, but you will always come running back Again.

When you boil it all down, this world is nothing but ******* lies and and false ideas. there can never be peace when war pays more. You say money isn't everything, id like to see you live without it. Money does buy happiness, just not for very long or practical happiness. Nothing sells more then hope, hope for peace, love, money, happiness blah blah blah.... Hope is the root of all evil. So when you boil this world all down to it... All there is, is false hope and lying about whose making the real money.

Her name screams in the light breeze, flows cold around me, stabing at my nerves as I drown out the noise.

I still feel her. her pain, my pain, as it echos through my head, send shivers and heart ache racing down and up my body.

It never leaves, just grows more tolerable as time passes. New women come and yet I still feel alone.

Maybe this is my Odyssey, a soul breaking tale of star stuck lover chasing an elusive abyss of what we call "love at first sight".