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Hey
Nyx May 2018
Hey

Hey
Would you listen?
If I said the words
You don't want to hear
The words I have locked into my soul
The words that would make you feel nothing at all

Hey
Would you smile?
Smile for me, tell me I know
If I told you that I loved you dear
loved you more then you would dare
That I love you more then I can bare

Hey
Would you hold me close?
Whisper sweet nothings into my ear
As time would slow
If I confessed to you these feelings
That you thought had no further meaning


Hey
Would you run away?
Not want to deal with this problem
Making your big getaway
Making your great escape
Leaving me behind with my heart agape


Hey
Would you feel conflicted
That the closest person to you
Decided that they didn't want to lose you
The one you treat better then any girlfriend
Would you make this confession the result of our bitter end

Hey
Time has torn us apart
Now You may never know
That you will forever remain in my heart
Like the spring after the winter snow

Hey
Its the idiots birthday today
And we called last night
I keep thinking I'm over him
But it all keeps coming back
Nyx Jul 2018

Hold me close
Please I beg you
I can't stand it anymore
I'm standing by the edge
I feel the pain deep within my core

The past is brewing over
And I'm way in over my head
It hurts it hurts I beg you
Please stop it before it spreads

**** it before it takes away my smile
Destroy it before I lose it all again
Just hold me tightly please
Though I know its all in vain

I'm crying and screaming
Please forgive me
For feeding you lies instead of the truth
Its cruel and selfish to push this upon you
But if I'm lying about my own pain and sadness
Thats something I'm always willing to do

You don't need to worry its okay
I don't want to burden you with my problems
My trauma, my scars and my bruises
No matter what it is Ill always come up with excuses

I'll do anything to hide you from the truth
You don't need to see this ugly side of me
Though ive seen each and every one of yours
I'm still unwilling to let you see

Bolting it shut with iron doors
Locking it tightly down
I'm pulling up my facade now
My mask is telling you I'm perfectly
Fine

But internally I am screaming
I was want you to hold me close
I'm losing myself within my own mind
Everything only the outside is far from the truth

So please, oh please
I'm begging you
See through all my lies
See that truly down beneath
That I'm honestly dying inside

Hold me Close
I beg you*

Nyx Jan 9
Honeysuckles blooming
In the harsh summer heat
Luring the butterflies near
All eager to eat

Honey-like nectar
An alluringly tender treat
I wonder if those lips will taste
As irresistibly sweet

Vines creeping and trailing
Covering me from head to toe
lacing into the divets of my skin
Choking me slow

A beading drop of honey
Gliding gently on my tongue
Soft fragrance lingers
All from when we were young

He is entangled in my soul
Just a taste
Nyx Apr 2018

I gave you the power to destroy me
To make me tremble at your feet
I'll allow you to rip out my heart
And watch it as it bleeds

I'll let you use me
Time and time again
To make you feel a little better
So you can make it to the end

You can throw me away like yesterdays trash
When I am no longer of any use
Unrequited and useless to you
You can tighten the noose

You can light me on fire
Tear away at my flesh
Let my screams be heard
As the pain is raw and fresh

You can do anything you want
As I am helpless to stop you
For I gave you this power
From the beginning I knew

You torment me
Without batting an eye
But I'll bare through this torture
Just for this one special guy

Love is such a foolish thing
But then again I am a Fool
The consequences of falling in love
Are really far too cruel

Although I know all of this
I'll do it, Just for you
So I'll let you hurt me all you want
In hopes you will love me too.


Hurt me
Nyx May 2018
Like fragments of a shattered broken heart
I've lost my way, and I am falling apart
Yet somehow in this strange unerving mystery
I've found myself at the shores of an endless sea

Running through my dreams afraid of turning
Unwilling to let go of my fragile past
I push myself to the point of breaking
It seems that I not nearly way to fast

I hold myself at night with these tears streaming
I struggle to get past as the dark nights fly by
Unable to face this cruel trick called reality
But i'll keep trying till I reach the clear blue sky

I wish to be held like any other
I wish to be freed from this chained down cage inside
I wish to escape from this never ending scene
But the fates keep telling me I'm far to naive

Standing on the dreaded battlefields
Bullets littering without a moment to lose
Wounded but alive, unlike the rest who died
Though I'll always be haunted by their memory

Crimson red dripping down gently
dying the petals that are scattered down
I'll raise my gun, I'll fire another round
Until the blood in my veins finally run dry

I claim I'm doing it for my friends
To protect the life I live
Are they standing by my side
With all their heads held high

They are hidden down below
As soon as the whistle blows
And I'm forced to march on
To continue this fight

You can't trust anybody but yourself
Thats the way I've been born and raised
At times I forget, get swayed and carried away
But it won't be long before I snap out of that haze

So to the dear world please forgive me
To the people I call my friends too
I cant trust a single soul in this hell
From the beginning I always knew.
Nyx Jul 2018
You're name still echoes within my mind
The possible meaningless things that makes me question my life
I swore to forget you
To remove you
Stop
Break
Release

Yet you so easily walk back in
Its as if you see through me
Every wall and facade
You have the key to each lock
That stands in your way
Though the others struggle
Attempting to fill your place
You simply won't let them
Stopping them from filling that empty space
My hearts opened to you
Again once more
But the question is
Do I still love you the same as before?
Am I missing you
Or do I just miss the idea of you
The sweet gentleman touch
Is causing quite a fuss
I care for you though
I can say that with pure honestly
Though my love for you has changed
Faded into void of endless possibility
Somewhere within I still long for your touch
The Affection is intoxicating
Those sweet words are pure bliss
Though theses things leave me contemplating
Contemplating why you left me like this
Though my heart is still riddled
Screaming at me why
I know I shouldn't let you back in
I shouldn't let you waste anymore of my time
through the silence that speaks louder then any words could
I still care for you
But never again will I feel anything more
Because I refuse to be broken
Broken like I was once before
If
Nyx May 2018
If
If you saw me
In the way that I do
Would do the same things?
Would you do the things I do

If you looked like me
With this body and scars
Would you cry and feel shame
Or remain the way you are?

If you had friends like mine
The toxic and the bad
Would you appreciate yours more
Or would you feel incredibly sad

If you acted like me
Desperately trying to fit in
Would you grow tired and weary
Would you wear my painful grin?

If you had my life
What would you do
Could you be stronger then me
Would you make my life less blue?

If you could be happy
While wearing my shoes
Then maybe for me
Happiness is possible too
Nyx Sep 2018
I'm suffocating again
Gasping for breath
Unable to inhaul the air
That I so desperately need
I feel my lungs burning bright
A flame roaring in my chest
Desperate to escape
I have to leave.

I need to spread my wings
I need to feel the cool breeze
Rushing through my hair
I need to have the clear view of the sky
To fly to where I want to be
I can't be held down by chains again
This isint where I belong

I can't breath

Run.
I'm too close to the edge
Push me now and I'll fall
Pulling my feathers one by one
I'm slowly losing my ability of flight
Please let me go
I'm losing my will to fight

Stop it

Dont hold me in your embrace
Its not love and warmth that I'm searching for
Its the freedom that sets my heart ablaze
Not to continue to see the same face

Let me go

Dont ask me what's wrong
Dont tell me the words that you think will persuade me
Just silently stand by
And allow me to be free

I want to be alone
I want to be with me
I need time to think
I need to recover

I can't keep doing this...

I CANT
I CANT
I CANT
I CANT


I just can't anymore...

Just let me breath the air that I so desperately desire
Just let me be me

I'm going to disappear again
Me just screaming and freaking the **** because im a mess and life is just getting to a crashing point
I NEED TO BREATH
Nyx Aug 2018
I like to play myself
Pretend that I'm evil
Create a whole facade
Cunning and lethal

I like to pretend I'm somebody else
A cold manipulative snake
Armed with fatal venom
Conjuring up much heartache

I like to throw myself in harms way
To achieve somebody else goal
A weapon of mass destruction
Its as if I have no soul

I like to act as the fuel to hatred
Target of their raging fury
Vent and break me with all your might
Tho I warn you the end is quite unsavoury

I like to be the victim of the blame
Go on and paint me as the villain
Justify your actions controlled by pain
That way it won't all be in vain

I like to be the madman behind the mess
The *****, Mastermind, The Monster
Where sins of others pale in comparison
Allowing them to feel far more arrogant

let them be excused for their actions
Which cause them such pains
Allow them to rest at last
Without those heavy chains

By allowing them to believe
That everything was truly my fault
It allows them to sleep peacefully
Securing their truths within a vault

I like to take responsibility of their actions
Pity them and follow them
Become their true friend
All while hating me to the bitter end

They need support more then I
So blame me instead
Don't show me such sorrow filled eyes
I would rather off be dead

I like to play the villain
To lighten their burdens of guilt
I'm a mean selfish witch
No different from a common *****

By taking pleasure out of such things
That are so incredibly vile
maybe I am the one who needs help
every once in awhile

Maybe I am truly evil
Its not an act


#
Nyx Jul 2019
My heart keeps beating
Whenever you're around
As if butterfly's keep flutter
I can hear their gentle sounds
Flushing pink and red
Grinning wide from ear to ear
Hiding my face within my sleeve
Peaking out to see you near
Warmth amitting
Hands tightly held
Guiding gentle circles
It's pleasant, It's sweet
Like a syrup dipped candy
You're an overwhelming treat
I'm addicted to your taste
I can't get enough
Kissing you with much haste
A mixture of soft and rough
And I've never felt this way
This feeling that consumes me
Wanting to be near you
To see you, to feel you
I want to be your everything
Though only if you'd be mine
Slow and steady we go
There is no need to rush
But my feelings are certain this time
Nyx Apr 2018

My arm's covered in scars
Well kinda just a few
But its not exactly what you think
I've got a good explanation for this

I'm not suicidal
Just stupid


That is my line now
I have to repeat it each day
Because people now think i hurt myself
And they don't quite know what to say

I was baking cookies in class
And I accidentally turned the tray
So the hot metal burnt my arm
I swear that I'm okay

Four scars now line my arm
But I'm not at all phased
I decorate and fill it with colour
And all my friends tend to praise

I'm glad I have people concerned for me
I'm glad I have people who care
But even if I am secretly hurt
I won't allow my issues to air

I'm not suicidal
Just Stupid

Nyx Aug 2018
I'm scared to see
What lies beyond these doors
The gate to my future
Whats in store?

I'm scared to let go
Of my high school freedom
Graduation is near
Times passing like the seasons

I'm scared to know
What reality has to offer
I'm not at all prepared
I'm like a lamb to the slaughter

I'm scared to find out
Which of my friends will stay
Who are the real ones
And which ones will fade

I'm scared to hold
All the power of my life
Making such a crucial choice
Cutting through me like a knife

I dont want to be scared
Of what I have now
I want to enjoy life
I'm not exactly sure how

I'll think about my future
And all that is to come
When reality comes knocking
By then I'll be done

Change will happen
Slowly throughout time
I'll take it as it comes
Dont stress in the meantime

I won't be scared.
Nyx Feb 2020
All I want to do is

S C R E A M

To yell so loud

The world around me shakes

As these endless feeling

keep piling up

higher

&

higher

And I know very soon

I'm just going to

B  R  E  A  K

-
Nyx Sep 2021
When anxiety comes
It whines and groans
Like a coursing river
The sour feelings grow

Cursing and screaming
Within your head
Doubting your reasons
You're better off dead

Like a pack of wolves
Howling in the night
It only worsens as it’s
Accompanied by moonlight

Frantically run as you may
Not a single thought on track
turning every corner
With each you’re attacked

By nothing but yourself
In your Head, going circles about
Silently you lay there
As your chest bubbles with doubt

Panic isn't all but external
Crying and screams
Sometimes it's quietly
Pulling you apart at the seams

Muted by a clogging
Suffocating feeling in your throat
Scratching and clawing
It won't be long before you choke
Will you croak?
Nyx Aug 2018
You're poking at my wounds
Causing them to bleed
Leaving bruises upon my skin
All due to your greed

Bending me till I break
Revealing my true sin
Tear away at my mask
You're standing there with a grin

Watching me as I cry
Laughing as I beg
I'm screaming out so many pleas
But your preoccupied by a keg

Crumbling to the ground
I'm in a desperate need of an escape
I still love you with all my heart
But how much more of this can I take?

You say you love me so desperately
The moment I turn to leave
But as soon as I am within your arms
You somehow cause me to grieve

I'm trapped within a loop
Of love, hatred and abuse
Wanting to leave but then to stay
Maybe I'm just tying my own noose

You act all high and mighty
But really you're being immature
I know in truth you have cheated
But you always make me feel unsure

I refused to be lied to
It kills me inside
Yet here you stand
So ideally by

Abuse me, Use me
Beat me till I'm blue
As long as in the end
I can be of some use to you

So here I am willingly
Standing before you
Except this time I'm sure
That you will be the one to lose
Nyx Apr 2018

Unscrewing the sharpener
Removing the blade
The cool clean metal
Makes me feel less afraid

Inspecting the metallic silver
That could end all my pain
I take a deep breath
Before finding a vein

A hidden cut lies
Among all my burns
Nobody will notices
No heads will turn

The blood welling up
Dripping down my arm
I can feel my thoughts loosen
Ive let down my guard

The door sealed closed
Music blaring in the back
I've stooped so low
It seems I've finally cracked

I've cried and I've screamed
My voice stuck on mute
My depression has returned
I'm still stuck in a loop

There's nothing to be sad over
There's no reason to cry
Just keep your head up
Just look to the sky

In time it will pass
I swear you'll be okay
A voice in my mind
Continues to say

But what if I can't?
Can't handle the pain
Not this time, Not again
Its all in vain

Its finally all happened
I let the last petal drop
But still a tiny little voice
Still screams for me to stop

But it seems I can't stop
This addiction to blood
I feel myself fall
It all ends with a Thud
Nyx Nov 2018
It's been awhile since you've crossed my mind
Since I felt those memories and our lives entwined
Our film playing silently in the back
While our lives continue swiftly, steadily on track

And it's been awhile since I've heard your voice
That obnoxious laugh and those playful jokes
Your music that you so passionately create
Those songs you wrote, beautifully defined fate

And that smile of yours that gleamed like the sun
Paired with deep blue eyes like the raging rivers that run
Those dark brown locks that curled ever so slightly around
And for a moment everything ceases to make a sound

It's been awhile since I walked down our path
Since I entered those classrooms, since we were those outcasts
I haven't listened to our songs or read through our texts
I haven't talked about you or gone to such depths

As I remember more then anything they said
I knew you like non of them ever would
Define toxic, manipulative and wrong
But even if it's so, you're still my favourite song

And I loved you my dear, with a sincerest heart
But from the very beginning it was destine to fall apart
I miss you, and everything that we were
Even if now that period of contentment is only a b l u r

We talked for awhile, only moments ago
And it was as if for a second, time would slow
We talked about your girlfriend and for that I'm truly happy
I'm glad you found somebody perfect for you I say
As I attempt not to be too sappy

No matter the past, present and future
I'm glad you were a key part of my life
You gave me the world even if it were just a night
As in a world that is dark you were my light
And for that I'm eternally grateful

It's been awhile
Even so
I still love you all the same



~
Out of the entire world I live in
You were truly one of the only people I ever loved
And for that all I have to say is
Thank you, for being such an important person in my life
Nyx Jul 2019
This is going to sound stupid
It's going to sound crazy
but I think...
I'm falling in love with you
Heart racing with a text
Smiling from ear to ear
It's so light, so sweet
I find myself yearning to meet
with another ding, my phone goes
Racing to see to my delight
Your name upon the lock screen
What a wonderful night

How can you already have me wrapped around your little finger?
Though I don't mind. I'm only wishing you were mine


~
Nyx Aug 2019
I'm tired of pondering, pestering over what's gone
Meaningless small talk, Give another yawn
Distance is feeling, forever unyielding
Just another unsalvagable friendship
I'm better off just leaving

Walk me around the river bend
Lockets in your hand, Tell of your wondrous life,
Oh and the things that cause you strife
I can hear it in your tone of voice, see it in your smile
I use to love to see you, Now it isn't worth my while

Now tell me that you love me, cry that you care
But in the moments I needed you, were you ever really there?
And it breaks my heart to tell you, It hurts my soul to know
But what we had is gone, encased within the winter snow.
Nyx Dec 2018
-

I like you

-
Nothing more and nothing less
Nyx May 2018

A room of pure darkness
Lit only by the silver screen
Rows of people sit
All watching the same scene

In the final row we sat
A boy to my right
A Girl to my left
holding my hands tight

The movie begins, all at the edge of our seats
As the movie proceeds, Our happiness deceased
As we reach the end, With the conclusion drawing near
We all sit there shocked, Completely in tears

Our hands tightening, As another disappears
Sweat forming between our palms, As we feel more fear
Knees tucked up tight, You look like an idiot
A sobbing mess you were, But to you this was serious

Your hand covering your mouth, As the salty streams run down your cheeks
Attempting to hold back the sobs that were echoing throughout the cinema
The front few rows all turning around to look, You could hear them giggling
The most heartbreaking scene, Their amused stares were belittling

When the credits begin to roll, You were still shaken up
I also teared up, But I wasn't nearly as bad as you
Rubbing your back to sooth you, To help you relax
While laughing at you, Because you cried to the max

Giving you a hug, You buried your head into my shoulder
This was really quite amusing, As you were so much older
You then throwing a fit, yelling
How can the film makers do this!
At this point we were all laughing at you
Calm down
It was only a movie
Went to see infinity war and by the end of it my friend was gripping my hand and full on sobbing, He was so upset by the ending.
As sad as it was, Just remembering his reaction makes me laugh
Nyx Jul 2018
I'll pay you a visit
Once a week
Don't worry about it
I'll be your relief

We can watch movies
Dance, sing without a care
We can act like the queens
Sassy and full of flare

We can bake cookies
Eat ice cream, Play a game or two
We can pig out on junk food
There is no need to feel so blue

This is your life
The pathway you have chosen
This is your future
Don't allow yourself to feel broken

You never liked them much anyway
The drama and those people
So dont allow your dreams to sway
When you feel isolated and alone

Stand up straight, Meditate
I know you can pull through
You are my best friend after all
There isn't anything you can't do.

So raise your head to the sky
Feel the nice cool breeze
This is the first step, its one of many
Its okay though just be at ease

Its a new world for both of us
One not many may choose
We may rarely see each other now
But you will still forever be my muse

Don't let loneliness swallow you whole
Don't fall down that rabbit hole
Because I will forever be around
Just do your best and reach your goal

Good luck my love
I wish you the best

- Your best Friend.
It will all work out eventually
I'm sure of it
Just do your best
Nyx Jul 2018
I wonder sometimes
What makes people tick
What makes people think
That they are better then this

I wonder why somebody can feel
So genuine, and so true
Yet when it comes to another
Their words make anybody feel blue

People may treat you one way
But to somebody else another
Vile poison that laces their tongue
Which is rather deadly to the others

How is it that a person can hold
Such hatred and such anger
Though at the same time
Be so considerate and sweet

Though those moments
Somehow come and go
But once you reach their bad side
You will be the first one to know

You can feel it in the air
The suffocating tension
You could cut with a knife
Is it just a lack of attention?

I wonder really what it is
What makes two sided people tick
Though I guess I'll never truly know
The reason they all act like this
Nyx May 2018
Keep quiet
Hold your breath
Feel your heart rate increase
Bite back a scream
Hug your knees
Cradle yourself gently
Let the tears run down your face
Leaving trails behind
But don't open your mouth
Make sure not to lie
Out there searching
The target here is you
Insecurities
Reputation
Its your own mind
Haunting you
Be sure to hide
Runaway
Its been this way for years
Find yourself
Break free
And maybe you can find safety
Reassurance
Appreciation
All you ever wanted
To be loved
Cared for
Accepted as one
But hiding within your own fear
Won't allow you to be free
So take a chance
Build up a strong stance
Cause once you do
You will no longer feel blue
Just do you best
Nobody asks for anything more
In the end
Just be you
Nyx Jun 2018

**** me.
Words calmly exiting my mouth
Staring you dead in the eyes
My feeble form reflected
Within your teary blue eyes

I can see myself
Collapsed on the floor
No strength left in my body
No will left to fight anymore

You're holding it
Firmly in your hand
The sharp edged blade
Its so cold and so smooth

My crimson red blood dripping down
You're standing in horror
Unable to make a sound
Towering above me

The bathroom is silence
As my words echo throughout
You're shaking with such anger
With such confusion and doubt

W h y
You say in the most fragile voice
Its like you're the one breaking
I thought you would rejoice

Because you're the only one who can do it
The only one who can help me


The air around us tightens
Surrounding us with pressure
Its making me breathless
He's the only one who can put me together

I'm staring him down
I'm just a void of emotion
No visible feelings
Its so clear that I'm broken

**** me.
I repeat
He falls to his knees
He crawls over to me

Holds me within his embrace
Squeezing me tightly
As if I am to disappear
Before whispering quietly

We can get through this
Get through this together


My tears begin to pour
As my mask begins to break
Pain and sadness overwhelms me
All the cuts and scars begin to ache

But I was relieved
As he knew the truth behind what I said
That my desperate plea was for help
Rather then wanting to be dead

He knew
That while I sat there
Holding tightly
onto that blade

That while I was screaming **** me
He heard the words  Heal me

He knew the true meaning behind all the words that I said
As while I was screaming **** me, He heard the words heal me instead
Nyx Mar 2018

I need to leave
I've ought to say goodbye
This unrequited love
Simply must to die

I've completely slipped your mind
Fallen through the cracks
My only existence now
Is a forgotten name in your contacts

Below all those studs, that you call your great friends
And underneath all those girls you call at 3am
Covered in dust as it grows old with age
I sit here and wait, patiently within this stone cold cage

Transienting through life, days pass like any other
Sleepless nights, Friendships bite, Its simply quite a bother
Messages from others, blowing up my phone
Yet without yours, I feel so alone

I thought I had forgotten you
Moved on from my past
I was going to find another
But that was never going to last

It seems I cant escape
no matter how far I run
Is this merely my fate
Or is it karma having fun

What can I do?
What can I say?
Because a simple text from you
Consumes my waking days

Is this intentional?
Are you leading me on for fun?
Our texts are quite stale, answers are close to none
Every time we talk now, You always seem so done

But once in a blue moon
We call for a single night
Forgetting the conflict
Our souls filled with delight

I'll put it all behind me, Let it fade from my mind
I'll dwell in emptiness and move on with my life
Even though these feelings, cut through me like a knife
Acting like nothings wrong, Everything okay
Just force on a smile
It doesn't bother me anyway.
Nyx Oct 2020
My mind is far too tired for these fundamental games
Worn down by voices repeating whispers that are all the same
Where the villainesses sins are known and the victims are many
It's useless to be virtuous, It isn't worth a penny

Let me walk far away from the crowds of plenty
Where they disregard their morals, if there even are any
A world that use to be 'interesting', thrilling, to say the least
Though overtime the childish endeavors never seem to cease

Aren't you tired of this world, isn't it time to grow up?
Because I've already begun to leave this crooked setup
The rumors, the lies, the backstabbing truths
Its preteen games, that should have been left behind in our youth

There is simply no time, nor the energy to waste on petty things
Nobody worth impressing, there are no prideful kings
No need to interact or associate with those I hate
Nor those who treated me poorly, while using the title of a mate

Who has the energy for all of this these days

Let me Rest.
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