i’ve wanted to fly
ever since i was a little kid
but i never realized that if i could i would be the center of attention
i could be taken advantage
i am so exhausted of being the highlighted
on a planet i never wanted to be associated with
now, i would like to be invisible
the shrugs and shoulders that would bump me on my way to class
but i wouldn’t mind that
the cloak of protection from the deadly weapons and teeth that all strangers bear
free and safe from the paranormal stares from the ghosts that have occupied my mind for years
walking alone
with no one to hurt
what can be bad about that?
i know outgoing never suited me well
i know being noticed was awkward never swell
and i know in the bones of the people i know
that they want me gone
so i will do them all a favor
and become invisible
i know for a fact that no one would notice i had disappeared
they would all forget what i looked like while i would watch them with sorrowful eyes
sipping soda
sitting sophisticatedly
as the bokeh lights blur even more
drowning in the silent whispers and the drool made by my tongue from trying to make sounds
invisibility would hurt me
but not as much as the brush to the side hair clippings falling
from me
parts of me are crashing and dying ever so slowly
but they still are
i’ve always wanted to be invisible therefore i could ruin my own life, but not even come close to affecting others
a burden, would be the official definition, and i fit it like a glove
hiding away never seemed to hurt anyone
disappearing is mostly for humanity’s greater good
so no, i don’t wanna fly like a pelican in the florida sky
i am not made for that elegant flight type of life
my roots were made in the sewers
muck, murk, and waste
deep down below, i always knew no one loved me
i just wanted to prove myself wrong
prove to the world that i wasn’t just a detriment stepping into all the puddles
but it turns out i am
i have always been a detriment
shielding myself with an arm that didn’t deflect any enemies or spiders  
climbing into my skull
and claiming it as their own
invisible so nobody can see me get eaten alive by the monsters under my bed
chewed strategically by the monsters that dictate my head
i honestly think i was God’s mistake
and He regrets placing me on the earth now
clutching his fingers and almost cursing watching the security camera footage of me
but that’s enough!
i wanna be invisible
harming my own personal self on the inside
nobody knows
nobody wants to know
but i can’t care or say anything because i am invisible
melting away
as dust scatters off of me
gone with the flush of a last tear
tumbling
silence
a tree fell down in the woods
and no one was around to hear it
so it didn’t even make a sound.

Your eyes are silver and shades of
My destiny
You’re beautiful
“No one has said that to me.”
I want to taste your saliva
I want to lock in your love
Cause it’s when your rain falls
That I feel at home
They might be killing us from
Every side
But who said we can’t
Put up a fight
You seem petrified
I don’t want you to drown
In the murk of the water
Or on the Devil’s side
In the own safety of your sorrow
Bathing in your sisters blood
She’s not dead in your heart
And you gotta move on
Just watch the beads of sweat
That tumble down my dry and
Erase face
Focus on me
Blessed are you for keeping your
Cool and
Not dying
And bless your peach tree lungs
Lips that taste like cinnamon
You know I’ve never seen such
Beautiful eyes
Holes in someone’s face
Colors, tricolored
Like the fireworks
I haven’t seen since I
Had a mother
But you’re the figure I’ve always
Needed
The shoulder that feels like
Marshmallows
But is as strong as steel
So even when the barbed wire
Pierces my olive oil skin
I’ll run to you darling
And find sanctuary
In the holes at the top of your head
That glitter
When you smile
Even as everything goes to dust
You’re still afloat
You’re still your father’s girl
You’re still my safety in this world
You’re still a jaw dropping
Type of girl
No one’s soul
Could ever shine as bright as
Yours

the tennessee sky never did like him much
never treated him right
maybe that’s why i was placed on this earth
to love a lonely soul
just like him

it’s writing and writing and writing
and then free falling
the glimmer in his eyes only ever gave me solace
in the easiest time of the century
when worrying didn’t even cross my mind.
it’s writing and writing and writing
and then crying
a lovesick baby, a two-faced wannabe
it’s better to be invisible than living life lying about being meaningful.
it’s writing and writing and writing
and then failing,
this time on stage
in front of an audience of about ten million narcissists
they say my emotions aren’t art
and the shakiness of my breath—the sweatiness of my hands—is manifested.
it’s writing and writing and rewiring
have you come to terms with knowing that you were doomed from the start?

i’ll make an effort to write good poetry for you. my work is average at best and you look like a red moon in the most haunted night, so that won’t do. you reflect when light is shining on you. i turn to rust underneath your fingertips. when i find the one, i’m gonna scrap all my old works to make room for the newest editions. when i find the one who is a full moon filling every corner of my tiny room. maybe you can spend the night outside of my window. when i wake up, you’ll tell me to put on some clothes and i’ll greet you as if i had no clue that you were outside my window the night before. when i find the one, maybe i’ll start loving myself or write better poetry that is actually enjoyable to read. maybe i’ll start reflecting light, even in the rain.