Snap open the Smith and Wesson,
Model 19 six gun,
Empty the barrel, sound of bullets is fun,
I place a single bullet,
Along my sleeve the barrel I run,
And snap it back to place,
I ask myself with a straight face,
Did she really love me?click,
A blank,
Will I ever find love again?click
Another blank,
Will I ever be set free?click
A blank,
Losing love has made me lose fear!click
Another blank,
******* WAS IT MY FAULT?CLICK
BANG!
the sound made me see stars,
But I was not dead,
I did not feel,
Warm blood trickle down my head,
No pain,
What if this is death?,
I look at the vintage gun,
Smoke rises from the chamber,
The hammer was rammed,
The bullet was jammed,
I down a glass of whiskey single malt,
I have my answers now,
It never was my fault!

Music,
It's had the power,
To make a person enthusiastic,
Or even nourish a beautiful flower,
There is music all around us,
Every tune and every beat,
Can please us,
The rhythmic tapping to feet,
Follows the beat,
One may be listening to,
Music take a person,
To a whole new world,
A pleasant beautiful one,
A song can be sung,
Or just plain instrumental,
Bells can be rung,
Beats can be made,
And tunes can be sung,
And i give you,
A beautiful song,
Songs helps us survive,
Keeps us alive,
Fine beats and tunes we strive,
And music is the elixir,
Of life!

I am in Netherlands,
Through my university course,
Has allowed me to travel across the lands,
Of the beautiful Europe,
Me and a friend have come to lend a hand,
To farmers for voluntary work,
Which is also a school on the farmland,
For kids who can't achieve the mark,
Who can't study in the normal system,
I am in the pure countryside,
And it is beautiful and majestic,
There are fields wide,
Long clean canals blue,
It is a beautiful sight,
I cycle looking at this view,
The sun shining golden bright,
The wind blowing past you,
The dim villages at night,
It feels nice to be away,
Away from the fright,
This is what I like,
This is,
The Dutch countryside

Come with me,
Let us just runaway,
To some place far away,
Hop on the midnight Train,
Leave behind all the pain,
The fresh smell of rain,
Don't know where,
But we will know,
When we get there,
Struggle for living,
Jobs one after another,
But all that won't affect us,
As long as we have each other,
Live in a peaceful village,
By the forest,
Farm for the best,
Every Morning,
Smell the fresh air,
Birds chirping here and there,
Life is brought another,
A happy mother,
Remember the day,
Together We ran away,
On the midnight Train,
With the aesthetic smell of rain,
So I ask you,
Take my hand,
Let's runaway,
And catch the midnight Train,
During the rain.

Anxiety
Every little sound seems loud,
Sounds of footsteps pounding in my head,
Everyone is talking loudly,
Even if I don't want to,
I can still hear what they say,
I bite my nails,
Always fidgeting like a dogs tail,
I grit my teeth,
Keep tapping my feet,
I feel uncomfortable talking on the phone,
I can  hear leaves being blown,
I am nervous in a crowd,
Afraid of sounds so loud,
Fireworks scare me,
Movie halls scare me,
I wake up sweating always,
Carrying a coin with me always,
I feel safe with it,
When tensed I bite the back of my hands,
I feel calm,
I listen to music all the time,
I like to be silent like a mime,
I feel calm by the sea,
Or in the rain,
The sound of water is soothing,
The waves rolling,
Hitting the rocks,
I get distracted easily,
But can focus like crazy,
I have something called,
Anxiety.

Why must it be like this,
Why is the person,
That used to be my cause a happiness,
Now the sole reason for my sadness,
I can never look into those eyes,
That I blindly trusted,
Pieces of my heart u pick,
Everytime I see you I feel sick,
What made me happy the most,
Now kills me from inside,
And the pain of seeing you everyday is the worst.

Every night when I close my eyes,
My body becomes cold as ice,
And I find myself in a boat,
Rowing towards the coast,
Awaiting my arrival was she,
Standing there with unimaginable beauty,
She was not from the human world,
She was from mine,
A figment of imagination come alive,
I beach upon this lovely land,
She greets me by her hand,
And she takes me away,
To show me what lay,
There was music,
There were animals,
There was peace and serenity,
There was deserts,
Snow,
Forests,
Trees that glow,
It was the perfect world,
I sat with her and talked and talked,
All about my world,
And then she stopped,
For time was up,
I had to go back,
She walked me back to the shore,
And there was the boat,
Upon the water it sway,
I stood in it,
And it drifted me away,
And I woke up.

Another night I close my eyes,
And again my skin turns to ice,
And i am back to paradise,
But followed me was hell,
A girl from the human world,
She could follow me because,
She used to be my world,
And along with her she wrought despair,
And sadness to this paradise,
I pushed her in the water,
And watched her sink with a smile,
The sun shone again,
Brighter than ever,
And there never was no pain,
Forever,
Time was up,
I woke up,

The next night,
I fell asleep,
And the wooden boat creaked,
And I was back to my kingdom,
And there was my queen,
Beautiful as ever,
She was smart and clever,
We spent the whole time,
In each others company,
By eventually,
Time came finally,
At the beach,
She said innocently,
'you don't need to go back ',
And I realised she was right,
I didn't have anything in the human world,
All I did was fight,
With myself,
And so the boat drifted away,
Alone and empty,
For I decided to stay,
Not that I wished to return,
But never again,
Was the boat noticed,
From across the plain,
Years went by,
Spent with the girl named Sophia,
And I have finally found,
Utopia.

Hello old friend....
We meet once again,
I thought it was the end,
But I came crawling in vain,
More words are to be penned,
To write away the pain,
A soul to mend,
Speaking to you feels like solace in the rain,
The construct is nearly at the end,
Have  to get on the reality train,
Our time has come to an end,
We'll meet again,
Until then,
Goodbye old friend

The eyes depict emotions,
The face may hide those notions,
But the eyes show the truth as whole,
They called Windows to the soul,
Everytime I looked into her eyes,
I know she loves me,
But never did her lips smile,
And into my heart never did she see,
Or maybe she learnt to use her eyes,
To deceive me.

When you make a friend,
Someone who knows you,
And feel like she will stay till the end,
A feeling develops within you,
The more we talk,
The more this love is there for you,
A friend who would mock,
A friend who would talk,
About endless dreaming with you,
Make plans with you,
Always talking over text,
Everything is perfect,
And everything blinds you,
Cuz you love her,
But.....,
She never loved you,
You imagined a life with her,
U can't leave her,
And she loves someone else,
She will be with her lover,
And you can't even talk to anyone,
Cuz you loved her,
And she was your best friend too,
You have no one to talk to,
You don't know what to do,
Just.....,
Feel this familiar pain,
A pain you are used to,
This is what you get,
For being kind,
Loving,
Caring,
And good,
To someone so much,
Just pain,
Just tearstains,
And sleepless nights,
And empty stomach,
And broken heart,
You are not ready to smile again,
To try yet,
Cuz everytime,
This is what you get.

There was a time,
I cried and cried,
Because I had a dream,
That my parents died,
So realistic it seemed,
And I thought,
How long would they live,
They won't be there all the time,
At one point I must leave them,
At one point I'll never see them,


For four years,
I have had these great friends,
But then suddenly a rolling tear,
They won't be there for long,
They will go their own way,
They will move on,
I feel this guilty pain,
In a few months I may,
Never see them again,
Just memories,
All the fun memories,
Oh the crazy memories,
The happy memories,
The struggle memories,
The jokes and chats,
The stories and back pats,
All those will be missed,



My parents have years to live on,
And those years,
I must make the most of it,
Play with them,
Laugh and joke,
Everyday just be there for them,
So when death parts them from me,
I will not regret it,
I will smile,
Behind the smiles all the memories,



In a few months,
My friends will go their separate ways,
Till then we have days,
And we play like crazy,
Spend as much time with them,
Joke & laugh like never before,
Do crazy stuff,
To be remembered by,
The nicknames,
The arguement,
The debates,
So when they leave for their future,
I will see them off with a smile,
Behind it every single joke and games,
Over the years,
The favours and mistakes,
The laughs and craze,
I will not regret it,

I don't want to leave anyone I've met,
Within my heart,
With regret.

I lay in bed,
My had dangling off the edge,
I don't have any fear,
Of the monster under,
On my face is a tear,
I wish the monster would grab my hand,
And take me to Neverland,
Away from the demons in my life,
I'm not scared of ghosts,
Or titans or ghouls,
I'm scared of people,
People who break my heart,
People who tear me apart,
I'd rather cherish the company,
Of ghosts and monsters,
Cuz they try to scare or **** you,
They **** your mortal vessel,
But people I knew,
They **** me from inside,
They **** my soul,
They will lead me,
To **** myself,
A slit on my wrist,
In pain my body twists,
The warm blood gushing out,
The light fading out,
Finally I can sleep,
Only time safe it keeps,
No one can hurt me when I sleep,
I drift to the dreamland,
Finally I can be here forever,
And on earth my corpse lay on the sand,
Nobody can harm me,
Nobody can break me,
Not another tear,
Across my cheek,
Or within my heart.

There are heroes,
Who are people who fight evil,
To save lives,
They have the will,
To stay alive,
But now we have a new villain,
Depression, anxiety,panic,OCD,
And many other pain,
And all it takes,
Is a smile,
Or a 'hi',
Ull see people shine,
Just a moment of happiness,
In their troubled life,
No matter how much Ur broken,
Always make people smile,
And a smile so genuine,
So anyone can be a hero,
So go out there,
No matter what,
Go be a hero.

I feel happy when I hear your voice,
I fell in love with you,
I did not have a choice,
And when I told you,
I could never hear your voice,
Your eyes would never meet mine too,
My heart felt like broken toys,
You became a ghost,
For you I was just another boy,
You are what my heart desires the most,
For you to play with I was not a toy,
I was just a boy,
Whose happiness was your voice,
And he fell in love with you,
He did not have a choice.

A little unique thought in your mind,
Can change the world,
The hidden potential you are trying to find,
Can change how clouds twirl,
Rich or poor,
It can change lives,
It is the future,
The greatest,
To solve any dilemma,
All you need,
Is an idea.

I rest on the couch,
And somebody knocks aloud,
I answer the door,
And there stands she,
And white dress all the way to the floor,
Dark black hair,
Dark as the night sky,
And black wings folded behind her,
death has arrived at my doorstep,
She  puts out her hand,
And utters words in a melodic voice,
"Come with me",
"You were never supposed to be alive",
"U have a choice",
"Stay here among this generation",
"Or wait until your actual creation",
"Your mind is far too advanced"
As it hit me, the realisation,
It made all sense now,
Why is hate everything,
Why i don't like the system,
The education system,
The political system,
Why everything was wrong,
Why there was always something off,
I had thoughts about a different reality,
Thoughts of a new family,
I don't hesitate and take her warm hand,
And step out the door,
And around me is suddenly black sand,
She says this is the gateway to heaven,
A gift from God for all your struggles,
Till your actual birth,
You can live in heaven,
Do whatever you want,
And wait for your actual life.

Sometimes let go,
It's less painful than holding on,
To let yourself evolve and grow,
It hopeless to hold on,
To hope,
To barely survive,
To hope for something to never happen,
To expect and believe,
And eventually be broken,
Because you didn't let go,
Because holding on,
The rope will break,
Ull be taken for granted,
You loose your value,
You won't get what you wanted,
It's an ugly thing but true,
There is no point in holding on,
When eventually ull be left,
Left to eat dirt,
Left alone,
There is nothing as hope,
It's a lie,
So just let go

Here i am standing,
Feeling the cool air on my face,
The waves below swaying,
The edge of the bridge never looked grace,
Far below the water dancing,
My heart increased pace,
I could feel blood flowing,
It seemed like the perfect place,
Just one little step and I will be sinking,
Below the surface,
My mind is leaving,
From my body,
I can picture every detail slowly,
The smell of the sea,
The rust on the steel,
Every sense I feel,
One step,
And I will be free,
Then somebody spoke,
Sentence with words of three,
"I love thee",
I never knew who said that,
A man,
Or a kid,
Or a woman,
Thin or fat,
Black or white,
Somebody cared,
One person wanted me alive,
One person had hope,
And those three words,
Changed my life,
I cried and cried,
That night with a smile I slept,
Glad I didn't take that one step.