"voicemails" poems
A day recedes,
I'll chase down one more night
A lamed and hobbling Spring
tries to outrun the tide
of all the misspent months
and all this wasted time
The northern breeze sings cold,
it sighs through tattered topsails
sea of questions waits.
schools of unanswered voicemails
My footfalls share the sidewalks,
steady,
sure. Still young but glimpsing old and stumbling
Walking outside
soaked lungs need some new air
I'm nervous and shaking
fold the map, don a blank stare
my days wearing on
fill 'em up with a fool's words
I'm saltwashed, stuck and
peeling paint off my memory
for now.
A day's been seized--
a metered length of life
Can't place a price on Fall
and can't outrun the tide
of these layered seasons
as his time unwinds
The eastern wind comes hard
and shreds through mended mainsails
river of answers dried
so ask the waving cattails.
His footfalls know the sidewalks
leaking
down sidestreets' asphalt tributaries
Walking around
A hitch in his slow gait
A ghost of our town
shuffles on with a fixed gaze,
his days playing out,
As he strides down the sidewalks
his life plays a film,
flashing bright on glazed eyeballs
And I'm southbound,
4 p.m. driving Orange Street
completely drowned--
--swore I woke up in Gimli,
Manitoba January
seared into my youthful memories
I'm freezerburnt
Autumn heat, don't leave me
I'll hold your hair if you're feeling sickly,
then drive back home.
Autumn heat, don't leave me now.
...Autumn heat, don't leave me now.
May 12, 2014
May 12, 2014 at 11:51 AM UTC
I remember those rainy nights when I would lock myself in my room.
Because I didn't want to become a victim of your hurtful words & fits of rage.
Nothing was ever the way it was supposed to be when it came to us.
& maybe it was better that way .
Because in the end everything that was wrong for other people
Was right for us
But I left you
And all that I had ever loved was taken away from me that night.
The long, run out love letters
The high pitched weeping filled voicemails .
It made me realize
That the endless yelling & countless fights
Were all for not .
& all trickled down to one more sweet love song I could no longer sing
Because now
It was no longer in my key.
Jan 21, 2016
Jan 21, 2016 at 5:14 PM UTC
I didn’t love you. I loved the way you loved me. I loved the idea of us, I loved what I meant to you. I won’t ever love you.
I'm sorry I couldn't fall in love with you, I'm sorry for pretending that eventually I would. I know when I walked away I left you shattered. I hope you're okay now and forgiven me.
We had a good thing going I know that's how you saw it, we were perfect together. But we never were. I was looking for a way out before we began. You can put the blame on me, I led you on. All those late night conversations, you know so many things about me that I never knew about myself. We spoke about the future and you always put me in yours but I don't even know where I'll be a year from now.
I am sorry.
It wasn't you and I know that's cliche but you were never unkind or mean, you actually were the nicest, most honest guy I've ever met and I was so lucky to have you in my life for the time that I did. You took the good with the bad, even though there was so much more bad than good. I made you believe things were better than they were and I know now I should've let you know instead of stringing you along. I knew my feelings for you were changing and I tried to ignore it, because you were amazing. You were everything I ever wanted but it wasn't enough, it wasn't real.
The hardest part about this was letting go, knowing you were crumbling inside yourself asking yourself what you did wrong. I received all the text and voicemails and it broke me to not answer but I had to let you go, you needed to know the truth. And to answer your question, yes I did try to love you but love shouldn't have to be this hard.
I wish love was enough to keep me. I wish the love you have for me was enough to fix everything. I feel like I’ve been apologizing for days now and I know they seem like empty words but I had nothing but good intentions. I never meant to ruin you. If I could rewrite this ending believe me I would.
I know its different now but I hope you’re well and you’ll always have a special place in my heart and I know that doesn’t mean much to you because your heart is sitting in the corner of my room where you left it. I know it’s different between us now and you don’t understand why I walked away but you deserve someone who can love you as much as you love me.
What I need you to know is that just because I wasn't the one doesn't mean she isn't out there waiting for you. You keep looking and you will find someone you deserve, someone who deserves you and loves you equally.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you needed but thank you for loving me.
Apr 22, 2017
Apr 22, 2017 at 5:13 PM UTC
I don't want to listen to old voicemails over and over, taking me back to the damage I did and the distance I drew, listening to you love me so much, until you couldn't. Reminding me of my sick satisfaction as I drove you away just to know I'd be fine without you. And you moved on, long forgot about me. It's a year later and your recorded voice cripples me with a crave for closure I'll never get. But, still I listen to that voicemail out of the same sick satisfaction I get from pushing limits before it becomes self-destruction.
Nov 30, 2015
Nov 30, 2015 at 10:27 AM UTC
The first thing that you forget, when you stop talking to someone is the sound of their voice.
So I suggest with every voicemail you receive, save it.
Whether it be from your grandma or your aunt or your boyfriend
You'll miss them sooner or later if they leave you.
When It's a healthy time for you, and you miss them a lot,
You'll still have their voice.
The way they spoke, every lisp every stutter
You'll hear it in that old voicemail.
I once loved a boy.
Some know most of the story, some only know half
But only he and I know every end and out of that year and a half.
I still have his voicemails,
but they aren't only the happy ones.
Matter of fact, he only left me a voicemail when he was angry or when he had news he couldn't keep to himself long enough.
I deleted the happy ones after we broke up.
But I didn't do it because I was angry,
I did it because I wasn't worthy.
And yet, they're still in my trash bin waiting, ready to be recovered.
Because some days, I wonder if he's happy.
Then I'll hear his voicemail telling me he got his GED.
And it was because of me.
Because some days I wonder if he misses me
Then I'll hear his voicemail telling me he loves me and always will
See, I have a problem: I'm a hoarder
I horde voices.
I horde the sound of laughs and cries,
I horde the angry and the happy times.
I take them all and keep them close.
And I try and keep phones for as long as I can.
Because when the phone goes,
So do the voices that I hold dear.
So darling if you wonder if I still have every old voicemail you've ever sent me the answer is clear.
If I miss you, I press my phone to my ear.
But now it's been so long that your voice scares me.
The old voicemails sit and take up my data since I'm too afraid to delete them.
That means your gone forever
And while I may have broken your heart I hope you forgive me
And I hope this voicemail makes you smile.
May 5, 2015
May 5, 2015 at 6:02 PM UTC
Louder than Monsters
By: Calla Fuqua
I can’t unhear your ignorance, I can’t unsee your belligerence,
The potential difference you swore you’d make, and the carnivorous path
You chose to take.
You are louder than monsters.
Heaven must scare you and your desire to dissipate,
Your chance to incriminate, the problems you exacerbate,
I can’t articulate your need to intoxicate.
Your laughter is louder than monsters.
You fabricat your pity you pretend to give, as you wait for me to forgive,
That night I have to relive when I dream, of our short lived view of how happiness seemed.
Back then how could I have known that you were louder than monsters.
Your grip on me becomes tighter, the more your desire for me expires,
The more you secretly become a liar, and the more I ask myself why her?
Her voicemails are louder than monsters.
I end up on the floor, after you hit me and you swore,
You don’t say I love you anymore, the way you used to before,
And now I’m just your little ***** you pretend to love as if it’s a chore.
Your silence is louder than monsters.
I pray for you and the guilt you must feel, screaming out our window,
frantic to appeal, for the pain you caused solely so you could heal.
Your lies are louder than monsters.
You laugh when I say no, giving me a messed up world you pretend to know,
Now it’s my turn to outgrow you and your plateau, the one you promised
To let go. While I undergo the pain you overflow.
My screams are louder than monsters.
I still tell myself you love me after you throw your fists, holding tight to my wrists,
As I keep allowing the crimes you commit, to become imprints from the pain you inflict.
This pain is louder than monsters.
Now, nobody seems sincere, every scar is like a souvenir, You leave me speechless, when you sip your beer, like you didn’t just make my whole world disappear,
You say you are not louder than monsters.
All I can do now is reminisce, look back on moments like our first kiss,
Before you led me into this abyss, before I was unable to dismiss the thought,
“What kind of monster does this?”
Someone who doesn’t know he is louder than monsters.
I dream about the day I can throw out your ashtray, The day
I can cast away you whole, no more arms to control my body’s soul,
A day where I no longer have to be your wife,
A day where I can play a character in my own life.
A day where love is louder than monsters
Apr 15, 2019
Apr 15, 2019 at 2:01 PM UTC
abandoned by her mother and father
to take on this cold world alone
no voice left in my throat
to sing the melodies in the song
such a strong girl, yet I break down every night
never forgive you, you let me take on this fight
by myself, without your help
salvation is what I seek
I call your phone one hundred times
leaving voicemails that pled
yet you still don't seem to care
I face my hard times desolate
deserted, this life is hurting
me, myself, and I
why can't I overcome the trials.
just want to be put to sleep
internally in peace
Jun 4, 2016
Jun 4, 2016 at 10:04 AM UTC
youcouldhearourflesh rip
apart.
(as though it had ever beentogether
as though we were ever
more
than car crashes
than house fires.
I held onto your address, you know
when you held on to my hand;
when you held up the traffic;
when you left
me
and drank
Copenhagen
through a paper straw.
The whetted splendour of it all:
I wonder if the drowned ever
noticed
how the sun kisses The Sea?
down
we
sank.
Did your feet touch the bottom or
did you swim
to the sound of -
to the sound of br ea k ing vi oli n s ?
I snapped each string
like I was pulling teeth.
Your address folded into
waves,
your house burned to
dust,
the kind god keepssafe -
“one last
keep sake”
in his pockets.
If I tightened my hands,
doyouthinkicouldchokeonthis
cable?
Wouldthatstop time or
your voice or
my voice; the voicemails;
the answer machine that
no one ever
answered?
My blueeyed boy was born in goodbyes
he sleeps in seas
irrevocable:
and The Tide washes him home to me
every day.)
it sounded like fingers
tangled in phone wire
and br ok e nv io l in s.
Feb 23, 2015
Feb 23, 2015 at 7:06 PM UTC
She held more secrets than seconds in a day,
mumbling pained confessions in hushed whispers
that bled out like stab wounds trailing paths
on white snow,
painting a china doll façade made of scarlet
as an eloquent attempt to mask the fragility
she aspired to hold
And that is just what she did,
She held,
onto hopes dangling from the edge of skyscrapers,
breath permanently stolen from her lungs
despite shaking hands itching to let go
storing memories made of dust within damaged pockets
even when the weight got so gruesome
she could no longer bear to walk
with a soul made entirely of gray matter,
training heartstrings to stretch
and cradle every delicate moment
she feared losing
before they could even take place
She is the girl who will collect your voicemails,
hoarding letters like seashells
resting along abandoned shorelines
due to the danger of losing the soft breaths
of the only one who was capable
of breaking all of her rules,
who whispered her name like
unfinished stanzas of a poem
she did not know how to write
Fear,
and fear alone-
of the potential that the ocean could swallow
the glass shards and kiss the remnants of her joy
goodnight
before she could even feel them
splashing against the same skin
she never felt at home in
Jan 25, 2016
Jan 25, 2016 at 7:28 PM UTC
i am just a glitch in the system,
a name
on a waiting list which is too long.
i am just a name, one you can't get rid of.
so you tell me i'll wait six months,
it has been eight.
you call yourself professionals,
yet you don't seem to realise that teenagers are –
impatient.
so my mother leaves endless voicemails,
and my doctor sends a string of letters your way,
all in a feeble attempt
to hurry along the mind numbing process.
i don't expect to beat the system,
and there are countless others like me –
but isn't that the thing that scares you?
you know, there is this fashion craze,
where we tie lengths of black cord around our necks,
and call them "chokers".
i wear mine every day, and i tie it a tad too tightly,
because i can't breathe
and i've ran out of excuses as to why.
Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 12:37 PM UTC
Will You Be Mine...???
To Love You And Treasure Your Heart Forever
Be With You Until The End Of Time
Keep You Warm In A Stormy And Cold Weather.
Will You Be Mine...???
To Hold You Close When You Are Sad
Take You Up High On Cloud Nine
And Make You Smile When Feeling Bad.
Will You Be Mine...???
To Compliment And Make You Blush
Telling You Each And Every Day That You Are So Fine
And Side With You As A Humanity Thrush.
Will You Be Mine...???
To Amaze Me With Your Divine Look
Impress Me Till I Quit Drinking Wine
And Stay Close To Me As We Begin Our Life Book.
Will You Be Mine...???
To Flourish You With Gifts, Hugs, Kisses And My Heart
Every Single Day Giving You A Sign
Which Will Show That You Are My One And Only Work Of Art.
Will You Be Mine...???
To Be Calling You In The Middle Of Every Night
Just To Tell You How Much I Care, Love And Miss You
Embracing My True Bliss, My Mrs. Right.
Will You Be Mine...???
To Take A Step Forward As We Rise
Making Sure That You'll Always Shine
Because I Promise Not To Wet Your Eyes.
Will You Be Mine...???
As I Am Gonna Hustle Hard To Support You
Delight Life With A Special Vine
And Live Every Second For You.
Will You Be Mine...???
As I See My Future As Your Lover
Lean On Me And Grind Down The Whine
To Secure You Under My Cover.
Will You Be Mine...???
I'ma Show You How Sweet I Can Be
Love Messages, Flowers, Cards, Voicemails I Will Send
For The Love Of Keeping You Happy.
Will You Be Mine...???
I Wanna Feel At Ease When I Complete This Line
And I Pray You To Fall In My Arms Any Time Soon
All That Will Happen, If You Be Mine.
Mar 31, 2010
Mar 31, 2010 at 4:38 AM UTC
This is killing me.
You are killing me.
You sick little ****
I'm not going to answer your calls.
It is making me feel like I'm in a baracade.
And you have opened fire.
You're trying to luer me out
With ****** voicemails
"Baby I wanna **** you".
"I love it when you scream no".
"Make me a sandwhich doll face".
"Let me **** you to death".
I will rip out my own heart before I answer.
Before I leave my bunker.
**** off you sadist pig.
Jul 11, 2013
Jul 11, 2013 at 10:23 PM UTC
three years later
and i still doodle your name
in my margins
i wish us an infinite supply of
smiles
hugs
and kisses
goodnight texts
and good morning voicemails
here's to many more
Oct 23, 2014
Oct 23, 2014 at 2:15 AM UTC
1) Do you know I've fallen so in love with the sound of your voice that I sometimes play back your old voicemails.
2) Sometimes when I think about all that we used to be I go back to that park and sit on the swings you used to push me on. Back and fourth. But then I look over my shoulder and you're not standing behind me.
3) When I look at old pictures of us I remember exactly where we were in that moment. I dive into the photo and relive the memory. I wonder if you remember them the same way.
4) I used to think if you missed me, you would tell me. But what if you're just worried I won't miss you back? Well, I...miss...you.
5) You remember that old teddy bear you gave me? I still sleep with it every night. Close to my chest.
6) It's our anniversary today. Happy anniversary.
7) I was thinking about our first kiss earlier, and how my legs were shaking and your lips pressed up against mine slowly and how you tasted of fall leaves and pumpkin.
8) I saw you kiss her.
9) Do you love her as much as you used to love me? Does she make you smile as much as I used to? Does she care about you enough to remember every detail about you?
10) You kissed her without any thought of me. It hurts to see that you've moved on, but I'm happy you're happy. delete
Aug 28, 2014
Aug 28, 2014 at 1:48 PM UTC
I fell in love
with you for a minute
on a stranger's couch
funny
whip its
with a derby girl
a shameless makeout
sesh
in front of another
lesbian and a couple
strange bodies
disconnected
poetry
and some ***** in
a plastic cup
stolen metal chairs
in various colors
her braids
her shaved head
a symphony
to my defeat
I'm half-way out the door
but I can't get up off
this couch
she's taking my key
and pretty soon my car is gone
my so-called girlfriend
leaves me tearstained
voicemails
but while you're
here your lips
make me forget
every promise
I made this girl
she said
where you go I go
how quickly we forget
when we find ourselves
in the arms of another
and just like everything
else the promise disappears
an evaporated drop of
rain from the side window
of my re-poed car
I need to get that ink off
I need to get inked
to sober up before A.A.
to eat before this adderall
eats my insides
I want to feel a
lot more full
a lot more *******
full
say goodbye
you never knew me
a $2 bus ride
takes me where
I need to be
freezing hands
and the itchy
scars I sliced
into my arm
in the wrong
place the wrong
direction
I was never right to
begin with
a text message at
2AM "stay safe"
that's the extent
to which I'm cared
for
and that's good
enough for me
just so long as I
can afford smokes
and the key to
my car is safely
under the mat
Mar 21, 2012
Mar 21, 2012 at 4:11 PM UTC
I fell out of love with the bottom half of the sky today.
It reminded me of home.
I've grown weak carrying a half splintered heart.
It only floats on the third Wednesday of the month
and holidays that start with "yesterday."
It's all the same.
I'd rather drown.
I think home is where you don't feel so alone.
I've tried, you know.
It's all the same.
I've left two voicemails for whoever lives here now.
I think they're sorry they're so empty.
It's just been so quiet lately.
I am tired,
and so very far from home.
Jul 7, 2014
Jul 7, 2014 at 11:18 PM UTC
It’s “then” that I realize,
When my friends leave,
That half of me dies,
Not at the door,
But beyond the locks,
And delirious drives
Home.
Come the other half –
The side
That revels in the quiet;
It slowly bites my tongue,
After sleep,
When I slip outta bed,
Crazed from dreams,
And even further by work;
Let me reside, the floor.
There’s no respite, no hour,
I’m annoyed even by
My stubble,
And the duty to
Shave –
Name me “lazy?”
Or labeled the animal?
I open the shades –
The forecast calls for rain.
I close the shades –
It’d ‘ever be night.
And after I’ve chased them out,
Something still and falls.
It’s not water, but rather,
Silent apologies that drip
And drizzle
From the sky and
Corners of my mouth.
They’re the “wants” left unheard,
In the form of unanswered
Voicemails, texts,
Email intentionally marked “spam,”
And pebbles echoed window,
Attempts “disguised” behind
Melody and
Resonant retribution.
I’ve always known how to
Push,
And now,
More importantly,
When to pull back.
If only I could
Drag
Myself from bed,
As this feeling’s “today,”
And it may not be there
Tomorrow.
Aug 17, 2015
Aug 17, 2015 at 9:51 AM UTC
The coca-cocaine parties
The weekend spews at 10
The cycle of sleeping and ********
Repeats itself again
The brown, the crack, the **** the smack
Fuel her replica world
It’s a far off cry from the glamorous life
Promised to the matchstick girl
A head of hair thatched upon
Walls of weak foundation
The chic new style to fill the aisles
And sweep entire nations.
She’s Bambi on ice in a dress so tight
It would make your mother hurl
But we live in a time where all women pine
For the look of the matchstick girl
The big old Pappa Razzi
Guard her every step
From the same hold-hand fanatics
That crave her vinous breath
The punks, the queens, the teenage dreams
Who buy their love with pearls
Stick close to her side and somewhat abide
They’re friends with the matchstick girl.
The Sunday evening voicemails
The daily text of pain
From a desolated mother
Who begs to see her again.
The pleas, the cries, the tears don’t dry
While apologies unfurl
For the sins, the aches and major mistakes
Made by the matchstick girl.
Jan 16, 2017
Jan 16, 2017 at 12:49 PM UTC
Sorry
that I've blocked your calls
for months on end
but I still listen to the voicemails
that you send.
Sorry
that sometimes I'm mean,
treating you like jewelry
I've used to numb the pain
and all of the grief.
Sorry
that I change my mind
so frequently each day,
never meaning to use you
or pull you every which way.
Sorry
that I still know your birthday,
that my favorite songs became
your favorites too,
and that just won't fade away.
Sorry
that I couldn't be better for you
and that I still can't believe
anyone could ever
be in love with me.
Sorry
everything wasn't better
and I was so naive and blind
to the way we were
always leaving each other behind.
Sorry
that I run when things are good
and stay when things are bad,
I guess I never understood
what we had.
Sorry
that I flinch every time
you lay your eyes on me
because you do it like no one else—
like I'm someone you can please.
Sorry
that I broke your heart,
my ignorance strikes again
because things didn't get better
and you couldn't see the end.
Sorry
that I couldn't love you
or be better for you, baby
but someone will love you,
it just won't be me.
Mar 6, 2025
Mar 6, 2025 at 9:06 PM UTC
friends to acquaintances
together to alone
comforting streams to open oceans
warm flesh to rotting bone
from bed to soil
from earth to unknown
what will you say
when i lay in a place no longer called my home
but a graveyard
of silence and of stone
a stranger in a holiday card
voicemails become mementos
my laugh an ancient folk song
and the poems will attest to those
for the words shall live on
through dusk onto dawn
they will merely curve to your interpretation now
the neck of a swan
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 10:26 PM UTC
dear mom,
last night when you called again in a drunken rage,
i tried my best to do the obligatory, "yes, mom", but i was
tired and disinterested in your antics.
when i woke up this morning, you had left two voicemails & one text:
i am possessed by a demon.
i don't deserve my hyphenated last name.
i carved on myself as a teen just to **** with you.
you only gave birth to my sister because i wanted one.
i better watch out because you're getting really mad.
you pulled this all the night of my 13 year old daughter's birthday party.
you jealous *****
May 19, 2012
May 19, 2012 at 11:52 PM UTC