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Sara Jones Jan 2019
Do you want to be with me?
Does the thought of having this baby scare you so much that you can't be patient with me?
Is it that we dont have ***?
Why is it when I speak you always get upset and say I'm trying to blame you when I'm just trying to talk?
Is it that I'm complaining too much?
Is it that I dont depend on you?
Is it that you want me to?

What do you want from me?
Do you want me to figure out a solution?
My solution is to just shut up and do whatever you want.
But you wont like that.
Neither will I.
Do you want me to visit at work everyday?
Ask where you are?
Be up your ***?
Do you want me to be fake?
Because that's what you're asking of me

I'm sorry
I can't live like that
Like this
Anymore
I'm done.
Sara Jones Aug 2018
One day I believe I'll be what you want me to be
One day I think I'll do what you want me to
One day I wont **** up so much
One day I'll be worthy of you
  Mar 2018 Sara Jones
Carolyn Cagnon
I start the day early,
And I end it late.
"Out for five"
Means I'm out for eight.
My soul is weeping,
And my body aches.
I have no energy,
To deal with this stupidity,
I need a ****** break.
Vacation denied,
Another bottle of wine,
Cigarettes to fill my time.
Nicotine is my diet,
And I'll sleep when I'm dead.
"This is the life you've chosen,"
Well now my spirit's broken,
And I want a bullet in my head.
I'm too proud to crawl home,
But I long for my comfort zone.
Where does one turn when blind,
War is raging within my mind,
"Quit and go home dearie,"
But maybe I'll stay and go mad instead,
Or maybe I'll just end up dead.
Time clock, login, password, clock in...
The mind numbing cycle continues,
And now I'm too far in to quit.
**** it....pull the ******* trigger,
This working girl lost to something bigger.
Sara Jones Mar 2018
Its times like this when i get home later than expected.
Hes sleeping peacefully,
But theres plenty to do:
Dishes
Litterboxes
Laundry
Sweeping
Mopping
Vaccuming
Cleanin­g my car
Sleeping
Bathing
Brushing my teeth
Existing
Smiling
Being Happy, or prentending to be
Be uncomortable in my own skin
Scratch my arm in hopes the skin starts peeling off
Man this list is too much for me
Im going to bed.
Sara Jones Dec 2017
You said youd never leave me.
You said youd never dissapear.
You told me you would always stay right here.
But you lied, didnt you?
Made my friends heal all my wounds
You left, for what?
For someone who cant even take care of you?
For someone who would only use you?
Made alcohol into my bandaids,
Because you cant see the scars you left inside,
On my heart, in my mind
You left pieces of you behind and it makes me feel like i can hold on.
But why would i do that, when i can move on?
I can try and forget your name and fail as always
Because somehow
Youve poured your poison in my veins
The only way to get rid of you is to cut it out
But its gone into my heart and courses through my body with every rythmic beat and bump
Youre like taking a shot of *****
You remember that time you tried to drown yourself in it but it didnt work
Only landed you in the hospital for alcohol posioning
Alcohol at least helps numb the hurt as my heart continuse to pump your name throughout my system

Its not like my heart hasnt been broken before.
Whats one more time?
Cracks will always give way.
Just like how i will always run back to you
And history will always repeat itself.
And i will always end up
Broken
Sara Jones Dec 2017
Oh darling don't mind me and my twisted thoughts
It's not like you bothered to check before
So I'll down this bottle of Crown alone
Just like the one I did 20 minutes ago
To get as far gone as I can
Maybe I'll call you and confess what I've always wanted to say
After all, sober thoughts have never really done me much good.

Downing bottle after bottle sounds more appealing
Than you telling me you don't love me anymore
Sara Jones Dec 2017
How dare you tell me

That I was the problem.
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