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Venny Hale May 2015

​​Voices, voices,
All the time,
Dark, darker voices,
Voices of mine,
Voices, voices,
To mess up my mind
Voices more voices, more all the time
Voices and voices and voices aligned

I really wonder, what's the point?
they're like the ocean,
While I'm like a knee joint
You may find that weird but I promise it's true,
They bend and break me till I snap in two

Why are they here?
I wish others could see
The things that these voices do to me
I cry out,
And they laugh
It doesn't matter the pain in the aftermath
If I died, they would jovially rejoice,
And I would too, if they were out of my mind

They call em insane and they call me psychotic,
Do they not know how the words hurt?
It doesn't matter how I seem to them,
Forever and ever, I can't always bend
So I silently cry wishing for the end

They always said I had a lack of emotion,
Yet never understood my mind's complex locomotion,
Or how to love, I practice utmost devotion

Why do they haunt me?
Take him instead
Why do they haunt me from all ends?
There's no escaping form what's in my mind,
I know that because they're there all the time

Please someone help?
Get them out of my head...
Why h why, can't I just be dead?
They whisper so quietly, sometimes I forget,
But they always come back before I can take a rest
Even sleep haunts me now, the little that I get,
Every second I'm down is a second I regret
Things could get better, I guess
But somehow that's something it never gets

Voices, voices,
All the time,
Dark, darker voices,
Voices of mine,
Voices, voices,
To mess up my mind
Voices more voices, more all the time
Voices and voices and voices aligned

The voices indeed do whisper to me,
Convinced I should do this deed,
So I pull the trigger and out of my head I do bleed
Robert Guerrero Jul 2012
Their screams of terror
Their cries for help
Their weeps of sorrow
Their the voices in my head

They have grown so old
They have become so loud
Now they echo all day long
I just wish for them to gro silent

The voices in my head
Grow more and more reckless
That I can't even think
Of the consequences to my actions

But no matter what they say or how they say it
They love you just as mush as me
Yet you dont see the love in my eyes
And you cant hear the songs that they sing

The voices in my head
Maybe sweet and comforting
But most of the time
Their sick, demented, and twisted

They argue over whether or not I should
Put a gun to my head
And all but one agrees
For me to pull the trigger

That one voice who cares
If I pull the trigger
Is the voice of reason
It's your beautful voice

The voices in my head
Are they wrong for wanting me dead
Are they right for causing my insanity
All I know is that I can trust them

Every second of my time
I spend listening to their screams
Their cries and their weeps
I realize why they do it

The voices in my head
Echo my pain
Because they know it
And know my demons

The voices in my head
Have never seen my heart
Yet they know the truth to my lies
And the tears not in my eyes

Of all these voices
Yours is the loudest
Causing me to put this gun down
And think of a better way to end it all

The voices in my head
Tell me you the only one
I can and will ever love
And the only one I can't hurt

But I feel as if
The voices in my head
Want me to be hurt
Due to the pain I have dealt

I beg of them to stop
And let me live on my own
To die on my own terms
But they continue on

Then I begin to notice
That all these voices
Are the voices of those I have hurt
Except your one voice of reason

Could it be
That all the pain
Not only my own
But the pain of others
Is the reason to the voices in my head

The voices in my head
Laugh as I piece together
A puzzle to bid to understand
A puzzle not meant to be pieced together

The voices in my head
Grow louder and louder
Even as I fight with them
I realize why I write about war
Because the biggest war is with myself

As I reach for the gun
To end their eerie laughs
I know it will bring satisfaction
So I load and **** it back
Squeezing the trigger slowly

Darkness engulfs me
The voices stop
Peace I don't have
As tears roll down your cheek
Another life I have wasted along with mine
you see before i moved to canberra i moved to woodberry, woodberry, a place where

if you have a mental illness you are declared CRAZY, you see i was hearing voices

when my brother was joking around with me, the voices were saying, your a **** and your crazy

you don’t belong in this world, i know i belong in this world, i love life so much, but all the time

i was hearing voices saying you are a yeah mate yeah kid buddy, ya know a nerd, and you don’t belong

anywhere on earth, it was a crazy country town, you see i remember getting a taxi to school, getting bullied

in the taxi, which made the voices go completely crazy, dad kept on saying don’t be shy brian, i never liked that

but in hindsight, he was trying to get me to have fun, you see i used to in sort of a way never telling lies

oh well, that all changed when i moved to canberra, but i needed a way to calm the voices, of we don’t like you

you don’t belong in this world, i know i belong in this world, i am a lover of life, you see i remember hearing that

same bully say to my brother kidnap yourself buddy, cause you realise you are from that family, he just wished

i was aware, but all my life i have been hearing voices, maybe it was me pooling my pants, i don’t do that anymore

you see, what i don’t understand, why can’t people respect me when i say i am a nice guy, and that is what lately people can’t

respect that i wanna move on, i have had more teasing than anyone, i need a break, but as soon as i moved to canberra

the voices left my head, but when they gave me wee and locked me in the storeroom, oh well, the voices started up again

and every time i got teased by anyone, a voice came into my head saying, i might kidnap in a minute, i remember a voice saying

i am going to bash you up, i hated every negative voice that cam into my head, my mum and dad liked how i never told lies but

i needed to get on with my brother, so i played with him, but what i didn’t understand was dad was suffering with my constant yelling

and he probably went to his grave thinking what he was doing back then was wrong for me, i am reformed now, and i am on medication

there are voices in my head saying, take brian’s pension away from him he’s not like me, i said as a joke, and give me superannuation

but i at that stage, very much of a ******, i hate this other voice saying, you are the only one who is getting hassled, i never hassled

anyone like these voices are hassling me, i understand paul berenyi if he is dead hassling, because i was staring at him, i used to stare

at everyone, but i am trying to get reformed, i used to stare at my family as well, and that is why dad lost his cool, saying i don’t want to be cool, how weird is that

you see, i hated being treated like a man to a tease, because it was ******* me, i was starting to think that these voices were just voices, but outside the

charnwood inn some dude grabbed me, i struggled and ran up the stairs, you see when daniel pederson died he got inside my head to make me a big man

too uncoil for his family, but i don’t really like being a big man or a big young dude or a big kid or a different person, you see when i was at school i said

i was different, but that was just school talk, it’s hard being treated like a different person, like tonight, i was walking over to the sink to do the washing up

and i felt fatigued and i felt fatigued when i bought the garbage out and the voices were saying, you are easy to tease, i don’t want to be easy meat

i want to reform my brain enough, you see there is a movie group i went to as well as a writing group but i can’t socialise because of the buses and

my blasted voices, there was this other voice saying as i said, i want to be normal, the voice would say be like us then, i don’t want to be treated like my brother anymore

i am like one person and that is brian allan,
chantelle Jul 2013
voices, voices
go away
she won't listen to what you say

voices, voices
you're telling lies
you can't control her
don't even try

voices, voices
she has no friends
you're the one that's there
instead

voices, voices
you're telling the truth
her ****** wrists
are your proof

voices, voices
she took those pills
it took her to wonderland
it gave her thrills

voices, voices
you got what you wanted
she's with you now
maybe you can control her
but i want to know how
you see i gave my dad heaps of ****, ya know

you see dad when we were young had it in his own way

that what he was doing would stop me from being kidnapped

and i couldn’t understand this, so i lashed out thinking he was taking my cool kid away

from me and into him, and when i fought him, i thought it was the end

i will never find out why he thought he was helping

but dad did help me with my money for the week

like, he went to the bank to get a whole lot of coins

and put it in my drawer, and i thought this was rad

dad was helping me, find out a way to save my money

i still get that, so i used dads spirit to do that now, so i have money for each day

i wish i could do that by myself, because, i tried it, but i spent it too quickly

and dad was upset because of that and started to test me out

i said, i was having problems, like i was celebrating getting out of the psych ward

you see i couldn’t understand why dad was doing what he used to do

i am trying to be as normal as possible, and since that day

i heard voices from dad saying, be a cool kid, be a cool kid

and i heard pat saying, that i was a worthless *******

now, i know the voice isn’t true, because pat isn’t around anymore

and he never picked on me anyway

and dad claimed all the old days fights in his part of the bargain

was just voices, and i didn’t want to start fighting dad from that point of time

you see from that time, i heard hooligan or kiddie voices trying to push me back

i don’t want these hooligan voices in my head, like, brian, the voices are true

they aren’t true, really, but i ain’t his fucken ****** daddy, and before dad died

i hear voices from that hooligan that is floating around my head saying your father ain’t around anymore

you see, ya father ain’t around to protect you from harm anymore, i hated that voice

because as i said, dad helped me with my money every week, for about 5 years

and i appreciated that, but i hated the idea of a silly fight we had when i spent all my money after hospital in 2013

i told dad, pat said for me to not hit you, ok

you see every time i say i don’t want to be a hooligan, the voices from pat says, your like me

and urged me on to become a hooligan or phedaphile, i don’t want to be treated like that, ok

i want to be strong-minded enough to speak up for myself

i liked fafiti, i ain’t a racist ****, like the people who complained about him

when i say i am not shy, the voices say, yeah to be a hooligan yeah

i tell the voices i am not a hooligan, but them voices are saying, i like brian how he thinks

that we actually care for what he has to say, well we don’t care says the voices

we don’t care at all, because your father isn’t around to protect you anymore, so leave us voices alone

and yesterday, i made you draw a picture of a man giving you a needle

saying, you are with me now, buddy, your father isn’t around to protect you anymore

but dad helped me with my money, and i appreciated him doing that, the voices say

your father isn’t around to protect you anymore, ok dude

i wish the voices will leave me alone, dad is around in spirit

i am poor, i need a chance to put my work out there, out there, ok

THANKS DAD
The tourists all jostle for a look at the falls
At the point where the water just drops
It goes over the edge, crashing down far below
And then it's all over, it just stops

But, further up river before the falls are in sight
Where the river's hypnotic, dull and oh, so boring
The dark voices are waiting, hiding and calling
This is the place that the powers are storing

Beware the dark voices
They come and they go
They infect your mind
You've heard them, you know
The dark voices are different
But, they always are there
Turn away from their callings
And as always....beware

A dark, gloomy bar on the wrong side of town
Where the waitresses all dance for their tips
A strip joint so defined, but really not so
This is where one's morality slips

A sniff of a perfume, so fragrant yet cheap
Blurs your connection to the ring on your hand
The dark voices are calling, telling you things
Get the waitress and prove you're a man

Beware the dark voices
They come and they go
They infect your mind
You've heard them, you know
The dark voices are different
But, they always are there
Turn away from their callings
And as always....beware

You've returned from  a movie, back to your home
You must now take the babysitter back
Your wife stays home waiting for your return
But, with the babysitter you kind of lose track

You see a young body, and a glimpse of her breast
She crosses her legs, but you don't look that far
You share idle chatter, as you flirt like a kid
And you take the girl to the back seat of the car

Beware the dark voices
They come and they go
They infect your mind
You've heard them, you know
The dark voices are different
But, they always are there
Turn away from their callings
And as always....beware

The voices keep coming, just block them out
They feed on your weakness and pain
You have to ignore their pleadings to break down
For nothing good comes of them, there's nothing to gain

Jump in the water, go over the falls
Go with the dancer, surrender your life
Lay down with the baby sitter
Feel the voices twist the knife

Beware the dark voices
They come and they go
They infect your mind
You've heard them, you know
The dark voices are different
But, they always are there
Turn away from their callings
And as always....beware
Emily L Palmer Aug 2011
Whispers
I hear them in the night
they plague me

They are too quiet to hear actual words
they seem muffled somehow
as if speaking through a wall
but I know it's someone's voice
not simply the wind whispering through the trees

I lie awake
for hours
trying to interpret
the whispering into words
something I can understand

I haven't slept in weeks now
the mumbling
it never goes away
I think I can tell what they're saying now
or maybe I'm imagining it
I don't really care
it makes me feel better

The voices they talk for hours
and it's terribly annoying
to have to hear a conversation
as if they're in another room
muffled as they are
I wish they'd go away
just shut up
I'm so tired

Last night the voices called to me
they wanted me to come with them
though I'm not exactly sure where
if they don't stop soon I might go
maybe if I give them what they want
they'll finally let me sleep

Sleep
the most sleep I've had in weeks
was an hour this morning at the coffee shop
but then I heard the voices again
I think they're following me now
they don't seem to want to leave me alone

The voices didn't come last night
and you'd think I slept soundly for hours
but no, I lay waiting
waiting for them to start
as I knew they would
and I laid there
in the silence
only to be disappointed
disappointed?
was I actually disappointed?
maybe I was
it was rather unnerving
not knowing where the voices went
I've grown rather accustomed to them

They came back again
I don't know where they were that night
but nor do I care
they are even louder now
but still muffled
and they just can't keep quiet
not for a single minute

I lay awake just staring at the ceiling
listening to them argue
to them calling to me
willing me to come with them

This past night all they did was shout
as if I couldn't hear them before
just this incessant screaming
I can't take it anymore
I think I may just do as they please

I've devised a plan
that will get rid of the voices forever
that will stop their endless conversations
that plague me in the darkness
a way that I can sleep forever
with no interruptions

I made all the preparations
planned it to the t
the voices were not there to interrupt
no one intervened
though I felt as If I was being watched
someone anxiously looking on
as if waiting for something big
exciting
though I'm not sure what's so exciting about me
I don't think the mentally unstable are very entertaining
but then again maybe they are
I don't think I ever knew a crazy person besides myself
I mean that's the only way to explain the voices isn't it
they can't be real can they?
I hope not
they're all in my head
and now I'm getting rid of them
with my plan remember?
a way to force to voices from my skull
even when they aren't talking I hear them
their voices echoing in my head
bouncing around as if I have nothing more important to think of
I can't wait for that eternal peace

So my plan failed
miserably
the voices got as they wanted
some how I managed to get stuck with them
in the depths of eternity
however long that may really be
I hope not too long
these voices never shut up
and now they are crystal clear
for I am with them now
I am one of them
I am the voice that will plague you in the night
that will drive you to insanity
the voice that will cause your demise
An older poem I wrote that was inspired by Charlotte Gilman's 'The Yellow Wallpaper', one of my favorite short stories. I actually wrote  a short story based on this poem a few months ago that I am very proud of.
Michael Feb 2021
Once, I had a vision.  I knew I would change.
I knew that the voices were more
than just voices.
They were a calling.

I don't know where they've come from,
these feelings of the dread.
Like demons scorching me,
as these voices in my head!
People in my shadows.  To those I give my trust.
What they say behind my back
is just as good as dust.
Though I know this, I'm alone,
yet I feel this obligation...
It's as if I hear their voices,
cursing me with degradation!

Still, I am afraid.  And still, I don't know why.
"It is as we choose to be, the voices never lie."
What the voices say, all badness in my head.
I can't escape this inner hell,
these feelings of the dread!
Each day and night I'm trapped
as I think about my friends;
Of where our paths shall lead us,
when this road should come to end.
These thoughts that dwell inside me,
these voices in my head;
All wicked and such dreadful thoughts.
When will all this end?

I stir and wake within my sleep,
this nightmare as it haunts me.
The voices in my head grow more,
cursing as they taunt me!
With rage that boils deep inside,
sometimes I just break;
As my eyes go red, my mind berserk,
and common sense is blank!

It's been a while since that's happened,
since that day I went insane,
when I'd blocked against my father's hand
and sent him back some pain!
That memory, that vision, that nightmare
in my head!
That  VOICE  that keeps on calling me
with these thoughts so full of dread!
I can't break free, my soul is tied,
though I know that I must live.
I don't know why, I mustn't die.
I've something I must give.

One day, someday, maybe soon
I will not think as much,
and waste away this life I have
on small things of the such.
At times I see, at times I don't,
the life that I am missing.
Just flush away the life at hand,
with all this time I'm *******.

It angers me to know and see,
and still to take the bait;
To escape for just a second more,
and forget the things I hate,
but wait...
For a short time had it lasted,
to be free of all this stress;
At times I still feel good inside,
but still I am a mess.

The voices grow in number,
calling me to die;
To see the darker sides of things,
spewing forth their lies.
The voices taunt and whisper,
showing me the bad.
They recall of my insanity,
and of my poor old man.

For as long as I have love,
and as long as I have hope,
I will fight to block them out,
and with these feelings cope...

"But what's the point in loving,
for feelings all depressed?"
spat the voices with their badness,
I shall never find my rest...
Yet the voices cloud away
as I smoke another bowl.
I've been high as hell all day,
but I haven't reached my goal.
God bless my mother and father, who helped me to be better than I might have been.  Without poetry;  Without a way of expressing myself, I'd be lost to the fleeting voices of my screaming mind.
Prakhar Bansal Sep 2016
The night is long
My world is an illusion
I take this fall
This is my submission
At this hour so late
I see you out the window
Alone I wait
As I try to right my wrongs

And I hear voices
Voices
Voices in my head
All these noises
Noises
Noises of the dead

The fireplace burn
I am locked in
I see the sun
Your eyes, they glim
And I sit there
Watching you drift to sleep
Wish you could hear
The silence clouds my screams

And I hear voices
Voices
Voices in my head
All these noises
Noises
Noises of the dead

My demons call to me
Remind me of my sins
My past lures me
Hiding in the den
Your hand I hold
Lead me back to light
And I’m so lost
Give me back my life

And I hear voices
Voices
Voices in my head
All these noises
Noises
Noises of the dead

I reach out to you
Vanished like a dream distant
Raining blood on me
Death staring from distance

And I hear voices
Voices
Voices in my head
All these noises
Noises
Noises of the dead
October Rain Jun 2015
Voices,voices in my head
I scream and shout and beg for it to stop
But it doesn't
The yells increase and my body trembles in fear
Voices,voices in my head
I scream and shout and beg for it to stop
But it doesn't
They scream and shout and cry for my help
But I can't do anything to help
I cry for it to stop but it doesn't
Voices,voices in my head
I scream and shout and beg for it to stop
But it doesn't
This is the end the time I give in
I'll listen to those voices and follow my fate
Voices,voices in my head
They said its time for me to leave
This is my time I say farewell to you and all
Voices,voices in my head.....
Ya idk
captured in the psych ward, the man treating a cool kid like a man



you see today was a bad day, when ronald cumpton decided to rebel against his father

for hitting him and stuff when he was young, but the voices in his head made him act

like an old fogie, with the main voice saying, your brother, well he is a kid, you are a man

to a fight Ronald, and we don’t like you anymore and if anyone tried to protect Ronald, they will

tell his mates and brother to just be a kid, so we can bash up Ronald and treat him like a shy man

who can’t do anything, and one man called Ronald a great big ugly snout and another man bullied

Ronald so bad, he felt like being a kid and then the voice came back to his head, Ronald you are still

a man to a fight and your friends and brother are still kids, and we will keep you from being a kid, even if

we could do it religiously and this made Ronald very angry and his mates were saying we ain’t doing anything

and Ronald said someone is teasing me and when i find out the truth i will bash them senseless and the

voices made Ronald think he was a cool young dude sitting over the kids and Ronalds father said we need to

give this boy medication to Ronald  to calm him down but they weren’t really into giving him medication, and

ronald told his dad to ******* and when his father laughed at him like a kid, Ronald yelled at him like a robber

would if they were going to rob him and  this became to much for mr cumpton to understand and he called the police in

to calm him down and Ronald said, you are fucken causing my voices to be violent, and you are causing my voices

to make me look like a ****** and you are the man saying i ain’t a kid, i am a man to a fight, and i am getting fought

by every man in the mall, and i hate it, all i want to do is be a normal young dude, who parties and has a bi of fun and

you are taking it away from me and i need to yell at you and these pigs are not going to lock me away, ok, and then

the voices decided to stop, because the police took ronald to the HDU, where these voices went haywire saying you are

locked away with Ron Cooper because you are a bad boy, and then the men’s voices came into the doctor saying be like a man

and then told his mates to be kids because they haven’t put a foot wrong, and then the forces of evil started to push down on

Ronald’s knee, making it very itchy and Ron gave him some cream to put on it every day, but Ronald said, it’s not a disease it is

the force trying to get me, and i am Don Lane and I am Darly Somers and they are both men of the world and my brother is a wimpy kid

because he ran into his bedroom and i stayed there fighting my dad, and Ron gave Ronald some Largactil, like about 100mg and hopefully

this would calm the voices and say, your dad treated you like a kid he said and if he treated you like a man, he probably thought you were a

grown up and not as misbehaved as a normal kid, and Ronald said, i was getting bashed at the mall and they told the kids to be kids and said

to me not to be a kid because i am not a kid, and Ron said, ok, did you do anything to enforce this and Ronald said, well i did tease them but

i wasn’t in the mood to be a quiet family person, i wanted to be a rebel, i still do, and if i take this medication i will stop taking this medication when

i get free, because as i told my parents, there is nothing wrong with me, and i will put you up for discrimination if you keep me here any longer than

i need and Ron said is there anything that can make you take this medication, and he said, get inside my head and get the bad voices out of my head

because i was a cool kid when i was young and i think cool is the way to go, and I know i am an adult now, but i feel the medication takes my cool away

and i don’t want to take it and the men who teased m me knew i was suffering and sat there saying, ahhh you are still getting teased Ronald and Ron brought out the

inmates dinner and said to Ronald, we want you to stop hitting your parents, and we think we need to give you medication to explain those men who bullied and teased you

are just human beings, everybody is a human being and we have feelings and your starting to hurt your parents feelings when you yell at them when they are trying to help you

and Ronald noticed a knife on the table and said to Ron that he was going to **** him then and there and Ron  reached in and got the knife off Ronald and said eat your meal in you room and

then  in half an hour Ron brought his medication to him and stayed there till they take it and the men said, you just stay in there Ronald because your father mother and brother and your friends are

all kids and you are a man to a tease or fight unless you begin to behave yourself and Ronald told Ron and he said, well i don’t think you are ready to go out if you think those voices are real

because nobody is giving you an itchy leg and nobody makes you hit your father, nobody is m treating you like a fighting man, and while you still think these voices are real,

you need to be in here and we will look after you, if you want to be a kid, be a kid, but remember you probably prefer to be a fighting man, and the voices are doing that because

Ronald, you are just about as messed up as everyone here, and after saying that Ron left Ronald and clocked off and bought chinese food and went home to watch youtube

because he wanted to learn more about what was causing these crazy voices, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz you are still getting teased Ronald heard all night and the next morning

he told Ron all about this and Ron gave him 100mg of largactil to calm them down and then he told Ronald to calm down because the nurses said you were making noise at night

and Ronald said the reason why was because i was hearing voices saying, your family are still kids and you are still a man to a fight, and then the fighting men put an itch in Ronalds leg saying

you will never be a kid, buddy, NEVER
jake aller Aug 2019
I don't get it
I don’t Get It 
Mr. Speaker
I admit I don’t get it

How does prayer
Stop gun violence?
Prayer did not work in Texas.

26 people were murdered
 while praying.

God if he exists
Obviously does not care
About the poor people
Who died in his church
Because a mad man

Got a gun
And no they were not praying
To be delivered from death
No one deserves to die like this

So my prayer to you
Is simply this

Get off your rear end
Rally the country
And do something

About gun violence

That’s a prayer
I hope works

Dear Speaker Ryan
I want to tell you something

The dead don’t want your prayers
The dead don’t care that you pray for them
They are dead after all

And you and your so-called Christians
Are to blame
You refuse to do anything
Anything at all

to stop the carnage
In our streets

The U.S. is flooded with guns
And more are sold every day
Millions of people don’t have health coverage
Millions are barely surviving

And your answer
Our dear great compassionate Speaker
Your answer 
Is Prayer works
Government action does not
You act as if the gun violence
Plaguing our country

Was like the weather
Beyond our control
So here’s my prayer for you

And your colleagues
When you die
I pray that God
Will send you

And your friends
Straight to hell
Where Satan and his demons
Will use you for target practice

That’s my prayer to you
And as you know
Prayer works
 
Mr. President
You are wrong once again

You said that the tragic events 
in Texas
And Las Vegas were not “gun situations”

But rather were mental health problems
And that in Texas
if there had been no gun controls
Perhaps fewer people would have died

Mr. President

I know you a smart man

The smartest man in the world


According to you
So please contemplate this fact

According to the latest findings

It is a gun situation

In fact, the reason the U.S.

Has so many gun deaths 

Is because we have so many guns

45% of the worlds guns in fact
And 33 percent of the world’s shooters

Are Americans killing other Americans
And most of them 

the majority of them

Are White men killing other people
Not Islamic terrorists


Most are in fact

Self-proclaimed Christians
So Mr. President

When will you come to your senses
And do what 90 percent of the public wants


Enact nation wide effective gun controls?
And tell the NRA
 
they can take their blood money elsewhere

When Mr. President

When will you act

When will you take charge
And become a President of the people
Instead of the President of the NRA?
 Like (0)  0   


← Previous1 2 345…75Next →
Virginia Beach Massacre Never Again
Virgina Beach 

In a night of horrific scumbagery violence

Rarely seen in this jaded age of ours

Gone in one hour
In a spasm of horrific scumbagery violence
I
In just a few short minutes


Nothing more than that
 
In just a few moments

All 12 victims were murdered
By a disgruntled employee


Every one he knew was shot

And killed for no reason
Caused by the demons

His soul was so infected

Murderous demonic voices

All in his head

Screaming **** them all 
**** them all


Screaming none stop violence in his head

All the time
Causing him to start shooting 
everyone he saw


Regardless of who they were 
or where they were

Everyone must die 
screamed the demonic voices in his head
No one can be left alive


Everyone must die

Virtually all must die 
in his internal video game

Everyone must die


Regardless of who they were 
or where they were
Again just another day

Gone horribly wrong


All across America
In
every town

No where is safe anymore
Virgina Beach massacre

Virgina Beach massacre

Just another
Average night in America

An Active Shooter
scumbagery violence

Rarely seen

in this jaded wild world
Gone in one hour
In a spasm of horrific
scumbagery
In just a less than 30 short minutes

Nothing more than
In just a few short 30 moments

All the victims
were murdered while at their daily 
work
wrong place wrong time

act of a demotic deranged madman
voices screaming ****
The voices scream
death to all humans


All must be killed
The voices scream over and over
All must die now

Just another night in America
Land of the Brave
Home of the free
More Guns for Everyone in the World

The NRA has decided

That the best solution to global problem

Of rampant violence and crime everywhere
Is for the rest of the world


To become like the U.S.

Where anyone can buy a gun

As an armed society is a polite society’

And so the President i
s about to announce

A global campaign against gun control restrictions


As these restrictions
are an undue burden

On the rights of the US arms manufactures
To sell their guns 
everywhere in the world


As everyone wants what we have to sell

The best weapons in the world
Instead of trying to limit the damage


That unrestricted gun sales

Have done to the U.S.
Our President, our great leader

Wants to sell more guns

Everywhere in the world

And there are eager buyers

Lining up around the world

Eager to buy the best guns

The world has ever seen

We want to export

The gun madness

That has infected our society


Leaving behind so many dead bodies
The dead were not consulted

For they remain dead


They do not vote
They have no voice
For the guns silenced them

For good
 just as the guns intended

Just doing their gun thing after all

Humanity has evolved
From stones to arrows
To guns
T o nuclear, biological weapons

And the U.S.
 While proclaiming itself
A champion of Human Rights

Remains nothing 
but a country 
Of gun runners
 Merchants of death
And destruction
NRA Please Stop Talking

Another day
Another mass shooting

Another incident
of domestic terrorism


another gun man
killing people
because just because
 he can
and he wants to **** people

The NRA 
And their stooges

Come out

Flood the airways
With their noxious
Poisonous weasel words


The NRA says
Mass shootings

Are like the weather

You can’t control them
You can’t predict them

And you can’t prevent them

Just have to accept

It is all god’s will

Guns don’t **** people
IF guns were outlawed

Only outlaws
 would have guns

Only solution 
Is more guns

For everyone

An armed society
they say 
Is a polite society


Support for gun control
I is
socialist/communist/fascist/anti-Am  erican/anti-Christian nonsense
The beginning of tyranny


If only the Jews had guns

The holocaust would not have happened

Jesus would want us all
 
to be armed 
with machine guns
To protect us against the evil doers

It is the Christian thing to do


To blow away evil doers
With heavy arms


In America
Land of the free

Home of the brave
We can’t do anything


At all
About the mass carnage

Unleashed by madmen with guns

Who walk among us

Searching for their next victims
Any restriction of the right


To bear arms

Is tyranny at its worst
The nanny state run amuck

Talking about gun control

After a tragic event
Is

just not the appropriate time

We only need prayers

and meaningless thoughts

Universal background checks

Too onerous
Registering guns

Too burdensome

Researching gun violence

waste of tax payer money
banning military style assault weapons
r

Restricts my right 
to blow 
away

Bambi the deer
with a M16

the NRA will keep talking

talking and talking

preventing anything

from being done

and we will have another

Mass shooting event

Before the day is out

So my plead

This day
To the NRA
A
and their stoogies

Talk is cheap

Your comments
Are not helping

If you can’t

Be a part of the solution
Just stop talking

Please stop talking


And let the rest
Of us  figure out

How to stop

The madness in the streets
And stop the carnage


So NRA

Please
 just
 stop
 talking
 Now

military assault weapons 
are locked up

yet in America

the land of the free

home of the brave
 
everyone and his cousin

must have their gun

guns for everyone

cries the NRA

that’s the solution

The president
a 
and his supporters

deny the obvious
guns **** people
That’s all they do


it is a gun thing

you would not understand
Guns just do
what guns gonna do
**** people

Mr. President

You can take your words

your empty platitudes
Your empty promises
Your prayers 

straight to hell

and back

where with any luck

Satan will use you

as target practice
Chief of Staff You are Absurd

the President’s chief of staff
said the other day

it was absurd

to suggest that the president’s words

had anything to do

with recent mass shootings

yet is it absurd

to see the lengths

to which the President’s supporters
will twist and turn

spinning awa
y
the inconvenient truth
President Trump 
is a racist bigot con man

who some how
 conned his way

to become President
he call immigrants criminals, vermin, animals

invaders infesting the country
the El Paseo shooter 

said that he went to the border

to shoot the invaders

and said
 that he was a big Trump fan
it is not absurd
 to connect these two huge dots
The President’s words
 
have real world consequences

Yes Mr. Trump is a racist pig
a
and his supporters
 are being absurd

to suggest otherwise

 
36
 Jake Aller


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Jake Aller
239 followers     893 following     333 
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https://theworldaccordingtocosmos.com

John (Jake) Cosmos Aller

Novelist, Poet, Foreign Service Officer 

Tel: 703-436-1402
Email: authorjakecosmosaller@gmail.com

John (“Jake” ) Cosmos Aller is a novelist, poet and former Foreign Service officer having served 27 years with the U.S. State Department in ten countries - Antigua, Barbados, Dominica, Grenada,  Korea, India, St Kitts, St Lucia,  St Vincent, Spain and Thailand. and traveled to 45 countries during his career.  Jake has been an aspiring novelist for several years and has completed two novels, (Giant **** Spiders, and the Great Divorce) and is pursuing publication.  He has been writing poetry all his life and has published his poetry in electronic poetry forums, including All Poetry, Moon Café and Duane’s Poetree. (under the name Jake Lee).  He is looking forward to transitioning to his third career – full-time novelist and poet after completing his second career as a Foreign Service officer, and his first career as an educator overseas for six years upon completion of his Peace Corps service in South Korea. 



He served in a wide variety of positions running from Consular management, Fraud investigation and managing the consular overseas computer support desk, to economic and political reporting positions, international labor diplomacy, commercial diplomacy - promoting American business overseas- international organization diplomacy serving as the deputy permanent representative to the Economic and Social Commission for Asia and the Pacific, to management positions including program management, evaluation and contracting management, and environmental and science diplomacy including promoting renewable energy solutions.  He taught courses at the Foreign Service Institute and overseas in Bangladesh, India, Nepal and Kathmandu on consular fraud and consular Systems issues.

Senior program evaluator overseeing the implementation of the Department's evaluation program enabling the Department to develop a robust program evaluation system.
Coordinated training program training over 200 people in three years
Launched community of practice (CoP) web page (word press) with over 300 participants, greatly expanding the ability of State program evaluators to conduct program evaluations.  
Conducted meta-evaluation of completed foreign assistance evaluations insuring that the Department’s evaluations provided critical program improvement data.

Deputy Political Economic chief, - Bridgetown, Barbados 

Served as the deputy political economic chief covering political, economic, labor , environment and science and commercial diplomacy efforts in the Eastern Caribbean. 
Received labor officer of the year award for work in setting up regional training programs in occupational safety issues, and meeting with labor leaders in all seven countries greatly expanding our labor diplomacy outreach; 
Initiated two American Chambers of Commerce organizations, 
Conducted fund raising in support of  Embassy’s July fourth celebrations, the first time held in multiple countries, raising $100,000 over a three year period; 
Conducted training programs in all seven countries demonstrating to hundreds of locals on how to access U.S. Government  export financing programs . 

CA/FPP Deputy Training Team Coordinator – Washington, DC,
Taught consular fraud prevention courses at the Foreign Service Institute, and in Bangladesh, India, Nepal, Pakistan, greatly increasing knowledge and skills in fraud detection. 
Launched Lexus Nexus public record database access for consular officers worldwide, therefore dramatically improving consular fraud prevention efforts, 
Initiated first interagency Fraud Working Group coordinating fraud efforts among Departments of Homeland Security, State, and Labor.  
Received Cash Award.
Deputy Consular Chief, - Mumbai, India
Oversaw American citizen services, immigration visas in fifth largest operation in the world and fraud prevention programs greatly improving management of each.  
Supervised and mentored 15 junior officers and 50 local staff resulting in each unit receiving group cash awards. 
Received two cash Meritorious Honor awards for my work helping American citizens facing crises including helping American citizens whose family members died in India, or were arrested. 
Organized task force that dealt with aftermath of worst earthquake in 50 years.  

Read more →
8 stories • 1 lists • 1 lists • 5 groups

My Poems (224)AutorankLinks
I don't get it
I don’t Get It
 

Mr. Speaker

I admit I don’t get it

How does praye

Stop gun violence?

Prayer did not work in Texas.

26 people were murdered
 while praying.
God if he exists

Obviously does not care

About the poor people

Who died in his church

Because a mad man

Got a gun
And no they were not praying

To be delivered from death

No one deserves to die like this

So my prayer to you

Is simply this
Get off your rear end

Rally the country
And do something


About gun violence
That’s a prayer
I hope works
© 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
Read more →
 Like (0)  0   

Dear Speaker Ryan

Dear Speaker Ryan
I want to tell you something

The dead don’t want your prayers

The dead don’t care that you pray for them

They are dead after all


And you and your so-called Christians

Are to blame

You refuse to do anything

Anything at all
to stop the carnage
In our streets

The U.S. is flooded with guns

And more are sold every day
Millions of people don’t have health coverage

Millions are barely surviving
And your answer


Our dear great compassionate Speaker
Your answer
 
Is Prayer works

Government action does not

You act as if the gun violence

Plaguing our country

Was like the weather

Beyond our control

So here’s my prayer for you

And your colleagues
When you die

I pray that God

Will send you
And your friends

Straight to hell
Where Satan and his demons

Will use you for target practice

That’s my prayer to you

And as you know
Prayer works
 
another gun poem © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
Read more →
 Like (0)  0   

It’s a Gun Situation, Mr. President

Mr. President
You are wrong once again

You said that the tragic events 
in Texas
And Las Vegas were not “gun situations”

But rather were mental health problems
And that in Texas
if there had been no gun controls
Perhaps fewer people would have died

Mr. President

I know you a smart man

The smartest man in the world


According to you
So please contemplate this fact

According to the latest findings

It is a gun situation

In fact, the reason the U.S.

Has so many gun deaths 

Is because we have so many guns

45% of the worlds guns in fact
And 33 percent of the world’s shooters

Are Americans killing other Americans
And most of them 

the majority of them

Are White men killing other people
Not Islamic terrorists


Most are in fact

Self-proclaimed Christians
So Mr. President

When will you come to your senses
And do what 90 percent of the public wants


Enact nation wide effective gun controls?
And tell the NRA
 
they can take their blood money elsewhere

When Mr. President

When will you act

When will you take charge
And become a President of the people
Instead of the President of the NRA?
another gun poem © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
 Like (0)  0   


← Previous1 2 345…75Next →
Virginia Beach Massacre Never Again
Virgina Beach 

In a night of horrific scumbagery violence

Rarely seen in this jaded age of ours

Gone in one hour
In a spasm of horrific scumbagery violence
I
In just a few short minutes


Nothing more than that
 
In just a few moments

All 12 victims were murdered
By a disgruntled employee


Every one he knew was shot

And killed for no reason
Caused by the demons

His soul was so infected

Murderous demonic voices

All in his head

Screaming **** them all 
**** them all


Screaming none stop violence in his head

All the time
Causing him to start shooting 
everyone he saw


Regardless of who they were 
or where they were

Everyone must die 
screamed the demonic voices in his head
No one can be left alive


Everyone must die

Virtually all must die 
in his internal video game

Everyone must die


Regardless of who they were 
or where they were
Again just another day

Gone horribly wrong


All across America
In
every town

No where is safe anymore
Virgina Beach massacre

Virgina Beach massacre

Just another
Average night in America

An Active Shooter
scumbagery violence

Rarely seen

in this jaded wild world
Gone in one hour
In a spasm of horrific
scumbagery
In just a less than 30 short minutes

Nothing more than
In just a few short 30 moments

All the victims

were murdered while at their daily 
work
wrong place wrong time
act of a demotic deranged madman

voices screaming ****
The voices scream
death to all humans


All must be killed
The voices scream over and over

All must die now

Just another night in America
Land of the Free

Home of the free
another gun poem © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
 Like (0)  0   

More Guns for Everyone

More Guns for Everyone in the World

The NRA has decided

That the best solution to global problem

Of rampant violence and crime everywhere
Is for the rest of the world


To become like the U.S.

Where anyone can buy a gun

As an armed society is a polite society’

And so the President i
s about to announce

A global campaign against gun control restrictions


As these restrictions
are an undue burden

On the rights of the US arms manufactures
To sell their guns 
everywhere in the world


As everyone wants what we have to sell

The best weapons in the world
Instead of trying to limit the damage


That unrestricted gun sales

Have done to the U.S.
Our President, our great leader

Wants to sell more guns

Everywhere in the world

And there are eager buyers

Lining up around the world

Eager to buy the best guns

The world has ever seen

We want to export

The gun madness

That has infected our society


Leaving behind so many dead bodies
The dead were not consulted

For they remain dead


They do not vote
T
hey have no voice
For the guns silenced 
them
For good
 just as the guns intended


Just doing their gun thing after all
Humanity has evolved

From stones to arrows

To guns
T o nuclear, biological weapons

And the U.S.
 While proclaiming itself

A champion of Human Rights
Remains nothing 

but a country
 
Of gun runners
 Merchants of death

And destruction
another gun poem © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
 Like (0)  0   

NRA Quit Talking

NRA Please Stop Talking

Another day
Another mass shooting

Another incident
of domestic terrorism


another gun man
killing people
because just because
 he can
and he wants to **** people

The NRA 
And their stooges

Come out

Flood the airways
With their noxious
Poisonous weasel words


The NRA says
Mass shootings

Are like the weather

You can’t control them
You can’t predict them

And you can’t prevent them

Just have to accept

It is all god’s will

Guns don’t **** people
IF guns were outlawed

Only outlaws
 would have guns

Only solution 
Is more guns

For everyone

An armed society
they say 
Is a polite society


Support for gun control
I is
socialist/communist/fascist/anti-Am  erican/anti-Christian nonsense
The beginning of tyranny


If only the Jews had guns

The holocaust would not have happened

Jesus would want us all
 
to be armed 
with machine guns
To protect us against the evil doers

It is the Christian thing to do


To blow away evil doers
With heavy arms


In America
Land of the free

Home of the brave
We can’t do anything


At all
About the mass carnage

Unleashed by madmen with guns

Who walk among us

Searching for their next victims
Any restriction of the right


To bear arms

Is tyranny at its worst
The nanny state run amuck

Talking about gun control

After a tragic event
Is

just not the appropriate time

We only need prayers

and meaningless thoughts

Universal background checks

Too onerous
Registering guns

Too burdensome

Researching gun violence

waste of tax payer money
banning military style assault weapons
r

Restricts my right 
to blow 
away

Bambi the deer
with a M16

the NRA will keep talking

talking and talking

preventing anything

from being done

and we will have another

Mass shooting event

Before the day is out

So my plead

This day
To the NRA
A
and their stoogies

Talk is cheap

Your comments
Are not helping

If you can’t

Be a part of the solution
Just stop talking

Please stop talking


And let the rest
Of us  figure out

How to stop

The madness in the streets
And stop the carnage


So NRA

Please
 just
 stop
 talking
 Now
another gun stop © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
 Like (0)  0   


← Previous12 3 456…75Next →
guns **** People
Guns **** people
g
Guns do **** people
it is not mental illness

it is not video games
it is not a million other things

it is simply this
a gun is a weapon

a weapon designed to **** people

That is what guns do
guns don’t care

they do as they are told
If you pull the trigger
t
They will **** the victim

that is what guns do

that is why 
in a civilized society

military assault weapons 
are locked up

yet in America

the land of the free

home of the brave
 
everyone and his cousin

must have their gun

guns for everyone

cries the NRA

that’s the solution

The president
a 
and his supporters

deny the obvious
guns **** people
That’s all they do


it is a gun thing

you would not understand
Guns just do
what guns gonna do
**** people

Mr. President

You can take your words

your empty platitudes
Your empty promises
Your prayers 

straight to hell

and back

where with any luck

Satan will use you

as target practice
another gun poem © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
 Like (0)  0   

Chief of Staff You are Absurd

the President’s chief of staff
said the other day

it was absurd

to suggest that the president’s words

had anything to do

with recent mass shootings

yet is it absurd

to see the lengths

to which the President’s supporters
will twist and turn

spinning awa
y
the inconvenient truth
President Trump 
is a racist bigot con man

who some how
 conned his way

to become President
he call immigrants criminals, vermin, animals

invaders infesting the country
the El Paseo shooter 

said that he went to the border

to shoot the invaders

and said
 that he was a big Trump fan
it is not absurd
 to connect these two huge dots
The President’s words
 
have real world consequences

Yes Mr. Trump is a racist pig
a
and his supporters
 are being absurd

to suggest otherwise
another gun poem © 2 hours ago, john Cosmos Aller      
 Like (1)  1   

Mr. President Words Matter

Mr. President Words Matter

Mr President

Words matter

your words matter

your words of hate

your words of division
your words 
calling fellow human beings 
****, vermin,

invaders, animals 
matter

they matter a lot

and is it little wonder

that people listen 

to the hate you sprew forth

and some deranged people

take action 
on your call 
for action
against the invaders 

on the border


they march to the border

to **** the invaders
your words matter

Mr. President


and your false words
of regret
fool no one

the damage has been done

the hate has been spread

just as you intended

and you 
have the gall 

to call yourself
A Christian
you are the anti-Christ

you are not a Christian

so please quite pretending

to be what you are not

please man up

accept your responsibility

set things right

apologize

the dead though

don’t need your prayers

they need action

they need leadership

and you are the president

so please start acting

like you give a ****

and if you do so

perhaps 
you will find

people will follow you
but please
 quite the words 
of hate


the words that hurt
and quit calling immigrants
 invaders 
and vermin
 

they are human beings

they are deserving of respect
this I ask of you 
In Jesus’s name
even though I am not a Christian
another day, another shooting

Another Day Another Shooting
another day in paradise
just another day in Americal
Land of the free
Home of the brave

and gunshots,
lots of gunshots
more guns for all
cries the NRA

yes another day
another gun battle
another white man
who just wants to ****

the President sends his condolences
Thanks the law enforcement 
for an incredible job well done
It was horrible

Hate has no place
in our country
and we will take of it 

and do what ever we can do
condolences 
nothing but false words
empty words 

lots of things to do
it is mental illness problem

but he fails to mention
the words gun at al
not at all
and tomorrow and tomorrow

but he at least finally 
said 
hate has no role in country
nothing but prime BS
in my humble opinion

he did not mention 
white supremacy
his rhetoric had nothing
nothing to do 
about this at all

and so tomorrow
I will turn on the TV
and we see
nothing at all

and the dead
will remain dead
the guns will fire again

nothing will be done
welcome to America
land of the free
home of the brave
poems about gun violence
Cee Jun 2016
These voices won't shut up
They are making noises all the time.
I wish I could ignore them
Then I know I'll be fine.
I thought if I stopped listening
That would be the end of this problem.
These voices say they can help me
My issues they say they can solve them.
I've gotten to the point
Where I answer them back.
It's tiring to feel
Like my sanity is under attack.
People think I talk to myself
They think I'm crazy.
I'm just having conversations
With those voices inside of me.
The voices know all
They know my secrets, my fears, my desires.
They know how to push my buttons.
They keep my soul on fire.
They take me out of my character
They turn me to someone I don't want to be.
These voices stole my life
What more do they want from me?
The voices won't shut up
They talk & talk & talk.
Why won't they leave me alone
& find someone else to stalk.
I just want serenity
& some peace & quiet.
Unfortunately, these voices are a part of me
I can no longer deny it.
I'm ashamed to admit that
It feels like my life has been cursed.
These voices already made me hit rock bottom
Can it get any worse?
Can these voices & me coexist
Can we share the same mind?
Can they make my life positive
Or keep hurting me everytime?
Please voices release me
You've caused enough damage.
These voices act like I need them
If they leave, I'm sure I can manage.
Voices leave me alone
Or just shut the hell up.
I really don't believe that will ever happen.
I think forever we're stuck.
Anthony Duvalle Dec 2010
I once knew this one dude, whose real name I don't recall
But homie was haunted by ****, that would make your skin crawl
He'd wake up at midnight, cause he was feeling a fall
Covered in sweat, dreaming things from when he was six years tall
His uncle's a creep, a member of the ****** brigade
Real ****** up, he'd say bout anything to get laid
Spacing out, no friends, the kid just wanted to fade
So by age ten, homie cuts himself with a blade
Says it relieves, so he's always sure to make them deep
Says it fights back some things that he sees in his sleep
Awkward in class, shaking, always grinding his teeth
But no one else really knew what you can see in your dreams
When opaque, is how your barren, buried life seems
Drinking and toking just enough to make his empty room lean
Grades slipping, no job, cause they need the **** clean
******* cause unemployment can't buy the kid's green
Angry at life, his first resort was to kick and to scream
Feeling observed, living life under a social spot beam
The coach talking of courage, when he tried joining team
But I guess it's hard to keep your heart, when it bursts at the seams

So homie smoked constantly to chill out his thoughts
A high as **** THC count in every gram he bought
Seeing **** and hearing **** has got him distraught
In his mind he's not fine but what his sickness brought
Was an escape from his living, but he wanted it to stop
Addicted now to heroine so his bed he would hawk
Homies in his home alone so he scarcely would talk
Zoned with his mind blown, homie can barely even walk
But the voices always kept him company in the dark
Schizophrenia setting in, insanity's made it's mark
Hallucinating, kids ripping his punctured arms apart
Shooting up to see if he can stop the voices from the start
But AED's had to come around to kick start his heart
Overdosing, sometimes didn't think he'd ever come back
Shooting up the **** that he always carried in sack
Thought process making his mind and blood pulse attack
Stole a gun, needs some mons, now people gonna get jacked
Lost his project house so you're finding him blacked
Out on the curb but needs money earned
Succumbed to the voices he heard
And went back to his old house, sitting up in the burbs

Homie fought and he screamed but couldn't control himself
The voices told him to ****, take all the jewelry and wealth
Standing outside his old home, pacing, tearing his hair
Gun in hand, praying for help but his God wasn't there
Voices saying that homie's worthless and he deserves his despair
Telling him that if he died now the world wouldn't care
He screams, "SHUT UP, ENOUGH, GET THE **** OUT OF MY HEAD!"
But homie felt that there was truth in every word they had said
So when they said his parents were scheming and wanted him dead
He grew paranoid and every thought he had crept with dread
You see the voices came from his brain and reflected back
Homie's rampant paranoia and his addiction to smack
If he was due for a fix, they got more persuasive and louder
And he'd feel like he was dying 'til he shot up his powder
Now he's posted up, 3AM, but his mind's lost it's time
He's lost the sense to differentiate a good deed and a crime
Back in the past, they didn't realize, but lord knows he showed the signs
And now its too late, our homie's stars have all come in line
On the doorstep, he lurks, priority's to quench this thirst
Between his fam and his fix, heroine to **** the voices comes first

He knocks three times, hides the gun in the back of his pants
If he could stop himself, he would, but he's stuck in a trance
His heart fights back but the voices take control of his hands
So when his father opened up, homie knocked him off of his stance
He had no chance, now there's a glock in the back of his throat
And he would scream for help but his windpipe's being choked
Homie cries out, "I'm sorry!" as the life left his dad's eyes
Mother ran in, paralyzed in a state of surprise
He lifted the gun and lined it up with the center of her forehead
She looked in shock at her son, her husband on the floor dead
Homie couldn't believe what the voices and his body'd just done
A loving father, now dead, killed by his ****** up son
And his mother, innocent, facing the barrel of a gun
The only gat that could do more than make that widow's blood run
So when the gunshot peeled and repainted the room
It was more than just a body that went into that tomb
A mother's love betrayed, lied dead in the same casket
And homie's realization of all this just came so fast it
Made him wanna redeem sins with punishment just as drastic
So he went through his parents house putting valuables in a basket

With his newfound cash, homie could finally **** the pain
Whispers in his ear told him that he should be ashamed
They reminded him of how his parents work was all down the drain
But he wasn't angry at the voices cause he took all the blame
He went as fast as he could, to try and get some more ****
And by the end of the night, homie had fifteen bags
Found a quite place to go where he could be all alone
Sat himself down in an alley and put his back to the stone
Pulled out his rusty syringe and an old spoon he had found
Cooked him up a couple shots and went round after round
Feeling like his life was an ocean and it was high time to drown
Visions of taunting demons encircled him and he couldn't find ground
The voices fed off of his pain and they ignored pleas to stop
So homie raised the dope amount to too much from a lot
His last shot, he cooked it all until there was none left
Pulled out a picture of his family that he always had kept
Looked at his parents holding him as an infant and wept
Pushed down the hammer, O.D.ed and took homie's last breath
He died in that alleyway and no one really knew
The story of what had happened to him, what homie'd gone through
Then the Devil approached his victim and collect his spirit
And there's a lesson to this story, I'm just hoping you hear it
So if the Devil wants to dance with you, you better say never
Because a dance with the Devil might last you forever...
Over the beat for "Dance with the Devil" by Immortal Technique.

******=North American Man/Boy Love Association
****=heroine
gat/glock=gun
Maisie Jul 2020
Let’s start simple
Say you’ve got that one annoying pimple
And all you can hear are the voices muttering in your ears
Telling you that your skin should be clear
Go to school, feel the eyes in the back of your head
Knowing that they’re all judging you for not doing your hair when you got out of bed
But the fact was you didn’t sleep
To busy trying not to weep
From your not beautiful complexion
When everyone else’s is perfection
Go home from school, feeling a miserable freak
Think that your a fat pig and don’t stop to eat
Don’t socialize with anyone and go to bed
Trying to ignore those voices in your head
But they mutter on
Try harder
Eat less
Get smarter
Wear a dress
Don’t show so much
You’re too dressed up
Skip lunch
Fix your make-up
Until you want to scream
And go to bed crying in the hope that this was all a bad dream
This is anxiety
And all anxious people rarely think, ‘Why me?’

You wake up next morning and your anxiety is gone
You don’t really care whether you belong
You don’t really understand your purpose in life
Then more voices return to stab your brain like a knife
Until they find the joyful thoughts and drag them out
Destroying them and ripping them until the bad side spouts
They rearrange your brain until you can’t find the joy in life anymore
And you go to school knowing that people won’t be any better than the day before
Meet up with your friends , mention that you think something is up
They don’t like you anymore they’re too busy helping a friend who claims to be depressed from a break-up
She tells you you’re lying, that you’re making a scene
You are mad but you don’t have the energy to scream
So you go straight to the sadness and wander away
Not knowing what could be any better than that that day
A nice guy, smart, notices you’re sad
And starts to talk to you, he obviously feels bad
But you shrug him off, you don’t need friends today
He seems disappointed, sad as he walks away
You go home and lie on your bed
Allowing those voices to mutter in your head
Really?
Who would want to be friends with an evil person?
Hah! You thought we were anxiety?
Remember we’ll make you life worsen
Oh and that time you decided to steal a biscuit
From mummy’s special jar
She knows that you ate it
No, we don’t care how you feel or are!
They mutter on and become a cruel lullaby
Since you can’t sleep you begin to cry
This is depression
It is a march of voices drowning out ‘Why me?’, one long procession

You wake up in a different bed
With no voices running round in your head
Just memories of one sad time
Of that traumatic crash where your parents were killed during crime
A seemingly nice woman walks in
Heads over to the corner and empties out the bin
You remember who she is, a nurse, the quiet kind
She has a calm, non-stressful state of mind
But you close your eyes all the same
And run through the crash like it was a cruel game
You eat your breakfast in your new foster home
Around a table shaped like a dome
Head to school, and people don’t know
When you want to speak all they say is no
They offer you a trip in car
And even though you know it’s not far
You feel as if you must go
But as you see another car pull in front you start screaming and shouting ‘NO!’
Turns out that home wasn’t a home at all
It was an asylum you’ve been in since your parent's fall
The voices are replaced with memories of death
Which show that you parents were within a hair’s breadth
A screech
A scream
Blood all over
Your ice-cream
A vision of black
An you know you won’t ever get your parents back
PTSD
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder people cry at night, ‘Why me?’

You wake up again, your parents asking you if you are ok
And you realize it may have just been a dream yesterday
You giggle and say ‘Yeah I’m great’
No memories, no voices, no need to debate
They hug you and laugh and pick you up
This isn’t like them, they never like to look after you, to check-up
You look around and see lots of paintings
And then you remember your talent and that you painted those things
Your mum presents you with toast and soldiers
And suddenly you realize that you are much older
You sigh and say ‘Mum I don’t need this, cereal please?’
Your mother says ‘No sweetie, eat these’
You head upstairs and ask ‘Where’s my phone?’
Your dad sighs ‘Darling you don’t need it, you are home.’
You feel your emotions muddle together, you don’t know what to feel
You shouldn’t be angry, they gave you a lovely meal
But it’s not fair, where are your school clothes?
You feel fear mix with anger, happiness and joy disposed
You look around and your eyes widen
‘Where am I, who are you, tell me who I was born from, and when!?’
They fill you on at all but everything feels fake
You feel your mind and our body begin to shake
You allow your voice to reach a screeching note
And feel as if it’s pulling you up to float
You scream, you voice no echo now
Your parents grab and pull you down
You cry and thrash, not happy anymore
And kick your mother’s face into the floor
You throw a vase at a painting of a willow
And you are still screaming as your head hits the pillow
Autism
The world looks too much like a ‘Why me?’ prison

You wake up in your bed
Memories now voices circling your head
You close your eyes and the voices cry ‘TIDY!’
You open them again to see the mess that’s your room and you begin to scream
You run to your wardrobe and sort your clothes till you can’t sort them anymore
You pick up the school books scattered on the floor
Pack your bag and leave the house
Saying goodbye to your mum as quiet as a mouse
You arrive at school at enter your class
And trace your finger perfectly with the raindrops on the window glass
The teacher hands out pencils in an unacceptable order
An on the board creates a dizzying misshapen border
You get up stomp over to her desk
The voices telling the true you to ‘Take a rest’
They fix border with in a snap
And fix the teacher with a vicious slap
You cannot control yourself, you listened to well
You begin to fight back as you hear the firebell
Smoke fills the room as students hurry out
Nobody remembers that you were even about
You fall to the floor, your lungs with no air
And you know right then that you’ll die right here
The voices scream under your table ‘Get at a right angle!’
You turn as they say ‘Fix your bangle!’
By now you are curled up in a ball
As firemen come in and you can't cry out as you begin to fall
Out of consciousness into death
And you are able to sigh ‘help…’ as you take your last breath
You could’ve survived if it wasn’t for those voices
Who towered over all other choices
OCD
The people who can’t control their ‘Why me?’


Why them, why not you?
Isn’t there something you could do?
Well yes, there is
Maybe read through an information page, take a quiz
Maybe do something useful with your wealth
Send some off to a charity helping those with issues with their mental health
But maybe, perhaps most of all
Provide some sort of cushioning for those who might fall
By becoming their friend, laugh at their jokes
Perhaps take them out to buy a couple cokes
Don’t bully them, it’s not always their fault
Sometimes it’s your fault that they don’t become an adult
Don’t fake that you have their pain
You'll never know if you might see them again
I don’t think i have to say anymore
Just call 03444775774
This is a poem about the truth behind mental illnesses. This is for a poetry festival at my school, enjoy!
Katie Lowe May 2013
Voices, there are voices, voices that I hear,
singing, sighing, multiplying, whispering in my ear.
Sometimes they are soft and sweet and sometimes they are mean,
I only wish I could wake up from this fear envoaking dream.
Voices, there are voices, many voices that I hear.
I wish, oh how I wish, these voices would disappear.
They chill me to the bone, in fact, to my very core,
but the only thing they ask for is "More blood, MORE!"
They scream and cry and rave at me until they get their way,
but I'm afraid that my many, many voices are hear to stay.
I wish, oh how I wish, that other people could see,
the many, many voices that are haunting me.
Simon Oct 2019
What’s happened! A voice remarked. Why are my puzzle pieces scattered in a wasteland? Another voice spoke up, sounding distant. That’s what I’d like to know! Then more followed. Sounding like a choir of different voices were in effect. Except none of the voices sounded cheery in their perfect chorus on cue. A shriek followed. A wasteland full of shrieks rumbled the ground. Ejecting lots of dust. Blinding visibility across a wide landscape! A landscape full of sand. Governing a deadly waste scouring a dryness accumulating pieces of voices not to far off from one another. Dust from the shrieks rumbling the ground, finally clear. Settling a glimpse at what has been shrieking with such volumes of obscure reasoning. Puzzle…PIECES! Huh? Who said that…? The voice asked, completely taken off guard. What instrument are we trying to provide here? Not sure I’m exactly wondering what your trying to offer by the term (instrument)? Having instruments aren’t folly you know. Another voice interrupting the other voices conversing nonsense. You guys do realize non of what your saying is making any practical sense? Like…at ALL! Huh? One voice replied. Another joining in. Well if your so clever…why don’t you entertain us with how things should really be voiced? Gladly! The more logical voice commented. The voice acting snobbish made a sound. Showcasing it didn’t like being told what it knew and what it didn’t know. The dust has settled. The two voices conversing said on cue. Your point…? No logic, until you display your horizons onto the landscape which shows what we are. One voice replied confused. Logic? Another responded. Horizons? Then on cue again. Landscape??!! The logical voice continued. Just looking around the landscape, which introduces the horizon of who, what, and where you are. Making the logical assessment that, well…everything…is what should have been since the very beginning. Panting for just a single moment. Without claim or focus…the end! The two conversing voices completely dumbfounded, sighed very harshly! Finally deciding to take the more logical one’s words more seriously. Other voices following on cue. Which made all voices look down toward there surroundings. The logical one smiled brightly! AHHH! Another shriek came. O…JEEESSSUUUSSS!!! More shrieks accumulated the wasteland. Prompting more dust to rumble. Popping all over the horizon’s visibility again! So, what did we learn about this very confusing, obscuring display? Well…easy! A voice said from no where. That it was a display of nurturing. Huh…? Really? The one sounding like the narrator drawn in by the voices interest. Ya, well… They stopped to rethink what they just offered in response. Your hesitating. The narrator’s voice sounding suspicious. Ya, well… Not sure how to express what I saw. Still remaining suspicious, the narrator continued. Anda…what is it…you exactly…saw…? The voice from no where exploded all built up energy in one gigantic spurt! There was puzzle pieces scattered in a wasteland! They had no identity to speak of. Pieces deconstructed in a sand covered landscape full of dry essence. And…and… They stopped mid-thought to catch their breath! The narrator didn’t speak a word. The dust was symbolizing ones missing grasp at not figuring out they were all apart of the same form. The same essence. Drying out claims too full of themselves through partial reasoning on potential agreements never going anywhere. Mmmmm…mhm…mmmmm… The narrator seemingly amused by this information. No identity, means no way of connecting to one another. Never to make sense of the premise one could offer. Puzzle pieces stuck in the sands of dry essence. A rut too involved to be just any coincidence. The dry essence covering up each puzzle piece. Muffling there voices forever. They tried to reach out. Trying to make sense of (what could have been). Rather then how to assort their differences into one claim. Working together wasn’t this identities strongpoint. Pieces were arguing too much. Until one seemed to be the most offering of the bunch. Thou…thou… Go on. The narrator said. No one listened to them. Following in the footsteps of one foolish puzzle piece after the other. Until there was nothing to be left, but silence. The voice from no where shrieked towards the narrator’s glaring tension toward the speaker. Laughing in disgust toward the potential risk one poses when reaching out toward its other component pieces.
Puzzle pieces will never learn if each piece doesn’t know how to direct oneself, before connecting with the bigger, more established form. Which is rendered to a mere silhouette full of details invoking a nothingness claim.
THE HOUSE OF DUST
A Symphony

BY
CONRAD AIKEN

To Jessie

NOTE

. . . Parts of this poem have been printed in "The North American
Review, Others, Poetry, Youth, Coterie, The Yale Review". . . . I am
indebted to Lafcadio Hearn for the episode called "The Screen Maiden"
in Part II.


     This text comes from the source available at
     Project Gutenberg, originally prepared by Judy Boss
     of Omaha, NE.
    
THE HOUSE OF DUST


PART I.


I.

The sun goes down in a cold pale flare of light.
The trees grow dark: the shadows lean to the east:
And lights wink out through the windows, one by one.
A clamor of frosty sirens mourns at the night.
Pale slate-grey clouds whirl up from the sunken sun.

And the wandering one, the inquisitive dreamer of dreams,
The eternal asker of answers, stands in the street,
And lifts his palms for the first cold ghost of rain.
The purple lights leap down the hill before him.
The gorgeous night has begun again.

'I will ask them all, I will ask them all their dreams,
I will hold my light above them and seek their faces.
I will hear them whisper, invisible in their veins . . .'
The eternal asker of answers becomes as the darkness,
Or as a wind blown over a myriad forest,
Or as the numberless voices of long-drawn rains.

We hear him and take him among us, like a wind of music,
Like the ghost of a music we have somewhere heard;
We crowd through the streets in a dazzle of pallid lamplight,
We pour in a sinister wave, ascend a stair,
With laughter and cry, and word upon murmured word;
We flow, we descend, we turn . . . and the eternal dreamer
Moves among us like light, like evening air . . .

Good-night!  Good-night!  Good-night!  We go our ways,
The rain runs over the pavement before our feet,
The cold rain falls, the rain sings.
We walk, we run, we ride.  We turn our faces
To what the eternal evening brings.

Our hands are hot and raw with the stones we have laid,
We have built a tower of stone high into the sky,
We have built a city of towers.

Our hands are light, they are singing with emptiness.
Our souls are light; they have shaken a burden of hours . . .
What did we build it for?  Was it all a dream? . . .
Ghostly above us in lamplight the towers gleam . . .
And after a while they will fall to dust and rain;
Or else we will tear them down with impatient hands;
And hew rock out of the earth, and build them again.


II.

One, from his high bright window in a tower,
Leans out, as evening falls,
And sees the advancing curtain of the shower
Splashing its silver on roofs and walls:
Sees how, swift as a shadow, it crosses the city,
And murmurs beyond far walls to the sea,
Leaving a glimmer of water in the dark canyons,
And silver falling from eave and tree.

One, from his high bright window, looking down,
Peers like a dreamer over the rain-bright town,
And thinks its towers are like a dream.
The western windows flame in the sun's last flare,
Pale roofs begin to gleam.

Looking down from a window high in a wall
He sees us all;
Lifting our pallid faces towards the rain,
Searching the sky, and going our ways again,
Standing in doorways, waiting under the trees . . .
There, in the high bright window he dreams, and sees
What we are blind to,-we who mass and crowd
From wall to wall in the darkening of a cloud.

The gulls drift slowly above the city of towers,
Over the roofs to the darkening sea they fly;
Night falls swiftly on an evening of rain.
The yellow lamps wink one by one again.
The towers reach higher and blacker against the sky.


III.

One, where the pale sea foamed at the yellow sand,
With wave upon slowly shattering wave,
Turned to the city of towers as evening fell;
And slowly walked by the darkening road toward it;
And saw how the towers darkened against the sky;
And across the distance heard the toll of a bell.

Along the darkening road he hurried alone,
With his eyes cast down,
And thought how the streets were hoarse with a tide of people,
With clamor of voices, and numberless faces . . .
And it seemed to him, of a sudden, that he would drown
Here in the quiet of evening air,
These empty and voiceless places . . .
And he hurried towards the city, to enter there.

Along the darkening road, between tall trees
That made a sinister whisper, loudly he walked.
Behind him, sea-gulls dipped over long grey seas.
Before him, numberless lovers smiled and talked.
And death was observed with sudden cries,
And birth with laughter and pain.
And the trees grew taller and blacker against the skies
And night came down again.


IV.

Up high black walls, up sombre terraces,
Clinging like luminous birds to the sides of cliffs,
The yellow lights went climbing towards the sky.
From high black walls, gleaming vaguely with rain,
Each yellow light looked down like a golden eye.

They trembled from coign to coign, and tower to tower,
Along high terraces quicker than dream they flew.
And some of them steadily glowed, and some soon vanished,
And some strange shadows threw.

And behind them all the ghosts of thoughts went moving,
Restlessly moving in each lamplit room,
From chair to mirror, from mirror to fire;
From some, the light was scarcely more than a gloom:
From some, a dazzling desire.

And there was one, beneath black eaves, who thought,
Combing with lifted arms her golden hair,
Of the lover who hurried towards her through the night;
And there was one who dreamed of a sudden death
As she blew out her light.

And there was one who turned from clamoring streets,
And walked in lamplit gardens among black trees,
And looked at the windy sky,
And thought with terror how stones and roots would freeze
And birds in the dead boughs cry . . .

And she hurried back, as snow fell, mixed with rain,
To mingle among the crowds again,
To jostle beneath blue lamps along the street;
And lost herself in the warm bright coiling dream,
With a sound of murmuring voices and shuffling feet.

And one, from his high bright window looking down
On luminous chasms that cleft the basalt town,
Hearing a sea-like murmur rise,
Desired to leave his dream, descend from the tower,
And drown in waves of shouts and laughter and cries.


V.

The snow floats down upon us, mingled with rain . . .
It eddies around pale lilac lamps, and falls
Down golden-windowed walls.
We were all born of flesh, in a flare of pain,
We do not remember the red roots whence we rose,
But we know that we rose and walked, that after a while
We shall lie down again.

The snow floats down upon us, we turn, we turn,
Through gorges filled with light we sound and flow . . .
One is struck down and hurt, we crowd about him,
We bear him away, gaze after his listless body;
But whether he lives or dies we do not know.

One of us sings in the street, and we listen to him;
The words ring over us like vague bells of sorrow.
He sings of a house he lived in long ago.
It is strange; this house of dust was the house I lived in;
The house you lived in, the house that all of us know.
And coiling slowly about him, and laughing at him,
And throwing him pennies, we bear away
A mournful echo of other times and places,
And follow a dream . . . a dream that will not stay.

Down long broad flights of lamplit stairs we flow;
Noisy, in scattered waves, crowding and shouting;
In broken slow cascades.
The gardens extend before us . . .  We spread out swiftly;
Trees are above us, and darkness.  The canyon fades . . .

And we recall, with a gleaming stab of sadness,
Vaguely and incoherently, some dream
Of a world we came from, a world of sun-blue hills . . .
A black wood whispers around us, green eyes gleam;
Someone cries in the forest, and someone kills.

We flow to the east, to the white-lined shivering sea;
We reach to the west, where the whirling sun went down;
We close our eyes to music in bright cafees.
We diverge from clamorous streets to streets that are silent.
We loaf where the wind-spilled fountain plays.

And, growing tired, we turn aside at last,
Remember our secret selves, seek out our towers,
Lay weary hands on the banisters, and climb;
Climbing, each, to his little four-square dream
Of love or lust or beauty or death or crime.


VI.

Over the darkened city, the city of towers,
The city of a thousand gates,
Over the gleaming terraced roofs, the huddled towers,
Over a somnolent whisper of loves and hates,
The slow wind flows, drearily streams and falls,
With a mournful sound down rain-dark walls.
On one side purples the lustrous dusk of the sea,
And dreams in white at the city's feet;
On one side sleep the plains, with heaped-up hills.
Oaks and beeches whisper in rings about it.
Above the trees are towers where dread bells beat.

The fisherman draws his streaming net from the sea
And sails toward the far-off city, that seems
Like one vague tower.
The dark bow plunges to foam on blue-black waves,
And shrill rain seethes like a ghostly music about him
In a quiet shower.

Rain with a shrill sings on the lapsing waves;
Rain thrills over the roofs again;
Like a shadow of shifting silver it crosses the city;
The lamps in the streets are streamed with rain;
And sparrows complain beneath deep eaves,
And among whirled leaves
The sea-gulls, blowing from tower to lower tower,
From wall to remoter wall,
Skim with the driven rain to the rising sea-sound
And close grey wings and fall . . .

. . . Hearing great rain above me, I now remember
A girl who stood by the door and shut her eyes:
Her pale cheeks glistened with rain, she stood and shivered.
Into a forest of silver she vanished slowly . . .
Voices about me rise . . .

Voices clear and silvery, voices of raindrops,-
'We struck with silver claws, we struck her down.
We are the ghosts of the singing furies . . . '
A chorus of elfin voices blowing about me
Weaves to a babel of sound.  Each cries a secret.
I run among them, reach out vain hands, and drown.

'I am the one who stood beside you and smiled,
Thinking your face so strangely young . . . '
'I am the one who loved you but did not dare.'
'I am the one you followed through crowded streets,
The one who escaped you, the one with red-gleamed hair.'

'I am the one you saw to-day, who fell
Senseless before you, hearing a certain bell:
A bell that broke great memories in my brain.'
'I am the one who passed unnoticed before you,
Invisible, in a cloud of secret pain.'

'I am the one who suddenly cried, beholding
The face of a certain man on the dazzling screen.
They wrote me that he was dead.  It was long ago.
I walked in the streets for a long while, hearing nothing,
And returned to see it again.  And it was so.'


Weave, weave, weave, you streaks of rain!
I am dissolved and woven again . . .
Thousands of faces rise and vanish before me.
Thousands of voices weave in the rain.

'I am the one who rode beside you, blinking
At a dazzle of golden lights.
Tempests of music swept me: I was thinking
Of the gorgeous promise of certain nights:
Of the woman who suddenly smiled at me this day,
Smiled in a certain delicious sidelong way,
And turned, as she reached the door,
To smile once more . . .
Her hands are whiter than snow on midnight water.
Her throat is golden and full of golden laughter,
Her eyes are strange as the stealth of the moon
On a night in June . . .
She runs among whistling leaves; I hurry after;
She dances in dreams over white-waved water;
Her body is white and fragrant and cool,
Magnolia petals that float on a white-starred pool . . .
I have dreamed of her, dreaming for many nights
Of a broken music and golden lights,
Of broken webs of silver, heavily falling
Between my hands and their white desire:
And dark-leaved boughs, edged with a golden radiance,
Dipping to screen a fire . . .
I dream that I walk with her beneath high trees,
But as I lean to kiss her face,
She is blown aloft on wind, I catch at leaves,
And run in a moonless place;
And I hear a crashing of terrible rocks flung down,
And shattering trees and cracking walls,
And a net of intense white flame roars over the town,
And someone cries; and darkness falls . . .
But now she has leaned and smiled at me,
My veins are afire with music,
Her eyes have kissed me, my body is turned to light;
I shall dream to her secret heart tonight . . . '

He rises and moves away, he says no word,
He folds his evening paper and turns away;
I rush through the dark with rows of lamplit faces;
Fire bells peal, and some of us turn to listen,
And some sit motionless in their accustomed places.

Cold rain lashes the car-roof, scurries in gusts,
Streams down the windows in waves and ripples of lustre;
The lamps in the streets are distorted and strange.
Someone takes his watch from his pocket and yawns.
One peers out in the night for the place to change.

Rain . . . rain . . . rain . . . we are buried in rain,
It will rain forever, the swift wheels hiss through water,
Pale sheets of water gleam in the windy street.
The pealing of bells is lost in a drive of rain-drops.
Remote and hurried the great bells beat.

'I am the one whom life so shrewdly betrayed,
Misfortune dogs me, it always hunted me down.
And to-day the woman I love lies dead.
I gave her roses, a ring with opals;
These hands have touched her head.

'I bound her to me in all soft ways,
I bound her to me in a net of days,
Yet now she has gone in silence and said no word.
How can we face these dazzling things, I ask you?
There is no use: we cry: and are not heard.

'They cover a body with roses . . . I shall not see it . . .
Must one return to the lifeless walls of a city
Whose soul is charred by fire? . . . '
His eyes are closed, his lips press tightly together.
Wheels hiss beneath us.  He yields us our desire.

'No, do not stare so-he is weak with grief,
He cannot face you, he turns his eyes aside;
He is confused with pain.
I suffered this.  I know.  It was long ago . . .
He closes his eyes and drowns in death again.'

The wind hurls blows at the rain-starred glistening windows,
The wind shrills down from the half-seen walls.
We flow on the mournful wind in a dream of dying;
And at last a silence falls.


VII.

Midnight; bells toll, and along the cloud-high towers
The golden lights go out . . .
The yellow windows darken, the shades are drawn,
In thousands of rooms we sleep, we await the dawn,
We lie face down, we dream,
We cry aloud with terror, half rise, or seem
To stare at the ceiling or walls . . .
Midnight . . . the last of shattering bell-notes falls.
A rush of silence whirls over the cloud-high towers,
A vortex of soundless hours.

'The bells have just struck twelve: I should be sleeping.
But I cannot delay any longer to write and tell you.
The woman is dead.
She died-you know the way.  Just as we planned.
Smiling, with open sunlit eyes.
Smiling upon the outstretched fatal hand . . .'

He folds his letter, steps softly down the stairs.
The doors are closed and silent.  A gas-jet flares.
His shadow disturbs a shadow of balustrades.
The door swings shut behind.  Night roars above him.
Into the night he fades.

Wind; wind; wind; carving the walls;
Blowing the water that gleams in the street;
Blowing the rain, the sleet.
In the dark alley, an old tree cracks and falls,
Oak-boughs moan in the haunted air;
Lamps blow down with a crash and ****** of glass . . .
Darkness whistles . . . Wild hours pass . . .

And those whom sleep eludes lie wide-eyed, hearing
Above their heads a goblin night go by;
Children are waked, and cry,
The young girl hears the roar in her sleep, and dreams
That her lover is caught in a burning tower,
She clutches the pillow, she gasps for breath, she screams . . .
And then by degrees her breath grows quiet and slow,
She dreams of an evening, long ago:
Of colored lanterns balancing under trees,
Some of them softly catching afire;
And beneath the lanterns a motionless face she sees,
Golden with lamplight, smiling, serene . . .
The leaves are a pale and glittering green,
The sound of horns blows over the trampled grass,
Shadows of dancers pass . . .
The face smiles closer to hers, she tries to lean
Backward, away, the eyes burn close and strange,
The face is beginning to change,-
It is her lover, she no longer desires to resist,
She is held and kissed.
She closes her eyes, and melts in a seethe of
hi dudes



i think my creativity is the key for me looking and staying young, i know what i am about to say sounds

negative, but i believe that i will never ever work at common ground, only because of what happened in

1990 with the kid and 2004 with the cat, you see i am still scared of going to the psych ward, after what

happened in 2013, , you see every time i get myself together, in the work front, something bad happens

even, being famous, i have got a lot of youtube views, and i want to make future posts, but i my mind of helping

people or being famous is very delusional, i want to be given a go, on TV, but it’s mighty hard for the little people

such as me, i realise i might have ****** people off, in some emails, but, it’s because, i want more out of life rather

than being a mentally ill ****** to be stuck in the psych ward, i hate the psych ward, i am watching prisoner to learn

how to keep myself out of the psych ward, i hear too many voices for the work at common ground and i really want

to work through my voices in ART and WRITING, i know i have designed a few buildings and sports grounds

you see i hear voices from patrick, because i am feeling my little young dude/hooligan coming back to me to

show me how bad i felt being treated like a little young dude, the main reason why i fought dad, because i drew

a triangular shape with a stick stabbing through the centre, dad hated it, i wrote on my arm kidnap 11 year old boys

and my carer was very upset, i do want to help the poor, but my past looks like will be against it, and i want to

fight my way to the top, not literally, but i feel i am fighting my way to the top with art and writing, you can’t do everything

and really i am feeling my shy man/hooligan trying to turn me into a weird man, and i don’t wanna look weird

i want to be fit, and healthy, and i want rupert murdoch and tony abbott to give their fortunes to help the poor people out

because if my situation was different, i would be a philanthropist, but i am not rich, but i still give, i want to have constant reminders

in my next life, to make sure poor people are well looked after, like, i see my world coming to life with common ground,

i look like i inspired it, because so many people are willing to help it, i want to still be a youtube entertainer, but i might be

a bit delusional there as well, expecting ellen will ring me up, or home and away will let me whack alf stewart with the belt

because he was an army guy, but i was sick back then, i appreciate the help mental health have given me, ya know chances

to be famous, i just worry  about being kidnapped by people i want to help because that is helping, by placing yourself in harms way

i would like to work on my art, and if anything, i would like a few pictures i have to brighten up the people’s day at common ground and

i am unsure of how to do that, my mind isn’t really into doing courses for jobs, i know i need to do a food hygiene course, i won’t get a job

at common ground unless you can give my entertaining delusion a go, but still that might still require a work with venerable person check

and really i want the voices to stop but while i still have voices saying, that i am still a little young baby young dude ringing around in my head,

it might be hard to work with venerable people, because the voices are driving me nuts, I WANT THEM TO STOP, and i can’t work at common ground

with voices like these, i can ignore the voices reading a poem on 2xx, because the voices will fade as i read, and the only job i could do in the famous world

is probably be one of the writers because my brain is too intense, and it can make me insane, insane in the membraiin insane in the brain

i feel like yelling like a schizophrenic, and just imagine me working with venerable people with these voices, i hear

everyone wanting to go to bed, but because they don’t want to muck with me in going to bed groups they sit up saying your like mrs allan, brian

and as i went to bed, the image of my old school chum pat is sitting up all night, and the image is plastered in my head and despite how much fun

i have staying up all night, it doesn’t work for me doing my art, so i am prepared to battle these demons and go to bed at 12.00, but i am not like

canary though, going to bed before midnight, where i can turn into a pumpkin, some woman doesn’t want me to film her kids and that is why i

don’t put many videos on youtube, i want to learn how to post legally, but i feel some videos are put on with me under delusions, posting on youtiube

like that, isn’t worth it, if i am always watching my back, but i still want to read my poems on youtube, i am learning more than people who are trained

to help does, but i don’t want to help like that, i find it hard with my voices to wait for videos of performances to load up, and i felt better when i did my

own stuff, the medication is making me shake a bit, and though there is nothing wrong with what i was doing on youtube to me, i am going back to

posting videos of myself reading stories and poems, cause i feel as naughty as a hooligan, and that ain’t brian allan’s style, maybe in my next life

i can be a proper youtube entertainer for awards, and i just sit there doing my tapestry watching sport like a guy over the internet, but i swill never

be too woosey for the computer world, because i feel like a naughty hooligan, and i upset my family a lot without meaning too and i don’t want to

upset my fans, and i know i have fans, i check my views, god your a fool brian, i hear the MEN say, i don’t want to go back to LEAD either, because

they teased me like how you tease a freaking hooligan, i am not a hooligan i am a real family person, and i am 45 years old, i shouldn’t behave like

a kid who needs discipline for the rest of my life, i don’t want mental illness, i like to be a success story
Sorin L Javerin Apr 2020
Voices
            Voices
                         Voices
Constantly speaking,
Raging
              Whispering
Talking?

Why won't they be QUIET,
silence...
Speaking; chatting; voices
                  Voices
   Voices

I can hear them in my head.
They speak louder at night,
All I want is sleep in my bed.
The sound in my head is like a bite.

No not sound.
Voices
               Voices
                                 Voices.

No sleep for me,
No sleep for them.
So why do they speak faster,
While my mind slinks slower.

Wait...
            silence...
                             At last...

The voices begin to sleep
Yet my mind is awake.
Thinking, guessing, hurting.
My eyes are heavy while my head is light.

The voices.
They talk again.
Simple, easing, slow.
Their words flow like honey.

Sweet and savory,
Whispering truths of the past...
Or are they my living lies.
My eyes do not know.

For they drop to darkness,
Ending the voices noise
From the fore and bringing
The sweet darkness of dark sleep.
THE TORTURING VOICES




you see my dad was watching the cricket with us

and i watched it with him, and it was very fun, you see

we saw australia being beaten by the west indies, because

they were so cool, you see, we were the cricket boys

and no robber wanted to rob us, because we were into australia’s favourite sport, cricket

you see i heard a non realistic image of my father saying

brian’s not a mans kid, brian’s not a man’s kid

and i was trying to relax and calmly watch the match

and my family were unrealistically teasing me, mind you they were having fun

and the words they said were different to me as it was for them

brian’s not a mans kid, don’t get kidnapped brian be like us

brian’s not a man’s kid, and watched the cricket, ya know trevor chappell doing an underarm ball

mum called cricket, anything and everything which has everything you hate

well, i don’t believe that, i was feeling like trying to be a mans kid

brian’s not a mans kid, brian’s not a mans kid

and i was getting these awful visions, i wanted these voices to stop

you see people in canberra were doing it too, but they looked like fierce kidnappers

and i said you can’t get me, i am a sports watcher

so i went home and obsessingly watching the cricket and AFL and rugby league, rugby union

you name the sport i watched it, and i fell asleep in front of the sport

you see i have this vision that mens kids watch the sport, mens kids watch the sport

brian’s not a mans kid, ******* ya hooligan away from us

you see, i wanted at that stage a hooligan to my dad and i had someone grab me outside a club

and i kicked him saying, get off me ya kidnapper, you won’t get ya hands on me mate

and dad was watching the cricket and enjoyed it, but i got frustrated with all that teasing

i didn’t want to be kidnap victim and i hate being my families or friends little teasie

i battle voices saying how is our little tease doing hey

but i hated when people wanted to bully me, saying your family are like us, your not

i said i like sport and they said, no you don’t, your family does, and your not like your family mate, your like us now man

i told my voices to *******, and they said, your not like your family, your like us

and this made me into a little 2 year old boy, i hated that voice

i remember i loved watching agro, which was a funny puppet on channel 7, and the mens kids said

don’t watch agro, watch cheezeTV, which was the cartoon show on the other channel

and my voices going crazy saying, you are a crazy person, who is too old for baby agro

and you are not like your family, your still like us, buddy

i screamed out, LEAVE ME ALONE, i am a sports watching mans kid

and dads image said brian’s not a mans kid, brian’s not a mans kid

but it could’ve been greame thrones kidnapper or patrick dunbars kidnapper

i said voices,  ‘stop', i wanted to be like my family, they said you are not like your family, your still like us

and i said, they look cool, and you guys look stupid, please leave me alone

there is also a man who wanted me and my brother tied to a pole, but we felt we weren’t immortal, but cool

i went into pubs to dance and watch the sport and i felt like a cool man

brian’s not a mans kid brian’s not a mans kid, stay in there koomarri man, get ****** mate went the little homebody kid

as i was watching the canberra bushrangers baseball team played, yeah totally awesome dude

brian’s not a mans kid, I WISH IT’LL ALL STOP
Alex Harrington Feb 2012
Voices, they're everywhere, telling her she's not good enough.
They call her disgusting and a downgrade from everyone else
She listens intently wondering if what they are saying is true
She wonders even if the voices she hears are real
They call to the girl, wanting her to join them
At first she resist knowing the regret that would result
But as the voices feed her information about her self
She realizes it would be better for everyone if she just disappeared
The voices, they tell her what to do, but she is hesetent
She tells them she can change, then she could stay
They say that the girl will fail, that her happiness only exist with them.
She try's to change, try's as hard as she can but the voices they we're right
From the beginning she realizes the voices were right
She was better off leaving, then ruining people's lives
She calls to the voices, wanting to hear them again
But all she hears is silence
The quiet, it kills her
She wants to leave more then ever before
But the voices they stopped
I needed them to say something, I needed them to tell me what to do.
I scream to them as loud as I can, but still I hear nothing
Thinking to myself I realize.....

                    I am useless, I am nothing, but ****** I am scared.....
Catrina Jan 2018
Every so often at night,

as  I lay in my bed

Alone, the voices

start  talking in my head.

Think of me mad,

But they fancy me dead.


These voices are unique,

All one of a kind.

And every single one of them,

wrapped up in my mind.

But they cloud my senses,

And make me blind.


I don’t know when they started,

Or where they came from.

But they play with my mind,

As if it were a toy.

Thinking of it now,

Am I the one to blame?


I listen to them telling me

Things like right from wrong.

I used to ignore them,

But the voices are far too strong.

Think of me mad,

But they’ve been here all along.


For I am the voices,

And the voices am I.

Created by me,

To give a me reason why.

Like an imaginary friend,

But one that gone away.

What used to be part of me,

Simply turned too sly.

Nobody can help me,

There’s no one to rely

On but the voices.

Who have done nothing but imply,

That they fancy nothing more,

Than for me to die.


So as the night roars nearer,

And the loneliness creeps in,

The voices start talking to me,

Again and again.

Soon, one of these nights,

I don’t know when,

The voices in my mind,

Will eventually win.

My room therein,

Would lie a lonely girl,

Who only once had been.
A governor it was proclaimed this time,
When all who would come seeking in New Hampshire
Ancestral memories might come together.
And those of the name Stark gathered in Bow,
A rock-strewn town where farming has fallen off,
And sprout-lands flourish where the axe has gone.
Someone had literally run to earth
In an old cellar hole in a by-road
The origin of all the family there.
Thence they were sprung, so numerous a tribe
That now not all the houses left in town
Made shift to shelter them without the help
Of here and there a tent in grove and orchard.
They were at Bow, but that was not enough:
Nothing would do but they must fix a day
To stand together on the crater’s verge
That turned them on the world, and try to fathom
The past and get some strangeness out of it.
But rain spoiled all. The day began uncertain,
With clouds low trailing and moments of rain that misted.
The young folk held some hope out to each other
Till well toward noon when the storm settled down
With a swish in the grass. “What if the others
Are there,” they said. “It isn’t going to rain.”
Only one from a farm not far away
Strolled thither, not expecting he would find
Anyone else, but out of idleness.
One, and one other, yes, for there were two.
The second round the curving hillside road
Was a girl; and she halted some way off
To reconnoitre, and then made up her mind
At least to pass by and see who he was,
And perhaps hear some word about the weather.
This was some Stark she didn’t know. He nodded.
“No fête to-day,” he said.

“It looks that way.”
She swept the heavens, turning on her heel.
“I only idled down.”

“I idled down.”

Provision there had been for just such meeting
Of stranger cousins, in a family tree
Drawn on a sort of passport with the branch
Of the one bearing it done in detail—
Some zealous one’s laborious device.
She made a sudden movement toward her bodice,
As one who clasps her heart. They laughed together.
“Stark?” he inquired. “No matter for the proof.”

“Yes, Stark. And you?”

“I’m Stark.” He drew his passport.

“You know we might not be and still be cousins:
The town is full of Chases, Lowes, and Baileys,
All claiming some priority in Starkness.
My mother was a Lane, yet might have married
Anyone upon earth and still her children
Would have been Starks, and doubtless here to-day.”

“You riddle with your genealogy
Like a Viola. I don’t follow you.”

“I only mean my mother was a Stark
Several times over, and by marrying father
No more than brought us back into the name.”

“One ought not to be thrown into confusion
By a plain statement of relationship,
But I own what you say makes my head spin.
You take my card—you seem so good at such things—
And see if you can reckon our cousinship.
Why not take seats here on the cellar wall
And dangle feet among the raspberry vines?”

“Under the shelter of the family tree.”

“Just so—that ought to be enough protection.”

“Not from the rain. I think it’s going to rain.”

“It’s raining.”

“No, it’s misting; let’s be fair.
Does the rain seem to you to cool the eyes?”

The situation was like this: the road
Bowed outward on the mountain half-way up,
And disappeared and ended not far off.
No one went home that way. The only house
Beyond where they were was a shattered seedpod.
And below roared a brook hidden in trees,
The sound of which was silence for the place.
This he sat listening to till she gave judgment.

“On father’s side, it seems, we’re—let me see——”

“Don’t be too technical.—You have three cards.”

“Four cards, one yours, three mine, one for each branch
Of the Stark family I’m a member of.”

“D’you know a person so related to herself
Is supposed to be mad.”

“I may be mad.”

“You look so, sitting out here in the rain
Studying genealogy with me
You never saw before. What will we come to
With all this pride of ancestry, we Yankees?
I think we’re all mad. Tell me why we’re here
Drawn into town about this cellar hole
Like wild geese on a lake before a storm?
What do we see in such a hole, I wonder.”

“The Indians had a myth of Chicamoztoc,
Which means The Seven Caves that We Came out of.
This is the pit from which we Starks were digged.”

“You must be learned. That’s what you see in it?”

“And what do you see?”

“Yes, what do I see?
First let me look. I see raspberry vines——”

“Oh, if you’re going to use your eyes, just hear
What I see. It’s a little, little boy,
As pale and dim as a match flame in the sun;
He’s groping in the cellar after jam,
He thinks it’s dark and it’s flooded with daylight.”

“He’s nothing. Listen. When I lean like this
I can make out old Grandsir Stark distinctly,—
With his pipe in his mouth and his brown jug—
Bless you, it isn’t Grandsir Stark, it’s Granny,
But the pipe’s there and smoking and the jug.
She’s after cider, the old girl, she’s thirsty;
Here’s hoping she gets her drink and gets out safely.”

“Tell me about her. Does she look like me?”

“She should, shouldn’t she, you’re so many times
Over descended from her. I believe
She does look like you. Stay the way you are.
The nose is just the same, and so’s the chin—
Making allowance, making due allowance.”

“You poor, dear, great, great, great, great Granny!”

“See that you get her greatness right. Don’t stint her.”

“Yes, it’s important, though you think it isn’t.
I won’t be teased. But see how wet I am.”

“Yes, you must go; we can’t stay here for ever.
But wait until I give you a hand up.
A bead of silver water more or less
Strung on your hair won’t hurt your summer looks.
I wanted to try something with the noise
That the brook raises in the empty valley.
We have seen visions—now consult the voices.
Something I must have learned riding in trains
When I was young. I used the roar
To set the voices speaking out of it,
Speaking or singing, and the band-music playing.
Perhaps you have the art of what I mean.
I’ve never listened in among the sounds
That a brook makes in such a wild descent.
It ought to give a purer oracle.”

“It’s as you throw a picture on a screen:
The meaning of it all is out of you;
The voices give you what you wish to hear.”

“Strangely, it’s anything they wish to give.”

“Then I don’t know. It must be strange enough.
I wonder if it’s not your make-believe.
What do you think you’re like to hear to-day?”

“From the sense of our having been together—
But why take time for what I’m like to hear?
I’ll tell you what the voices really say.
You will do very well right where you are
A little longer. I mustn’t feel too hurried,
Or I can’t give myself to hear the voices.”

“Is this some trance you are withdrawing into?”

“You must be very still; you mustn’t talk.”

“I’ll hardly breathe.”

“The voices seem to say——”

“I’m waiting.”

“Don’t! The voices seem to say:
Call her Nausicaa, the unafraid
Of an acquaintance made adventurously.”

“I let you say that—on consideration.”

“I don’t see very well how you can help it.
You want the truth. I speak but by the voices.
You see they know I haven’t had your name,
Though what a name should matter between us——”

“I shall suspect——”

“Be good. The voices say:
Call her Nausicaa, and take a timber
That you shall find lies in the cellar charred
Among the raspberries, and hew and shape it
For a door-sill or other corner piece
In a new cottage on the ancient spot.
The life is not yet all gone out of it.
And come and make your summer dwelling here,
And perhaps she will come, still unafraid,
And sit before you in the open door
With flowers in her lap until they fade,
But not come in across the sacred sill——”

“I wonder where your oracle is tending.
You can see that there’s something wrong with it,
Or it would speak in dialect. Whose voice
Does it purport to speak in? Not old Grandsir’s
Nor Granny’s, surely. Call up one of them.
They have best right to be heard in this place.”

“You seem so partial to our great-grandmother
(Nine times removed. Correct me if I err.)
You will be likely to regard as sacred
Anything she may say. But let me warn you,
Folks in her day were given to plain speaking.
You think you’d best tempt her at such a time?”

“It rests with us always to cut her off.”

“Well then, it’s Granny speaking: ‘I dunnow!
Mebbe I’m wrong to take it as I do.
There ain’t no names quite like the old ones though,
Nor never will be to my way of thinking.
One mustn’t bear too ******* the new comers,
But there’s a dite too many of them for comfort.
I should feel easier if I could see
More of the salt wherewith they’re to be salted.
Son, you do as you’re told! You take the timber—
It’s as sound as the day when it was cut—
And begin over——’ There, she’d better stop.
You can see what is troubling Granny, though.
But don’t you think we sometimes make too much
Of the old stock? What counts is the ideals,
And those will bear some keeping still about.”

“I can see we are going to be good friends.”

“I like your ‘going to be.’ You said just now
It’s going to rain.”

“I know, and it was raining.
I let you say all that. But I must go now.”

“You let me say it? on consideration?
How shall we say good-bye in such a case?”

“How shall we?”

“Will you leave the way to me?”

“No, I don’t trust your eyes. You’ve said enough.
Now give me your hand up.—Pick me that flower.”

“Where shall we meet again?”

“Nowhere but here
Once more before we meet elsewhere.”

“In rain?”

“It ought to be in rain. Sometime in rain.
In rain to-morrow, shall we, if it rains?
But if we must, in sunshine.” So she went.
Kai Aug 2022
What if the voices I hear are from God?
Then I am Satan, and we’ll stay at war.
I’ll strike him so with my ruby rod.
And impale him down into the earth’s core.

What if the voices I hear are from space?
I’m an alien with horns and a spot.
No one believes these voices are my race.
They do comment and understand my thoughts.

What if the voices I hear are man-made?
I shall sail the seas like Columbus–
through the stormy nights where I greet afraid.
I’ll find the land this man encompasses.

And I’ll ask him why he made me this way.
Does this mean I’m special– brought to a curse?
These voices persecute me every day.
They have become the air that I breathe.

My mind is louder than New York City.
I tell it to shut up, and it’ll yell back.
I tell my story. Some say I’m gritty.
How can I be brave? I let them do this.

My mind dominates until I have none.
Some of them complain more than my grandma.
Voices play games with me till it’s no fun.
They nibble parts of my brain, and they gnaw.

Oh, voices, voices, why do you taunt me?
It is amusing. I don’t let others bully.
I let my mind become the enemy.
**** these voices! You have already won, you, see?

I watched “A Beautiful Mind” by John Nash.
How can this mind be beautiful when it’s all gone?
I do draw what I see throughout the day.
I realized these figures took my mind away.
Schizophrenia took my mind away...
Chalsey Wilder Mar 2014
"I can't take it anymore" I said
"I hear the voices, I hear them scream"
"What voices?" he said
"There aren't any voices. Only you and I are here."
I look up
"The voices are too much for me." I said

Next thing I know I'm in an asylum
"What are the voices saying?" they ask
"They're saying everything." I whisper
Then they scream and I fall to my knees and scream with them
The screaming voices are my silent screams
If you read my other poem called Silent screams you might get this a bit more. Or maybe not.
It just came out this way
Jayde Jan 2019
Voices
Voices that no one can hear
Voices that only call for me
Voices that I hear from the moment i open my eyes until i close them
These voices are here from the time i wake up in the morning until i go to sleep that night
Dreams are where i escape but they arent always a safe place
I can have dreams where the vocies are at their loudest
They are undisturbed
They arent disrupted
They arent put on the back burner
Theyre loud and clear
Voices are hard to block out in a dream
In these dreams i see nothing but darkness
I cant see ahead of me to the side of me or behind me
But boy can i hear
I can hear these voices loud and clear
Those are the times i wake feeling like i never slept at all
Bone tired
Body heavy
No motivation
Asking why God why am I awake
I have to dust off one of the old masks and wear it for the day
I have no walls up no barriers
The voices are free to play
Im drowning
Drowning in a sea of voices
The sirens are singing to me telling me to jump and i did
Im falling down the rabbit hole like my name is Alice
Tumbling down down down
To the part of my soul i leave untouched
To the part of my soul where my demons play
This is the demons homes and they want me to stay
They ask arent i tired
They say take a break
They say give in give up
They say we're never going away
They tell me to stay
They tell me to play
They tell me to give it all away
But i have to focus on the surface
I have to remember what's above the surface
I have to be like Ariel and always go to the surface
I have to find my way back bc i have people that love me
Plans left untouched
Dreams i have yet to achieve
It's time to wake up
Leonard Green Jul 2013
If a thousand voices cried out in the middle of the night
to befriend those who suffer injustice and invented freedom
with a comfort that lasts only for a passing moment
would we hear or even care?

If a thousand voices demanded one single sentence
to bestow on all races a life of confined liberty and equality
for the sake of motives hidden behind a deceptive tongue
would we fear or even dare?

If a thousand voices sang tribute to the glory of One
to give hope and promise to the lost souls
yet mock the saved from other religious convictions
would we fare or just swear?

If a thousand voices drunk from the bottle of pride
staggered blindly in the alley of darkness illuminated by a dim light
in search of a truth shrouded and veiled with human nature
would we abstain or just remain?

If a thousand voices laughed at the sense of truth
so plain, so simple, yet allusive to those living a life
concerned with the social norms or being rebels with a cause
would we die or just survive?

If a thousand voices screamed in agony from torments
so inconceivable to the meek, the humane, the charitable
but devised by the minds, then enacted by the deeds of mankind
would we change course or just feel remorse?

If a thousand voices asked, or how about just one
to contemplate, to perceive, to discover the meaning
of selves, others, surroundings, without bias
would you question and be better than?
We, individually, can make a difference....
katie waker Mar 2016
The voices keep stirring my twisted memories
I’m never alone, never alone, never at peace
The memories occupy the insanity......
I can’t release what controls my mind.......
Am i insane?
Am i ever to walk by myself?
The voices abuse
The voices
The **** voices keep me screaming in silence
So much violence, so much torment, so much pain
The voices keep me tied to memories i cant let go.......
Please let me go, let me go, please let my insanity blow away
Is there anyone
Is anyone there?
I know my mind is slipping to darkness, slipping into an abyss
The insanity always wants to reminisce, keeps my pain fresh
How much longer?
How much more can i take?
The voices ****, voices won’t escape, my memories are my fate
I’ve lost all faith, no one can rescue me, is this the way it has to be....
These **** voices won’t let me be free, they won’t release, my mind is under siege
Voices in my head tell me to slap your face when you offend me,
Voices in my head tell me to cut myself when I'm in pain!
Voices in my head tell me to degrade someone for me to feel better,
Voices in my head tell me to compare myself to others..
Voices in my head tell me to only do what pleases me,
Voices in my head are never happy with me,
Voices in my head are never satisfied!
Voices in my head are always enraged,.
But there's one small voice that comforts me,
Its quiet and calm
But very powerful.,
It only works when I choose to be still and listen....
Way back in the year 2013
Brian Allan heard voices from far and wide
It started with his father Barry and brother Chris all driving around his mind
Saying come on come on
Come with us and we will show you fun and Brian was jumping up and down writing letters on the computer trying to get these rotten voices out of his mind because Brian wanted to run so he can lose weight and feel good about himself
And as Brian ran he said to the cool people I wanna be famous and they sarcastically said you want to be famous used as a tease
Then as he went inside he heard his father driving up above saying I would rather die rather than help you through it
And he said I will die I will die
This made Brian worry because he was trying to get on with his dad Just to hear him say that
Then Brian sat down and suddenly all these voices were flying around hid head
Voices of family brother dad and mum voices of uncle Stan and daphne snd Kevin from the other side and granny flying around making hot cross buns
Even if she never cooked them before
Brian's mate Patrick Being the long lost mate  and lucky and muscles fluffy and snoopy and
And lady and Mitsy snd Trudy
And then his mate denial said
Mate you should not worry about your voices all you need to listen to calm music and the voice of Cath kershal who was my boss at work saying
You shouldn't work tomorrow if you feel the way you do Just get better and then as I was throwing my stuff over the balcony I heard voices from neighbours saying graham Thorne would not do this he was only a kid when he died
And I was throwing stuff out
Using it as fuel to send the house right up to the clouds and all the voices o heard will be coming up to join me and
I can sit up here looking down on the Mother Earth saying
I want to be up here never to return to earth
When I do go to earth I will go to woolies to steal a coke and
Leave the money on the ground
For the homeless people to pick up
So they can have something each day to eat
While I'll go back and watch heaven cam on every house in the world
But there was two more visitors
To bring the Canberra sports kids toward me
First it was a couple of Maoris and I was feeling the pressures of being poor was leaving
My body and I drank my coke saying I am going off to kick a football with the Canberra sports kids and the Maoris left
And then after 10 minutes I was still making noise
So the police came and they stood watching me as the Canberra sports kids were moving into my body
And just when I had my brother and dad and mum and Patrick
And Stan and Kevin and daphne
And the Canberra sports kids
As well as having a perfect HD
Earth cam perfect tv System
The police wouldn't rest till they arrested me and taken me off to the psych ward
Placed on a psychiatric treatment order
I went to the base ball my last time I went to Sydney and dad died
People die fellas people die fellas
Cee Jun 2016
What is wrong with me
Why am I this way?
Why do have to deal
With this struggle every phuckin' day?
I try to take my mind off of things
Without the use of alcohol or drugs.
But my inner voices tell me
I'm useless & unloved.
They tell me I'm a ***** up
They tell me I'm no good.
They tell me I'm incapable of doing better
There's no way I could.
What they tell me must be truthful
Because that's how I feel.
The voices tell me the truth
They like to "keep it real"
They speak to me at night
That's why I rarely sleep.
They tell me I'm not strong
So they render me weak.
They make me go look in the mirror
& it's my reflection I'm hating.
I live a life of self-loathing
& self-deficating.
I've learned to hate myself
The voices made me see the light.
I've given into my voices
I believe they are right.
I believe what they say about me
They know best it seems.
The voices stripped away my pride
& destroyed my self-esteem.
I think what my voice tell me
Leaves me emotionally & mentally spent.
These voice must be my only friends
Because they listen when I vent.
They listen when no one else does
They give me their undivided attention.
They keep my inner secrets well
To no one else they will mention.
They show me how to hide the pain
They show me how to conceal it.
But when my voices & I are alone
They **** sure make me feel it.
The voices make me feel as if I'm nothing
As if my life is a waste of time.
They say it so much
That it's tattooed on my mind.
They're right, I'm worthless
Taking up precious space.
The world would be a better place
If I were erased.
*voices you are right
A Poem for Three Voices

Setting:  A Maternity Ward and round about

FIRST VOICE:
I am slow as the world.  I am very patient,
Turning through my time, the suns and stars
Regarding me with attention.
The moon's concern is more personal:
She passes and repasses, luminous as a nurse.
Is she sorry for what will happen?  I do not think so.
She is simply astonished at fertility.

When I walk out, I am a great event.
I do not have to think, or even rehearse.
What happens in me will happen without attention.
The pheasant stands on the hill;
He is arranging his brown feathers.
I cannot help smiling at what it is I know.
Leaves and petals attend me.  I am ready.

SECOND VOICE:
When I first saw it, the small red seep, I did not believe it.
I watched the men walk about me in the office.  They were so flat!
There was something about them like cardboard, and now I had caught it,
That flat, flat, flatness from which ideas, destructions,
Bulldozers, guillotines, white chambers of shrieks proceed,
Endlessly proceed--and the cold angels, the abstractions.
I sat at my desk in my stockings, my high heels,

And the man I work for laughed:  'Have you seen something awful?
You are so white, suddenly.'  And I said nothing.
I saw death in the bare trees, a deprivation.
I could not believe it.  Is it so difficult
For the spirit to conceive a face, a mouth?
The letters proceed from these black keys, and these black keys proceed
From my alphabetical fingers, ordering parts,

Parts, bits, cogs, the shining multiples.
I am dying as I sit.  I lose a dimension.
Trains roar in my ears, departures, departures!
The silver track of time empties into the distance,
The white sky empties of its promise, like a cup.
These are my feet, these mechanical echoes.
Tap, tap, tap, steel pegs.  I am found wanting.

This is a disease I carry home, this is a death.
Again, this is a death.  Is it the air,
The particles of destruction I **** up?  Am I a pulse
That wanes and wanes, facing the cold angel?
Is this my lover then?  This death, this death?
As a child I loved a lichen-bitten name.
Is this the one sin then, this old dead love of death?

THIRD VOICE:
I remember the minute when I knew for sure.
The willows were chilling,
The face in the pool was beautiful, but not mine--
It had a consequential look, like everything else,
And all I could see was dangers:  doves and words,
Stars and showers of gold--conceptions, conceptions!
I remember a white, cold wing

And the great swan, with its terrible look,
Coming at me, like a castle, from the top of the river.
There is a snake in swans.
He glided by; his eye had a black meaning.
I saw the world in it--small, mean and black,
Every little word hooked to every little word, and act to act.
A hot blue day had budded into something.

I wasn't ready.  The white clouds rearing
Aside were dragging me in four directions.
I wasn't ready.
I had no reverence.
I thought I could deny the consequence--
But it was too late for that.  It was too late, and the face
Went on shaping itself with love, as if I was ready.

SECOND VOICE:
It is a world of snow now.  I am not at home.
How white these sheets are.  The faces have no features.
They are bald and impossible, like the faces of my children,
Those little sick ones that elude my arms.
Other children do not touch me:  they are terrible.
They have too many colors, too much life.  They are not quiet,
Quiet, like the little emptinesses I carry.

I have had my chances.  I have tried and tried.
I have stitched life into me like a rare *****,
And walked carefully, precariously, like something rare.
I have tried not to think too hard.  I have tried to be natural.
I have tried to be blind in love, like other women,
Blind in my bed, with my dear blind sweet one,
Not looking, through the thick dark, for the face of another.

I did not look.  But still the face was there,
The face of the unborn one that loved its perfections,
The face of the dead one that could only be perfect
In its easy peace, could only keep holy so.
And then there were other faces.  The faces of nations,
Governments, parliaments, societies,
The faceless faces of important men.

It is these men I mind:
They are so jealous of anything that is not flat!  They are jealous gods
That would have the whole world flat because they are.
I see the Father conversing with the Son.
Such flatness cannot but be holy.
'Let us make a heaven,' they say.
'Let us flatten and launder the grossness from these souls.'

FIRST VOICE:
I am calm.  I am calm.  It is the calm before something awful:
The yellow minute before the wind walks, when the leaves
Turn up their hands, their pallors.  It is so quiet here.
The sheets, the faces, are white and stopped, like clocks.
Voices stand back and flatten.  Their visible hieroglyphs
Flatten to parchment screens to keep the wind off.
They paint such secrets in Arabic, Chinese!

I am dumb and brown.  I am a seed about to break.
The brownness is my dead self, and it is sullen:
It does not wish to be more, or different.
Dusk hoods me in blue now, like a Mary.
O color of distance and forgetfulness!--
When will it be, the second when Time breaks
And eternity engulfs it, and I drown utterly?

I talk to myself, myself only, set apart--
Swabbed and lurid with disinfectants, sacrificial.
Waiting lies heavy on my lids.  It lies like sleep,
Like a big sea.  Far off, far off, I feel the first wave tug
Its cargo of agony toward me, inescapable, tidal.
And I, a shell, echoing on this white beach
Face the voices that overwhelm, the terrible element.

THIRD VOICE:
I am a mountain now, among mountainy women.
The doctors move among us as if our bigness
Frightened the mind.  They smile like fools.
They are to blame for what I am, and they know it.
They hug their flatness like a kind of health.
And what if they found themselves surprised, as I did?
They would go mad with it.

And what if two lives leaked between my thighs?
I have seen the white clean chamber with its instruments.
It is a place of shrieks.  It is not happy.
'This is where you will come when you are ready.'
The night lights are flat red moons.  They are dull with blood.
I am not ready for anything to happen.
I should have murdered this, that murders me.

FIRST VOICE:
There is no miracle more cruel than this.
I am dragged by the horses, the iron hooves.
I last.  I last it out.  I accomplish a work.
Dark tunnel, through which hurtle the visitations,
The visitations, the manifestations, the startled faces.
I am the center of an atrocity.
What pains, what sorrows must I be mothering?

Can such innocence **** and ****?  It milks my life.
The trees wither in the street.  The rain is corrosive.
I taste it on my tongue, and the workable horrors,
The horrors that stand and idle, the slighted godmothers
With their hearts that tick and tick, with their satchels of instruments.
I shall be a wall and a roof, protecting.
I shall be a sky and a hill of good:  O let me be!

A power is growing on me, an old tenacity.
I am breaking apart like the world.  There is this blackness,
This ram of blackness.  I fold my hands on a mountain.
The air is thick.  It is thick with this working.
I am used.  I am drummed into use.
My eyes are squeezed by this blackness.
I see nothing.

SECOND VOICE:
I am accused.  I dream of massacres.
I am a garden of black and red agonies.  I drink them,
Hating myself, hating and fearing.  And now the world conceives
Its end and runs toward it, arms held out in love.
It is a love of death that sickens everything.
A dead sun stains the newsprint.  It is red.
I lose life after life.  The dark earth drinks them.

She is the vampire of us all.  So she supports us,
Fattens us, is kind.  Her mouth is red.
I know her.  I know her intimately--
Old winter-face, old barren one, old time bomb.
Men have used her meanly.  She will eat them.
Eat them, eat them, eat them in the end.
The sun is down.  I die.  I make a death.

FIRST VOICE:
Who is he, this blue, furious boy,
Shiny and strange, as if he had hurtled from a star?
He is looking so angrily!
He flew into the room, a shriek at his heel.
The blue color pales.  He is human after all.
A red lotus opens in its bowl of blood;
They are stitching me up with silk, as if I were a material.

What did my fingers do before they held him?
What did my heart do, with its love?
I have never seen a thing so clear.
His lids are like the lilac-flower
And soft as a moth, his breath.
I shall not let go.
There is no guile or warp in him.  May he keep so.

SECOND VOICE:
There is the moon in the high window.  It is over.
How winter fills my soul!  And that chalk light
Laying its scales on the windows, the windows of empty offices,
Empty schoolrooms, empty churches.  O so much emptiness!
There is this cessation.  This terrible cessation of everything.
These bodies mounded around me now, these polar sleepers--
What blue, moony ray ices their dreams?

I feel it enter me, cold, alien, like an instrument.
And that mad, hard face at the end of it, that O-mouth
Open in its gape of perpetual grieving.
It is she that drags the blood-black sea around
Month after month, with its voices of failure.
I am helpless as the sea at the end of her string.
I am restless.  Restless and useless.  I, too, create corpses.

I shall move north.  I shall move into a long blackness.
I see myself as a shadow, neither man nor woman,
Neither a woman, happy to be like a man, nor a man
Blunt and flat enough to feel no lack.  I feel a lack.
I hold my fingers up, ten white pickets.
See, the darkness is leaking from the cracks.
I cannot contain it.  I cannot contain my life.

I shall be a heroine of the peripheral.
I shall not be accused by isolate buttons,
Holes in the heels of socks, the white mute faces
Of unanswered letters, coffined in a letter case.
I shall not be accused, I shall not be accused.
The clock shall not find me wanting, nor these stars
That rivet in place abyss after abyss.

THIRD VOICE:
I see her in my sleep, my red, terrible girl.
She is crying through the glass that separates us.
She is crying, and she is furious.
Her cries are hooks that catch and grate like cats.
It is by these hooks she climbs to my notice.
She is crying at the dark, or at the stars
That at such a distance from us shine and whirl.

I think her little head is carved in wood,
A red, hard wood, eyes shut and mouth wide open.
And from the open mouth issue sharp cries
Scratching at my sleep like arrows,
Scratching at my sleep, and entering my side.
My daughter has no teeth.  Her mouth is wide.
It utters such dark sounds it cannot be good.

FIRST VOICE:
What is it that flings these innocent souls at us?
Look, they are so exhausted, they are all flat out
In their canvas-sided cots, names tied to their wrists,
The little silver trophies they've come so far for.
There are some with thick black hair, there are some bald.
Their skin tints are pink or sallow, brown or red;
They are beginning to remember their differences.

I think they are made of water; they have no expression.
Their features are sleeping, like light on quiet water.
They are the real monks and nuns in their identical garments.
I see them showering like stars on to the world--
On India, Africa, America, these miraculous ones,
These pure, small images.  They smell of milk.
Their footsoles are untouched.  They are walkers of air.

Can nothingness be so prodigal?
Here is my son.
His wide eye is that general, flat blue.
He is turning to me like a little, blind, bright plant.
One cry.  It is the hook I hang on.
And I am a river of milk.
I am a warm hill.

SECOND VOICE:
I am not ugly.  I am even beautiful.
The mirror gives back a woman without deformity.
The nurses give back my clothes, and an identity.
It is usual, they say, for such a thing to happen.
It is usual in my life, and the lives of others.
I am one in five, something like that.  I am not hopeless.
I am beautiful as a statistic.  Here is my lipstick.

I draw on the old mouth.
The red mouth I put by with my identity
A day ago, two days, three days ago.  It was a Friday.
I do not even need a holiday; I can go to work today.
I can love my husband, who will understand.
Who will love me through the blur of my deformity
As if I had lost an eye, a leg, a tongue.

And so I stand, a little sightless.  So I walk
Away on wheels, instead of legs, they serve as well.
And learn to speak with fingers, not a tongue.
The body is resourceful.
The body of a starfish can grow back its arms
And newts are prodigal in legs.  And may I be
As prodigal in what lacks me.

THIRD VOICE:
She is a small island, asleep and peaceful,
And I am a white ship hooting:  Goodbye, goodbye.
The day is blazing.  It is very mournful.
The flowers in this room are red and tropical.
They have lived behind glass all their lives, they have been cared for
        tenderly.
Now they face a winter of white sheets, white faces.
There is very little to go into my suitcase.

There are the clothes of a fat woman I do not know.
There is my comb and brush.  There is an emptiness.
I am so vulnerable suddenly.
I am a wound walking out of hospital.
I am a wound that they are letting go.
I leave my health behind.  I leave someone
Who would adhere to me:  I undo her fingers like bandages:  I go.

SECOND VOICE:
I am myself again.  There are no loose ends.
I am bled white as wax, I have no attachments.
I am flat and virginal, which means nothing has happened,
Nothing that cannot be erased, ripped up and scrapped, begun again.
There little black twigs do not think to bud,
Nor do these dry, dry gutters dream of rain.
This woman who meets me in windows--she is neat.

So neat she is transparent, like a spirit.
how shyly she superimposes her neat self
On the inferno of African oranges, the heel-hung pigs.
She is deferring to reality.
It is I.  It is I--
Tasting the bitterness between my teeth.
The incalculable malice of the everyday.

FIRST VOICE:
How long can I be a wall, keeping the wind off?
How long can I be
Gentling the sun with the shade of my hand,
Intercepting the blue bolts of a cold moon?
The voices of loneliness, the voices of sorrow
Lap at my back ineluctably.
How shall it soften them, this little lullaby?

How long can I be a wall around my green property?
How long can my hands
Be a bandage to his hurt, and my words
Bright birds in the sky, consoling, consoling?
It is a terrible thing
To be so open:  it is as if my heart
Put on a face and walked into the world.

THIRD VOICE:
Today the colleges are drunk with spring.
My black gown is a little funeral:
It shows I am serious.
The books I carry wedge into my side.
I had an old wound once, but it is healing.
I had a dream of an island, red with cries.
It was a dream, and did not mean a thing.

FIRST VOICE:
Dawn flowers in the great elm outside the house.
The swifts are back.  They are shrieking like paper rockets.
I hear the sound of the hours
Widen and die in the hedgerows.  I hear the moo of cows.
The colors replenish themselves, and the wet
Thatch smokes in the sun.
The narcissi open white faces in the orchard.

I am reassured.  I am reassured.
These are the clear bright colors of the nursery,
The talking ducks, the happy lambs.
I am simple again.  I believe in miracles.
I do not believe in those terrible children
Who injure my sleep with their white eyes, their fingerless hands.
They are not mine.  They do not belong to me.

I shall meditate upon normality.
I shall meditate upon my little son.
He does not walk. &n
Voices
Voices all around me
Screaming your name
Screaming my pain
Voices telling me our denied love story
The voices are all over me
They are a gift of my insanity
I should fear them
I should run from them
But they welcome me
They fill my void
They fill the empty space you once took up.
The voices speak of our love
The voices cry over our love
The voices fade
Slowly into the dark abyss,
As I fade into my dreams
And before I sink into the kaleidoscope of colors that flood my cerebral cortex
The voices screetch
''YOU LOVED HER YESTERDAY , YOU LOVED HER TODAY , YOU WILL LOVE HER TOMORROW !".
The kaleidoscope of colors take over and into a world of blur and haze I disapear in search of my sanity , in search of you.
Nae Nov 2013
“Nicole Brunelli, the first small town journalist receiving...” - no - “...the best journalist of Ludlow receiving the Pulitzer Prize! She is ambitious, determinated, fearless, unstoppable and this couldn’t be possible if she wasn’t like this otherwise she would never had revealed the macabre events of Bethlem Royal Hospital! Aaaaaaah”.
My name is Nicole Brunelli I’m 28 years old and I’m a journalist. My childhood wasn’t easy but what childhood was? My mom died when she gave me birth, and my dad... lo... my dad loved me too much until my 16 years old. By then I was starting college and I went to live with a friend of mine, we moved to  Glasgow and we graduated together. We had the time of our life and I ended up marrying him, a few years later we moved to a small town called Ludlow, we had our precious first child and I became an unknown journalist. But now everything changed, this is what I was meant to do.
I research about Bethlem Asylum and some archive stuff just doesn’t make sense, death dates, nonexistent patients, witnesses like one man who lived in the area of the hospital attested to the “cryings, screechings, roarings, brawlings, shaking of chains, swearings, frettings, and chaffings to be heard from the outside.” and he also said something about the managers of the facility that were known as Keepers, and were seemingly as frightening as they sound.  One such Keeper, Helkiah Crooke, a member of the medical department of the royal household, took over, ousting the former for being “unskillful in the practice of medicine.” It could be assumed that he would then handle the medical inattentions to the patients, but no records were ever made of any medical needs of the patients. He himself referred to the patients as “the poore” or “prisoners”. Something is not right I feel it and that is why I’m going there to scrutinize, and due to this I’m going to be the first and the best small town journalist receiving a Pulitzer.
My husband doesn’t really agree with this, but he knows how I am, he knows I’ll do everything for my Pulitzer, and to make him and our baby proud of me...
The time has come, this is it. My future is about to change, I am here now, after a bus ride to Bethlem that **** 3 hours and 45 minutes, I am here.
They refused to receive me! They don’t let me in! They don’t let me in and they don’t give me any information about their procedure on patients or anything! No, no, no, no. I gotta find another way to get in.  I have to. I gotta find another way in. I’ve got to do this! I don’t know what to do, I was so close, so ******* close! I can’t give up, I can’t! I’ve got to do this! This is what I was meant to do!

One night passed and I was still there waiting for them to let me in until the night watch, where a nurse thought I was one of them trying to run, or at least that was what she wanted me think. For instants I thought “This is my chance! This is it” until I realised that once I get in, the difficult part is to figure how to get out.
Three days passed and I realised what they were doing there...people coming in aisle F as sanes or insanes and two days later coming out as vegetables or dead... They were using patients, human beings, and most of them weren’t even crazy at least when they got there, and they were using them as cavies for their experiences.
Of course, who would believe in crazy people?
After the seventh day as a patient in the Asylum I had earned the right to a guided tour to aisle D... where they give you shock therapy. Apparently I’m a messy patient, I talk to much and I refused to take some pills, so they sent me to see Mr. Cleymoore, the asylum shrink so he could diagnose me; he said that I would never see my family again, that I would never see my husband or my baby again, he said he knew all about me, and he wanted me to sign myself in the asylum but I refused to do that...So they faked my death. In my plug diagnosis my name was no longer Nicole Brunelli, now I was Lisa Coventry and I was diagnosed with hidden schizophrenia and double personality disorder, caused by the fire that killed my family when I was 16 years old.
But how would they know all of this? My family, my past, my whole life?! It doesn’t make any sense!
Three months passed and I had a tour to aisle D every week. This place was crazy, it makes me think who are the insane people here. The way they treated people! The way the “disturbed” were chained up to walls and posts like dogs. They slept on beds of straw only as the water supply did not allow for washing of linens. The way the rooms had exposed windows, leaving the patients in damp conditions at the mercy of all weather and utter darkness at night. The hospital itself was actually noted as “a crazy carcass with no wall still vertical,” offering only leaking, caved in roofs, uneven floors and buckling walls.
Under Crooke’s Keeping, the residents were not only filthy and unclothed, but malnourished to the point of starvation using a “lowering diet,” of intentionally slim portions of plain food only twice a day. It was meant to deplete and purge the madness out of the victims, while helping to conserve money. 
 There were no fruit or vegetables to be given. Mostly bread, meat, oatmeal, butter, cheese and plenty of beer was the menu. While all of this is terrible, the true horror was in the moneymaking scheme that kept it running at all. Originally, the hospital was open to the public in hopes that food would be brought to the inmates from the community. Quickly, money was charged, creating a sideshow where the public was invited to watch patients displayed in cages, laugh at them as they banged their heads repeatedly on the walls, and even to poke them with sticks and throw things at them.
 Luckly I made a friend there, Mike Spencer was his name, he was the male nurse who used to do the night watches, he used to stay all night with me just talking and making promises; he knew I wasn’t crazy and that actualy helped me keeping me sane, at least for a while.
 Six months passed and I wasn’t the same.
They are coming, they are coming...they are coming for me...they are coming for Lisa.
 It’s cold, the cold tastes like blue. - Ahah - it tastes like blue! - Ahah...It’s cold... they are coming for Lisa, Lisa doesn’t want to go with them...
 She said that she’ll keep me safe, she said she would take care of Lisa. Lisa is hearing them, They are coming! Lisa doesn’t want to go, no, no, no, NO.
 She said they wouldn’t hurt me. YOU SAID THEY WOULDN’T HURT ME! They, gave me shocks again, they gave Lisa shocks.
 It’s not my fault. They know. They know. They must know why am I here if they don’t know? It’s not my fault she made me do it! She said it was the best thing! Now they can’t have him. Now he’s safe. My unborned baby is safe. They can’t have him now.
 She said she would protect me...She said she would protect Lisa. Shut the voices down! Shut the voices! She’s saying bad things. Lisa doesn’t like what she’s saying. She keeps telling me - “ You killed your mother when she gave you birth! it’s your fault that daddy loved you and used you to replace her! You know you liked when he used to play with you and love you. Everybody knows he used to did it what people didn’t knew was that you liked it! you wanted more! You know he only did it because you let him! And you certainly know who started the fire who killed him...” - SHUT UP! We need to shut the voices down! We need to shut the voices! shut...shut the voices...shut the... shut the voices down... shut the voices down... shut... shut the... shut the voices...
 She said Mike promised. She said Mike promised Lisa to take me out of here... Mike promised.
Two more months passed and I was completly insane due the shock therapy, but Mike kept his promise and he took me out of there, in the middle of the night he gave me a coat and he drove me to South Hampton seaport, he gave me the ticket and said that that was the further he could go. Along with the ticket he also gave me his lucky neckless and told me he bought me a ticket to Cuba so I could be free. I left a friend in that seaport a really good friend but I needed to go I couldn’t go back to that place.
 I had no lugagge, no shoes, nothing, just a coat, a neckless and a ticket to freedom.
 I had to ****** adapt to the situation and try to go unnoticed and not to attract to many attention, so I went to my cabine and stayed there until the end of the cruise for the maximum I could.

— The End —