Her eyes opened from the deep sleep,
She panicked...
Her body was wrapped in what felt like clear plastic wrap.
Trying to breathe, but she was Suffocating
How long have I been walking around like this?
She wasn't powerless though.
Wrestling, she managed to tear the cocoon that entangled her.
Gasping... she emerged out and took a deep breath in.
Alive, shes alive.
Stepping out of the cocoon, she smiled.
Knowing she was free.
She knew now she could fly.
She is me and I am her.
Soar my dear, you're alive.
Alive.

I sat on the floor and stared at myself in the mirror. I could no longer ignore the pain behind those beautiful brown eyes. All the pain and confusion I'd run from for what felt like eternity; was now placed right in front me. I finally allowed the raw emotions to rush over me. It was fruitless to keep trying to fight against the waves. I let them crash all around & over me. It felt like it would drown me but the gentle pure spirit inside me told me I will be ok, it won't consume me. I looked in the mirror once again and what I saw now was a little girl. She looked really sad & confused. She had realized what was done to her was wrong & not how adults love children. She looked very scared and confused. "I'm sorry" I told her. I tried to protect you for as long as I could. But these dark secrets are killing us. We have to face it. The only way to cross over the ocean to the land of peace is to swim through it all. Don't worry, I got you, we're going to make it across. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be a long painful journey. She looked terrified upon realizing the betrayal that had been done to her, not knowing who she could now trust.. Her sweet innocence still flowed through her though, she ran into my arms & I held her as she wept & wept. I hugged her tight & cried with her. There aren't words to describe the pain we both felt. "You feel all wrong but you aren't." You're stronger than you know. You've been carrying someone else's shame for far too long. Time to unload all the junk. You're not a landfill; you are a beautiful garden. Cutting off the weeds on the ground never made them go away. We have to tend to the garden & pull out all the stuff that doesn't belong there from the roots. The little tiny soldier within me let out a long loud sigh, as if she had never exhaled before. I trembled & said "You're going to be ok, you're world isn't falling apart, it's actually falling into place. We will ride the waves together. It's time to shine light on that darkness. There's beauty & strength from this pain. We are survivors & warriors. Together with other warriors we will win this battle. We are not alone like we feel. Others have journeyed across before us and made it to shore. We will too. You're not alone.

Breathless..
I could hardly breathe
Gasping desperately for truth.
My naked soul stood trembling,
Beaten & bruised.
My heart lays there in pieces.
In such a vulnerable state.
I stare out into the world,
Do loving people still exist?
Searching for answers.
I stumbled upon some angels.
Love, patience, kindness.
Those were the angels characteristics.
I got to feel understood & loved.
Ointment put unto my wounds.
Directed through the mystery of love.
Am I prone to misery though?
Misery somehow finds me wherever I go.
People throw these little arrows at my heart.
I try to shield myself but I'm much too weak.
There's all these holes and scars on my soul.
Too tired to speak up anymore.
The sadness in the silence interrupts my peace.
Breathless...
I'm gasping for truth that I fear I will never find.

It feels like I'm barely surviving...
I'm crawling on the floor trying to keep going.
Just when I think I can lay on the ground &rest..
I get buried alive.
I tell myself its ok, don't panic.
They warned you this would happen.
And I claw my way out of the dirt.
Again & again it happens.
The darkness & heaviness covers me so often.
That I wonder when will be the time that I will just lay there buried alive, close my eyes and let the air finally leave my body.
I don't know how much fight I have left in me.
How much can one person take?
I keep clawing my way up to the light.
But the darkness feels so much easier to lay in.
It won't be like this forever I tell myself.
One day you will get up and run joyfully where you want to go.
Hold on a little longer... don't let go.
This isn't the end.

The darkness feels like it's consuming me.
My heart feels clouded with its constant dark suffocating fog.
How much can one person take?
There's these claw marks on my heart.
My soul was bleeding & I kept bandaging it up.
I tried to take the bandages off & let the wound heal.
It takes a sort of bravery to face that pain.
There was righteous anger, sadness, anxiety & confusion.
But I held onto hope & courage.
What a fool I have been.
Thinking that anything will change.
Nothing is changing.
People are stuck in their ignorance & can be so cruel.
My anger, my hope, my determination feels like it's all running out.
The darkness is taking over.
I don't know how much more fight I have in me.
The nothingness is trying to capture me.
I'm tired of fighting.
Maybe in a cage at least I'll be safe and know what to expect.
I don't know anymore.

My heart feels broken into a million pieces...
did you think about that Daddy before you stole my innocence.. Did you think about how this would affect me? Did you even care? How could you... how could you do this to me. Did I not matter? Did you think I just wouldn't remember. What if I didn't remember. Wouldn't you remember..? Wouldn't that break your own heart. It should. I was your little girl. You should of loved me, protected me, showed me my worth. Not hurt me & leave me with forever scars in my soul. My soul is bleeding... I bandaged up my wounds for as long as I could. Now I have to face it. My pain, my sadness, my anger. You made me fear trusting anyone & everyone. You betrayed my trust. You violated me. Was I not enough to spare such humiliation? What did I ever do to you. I was 5. You should of been my protector not my intruder. I feel sadness for you.  Because you must not have peace within your own soul after doing that. Guess what Daddy.. I do matter. I will rise above this. I hope you know you broke my heart forever... I Pray God forgives you. I'm working on forgiving you. Through this pain I will find my strength. I don't want to make the world darker to anyone like you did to me... I want to shine light into everyone's darkness. Humans matter. I matter. I deserve peace & I'm going to find it. You poured lies into my heart that I was worthless and only worthy for my body. I'm much more than that. I matter. I ******* matter & I will rise above this ❤️️

Dear God,

Can you hear my prayers?
I've been crying out to you for years.
The loneliness I feel is like a black hole.
I feel like I don't belong anywhere,
not even in my own body.
Do you understand my pain?
Please will you hold me tight.
Tell me everything's going to be ok.
I yearn for a father's love that is a
source of comfort not confusion.
A safe love.
Why didn't you protect me?
I know we live in a world of freewill
But how could you sit back and watch a child
get used and abused.
It doesn't make sense to me.
I have so many questions...
I'm really sad.
I feel broken.
My internal world feels branded.
People don't understand me.
I don't understand me.
I'm tired of this fog.
Please lift this veil of shame from my face.
Please do something.
Help me escape this inner hell.
I want to be free.

Recovery is a lot like natural childbirth for me.
You think you know what you were getting yourself into but you don't.
Then you feel like you have gone through as much discomfort & pain that you can handle being pregnant for so long.
It's like when you leave treatment and you're ready for the end of all of it.
Then comes the hardest part; the actual pushing. That's the real life stuff that nobody can do for you. Not your therapist, not your family or friends & not your midwife.
The contractions & everything hurt so badly that you think you're surely going to die.
You think to yourself "I changed my mind, I take it back, I'll actually stay pregnant forever, just don't make me push this baby out."
But you're already in the trenches, there's no turning back.
You can't avoid it even if you wanted to.
You scream on the top of your lungs.
How on earth does anyone agree to do this whole recovery thing? You feel punk'd.
They weren't honest about how painful & excruciating it was all going to be.
They made it sound so exciting...
snapping & congratulating you on the way.
Screaming.... my midwife looked at me in the eyes and said calmly but sternly...
breath... keep breathing. You'll get through this. We don't want you to tear, deep slow breaths.
Deep slow breaths....
Apparently you're suppose to grunt through the pain, not scream, screaming wastes your energy & prolongs the whole process.
Oh but scream & cry you will.
You breath, cry, grunt & keep pushing forward even though you think it's impossible.
All of a sudden through all the chaos pops out this little tiny human being that you love & can't even describe the newfound beauty.
There's slight relieve but your still in so much pain & need more healing.
You will have love, pain & sleepless nights.
It's not easy, not one bit.
But you have given birth to real life.
There's lots of unknowns & it's now apart of your life forever.
Get to know yourself in recovery..
Take care of your new found precious life.
Love it like you would your own child.
Sure we don't know what the hell we're doing but we'll stumble along the way and figure it out.
One day those sleepless nights will pass & that child or recovery will grow and it will get easier.
Don't give up...
even when you're screaming & see no way out.
Keep pushing forward.
You are giving birth to new life for yourself.

I want you to not forget.
That you've tried this route before.
It didn't fix anything.
Temporary 30 second buzz.
Isn't worth the shame or headache.
You still end up right where you left off.
You're so much more than this.
You are hurting, you need a shoulder to cry on.
Not a bottle of illusion.
Scream, cry, sing... your way through it.
The feeling will pass.
It always does.
I know it feels impossible right now & this seems like a good solution.
But I promise you it's not.
Think about your beautiful children...
They are your world.
You are teaching them how to love themselves by your actions.
So love yourself furiously.
For you are so worthy.
Call a friend, ask for a hug.
You aren't alone.
You don't have to do this.

I smile, and do what I'm told.
I'll be what you want me to be.
Can you see the emptiness behind my sparkling eyes?
The sparkles aren't real, they are from tears.
I don't have a choice but to keep surviving.
This mind of mine is deeper than most dare to swim.
People tried to swim with me but they end up drowning under the crashing waves.
They blame me....
If only they could see I didn't cause these tsunamis with in my soul.
You swam against the tide for a short while with me and gave up.
I've been swimming against those crashing waves most my life.
You panic and shove me down under the water to save yourselves.
Maybe if you can't see me then you won't have to deal with trying to save me.
I hold onto whatever debris I find floating in the ocean. I'm a fighter. I'll keep swimming.
I'll keep grasping for air.
Just because you close your eyes and pretend not to see me drowning doesn't mean I'm not dying right in front of you.
I can't make the waves stop but I can learn to surf them and appreciate the beauty of the journey.
For I will get to shore one day.
I will stand firm on my own 2 feet one day.
Watch me... with or without you.
I will rise above this.

Hello you,
That girl I see in the mirror.
You are much too ******* yourself.
Don't you see how precious you are?
Why do you keep hurting yourself so much.
I know you're in an immense amount of pain.
But you didn't cause all this.
I repeat...
You did NOT cause this.
Please stop blaming yourself.
You did not ask to be sexually abused, not with your body, not with your smile & not with your lack of words.
A child doesn't hold responsibility for an adults actions.
Your silence makes sense, you were scared & confused.
If he's done this to others it's not your fault.
Do you hear me? Not your fault.
Stop carrying around all this shame that isn't yours to carry.
No wonder your heart feels so heavy.
I know you stared straight at me and said you give up, that you no longer will allow another human being into your heart.
You don't mean that. You are hurting.
There are safe people out in the world.
And I want you to know that even when you can't look at the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark until you are ready to come out.
Just don't give up.
Brighter days are coming.
Allow others to hold hope for you when you've run dry of your own hope.
The truth eventually will set you free.
It will.

Many males before you have taken my little hand  & walked with me. They smiled at me.
And reassured me they were good. This was ok. What choice did I have but to trust them. I was a child who was learning how the world worked. I was lost in the woods and needed someone to guide me on the right path. I innocently trusted with all my heart. I saw all the good in the world. I was yet to realize the darkness that peeked behind many corners. They made sure to build my trust first then slowly they started going off the path & taking me alone into the dark woods to do things to me that I couldn't understand. In my soul it felt wrong, something was off. But Daddy knows best. Brother knows best. Cousins know best. Neighbor knows best. Preacher knows best. Always taught to listen to my elders, it got beaten into me. Even a year older than me... they are in charge. You got that. Absolutely must respect all adults, especially males. They are the kings of the castle. You are more of a Cinderella. Know your place in the world. When I met you, the little girl in me was very guarded & cautiously watched you. She was wondering when you would also flip and use us for your liking, like a Wolf in Sheep's clothing. You gently & patiently held out your hand and said, here let me help you, nobody should be walking around alone lost in the woods. At first she said no thank you, I'll walk next to you with some distance where I'm safer. After some time she began trusting you more and more. But she promised herself, don't be stupid and naive ever again.. be careful, you've been betrayed so many times before. After tripping a few times and you helping her up and not expecting anything in return. She decided maybe just maybe you could be trusted. She couldn't seem to quench her longing for comfort & connection no matter how hard she tried to **** it. She cautiously took your hand, almost closing her eyes just in case, waiting for the worst to happen. Nothing bad happened. Actually good, kind gentle loving guidance happened. You protected me from the darkness and whatever tried to attack me. You never once took me off the path in the dark woods alone. No... you held my hand and showed me how I was suppose to be treated, how to fend for myself and walk in the light. Walking in the light has been so beautiful & peaceful. The warmth of the sun on my face, the smell of flowers & trees, wind on my face. Nobody is meant to walk in the dark woods alone. No we were created to walk in the light.

She's one of those beautiful mysterious ones.
The one that has absolutely no clue just how radiating she is.
Quiet but always thinking.
When she does speak her intelligence & eloquence flows out.
Kindness that melts your heart.
Her humor catches you by surprise.
That smile of hers fills the room with a force of enchantment.
I wish she could see what I see.
That she's not a **** among flowers.
But that she's a ******* beautiful rose bush.
Powerful with its twirling roots under ground.
Those thorns.. a force to be reckoned with.
She is like a closed rose bud hiding away.
But my God when she opens up and blooms.
You get blessed to see her for all the magnificent beauty that she is.
Full of color. A rarity.  
Like a galaxy full of shooting stars.
I wish she could see what I see.

The memories haunt me.
Those hands of confusion taunt me.
Who gave you the right to degrade me to a mere object for yourself?
You left claw marks on my heart & soul.
That little mind of mine did what it could
to protect itself from destruction.
Yet your poison ran through my veins.
I tried vomiting & starving those feelings.
Unfortunately the remedy is not that simple.
The antidote is very painful & there's no way around it.
Even though I'm barely breathing right now.
That antidote light is starting to grow & soon there will be a fierce fire within me.
I will burn the poison you placed in my soul.
I may be left with scars but I will no longer be choking on your poison of confusion.

You sit in choir up in your holy place of honor.
Does your heart hurt every time you see me?
Or are you unaffected.. like all that happened was nothing. Something you can just shrug off as a mistake, like forgetting to take the trash out.
Mistake..
You can't give back what you took away.
I don't even want an apology, I just want some acknowledgement that it happened so I have the simple courtesy to know I'm not crazy. When things seem good it feels like a Mirage
It's there but gone just as quickly.
Can I trust my eyes or heart?
I've been betrayed before.
It makes you question everything & everyone
Can I trust you?
I don't know.
Don't make me hate you.
Because I don't hate ppl
I just hate myself.
I punish myself for not being "good enough."
Maybe I'm good just as I am
And you are the one that isnt good enough
You don't just sexually abuse a child...
I pray for your soul,
I'm sure you aren't at peace either.
Sadness ... I feel sadness for a broken world.

I can't be who you want me to be.
You see, I'm just me.
I tried to be what they wanted of me.
But my soul, it was dying.
You don't get to call the shots that way.
I have this life to live.
It's beautiful & painful.
And it's mine.
My life.
My choices.
I've been silenced.
But guess who's learning to speak up now.
Oh darling.. speak your truth even if your voice shakes.
You don't owe anyone anything.
Love that unique being that you are.
You are good just as you are <3

They keep telling me I'm brave.
That my determination will get me to shore..
That I'm inspiring.
Me?
I don't feel brave.
I feel weak. Like I'm hanging on a thin thread.
It's a dark lonely place where I'm at.
I have no choice but to just keep going.
I so desperately want this all to be over.
The sad reality is that it won't ever "be gone."
Maybe the wounds will heal over time but I know there will always be scars left on my soul.
I keep doing all the scary vulnerable things.
I feel dead already anyways.
Might as well give something else a try.
I'm so tired. So so so tired.
It all feels dark.
I'm told there's light somewhere in the distance, so I just have to blindly have faith and believe that there actually is.
Some days though, I have a hard time believing.
Have you walked in my darkness?
Can you feel my pain?
Brave or not, I want to give up.
My soul yearns for some rest.
I can't use my old coping mechanisms.
So I'm stuck with all these feelings of pain.
It's suffocating me.
Does anyone see my pain?
I don't know how to tell you.
But please don't make me show you.
Cause oh I could show you...
but it wouldn't be pretty and I might as well be dead because I wouldn't really be present anymore.
Somebody please help me.
Hold me..  
be with me in the darkness and shine some light and hope.
Cause some days I really want to put myself out of misery.
Oh my souls yearns for some rest.

The emptiness surrounds me.
I feel myself fading in the background.
Don't give up.
SCREAM...if you have to!
Where's your animal instinct to survive?
It's so quiet,
I just want to play dead.
Isn't that how animals survive attacks?
I don't want to get eaten alive.
But I'm tired of running.
I wish I had a dark cave to hide in.
I'm getting attacked all the time.
I'm tired.
I can't be brave all the time.
I want to rest.
My heart feels heavy.
Somebody please step in and shield me.
I need a break.
Can I pretend this is all a bad dream.
I'll close my eyes and when I wake;
I hope this nightmare is over.

I feel rage...
Rage for all of us who have been violated.
My heart is oh so heavy.
It seems to be everywhere.
And we suffer in silence.
How can anyone do that to another human being? It's a silent epidemic.
Why is nobody talking about.
Human... we all have dignity.
How dare someone treat you.. me.. like an object to be played with, trampled on and then tossed to the side like nothing.
Do you know what thorns you stabbed and wrapped around my heart?
You've left scars on my heart forever.
For some moments of power & pleasure... you steal the light within someone's soul.
How dare you...
You put poison on a bleeding soul.
Choking; I tried to survive life suffocating on your poisonous after affects.
I used a lot of bad anesthesias along the way. Who was I trying to protect?
You paralyzed me for some time.
Time to cleanse my body of your darkness.
I feel sorry for your twisted soul.
You won't get the last word.
No no.
I will.

Can anyone hear me screaming?
I'm yelling at the top of my lungs.
I'm fighting with everything I got.
I'm clawing myself out of this grave.
Please hear my cries.
You're going to lose me.
I don't know how much more strength I have left.
Somebody help me.
I feel tired & weak.
At times the coffin looks so comfortable.
The quietness is appealing.
I want to get out alive.
Though I feel myself fading.
What is reality?
Who I am?
I feel so lost.
I want to be numb again in my other reality where it's safe.
Being present in this realm feels like my mind & body is on fire.
Can anyone see my pain?
Stop telling me it's imaginary.
I've tried that route.
Try walking a mile in my shoes.
You would feel lost in a jungle with danger all around you. Vicious animals ready to attack you at all times.
I feel invisible.
Nobody seems to hear me screaming.

All alone in my sorrow
His stench surrounds me
I try to close my eyes and there he is again
I open my eyes... he's there
No matter what I do he's there
Like cockroaches climbing all over my body
I wanted to sedate myself and lay in bed all day
Moms don't get time off though
The days are long, the work is endless.
I tried to shove food down my throat to fill that deep hole within.
Didn't work, made me nauseous & in pain.
The voice within says...
You deserve to be in pain.
Take it you worthless piece of crap.
I agree, as I do what I'm told.
***** on my hands, ***** on my face.
Surely this is the look of a piece of garbage.
I feel better for a split second as I was able to subconsciously ***** my feelings.
I wish I could ***** the memories that haunt me.
I wish I could suffocate my feelings like the thoughts suffocate me.
In this moment I give up.
I'm tired of working hard to be better.
People don't want the real me.
They want the me that they want me to be.
My authentic self isn't good enough.
I drink my sorrow away.
For a moment I'm able to escape my pain.
I feel high...
Enjoy the moment, for you need to get back to battle very soon.

It's about time people open their eyes. 
Look around to the tradegy of the epedimic 
of victims walking around among us.
How many more people do we have to lose to suicide before we take more action to stop this.
Not because you have a sister, mother or daughter.
Because she's a person. A human being with worth.
Stop sweeping these things under a rug.
There's no rug big enough to cover the 
damage that is caused by abuse. 
1 in 3 women are survivors of ****** assault.
How are we not outraged by this number?!
We hear of some of the brave ones who
dare to speak the evil that they have endured.
But why do we still so rarely hear of the perpetrators & them taking the responsibility for their actions.
It's like we have this deadly virus sweeping the world and people think they can just keep ignoring it. 
I'm tired of hearing victims being told not to speak the details of the harm done to them because it's just too hard for others to hear. 
Maybe you need to hear the brutal truth and
sit with your discomfort. 
There's way too many of us walking around 
carrying these burdens alone. 
Times up on living in denial.
Because what men fear the most about going 
to prison is what women fear most 
walking down the street alone.
Time needs to stop running out for the victims of ****** assault that have the choice taken away from them. 
Time needs to run out for those that think they can just keep getting away with this.
Yes, we are survivors. 
But when is it going to stop being so **** hard for us to keep surviving.

People say they want the truth.
But they actually don't.
They can't handle the truth.
The truth is messy & hard to handle.
They don't want to get their hands *****.
Facing a persons difficult story forces you to ask questions that you don't have answers to.
What is your reality.
Where are your loyalties.
Are you walking in truth?
Or are you walking in a dark cloud protected from seeing any storms ahead.
You can hide in the clouds.. but you will still be apart of the storm.
Question is... will you be the sunshine on a rainy day to someone or will you be blindly apart of creating a bigger more powerful storm that rains down heavily & hurts others.

They keep trying to knock me down.
But I'm a warrior.
I'm stronger then they all think.
Their blows hurt & knock me down.
Sometimes I can only crawl but I keep moving forward & get right back up.
This time I know my strengths & weaknesses.
I'm determined.
I come prepared for battle.
I wear the helmet of love, the shield of compassion, the sword of connection & the belt of truth.
I breathe in determination & exhale all the lies.
This time I know my worth & my truth.
You may not understand my story or experience
But this time I sure as hell won't let you captivate me into a cage... nope.
Last time I allowed others to hold a key to my heart.
Now I know better.
I'm best friends with that little girl within me.
I'm gentle & loving with her.
I protect her and show her she has everything she needs right within her.
Though the storms try to drown us, we will prevail.
People used to be the storms in my life that knocked me down & threw me around.
Now I am the Storm.
My anger is the thunder & lightening.
The rain is my tears that water my soul.
I also shine sunshine, lots of it.
The mixture creates a rainbow.
A rainbow which that little girl within me runs around & dances in the rain.
This time the choice is mine.
I am warm and sunny but be afraid of my wrath.
For this time I know my battle is not against myself.

There's this war within me.
I thought once I learned the truth that it would set me free somehow.
But it has created this bubbling of emotions that want to explode; like a shaken bottle of pop. I closed the lid tight afraid the explosion might **** me like an erupting volcano.
When I breathe a little I know that my fears are just in my head.
My brain likes to remind though that as a child the monster wasn't hiding under my bed but in my bed cozying up to me.
Like a wolf in sheep's clothing.
So how do I trust anyone?
How do I trust myself?
I've been deceived before.
The negative committee in my head likes to tell me I was stupid & naive, that it's all my fault.
But who blames a child for an adults abuse?
That's Not a child's responsibility... ever.
I was always taught to listen to my elders.
I was a very obedient child.
What happens when the people who are suppose to teach you about your worth betray you and use you like you worthless?
I'm not a little girl anymore.
But at times I feel like one,
paralyzed with confusion.
Turns out I'm actually not crazy.
But a lot of crazy things have happened to me.
I'm a survivor.
I'm one of the lucky ones.
Yet I don't feel lucky.
I pray for your peace.
It takes a very broken person to be a monster to a child.
Even if you started this whole war within me.
I still pray for your peace.

You lost your right to be my father the moment you decided to sexually abuse me.
You don't even know the turmoil you have stirred up in my soul.
Do you sleep at night?
Because I don't, I lay awake in my confusion.
Wishing my reality was different.
You don't know what it's like to live with this.
If my own father couldn't love me, who will?
You took so ******* much from me.
You stole my innocence.
You made me feel tainted.
You made me fear trusting anyone.
Such deep rooted betrayal.
I finally understand I'm not the ******* up one.
You are.
I hope you get the help & support you need.
But right now I don't want you in my life.
I don't owe you anything.
You owe me a whole heck of a lot.
Starting out with an apology.
You weren't the father you should of been.
So you don't deserve the wonderful daughter I could be to you.
You know what I want?
I want your ******* lingering sensations gone from my body.
I want you out of my head.
I want you out of my nightmares.
I want you out of my heart, soul & mind.
You are like a pollution that keeps suffocating me.
I'm going to cleanse my soul from your toxins.
Your violence is inexcusable.
But my love over powers your violence.
Love is the answer.
I am loved.
I am worthy.
I am enough.
I will keep shining light on this darkness.

I don't want to frustrate anyone.
Not even one bit.
I want to not need or want anyone.
Take up as little space as possible.
You're way too much.. you know.
Why do you keep talking?
When you start, you just can't seem to shut up.
Don't you know you're really nobody.
These people that you think are apart of your tribe, really aren't.
You will come and go out of their life like a flower that is nice for a bit but dries up and withers away.
Why are you so sensitive?
Stop caring so much about people.
Your sensitivity is annoying & suffocating.
Stop playing the victim.
You even writing this is annoying.
Stop being a child and grow up.
Adults don't act like this.
The people in your real life should care this much, but they don't.
They don't know what to do with you.
You're just too much.
Can you actually trust anyone?
I don't think so.
You're way too much.
Just journal like you're suppose to.
This isn't how real life works.
Stop annoying people.
They just feel sorry for you and are afraid to hurt your fragile little feelings.
Stop being so naive & stupid.
You ruin everything; remember.
You're surely to ruin this too.
Run away from them and put back up your walls before they start throwing darts at your heart.
You're just too much.
You will never be good enough.
So Stop trying.
You're giving yourself false hope.
And setting yourself up for failure.
You're too much.