A  true realization
maybe an imagination
ore a speculation?
Perhaps even just an experince
but the samples are as thick as your tissue
the  memories  flowly as the tears
we  all  let  escape from our body
from time to time
Fake  friends  the hollow
people that  desire you
but at the same time envy and despise you
Making it look like you´re paranoid
when you  like a crow  spread your wings
around them
Reminding them at any moment
you to  can cut  them as deep
as they  wish to  bleed you out

My mother  grew  up  in the sand
among wolfs and sheeps
The herd  was  her family
She was a nomad
And the first to flee in her generation
She  ran with her family
when  the  bullets  hit our home
My mother carried all of her children
in her arms
Through landscapes she
Saw lions and elephants running
She saw the fear   in their eyes
Our paradise   had been sold to the devil
and  everything with a soul was leaving
When the sky turned dark
she  climbed over spike fences
and crossed the border
There wore   her brothers awaiting
and their eyes glowed in the
dark 
Greeting her to safety
My mother  built a house with her hands.
Only to witness it being torn down
My mother   is a warrior,
she  survived  the worst
and gave me the best
a future.

I am constraint
In a constraint body
I move from thought to thought
race  between a permanent
solitude
I hear a screaming voice
and it´s my own
She´s screaming out my own
deepest   secrets
Who  did I tell my  shame?
If not you
You keep me, in a confinement
locked in among my frustrated fears
morbidly amused by their strenght
I  stay in here.
Where else  would I go
If  not   back to you.

You use  to  lay your hand on my
chest  and take me to new york
in a heart beat.
(The  coins   fell to the ground )
and empty were my pockets
The rain falls differently in a small town
it  cries   with you
(the grass was never  born)
and the trees in my town are old and
forgotten
Abounded  houses represent   the
people who left us  behind
every   gated community  promises
security   but   instead it locks up your dreams.
I´ll hold you down (you whipser)
soothing my frustration with  music
It´s like nature itself escaped
through the last   storm.
I´ll  scream  into  forsaken homes
and  put up posters   of  
you in my room
hoping   that you (come and get me)
But the postcard  was sent
from a world (only the unliving can live in)

A terrifying sincerity she would call it.
It was a struggle to carry
herself around in a world
so oblivious to her weight
I adore myself ,But not my life
she said to me over a phonecall
Beautiful were her soul
ore maybe souls
She was like a crowd
in her own mind.
Whenever she would enter a room
not only did her scent linger,
but her beauty stayed with whomever
that was lucky to catch a glimpse of her

I influence
one life
only to tear the next down
I reward one part of my body
and dump my problems
on an already filled mind
I am a surgeon
who will cut anything
but itself
I am the theif that stabs
you for a penny.
I am the opposite of good intention
and the opposite of blessed harmony
I could go deeper and pollute
the enviroment
To the world I came as a gift
but to the grave I return as a burden
I never did  care, nor could
care  for anything but myself.
Even in death I spill
poison into earth

You left me stranded in a world filled
with bodies, I warm myself
with an echo of your voice
You will never be mine
in this world, not in this body
Your heart is like the cold
frost , undying and ruthless
Drowning my heart,
killing my mood
You tie me to the stars
only to tear me down
like the  comet
I wish I could  
Take it all back.
And leave you at hello

at last she lays  still
how frigid and stiff she may be
I can never find a way to touch her
I still cannot escape the curves
You fill me  in  the middle of
a lonesome afternoon
From the shadows
rising to find my wounds
Against the rough embrace of heaven
flows my  nightmares
How my fighting spirit will endure them all!
This is a time when
All I love  wants to devour me.

You got the face of an angel
Honey  nothing lasts forever
I´ll feed you the lies
It´s all the same
A pleasant  taste of  heartache
You taste like vanillin mixed  with bipolar
Nothing  ever  grows out of pity
darling,
I´ll  cherish the smell
of your decaying  past
in your everly growing collection of perfume
With hints of  dementia and white floral
Once  you fill every  space  with
your  true  love
whos name  you dont mention

within myself
a being  trying to
become  aware of itself
also what others  see and feel
not  being cruel nor ashamed of
my thoughts ore ideas


    Embrace   that  I am
    a  moment.

You ripped it straight out
of my chest held it infront of me
and tore it to pieces.
I wish you had broken my heart
insted you left me empty and shallow.
I echo inside this body, I fill myself
with your demons ,I sing pain
Yet i still have a pulse, beating
in despair.

I dont know  if
I am either
falling apart
ore
falling in love
I´ve brought my own
torch to the darkness
and stayed awake
despite your madness
I dont know if
I am either
falling in love with you
ore with myself

Night  into  night  
carriyng  all your  secrets
In every  mineral  tear
that  slips  through her body
is  you

-2015/05/08

You earned   it.
for every  unkind word I´ve spoken
You deserve it.
All these unsympatethic actions
Sorry dear
you  wont be getting any sweetness
from me
The harsh  rejection
you  asked for it.
You´re undeserving but
not unforgettable
Like an unpleasent weather
you passed through my heart,
leaving my roots ripped
and my soil ruined
Leaving my mind jaded
You broke my heart
You we´re the unkindest of them all
a malgin spirit
whom I fell in love with.
A merciless enemy
with a rose in its hand.
You deserve   no mercy

had my heart removed
stripped down
used in ways you cannot  imagine
I´ve had  my bones shatter
strategically all put back togheter
Only to fall part again
It  never made  any sense
When I  was locked out of  my own mind
searching  for the law in a criminal
lover.
When it´s   true  
love  never   makes  sense
It  will come  breaking down
sanity
turning itself  to hate
An enemy with no  country
to  invade
It   will  communicate  
when it´s mute
and  when the silience
isint  enough
It  will  walk  through
your   nights  like a demon
from hell
collecting it´s   prey
Because  when it´s all over
Love  never  surrenders.
It  just   dies

I never knew i could disintegrate so easily
not once but twice reduce in shallow
fragments , I decompse of you
Only to find myself in decay
The chemistry of a broken heart
slowly transforming itself
into poison is interacting
with you
on a level of hurt
I´m simply trying to infect you

I´ve been staring at the way your eyes
flicker everytime we pass
a bed
I  guess  I couldent bare
the thought of you naked
fine and all  without me
But behold my secrets
moved on  without me saying goodbye
You drank everything  that was on my lips
a sweet  suffocating feeling
a crowded mind  burned alone
I  tried  to hold on
rejecting your calls
at  the same time I  saw my life
circle around me

You are the pressure  that sits on my heart
the kind that stays  under my skin everyday.
Without  me detecting your  purpose
I have been exposed  to the  kind details of how
weight less your  love is.
Leaving no prints
and without an interaction
I am without a surface
But like the moon I orbit  around you
as you absorb my own reflection
but reject me once   our minds
conflict.
I would have missed  you,
If it was not for the  delete  button.

hosted by most
of the demons
You know,

I say farwell
to your sorrows,

No longer will
I fall into
your shadows,

I wont cry
in your sleep
nor will I linger
in the water
when you drown

My footprints
wont be visible
to your eyes,
I wont enlighten
your tears when
ever they fall
at my ground

Gone away


Leaving my
broken wishes
on your pillow

Has she lost her mind
Why is she so guarded?
-Maybe something was stolen from her once
something that was to precious
No wonder  her eyes are pitch black
and her hair as thick as the night fog
She was a guarded beauty
You know, A complicated
beautiful mess of
error and conflicts.
struck with darkness
by her own madness
She somehow managed to survive your pity
Climbing down those fences
Sometimes even whispering
her name into the void of a lovers heart
She survived, thats all you need to know about this
girl, That she survived YOU,

alone
in the  light
that  wounds
the growing darkness
Is  the newly born hatred
That consists of
You and Me
and the things
that hide inbetween us
So pale
discoloured and unpure
It takes nourishment
from your  jealousy
You ruin my  lovely laughter
I am speechless
As I wander into your soul
That is rich  in  selfdoubt
You fill me with the fire
moving through
my words

in the air
I never really knew how deeply she could tremble
was she flying ore falling?
Either way time made us strangers.
Her words are still carved into my flesh
even though she doesnt haunt me like she use to
I still  have a chain
But  this  time it´s sinking
into Sofias  sky
I  could never  really tell
if  she was  simply alone ore just sick
Maybe  an illness whom I bonded with
in ways a  real human could never
comfort , nor touch me
She was a teenage girls
best friend.

The day I stopped loving you
I stopped loving the world.

asking the universe

Why

and went back to sleep

telling myself

Why not.

I've failed and fallen
I´m terrified of my own reflection
Perhaps I betrayed myself
by loving you and then leaving
Maybe I was a secret never meant
to be shared.
But I could never keep myself
in place.
I would break all over you
and catch the pieces
Was  I wrong making
my wishes out of your dreams
I´ve lost you in so many ways
and found you in all the wrong places
I keep thinking that you might
keep me from falling
But insted you make me tremble
Maybe  Im just in love with
the way you handle my heart.

Chained by  your dreams
Restrained  from your own laughter
the stars shock their head
you fell from grace like a tear drop
in the middle of the night
Abandoned by your own shadow
As   heaven fell from its crown
so did you.
I  use to wonder  
If you  were  a star
ore an angel
What  kind of drugs  
did it take to incarcerat
your demons?
What kind of nightmares
would you have on replay
I wonder  if  death
wasent an ending
but maybe just an escape
from this we call life.

petal by petal
the flower of your heart
The end I lost in a dream
They float past my membrane
Crimsoned with hatred
I scatter your belongings of our opening funeral
The distant laughter,
I will never know, and the tears flow
each one is gone,
ever beyond into infinite pain
Alone I stay
while years burry me
The flower aged though its fragrance still lingers.
I am more beautiful then now,I am perfect.
But you will never know,
You are blind

I  rise  despite sickness,
The invisible parasite
that  clings on me
Has found his way out of my bed
The  darkness of my secrets.
will be destroyed in his eyes

I emerge like the moon
on a sleep deprived  sky
I float through the  night
only to land on your hostile ground
The evenings a salute
to   it´s failures
There are episodes
of you in my life
which  have  no ending.
I  dot the bullets, as I lay
my head on a pillow
filled  with your words
I  crave  tomorrow
but as  the  sun rips through my
heavy curtains
Every strenght I managed to save
for this  day
Was I robbed of  yesterday.
Tomorrow comes and I
go back to sleep

I´ve had my fair share
of not wanting to exist
The sole purpose of my life
was to  eventually die out
on my own way.
Even though I´ve wished upon
death more times then I
congratulated my organs
for granting me one more day
of misery.
I will not be shame myself
for dreaming about death.
I  just wish I had woken up sooner.

after spending

a lifetime on love

writing epic fiction

about romeo and juliet

Before I could escape

faith decided

to automatically

delete my lover

It destroyed my life work

I had put my soul on hold

I had tired uploading

but all was lost

the page reloaded

I was frantically

trying to PROTECT

my  faithful lover

from a system that

destroys   anything beautiful

I was dictated a new start

by force

A source of great misery, clouded with the illusion
of a better future.
But the idea of finding myself   in peace,
in complete happiness one day.
Is what carries me all the way
to the comfort. I strive for.
I overload, unload
of stress every day.
I distress,
in each organism
I can find.
There is beauty
in all that I see.
I am here,
alive and well
Please
don´t
drown me
I want to
Live.

marching towards
an ocean of goodbye
Do you know why
you should break away
I said one there was one
only one life to live.

Have  you  unknownly unzipped
a  dress that was not intended for your body?
I am  in your torturous embrace
embroidered with unkind words
delicate  lace made of  wild suggestions
I  wish   the  ***  wasent made up
with lies and fantasies
I could never fulfill
a time consuming  mainstream
woven  into your  manly mind
Turning  my  bone into plastic

You´re the kind of girl
who watches the moon
as she floats back and forth
between darkness and light.
You need no army nor king
to find rest   in this world

I hate when you talk about depression
"I use to have you know " You say with this ridiculous pride
hiding in your tone.
I bite my tounge. Soon I will either break you ore just
break everything around me.
It  hurts . No it angers me.
Depression is a life sentence
it´s not like the flue nor can you "cure" it.
You cannot have depression for two months
and one day wake up from it.
You cannot  cure  depression with a cup of coffee.
Ore  a few  "positive songs".
Depression is born
the day  you feel that first wave of pain.
That moment when you suddenly
dont feel there is room for you in this world.
Depression is the illness that
you deny your whole entire life.
Because you cannot afford one single
moment of utter sadness.
You never dwell in your agony
you simply  hide it.
You go forward despite being pushed back.
There are people who are in denial
about their depression.
Because  their either to brave ore
to afriad to acknowledge that
they are HURT.
And filled with misery
despite being full
you get that ******* free refill
every  ******* day.
Depression is not  a mood.
Its being locked inside
with your demons.
It´s being left alone
with your abusive thoughts.
So dont talk to me
about depression

with your heart  open for years
decades pass and you realize that you
still despite the air around you
cannot breath
You open the eyes
to find that you are  far far   away
from everything that you were promised
In the  lovely and bright
we are merly nothing more but a shadow
In this  moon and  darkness
I  think you  will find one  moment
that isin´t yours to capture and frame
we´re all just equally dead
in the presence of god.

I perform
with aniexty
Using whatever
leftover energy
I have
To transform
a frown
into a smile
Am I  Okay?
No not really
Will I ever be Okay?
No not really

at  last she is  still
how frigid and shallow she may be
I can never find enough room to escape her.
You swallow me in the mist of everything
from the shadows you slip and fall
into my  wounds.

I tried to make a home out of your bones,
I tried to escape through your words.
But like  a giselle running from a lion,
I run in vain
These  tears  have turned to dust
My heaven was carried to you
and burried  in a creed of sorrow
You run in circles around me
these ropes are cutting me in half.
While I shook my head  on your lies,
you fell asleep on my sins.

was meant for you
By the time you finish
reading these words
you will understand
how foolish you were
to think i would
write a poem
about you

This  fate
has kept me sleepless
The psycohological
Inlogical pain

I ate with no hunger
and kissed you with no regret
I slept far too long in your bed

Comfortable with pain
I became.


I think I asked myself
once
if I should
**** myself

I´d walk the streets
and paint the walls with my plum lips
I´d laugh without a reason
and smoke behind the school gates.
I´d climb fences, with joy
I´d kiss every stranger and tell them
To never wait, To never wait
My mom use to say "Come home sweetheart, Just come home"
Let me call home and tell
all my loved ones
That I´m coming home,
I´m on my way
Allow me to become  air
and fill  every dawn with
scented breeze
Let the ashes that  is me
wander  free  on this planet.
Let me go home.

alive and well
Like the rythms that
leave my body
innocent and pure
Building steadily
through flashbacks

But I  grew in the shade
Thriving in my lonesome
never becoming attached
to a beating heart.
I learned how to discard
of love and feelings
before they found a way to plant
theirselfs in my garden
For years, I expanded
In the existence of nothingness
I spring up
To a gradual process never
leaning on anything
nor anyone.
Because when you
grow .
You never look down.

watching the ruins of you grow
Urging me to climb your walls
You fearful  *******
I am heaven,
you will never see me
sink
Pushed into the arms  of a
burning  bush
I  held tight to my  tears,
to extinguish your  fire
I found  a way out of
your labyrinth

Here in time and space
we drift apart
Dissolve in iridescence
and become an illusive flesh
of abandonship
Here is the aura
of a world lost to my eyes
Each of our shadows
lingering in it´s
own form of solitude

I was truly
a fool
For I have hurt
in ways you cannot imagine
All I was  gone  
into the dark