04:25 in the night nearly morning i do miss you again when the silence embraced me i just starting to miss you for 3 years that i stuck in the past i do miss you everyday my friend told me ‘you should find another inspiration’ i answer i cannot the one who replaced you And the final thought by my side this place are still you and it will be you as always my third spring is coming in 3 months my third spring without you is also coming in 3 months how can i pass the sad spring
there was one night when i got home from work. my family was getting ready to go to sleep while i was just barely taking off my shoes. i dragged my body up the stairs and into my room where i leaned against my doorway. it was thanksgiving. my older sister began telling me everything i missed and i began to relive my work day. something in my chest began to feel heavy. and once again, i needed a hug. my mouth felt zipped, i couldn't open it if i tried. i remember slowly falling to my knees. still in my work clothes, i began to cry. oh how badly i wanted to spend this holiday with my family, oh how badly i just wanted that day to be over so i could consider it the past. the present felt like a sharp pain in my chest. i closed my eyes as tears made their way down my face. in that quiet, painful moment i felt arms around me. i let myself go completely. the silent tears turned into sobs as my head dug into my older sisters shoulder. she rubbed my back and told me i did good, that she was proud of me, that i did well.
for i cannot tell a lie i really do hate being alive
i hate knowing that there's a mere six litres of blood in our bodies that's three two-litre bottles of soda three two-litre bottles of soda is all that keeps me here and i hate it
i hate knowing that the leafcutter ant can hold up to fifty times its weight in its jaw and i can't even hold myself up throughout the day for there is no one weaker than i no one who has struggled as much as i and i hate it
i hate knowing that the people i once knew and opened myself up to have blocked me out of their minds but i can't seem to get them out of mine
i hate that so much
but i'm not filled with hate
i love the moon the moon is all i have left in life to look up and look forward to
and on the nights where he hides and i can only see him behind closed eyes i hope he can still hear me when i tell him i've been doing just fine
and i'm not lying i really mean it, i swear i mean it's just so hard these days, you know?
wish you were here
spoken word vent poem meant to be about depression now it's just desperation and mourning