I once found a bird when I was younger

the bird was small and weak and abandoned by its other birds

I took it home, I did all I could

soon the bird died

why, bird, why

why die?

you could have lived
you could have flied

I told my mother

my bird is dead

it will never fly


mother still wonders why I have never touched living things again.

stit
      *stit
           stit
A typewriter punching a poem of what things could have been. Endings are all that matter.
flip
    flip
          flip
The story around real quick.
rip
     rip
         rip
The pages that contain things I will miss.

I will love you no matter how many mistakes I make when trying to reduce fractions, and no matter how difficult it is to memorize the periodic table. I will love you as the manatee loves the head of lettuce and as the dark spot loves the leopard, as the leech loves the ankle of a wader and as a corpse loves the beak of a vulture. I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the ***** whale, and the ***** whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms. I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.

I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where we once were so close that we could slip the curved straw, and the long, slender spoon, between our lips and fingers respectively. I will love you until the chances of us running into one another slip from slim to zero, and until your face is fogged by distant memory, and your memory faced by distant fog, and your fog memorized by a distant face, and your distance distanced by the memorized memory of a foggy fog. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, no matter where you avoid and who you don’t see, and no matter who sees you avoiding where you go. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this, and no matter how I am discovered after what happens to me as I am discovering this.

I will love you as a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, and as a secret loves to make a person gasp, and as a gasping person loves a glass of brandy to calm their nerves, and as a glass of brandy loves to shatter on the floor, and as the noise of glass shattering loves to make someone else gasp, and as someone else gasping loves a nearby desk to lean against, even if leaning against it presses a lever that loves to open a drawer and reveal a secret compartment. I will love you until all such compartments are discovered and opened, and until all the secrets have gone gasping into the world.

I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence, and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong.

I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday.

Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.

Life will never end when you are in it.”

You swore you cared, I dared to believe you.
How could I not? Your eyes twinkled too bright.
    I let you get to me, I wasn't ready to be hit with what was coming.
       I assured myself it wouldn't happen, we could find a way to stop it.
          You were the one I trusted, when my gut is the one that should be believed.
                                 How Careless To Have Cared So Much
You swore you cared, I dared to think it to be truth.
  "You deserve better," everyone screamed so loudly my ears could bleed.
     I could have listened, took their advice and kept my heart to me.
       One day too soon, I saw what I knew but never wanted to actually see.
          Never again did I trust, yet my careless care has been placed in better hearts.

And I guess one could say this is the pinnacle of all that is us. My feelings could never be put to rest.When the acrimony of departure has come at last, I will stay here for all of my life. You will see the world and you will love many others. Deep in my clandestine mind, I won't love again when you leave me behind. I simply will not ; even if you say I must.

living a lifeless life
    

                             dying without death


lying to believe

" I got you some flowers."

" That's so sweet but why flowers?"

" What? You don't like flowers?"

" Flowers die. Isn't that a horrible metaphor for love? something that dies?"

"Well. **** the flowers. Lets just hold hands."

Even the word "alone" has the company of a page to be with.

I love you sounds cliche, but I suppose it will work in place of the words I don't know how to say. I love you is over used, there is so much more to me and you.

I love you is so short, to explain such a large impact. I love you doesn't cut it ; not like the pain of being away from you cuts.

I love you is misplaced by circumstance and childish games. I love you is what I tell you every day, I wish I had another way, some other phrase that could tell you more.

I love you couldn't tell you what I feel towards you, but it's what I have for now, dear. I'll try my best to, maybe someday, turn it into "I do."

Driving with my eyes closed
Life on autopilot
Miles and miles ahead
Put it in park or keep driving instead?
Darkness pours into my head
Night sky clouds in
When will it give?
Still miles and miles to go
Until the end of the road

Everyone makes love out to be a perplexing, complicated, and almost unobtainable
thing. Maybe it is. I sometimes find myself thinking this to be so. Yet I also find it to be so simple. You don't have to do much for me to know i love you. The warmth of your hand in mine is fact enough. I hope  this feeling comes to you as simply as it does to me. No matter how many abstract poems are written about this love, this love I feel for you,  I know it's simple. It comes as easy as breathing.

One thing, one day won't be this simple. The most complicated of days will be the day I suffer the sight of you leaving.

"Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night's sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too."

It plays and I'm at home in myself for once.
Therapy through a headset.
It thumps through my body and my mind is at rest for 3 minutes and 46 seconds.
The memories behind it is its own measure of infinity.
The remedy for the feelings I can't understand.
It says the right words when no one else can.
Medication being injected in the form of sound waves.
The formula for how I am humanly made up.
The antidote to the poison that is my constant surroundings.
This is to you, My favorite song.

Now, if you've ever seen a Butterfly up close and from a distance, you will find the sights to be very different.

My heart races and I cannot escape it.
I'm stuck inside my skin.
I itch with anxiety and my chest collapses.
I'm stuck inside my skin.
Tear me out, piece by piece.
Let me go from this bag of flesh that traps me in this horrid place.
I'm stuck inside my skin.
I'm not insecure; this is not about appearance.
I want to escape my self.
Hide n go seek with my own mind, inside my mind.
I'm stuck inside my skin.
This skin that is the cocoon for a worthless worm that could never grow wings to escape.
Unzip me and let my contents pour out.
I'm stuck inside my skin.

Words swirling in mind
Smoke whirling in the air
Sitting alone I stare
Wishing I could disappear
Never able to find the time
Simply writing without a rhyme
Ill give you the world but only can afford a dime
Desperately trying to unwind
Words swirling in my mind
Without you, at best I'll be "fine"

Where yonder grasses twine,
A pleasant bed, my maid, that children call a grave,
In the cold moonshine.
Is that the wind? No, no;
Only two devils, that blow
Through the murderer's ribs to and fro,
In the ghosts' moonshine.

I lay awake
Think of mistakes
My thoughts stay troubled
My eyes dilate

Problematic, can't shut off my mind

Insomniatic, can't close my eyes.

We all wake up in the middle of the night, perhaps after a night terror has given us a fright.

Life is a nightmare all in itself

We never know what to do with the cards we are dealt.

"It's easy," said no one ever.

No body stays to understand why

Whether it be friends that drift away or the ties that we sever.

There is a "lie" in every believe
There is an "end' in every friend.
There is no way to escape the "Real" in every reality, yet we pretend it's not there, because things make us happy. We see hope in life.

Yet how long does that feeling last when it comes to time?

We are all guilty of the good we have never done.

That's why we stay awake until the rise of the sun.

We all lead a lesser life but no one admits it until our time is done.

Take these thoughts and close your eyes.

Don't let these words corrupt your mind, for this was merely an attempt to rhyme.

Sitting at the station, smoke fills my lungs and drifts away like memories of you.
Waiting for the train to peak around the never ending bend of tracks, I wait for not just a train but an escape.
I wait and wait until the rise of the moon.
I have places to go and plans to make.
One step at a time, isn't that how the saying goes?
I couldn't tell you, my steps are never going anywhere, it seems.
I wait for signs of trains and I wait to see the steam.
The big iron black, as black as the night you left.
Now I'm leaving too.
I look across the tracks and see inside a dinner.
The couples drinking coffee look nice, but baby, we were finner.
All that is behind me now, like the train tracks that are spit out as the train bustles me anywhere, everywhere, hopefully away from myself.
At least I'm leaving you, my dear, I'll pretend I was never left.
I await this train, it's down the track, you'll never stop me now.
I climb aboard, the engine roars and the conductor blows the whistle.
I flick that cigarette aside.
Never coming back.

Maybe we are all just heart broken kids, writing about heart breaking things, in hopes of being less heart broken.

We break hearts and wonder why we are sad.

When a tree falls and no one is around, does it make a sound?
When you fall and are pushed down, is there help?

What we see isn't the half of it.
What we see can be forgotten.
What we hear can be twisted.

When you're alone, is there truly no one there?
When you're staring into the dark, are you scared?

Every light goes out and every sound drowns out.
Every metal turns to rust.
Every night meets its dusk.

Who can save you?

None of us.

A long time ago, in a land not far but near, there was a land where the night was always dark and the sky covered it like a black cloth, for the moon never rose there, and not a single star twinkled in the darkness.

Without you I am at loss of words.
The words that once explained how you were my world.
Without you, they say I'm free but they don't know me.
I don't see you for months, you walked right out of my life.
My friends try to drag me out.
Finally I agree.
I didn't expect to see you there, not at this degree.
Intertwined in her arms.
Your lips touch and my heart is taken aback.
I grimace at the sight and kiss my bottle of Jack.
When you finally noticed me, it was all but too late.
One look on my face and you knew who really moved on.
Without you, my dear, isn't how to put it. I could never be without you. You are the one who is without me.