i kissed you
and tasted the light of the stars
& the apricot dawn all at once.
your lips had something wild in them
as if you were birthed,
from lightning itself
as if the sea had strung you together
from her most precious pearls.

loving you
was like trying to love the rain
you made me feel alive
but i couldn't stop you
from slipping through my fingers.

he told me he loved the rain
the same as i did
what he meant,
was that he loved to watch
from behind the window
and listen as it gently tapped
against the glass.
when i say i love the rain
i mean that the roar of thunder
awakens my bones,
just as the smell of lightning
fills my lungs.
i hear it kissing the earth
and all at once
i can't stop myself
from running outside
and letting it consume me.

under the moonlight
you kept close to me
becoming my shadow
under a velvet sky,
your body screaming
for the touch of my fingertips.
in the darkness i lie,
i still hear your ragged breaths
the feeling of your sweat
travelling down
the arch in my back
haunting me like a phantom
you are my ghost in the night.

even now
my memories
torment me
your ghost
travelling the halls
it's sweet song
denying me of sleep
your scent
fresh pine sap
and crisp salt water
lingers in my dreams
like a thorn
wrapping
around my ribcage
holding me close
each breath deadly.

the hardest truth
is that nothing lasts forever
everything is temporary
i see now
that our reality was simple
i was just another way
for you to get through
the lonely nights
i knew the hurt was inevitable
that foolish dreams
had clouded my vision
i guess i just thought
we might have made it.

i want to unravel you
pick apart your bones
devour you so hungrily,
you'll stain my sheets
and leave me aching.

i miss you
and then i remember
you broke me first.

you were the moonlit shore
and i had been drowning at sea
nothing had ever been
more beautiful
as if poseidon
had moulded you himself
the storm in your eyes
my own salvation.

you
with your cool steel eyes
and ink stained hands,
you are the only one
who calms the storm
in my mind.

you set me on fire
you touch me
and i know,
that there is no heaven
better than this.

i once thought how easily
i could compare my love
to my eating disorder

sometimes i want all of you
to devour you hungrily
consuming you with greedy hands
only to exorcise you out
when i feel unworthy

other times it sneaks up on me
your name humming in the dark
leaving me starving
for nothing will satisfy but you

if only i could let myself
have a single taste
to press my teeth upon your heart
and feel your blood rising
to meet mine

then, once all i could taste was you
once you kissed every corner
of my honey soaked mouth
i would spit you out
before i could swallow you whole
before the hurt came
and ruined me entirely.

since i was a child,
i've always loved endings the most;
the smell after a storm passes
and crimson sunsets
after a lazy summer day

but i was never ready
to say goodbye to you.

i only hope you know,
i would've followed you
to the furthest horizon,
across the whole universe
until the very end.

my love for you
is still seething
from it's violent birth
you lit a fire in me,
and now i live
with an eternal burning
longing to be taken alive.

every time
i think i'm over you
you smile
and i relapse.

you want to see
how soft and tender my flesh is
and crack the inside of my mind open
like a pomegranate,
ruby jewels spilling onto white sheets.
i offer my plum ripe heart to you greedily
prey wanting to be hunted,
only to be left with sticky hands
from trying to hold myself together
when you walk away.

so unexpectedly
you appeared
carefully picking me up
from all the shattered pieces
until i resembled
something
remotely human
you held me close
and kissed my scars
so softly
never once
questioning their existence
quietly accepting
the cage i had built
so desperately
around myself
until one day
without realising,
my home
was no longer a prison
but your arms.

just because he l e f t
      doesn't mean
             you have to stay
           b
        r  
          o
       k
          e
       n.

you once said
i was your very life source
before leaving me behind
without a second thought
now i can't escape
these memories of you
and so i hope my love stains you
like spilled red wine
on fresh linen sheets
i hope my name burns your throat
clawing its way out
when you try to forget
i hope every stolen glance
every clandestine moment
haunts you
my ghost greeting you
each time you close your eyes
the feeling of how it felt
to have me
bright and alive and burning
before losing me
like dust in your hands
eats you alive.

when you left
a part of me never recovered
no food could sustain me
the way your touch did
so nothing passed my lips,
i was left a ruin
standing but empty
forgotten and left to wither
shrinking smaller
with each sunset
but all people could tell me
was how good i looked.

i feel their eyes on me
and can't help but wish
they were yours
your stare always enough
to set me alight
pinning me in place
a lamb longing for the wolf
for only you
can capture me so wholly
like prey greedily awaiting the hunt
their eyes find mine
and all i see is you.

i always thought
it was the purest form
of romance
the way the stars
fell to the earth
to listen to our wishes
just as i fell so easily
at your feet.

but now, stood underneath
the same moon as you
i realise;
you are all i'll ever need.

i can no longer remember
your voice with such clarity
when you'd say my name
in those moments
of temptation
yet i have learned
that hands can remember too,
they twitch and burn
feeling for you in the dark
searching for the fingers
that once wrapped around them
like a phantom limb
the memory of you
scorched into them
too deep to be lost.

endless times
you have called me
in and out of your orbit
sharing moments
of melancholy and madness
i'm drawn once more
to the violet light you emit
you stand beside me
and i feel it
f a m i l i a r i t y
you are the constellation
in my darkened sky
your hand in mine
a hushed whisper
during a forced goodbye
a forbidden confession
of an eternal craving

i wish i could hold our memories
tightly inside rose petals
despite the aching
despite the uncertainty
i know only this
if i am to live wholly
i can't do so without you
my fallen valentine
my immortal shadow
and so i'll wait for you
over the hills past saturn
underneath the burning sky
like a wilting flower
summoning the rains.

i have spent
many nights
gazing in wonder
at the night sky,
just as i have spent
many nights
loving you;
the universe dulls
in comparison.

and now
at the end of our days
when we have nothing left
but our memories,
if i could tell you
just one thing
it would be how much
my heart burns for you
and that our love
will remain
my sweestest hallelujah
and outshine every star
in the night sky.

365 sunsets
yet i still remember
how your fingertips
danced along
the curve of my hips,
and how much it hurt
when you walked
out the door.

i guess that is the gift
of feeling too much
there will always be
too many memories
slowly burning,
too many words
to describe how i felt.
forever picking
at the wound,
leaving me aching.

perhaps i should
hold you with
a little more caution.
after all, we've done
this dance before.
you love me in seasons,
giving me your all
before disappearing completely
leaving me to wonder
if i ever knew you at all.
your absence withers me,
yet i'm desperately hoping
for an endless summer.
despite everything,
you are the reason
poetry soars in my veins
and i'll always love
you for giving me
these words.

i feel you pulling at me
drawing me back to you
with each whisper
my bones react,
your hand on my throat
my blood singing your name,
craving destruction.

it takes 27 days
for skin to shed,
which means i've been
5 different versions of myself
since we last touched,
but i still remember
how your fingertips
left me burning.

they say with lovers time stands still,
i didn't fully understand until one rainy morning in paris. you'd let me wander aimlessly around my favourite bookstore for hours, smiling sweetly at my excitement even though you hadn't read the prose. you escaped into the morning air, i walked out of the doorway to find you and the hands of time silenced. there you were, tucked underneath the dew; the crimson morning sun lighting you up. you were deep in conversation with a lone artist, mesmerized by her work. the watercolours dancing in your eyes. i thought you looked so beautiful, that the notre dame behind you dwarfed in comparison. in that second i knew i would spend forever trying to keep that look in your eyes.

i do not want you
to try to complete
each missing part of me
to make me perfect for you
i want you
to see me perfectly flawed
lost pieces and all
and still want
to light up my darkest shadows
enough to outshine
each star in the sky.

the second you said
you didn't want to choose,
i knew you didn't
have enough faith in us to stay.

i spend most nights at home
falling in love all over again
with my memories of you
and your silken fingertips
slowly dancing their way
along my spine,
leaving a trail of stardust
in their wake.

you turned me
into dust,
so i turned you
into w
     o
          r
      d
             s.

i want to write poems for you
but you bled me dry
and now all i have are whispers
in place of sonnets.

the only thing
i will never understand
is why you opened me up
molded me to fit you
so perfectly,
only to then
walk away silently
like a spectre in the night
leaving me with nothing
but bruises
and my own sanity to doubt.

when i asked
if this was the end
you said
"i don't know"
and i heard "yes"

if you
had stopped talking
for long enough
i think you would have
heard me breaking
but instead
you went on
with your conversation
as if i wasn't crumbling
to pieces in front of you
my nectarine soft heart spoiled,
the juices running
onto the floor,
hands messy
from trying
to hold us together.

this pain in my chest
pulls me under
and all at once
i am a paper boat
lost in a starless sea,
drowning in the memory
of what we had.
i may not know
what lies ahead
the course uncertain,
the waters black
but as i lay here alone
i realise,
perhaps i am not
so difficult to love
perhaps others
are simply afraid

and that's okay too.

even in the shadows
of your love
i can still see
the stars that fall
from your eyes,
i hear your heartbeat
and i know
that although i am lost
you are here
in the darkness with me
and so the dark
doesn't feel so bad.

red wine
stained our lips,
with clumsy hands
tracing moonlight
on your skin.
our love got sweeter
with each stolen kiss
and in those moments
i knew,
i would follow you
to any ruin.

your sea storm eyes
set my bones alight
and now i'm left aching
each time the rain
shouts about you.