I could feel it.
The pressure rising in the room
like I was back in the fire ;

heat rising above me as I lay on the ground
******* in all the clean oxygen I could find

Like I was back on the fire;
crawling across my bedroom floor trying to find a way out amongst the clouds of smoke

Like I was back in the fire;
feeling my skin boil as I tumble down the stairs looking for the front door

Like I was back in the fire

The fire

All I can feel are the flames dancing on my skin

I felt like I’m back in the fire even though I knew we made it out alive but the fire

it’s all I can feel now

I sat in that room for 3 hours

wondering if the doctors could feel the pressure like I do

fire burned in my soul
until waves of tears turned everything to ash
and the leftover smoke clogged my throat
making it impossible to ask for help

I've always been too emotional about everything

Too sensitive too loud to outgoing too me

I never understood ,still don't understand
how people could care so little about everything

how people were "too cool" for living

A blue moon shone in the sky

a bright sign you are still with us

     do miss us like we miss you?

although your body is gone

your soul still lingers

     i am so sorry

free from the pain

you watch over us from the stars

     thank you

rest now

we are going to be ok

Do you remember

that last night?

Before things got ****** up,

and everything was normal.

We sat in your car,

driving through the sleeping city;

unbeknownst to the future,

and how bad everything would end.

If only I had known

how little time we had.

I would have said something,

instead of sitting in silence.

"Jonghyun, a star that shined brightly on stage for 10 years,
now a star of the sky".

I think the words are beautiful, but I don't think they're enough.

The world aches today.

My lungs feel full of water and

my stomach feels twisted into knots.

I wish we could have done more to save you from the darkness of the world.

We love you

I've been badly broken

Beaten down so far I don't even recognize myself

All I have left are bits and pieces of what I once was

Shardes of my life

Thats all I have left to give

Just the rubble of what once was

I hope its enough for you

I didn't see how toxic he was unitl someone showed me love and it wasn't him.

If I had met you before everything happened you would have been
an icy shock through my veins,

but after everything I've been through, im numb to the cold.

How did that happen?

Was it you? or me?

Why did you look to me?
Why didn't I look away?

How long did we sit there,
before the bus shook us back into reality?

Was it 5 seconds? a minute or two?

Who knows.

But it changed everything

young writers arent hard to spot.

their writings will scream their age

words full of hormones

and stories not revised

just their thoughts spewed out onto the page

Too young they say.

Too young for dark circles hiding under my eyes and
too young for aches in pains in my body and
too young to be so sad we shove blades in our arms and
too young to say we're in love; " it's just your hormones"

If I'm too young to live this life then why and I living it.

you have boring eyes,

or that's what you say.

But in the fluorescent lights of a classroom
they are an icy grey, piercing through my soul.

And in the sunlight of the waterpark,
they shine like the sky: as bright as your smile.

Hiding in the darkness

In the shadows of her mind

She huddled cold and broken

A soul someone should to find

She waited there for month on end

Begging to be released

Until he took a peak inside

And but put her together piece by piece

We painted a picture.

With old wooden paint brushed,
and expired paint in rusting cans.

We swirl together yellows and pinks,
blues and reds.

The image of us comes together
as we go.

With each the stoke we push harder
on the old canvas.

Until it rips through the center.

The jagged whole going up the entire page,

and we have to start all over.

It's not my fault.

I didn't do anything.

Or maybe that's why she left.

Because I didn't do anything

To stop her from going

In a kindergarten class room, young curious minds learning the beginnings of the world.

Letters
Colors
Shapes

But they aren't taught the reality of their future.

Like how the boy sitting at the first table won't marry the love of his life because of their like genders,

Or the girl with pigtails won't become the amazing actor she is destine to be because of the color of her skin.

You have to be taught discrimination, no one is born knowing.

She walks around in clover fields.

And dances in the sky.

She speaks a voice of summer breeze.

And eyes, no tears to dry.

She lives her life with grace and ease

You wouldn't take a second look

But behind the fare facade she keeps,

the missing soul he took.

I think its the lights,

or maybe the sounds?

that make late night car rides

so peacful.

With the radio to drown out

all your demons,

of stress and depression.

And lights flickering by,

making your eyes look like galaxies.

Staring out the window,

watching the sleeping world

as you drive passed.

her hair is dark.
rays of golden light shine throw white curtians onto it as she sleeps in the morning.

her eyes are golden
stars dance in them everytime she smiles.

she walks through moonlit gardens with shallow ponds,
and through firey tunnels where her demons hide.

she is beautful
but not weak

she is strong, and powerful

Insomnia will **** you
It will break down your soul

Insomnia will **** you  
It will swallow you whole


"just sleep" they say
through out the day

But you fear, it will never be fixed.

Behind a pretty cover is where my healing soul waits.

Hiding from the world that destroyed me once before.

From the gaps in the pages i see others alike me being broken down

What I would give for the chance to pull them in out of the rubble,

But I can't

I'm healing

I protect my pretty cover,

Because it's all I have left.

Perscription addiction
It will keep me sane

A twist of the bottle
A change in my name

Perscription addiction
They said it would help

Perscription addiction
I cry out for help

When youre young youre taught never to lie
"Lying never gets you anywhere" they say.

But when the dark days come back.
And they ask if you're ok.

They never want the realy answer.
They want those lies.

Love is like walking on slippery tile

You walk along gripping onto everything around you desperately trying not to fall.

Then one push , not even hard. And you land on your face on the floor.

That's why it's called

"Falling in love"

Cold
Cold
Cold

All I feel walking through a frozen life filled with grey faces.

Until I catch her eyes,
And oh her sweet eyes heat up my soul so fast I get dizzy and loose my breathe.

Just one glimpse and my whole life turns on, like flipping a light switch.

One glance and my life was flooded with color and warmth.

Warm
Warm
Warm

Poison dosent come out all at once.
It comes out slowly, drop by drop.
Wait, be patient.
Your healing.
It takes time.

Before everything happened,

Smoked swirled in her soul.
Embers burned behind her eyes,
And the heat rose in her heart.

After everything happened.

The tears burned it all out.
Until everything was ash.