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talia Dec 2018
a year's passed us by,
i'm still not ready to say
goodbye. i love you.

a year's passed us by,
i'm still not ready to say
goodbye. i need you.

a year's passed us by,
but you're still here by my side.
always be with you.
jonghyun, i love you
talia Dec 2018
for i cannot tell a lie
i really do hate being alive

i hate knowing that there's a mere six litres of blood in our bodies
that's three two-litre bottles of soda
three two-litre bottles of soda
is all that keeps me here
and i hate it

i hate knowing that the leafcutter ant can hold up to fifty times its weight in its jaw
and i can't even hold myself up throughout the day
for there is no one weaker than i
no one who has struggled as much as i
and i hate it

i hate knowing
that the people i once knew
and opened myself up to
have blocked me out of their minds
but i can't seem to get them out of mine

i hate that so much

but i'm not filled with hate

i love the moon
the moon is all i have left in life to look up and look forward to

and on the nights where he hides
and i can only see him behind closed eyes
i hope he can still hear me
when i tell him i've been doing just fine

and i'm not lying
i really mean it, i swear
i mean
it's just so hard these days, you know?

wish you were here
spoken word vent poem meant to be about depression now it's just desperation and mourning
talia Dec 2018
missing you comes in waves
and i drown in them every time
talia Sep 2018
misery is when
the phases of the moon
are all there is left
to look forward to
talia Oct 2018
you have brought me light
and now, i know not of how
to see without you
HR Dec 2017
kjh
i'm sorry
you couldn't find anything
to firmly grasp

i'm sorry
i couldn't be there
to hold you in my arms

“he's in a happier place”,
they tell me,
but i know it's not enough

when i know that,
without you,
my happy place is lost
HR Aug 2018
i hope that,
ever since you replaced the moon,
the stars are always singing you to sleep.
kjh
Sora Aug 2018
Every night I look up to the sky
wondering if you see me
I talk with my face to space
wondering if you hear me

Every night I look at the stars
looking for the brightest one
because I know that that's you
you will always shine the brightest

Every night I ask you if you're alright
you deserve to be
because you did well
and you work hard
you deserve to know that

Every night I tell you that you're worth it
that you fought so well
and that I will never leave your side
because you're not alone

Every night I ask myself
why it still hurts so much
this aching pain inside my heart
no matter what I do
it isn't fading

Every night the tears stream down my face
while listening to your beautiful songs
Breath, Lonely, End of a Day
they all say how you really felt

Every night I feel sorry
that I couldn't erase your pain
I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you
even when you screamed for help in your songs
we still didn't hear it

Every night I realise
you made me happy
you made we laugh
even though you were in pain
you still made me smile

Every night I wonder
if you're finally at peace now
no more tears, no more pain
just happiness and love

Every night I thank you
for the beautiful memories
and for the meaningful songs you left behind
I will treasure it forever

Every night I hope that you're looking down
watching over us
looking back at the beautiful memories you made here
with your members, family, friends and fans

And every night I tell you that I love you
I love you Jonghyun-ah
veritas Aug 2018
a glass chalice shattered on marble steps,
a cherub speared by his own arrow—
    do not tell me you do not hear it.

where moon boys and glossy girls live boldly,
they glow, shining and tacky like transparent saran
wrap
a rope around your neck and
stay.
for where death is present, so too is its midwife.

inhale exhale
in the dark
help guide me to the exit sign

oh! perform for the lords and ladies,
lie down under lights and washes of blushing love,
over your body
lay a rose for crows who do not sing.

but beware, when slowly will a golden shroud descend

and you will fall to your knees.
(as petals fall to the ground, so soft)
and it will part a way
(if buttery light could cleave so)
not clear but swiftly fading, slowing

illuminated faintly dimly glowing
above me reaching inhale
exhale inhale exhale inha—

thank you.

.
oh fallen child, where have you gone?
is there really balm in Gilead
or is that the mistaken hope of every saint and sinner?

it is a silent night tonight, blessed with only one star,
and i hope that it is yours.
for the world went black when you closed your eyes
and will need new seeds of light.

how did we fail you so badly?
how did we fail to see underneath, fail to
hear you screaming, telling us you felt wrong.
you spoke out for us, lifted us in our silence,
and yet, we said nary a word during yours.

it is not hard to tell someone they are loved.
to let them know that they have done well, that they have worked hard;
to lighten someone’s heart with a simple word or two.

for in this life of stop and go, the rush and sigh of a few billion souls
runs fast like rapids beneath the feet, and
it is not so hard to be
lost ,
swept up amidst a current of
mockingly pulsating restless life,
all the while being buried ,
fathoms beneath a violent sea of wrath,
a tempest held in depthless waters, a fight unresolved—  
where, under the shadows of a brooding cloud and a weeping rain,
our sorrows will wash over us.

but what good is a battle unwitnessed?
address it say its name.
stop hiding it behind plastic flowers and brittle leaves,
under rice-paper skin and honey smiles.
rip the valance off
of this drapery of deceit
and lay bare before the world the truth.

it was suicide.

he took his life.

mental health is real.
perfection is not.

reach out.
speak up.
give love.

if anyone can be saved, then
let not your death be in vain.
.


rest in paradise, jonghyun.
if you are aching, if you are drowning, know that someone, somewhere, is afloat because of you.  please, do not hesitate to seek help, we are here for you. it is not wrong to feel how you do, to be who you are. you are loved, you are worthy, you matter. reach out, for you are not alone.
caitlin Jul 2018
your soul was a rose petal
delicate and beautiful to those who ever had the pleasure of seeing it

you were a rose with no thorns
too pure for the cruel world
unable to fight back
you fought anyway
and you tried
and I will try
for you
a poem for jonghyun
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