People plugged in everywhere
To ipods, games and phones
Like non-existent robots
The world is full of drones
We're now made up of circuit boards
We've lost all of our bones
Be different, and unplug yourself
Grow a pair of stones

Your life is electronic
on a tablet or a chip
You run your life remotely
you give people email lip
you wouldn't dare go jogging
you might fall and break a hip
Be different, and unplug yourself
And give technology the slip

A record made of vinyl
now it's just some bits and bytes
It's a relic in an antique store
Along with other sights
Like cameras using flashbulbs
when taking shots at night
Be different and unplug yourself
Show digital your might

It doesn't matter where you go
A text, you have to send
If you're going to the shopping mall
Or just walking 'round the bend
You've more holsters on your belt loop
Than gunfighters would depend
To hold onto their weapons
Before they met their end

Turn off the boxes, read a book
Do something that's old school
Don't follow all the others
Acting like a dumb pack mule
Don't rely on electronics
Just use it as a tool
Unplug yourself from everything
Be a leader not a fool

People plugged in everywhere
To ipods, games and phones
Like non-existent robots
The world is full of drones
We're now made up of circuit boards
We've lost all of our bones
Be different, and unplug yourself
Grow a pair of stones

A thousand years will pass
And someone will stumble upon my corpse
I'll have one of those bank tubes tied around my neck
And in will lay pages that I've written on here
The person who cracks open that seal
Will first be surprised the paper didn’t fall apart and blow into the air
The pages they read will be astonishing they will read about
How the society I lived in cared more about a value meal and a good deal on shoes
Then the planet and how it was destroyed by our gas ******* monsters.
They’ll read on to see that in this world lived a man
Who saw the world as it should be seen
(A young child that’s been constantly ******* abused and screaming for help)
That’s how I see the world now
As we pour our maxim sized sodas and flip on our mind ****** television
This society and culture is being suffocated of all its creativity and imagination.
This person might not even understand what the **** is going on
Who knows they might even consider it a grand artifact but honestly
When they decipher this language they will come to see that the world I lived in was
Dying faster than I can even imagine. All I hope is that they won’t follow in the way our world is going. WE need to stop sitting in front of our televisions and get out into the world we need a renaissance of ideas we need a revolt we need a savior (but not like a religious one) we just need to all team up and take our minds back. We just need to take our minds back. We just need to take our minds back. UNPLUG PEOPLE UNPLUG

When did things change so much?
When did I get so encapsulated
Into the world of technology?
When did I stop listening
To myself and my own thoughts
And instead add another view
To some article or YouTube video
Just to reach some spoon-fed "opinion"?

When did we stop engaging
In life and with ourselves?
When did playing video games turn to
Watching other people play them online
Numbing our brains to the world
And "filling" our social needs digitally?
When did watching television turn into
Binge-watching an entire series in one sitting?

With this much constant stimulation
It's no wonder we're bored so easily
And that no one goes outside anymore
And that I don't feel alive anymore
Because one of the first things I do
When I get home from work or the gym
Is turn on the smart tv so it can warm up
Because the apps on it take time to load
And I already know that my free time
Will be spent in front of that screen

Lately I've been nervous about
Eventually moving in with new people
Primarily because I spend a lot of my time
Passively using the television
I was concerned with how we'd balance our usage
Instead of considering changing the way I spend my time

When did I start placing my use of technology
Above my own self-care?
When I spend hours watching YouTube
But still forget to take a shower sometimes
And I truly wonder if my recent urges
To leave the state to work on a farm for a month
Are more indicative of some deep desire
To unplug and reset my energy and priorities
Than my interest in agriculture or
Learning to live off of the land

When did I start to feel the need
To take such drastic measures
To change something so simple
Something I could choose to disengage with
At the simple touch of a button?

Unplug my heart.
It has been malfunctioning lately.
It hardly beats anymore.
It stops at any given time,
leaving me temporarily dead.
Or am I permanently dead?
I don't even know anymore.
Please, I beg! Unplug my heart.
It has no purpose anymore.
This tired, weakened heart
can beat no longer.
Not without you.

look how far we have come, just imagine
where we will go.
Your imagination, is my destination,
so sit back and enjoy the show.
I might not be as talented with as my counterparts- i rather take my time mastering your parts. crossing your lines, exploring your arts. You can take it anyway you like, just let me take over when we get to my favorite part. I've been turning you on from the start, its only right I get you off. lips so soft, my scent doesn't wash off. Making sick love,send you home with a cough. I tried to rank you, but your off the charts. If this was a game, I'd be the King of spades and you would be the black queen of hearts. My favorite part of this, is playing are parts. I dont know, there is still alot to learn. I hate to see you go, but love taking turns watching you *** and go.
writing you these words, i hope the follow you to sleep.Getting wrapped up in my words like I
were your sheets. I am not trying to come at you the wrong way- but you've been on my mind all day. Putting you in all the right positions, my edition of feng shui. Take a mental picture and keep it stored away so when I finally see you, I can do things the right way. If it was up to me, you wouldn't know the difference between night and day. Close the blinds, lock the door, unplug the phone, and lets play; you do, everything, I say.

I'd like to think that we
could unplug our Ethernet
arteries, replace them with
notebook spirals, and still
live long enough to fill
the pages.

dear technology, you are starting to ruin our lives
we're just a little too invested in these laptops and hard drives
something has been lost and we need to get it back
we have lost the ability to truly feel and interact
social media has held us captive and kept us down
immersed in a cyber sea, we are starting to drown
but when I'm far away and i need my loved ones near
just a few clicks will show them I care
but its hard to wrap emails in ribbons and bows
what we would do without Facebook and twitter, no one knows
Dear technology sincerity has become a thing of the past
people start looking for love on computer screens so nothing lasts
nothing is private, all data is open to the universe
chords attach us to the world and that's how we converse
to these gadgets we've fallen prey
we need a social media free vacation to get away
on this journey of life I cant derail from its tracks
so hey technology, I'm gonna unplug and relax

Unplug me, please.
I wish I had never moved into the 21st century.
Take away my TV, please.
I can't handle the ennui it brings.
Take away my phone, please.
I don't want to be reached.
Leave me a message, slipped under my front door.
Hand write me a letter and put it in my mailbox.
If it's important wait on my porch, I'll be home soon.
I want my news from the paper,
My correspondence face to face.
The world is already right outside my door,
Why do I need it at my fingertips?

iTS OK TO SOMETIMES UNPLUG YOURSELF FROM YOURSELF..
a WELCOMED RESET IS SOMETIMES ALL THAT MOST PEOPLE NEED..
tO SEE THINGS THAT WE HAVE BEEN BLIND TO FOR SO LONG..
mOST TIMES I SEE IT TRUE IN THE RAIN..
lIGHTNING, THUNDER, MYSTIC BLUES ON THE HORIZON..
i WELCOME YOU TO MY RESET..
hOW I LOVE TO SHOW YOU MY LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN..
sWEET PRINCESS OF MY LIFE, LET OUR SOULS COLOR EACHOTHER..

We are bred to be slaves but what keeps us in chains?
There must be something that allows the deranged
The key that locks our flowing lion's mane.
How we ought to say we are ashamed
That in America we talk of freedom
When most are economic slaves;
You're not incorrect to say this.
But what is keeping you enslaved?
Unplug for a while.
Sit in stillness if you will it.
The answers will come to you,
If you ask, and you feel it.

—————————————————
~an introduction for ignorant newborns~


we live in a society built on lies...
when the hell will we get up and open our eyes?

sitting in the back seat watching time go by...
powerless to the person at the wheel...

when we unplug our monitors,
we unplug our minds.


take your pills,
now go back to sleep...


put on your headphones,
mindless to this rotting world
that perpetually dies.

turn the volume up,
and every time the volume increases,
your ignorance follows suit.

blind yourself in the limelight of cameras,
oh, beloved celebrity.

cover your feelings with makeup, and cleanse yourself of anxiety with your...

medicine.


talk about how “OCD” you are,
as you drive past the mental ward.








—————————————————
~interlude~


mr. president stands before a thousand cameras—

lights flashing,
questions asking.

what will he say?
what will he decide?
or,
will he lie?

he turns his head to one camera.
he smiles and says it’ll be alright.

he turns his head to another.
he frowns and talks about how there should be no more ******.

he looks to a camera in front of him and says,
“we are a free people...”




and i wonder



which broadcast tells the truth?



—————————————————
~ode to the top 1%~

on the top floor,

watch through the eye of god,
as the filthy ants scramble below you.

look through your glass window,
as the man on the other side cleans it.

frown upon him as if he is an insect,
instead of a man.

shuffle your papers,
as you shuffle the choices of who lives and who dies.  

posh parties,
and lively celebrations—

as well as child deaths,
and gun violence.

the TV isn’t working—
maybe you can see the agony on their faces through the static.

scoff and walk away—


thirty more people died at the expense of the NRA today.


turn off the light


that those children never had.



—————————————————
~an untimely end to this never ending struggle (conclusion)~



how will it all end for humanity?


will it end by war
or by famine
or by mass-******?


or will it end depending on the mind?



tell yourself it’s fine
with ***** and alcohol.



or tell yourself it’s not because of lack thereof.



but those aren’t the only paths.






you decide your end.




will you get up and make a change before you die?




or will you sit down and close your eyes?



will you help the woman who’s fallen,



or will you act like it didn’t happen?




so many paths one can take.





let us all try our hand





at this sick,
sick


game.







—————————————————
a special thanks to:
hatred,
hope,
dread,
life,
death,
change,
good,
bad,



oh,



and society for being such a pain in the ***.

Jade helm

"Mastering the human domain"

It's all about control
Controlling human beings
And enslaving us
In the one world/new world global government

Information collection
Pre-crime technology (minority report)
System has no empathy or remorse

Self organizing, vision capable, expectation capable, recognition capable, situationally aware, emotionally intelligent, goal oriented system.  The system, thinks, plans and executes.  

Back in the late 80's MIT students developed AI technology on a distributed network (CGI lamp taught to dance).  It Learned and evolved in 24 hours what would take 1,000 generations to accomplish.  They issued a warning of how dangerous this technology is to humanity.

GEOINT

--Jade 2 plus more
--Communications
“smart grid, meter, etc"
Will be connected to this system

Control the environment
“Microchipping”
It Surpasses RFID technology
RFID chips can be removed

Nodes can be removed on a network--unplug printer
Human beings used as nodes
Eliminate connectivity to global information network
Cash removed

One world government

Domain--Human dynamics, terrain, geography
Domestic threat assessment centers
Activity based intelligence
All aspects of human activity monitored

All collected data to be geolocated
And tied to a specific node of the network

Georeferencing


do you will it
will you do it
it will do you    

All three of these phrases
Have equal value
In this system
Which is very dangerous!

Generate answers to questions
That haven’t been asked, or never existed in the first place

“Ominous” A.I.--according to the source

Gates and Zuckerberg--want to bring technology to third world nations
GEOINT--Collect all data--for human terrain map
No privacy--no encrypted data

Welcome to Orwell's 1984, Skynet or The Borg

Sci-Fi was telling us what would be the reality

Emotional responses trigger the system
It feeds off of fear and anxiety

All the social networking--facebook, etc
All that info has been collected
Placed into this GEO INT system

Writing you these words, cause I have been thinking about you all day. Love to watch her go; I rather to watch you hours on end, every second of every day. You resolution, is purely evolution -  I get so carried away. But unlike those Play stations, you don't take things the wrong way. Your hardware driving me crazy, been on my mind all day. Putting you in all the right positions, my edition of feng shui. Take a mental picture and keep it stored away so when I finally get to see you, take full control, and do things the right way. If it was up to me, you wouldn't know the difference between night and day. Close the blinds, lock the door, unplug the phone, and lets play; you do, everything, I say. Pushing your buttons, cause I love it when you act this way. you are the only thing in this world that does exactly what I say. there for me when I need sum action; after a stressful day. You relieve me so quickly; even if its just a quickie. That's why I will always need you, my Xbox 360.

Spent three days in jail, waiting for computer error to clear.
Automated customer service has me on hold, for what seems like years.
Debit card at the grocery store doesnt want to scan,
had to put back half of the groceries, not enough cash on hand.
Now they got these games,that let you bowl or fish,
all done in PJs, indoors.
Seems like no one wants to put on bug juice or bait a hook
around here any more.
Got Teenagers playing Combat games, up to level four.
Bet they would crap their pants if they had to go out of an aircraft door.
Drop their **** in middle of the night,
where bullets fly both ways
and if you  make it but your buddy dont,
then your left with the blame.
Laugh at me  and my simple ways, really dont give a ****,
wonder where we all will be when they start scanning our hands?
.........Your call is important to us , your approx wait time is......

There is a stillness
in the absence of the television’s
jarring advertisements,
lethal dramas,
and fast paced sitcoms
just gnawing away at what little time we have here.
The last hour has been a week
of the relaxation I pursue daily.
Stuck in a world where the constant
is a sprint on a treadmill,
meaningless because I’m moving nowhere,
as others move about a steady change of scenery,
I am beginning to feel hopeless.
Will I get to climb my mountain?
Will I get to trip and skin my knees on the rugged earth?
Will I get to lay on a cliff,
enamored with a view I never thought was meant for me?
Will I feel pain?
Will I feel triumph?
Will I simply get to feel?

These years are getting old.
This faith is turning cold,
fickleness growing bold.

Often, on quiet days, I wade through forest paths to the outer most regions of town. Close to the brink of wilderness where the humming sounds of cars and popping noises of God knows what can still be observed. Yet, the pure land surrounding has been blessed to be untouched and unblemished. Here, I retreat. I circle the bend and climb a hill until I reach an isolated plateau of nature reserve. Where natural phenomenon rise and cease in incessant and lullabic oscillation. As if to unplug my mental cords and to store away my worry, fear, concepts and systems. I reach a haven of unity. Although I own no land for myself, out here I can't help but feel this lost land of paradise is fully mine. However, I would like to do away with the notion of possession and self and here I can get closer to doing so. As if I were a small, beautiful water droplet being plucked from that cruel water resistant surface and to glide gracefully back into an encompassing body of water where the temperature is the state of my mind. And on occasion I notice another solemn being, clearly human, stumbling down the same path I had managed to carve and from atop the raised plateau, I can watch them. They circle and turn back, but I can't help but wonder if they feel the same as I do. And sometimes I think to approach them slowly and calmly and inquire about philosophical concepts. But I wish not to disturb what is so beautifully held in the essence of the silent forest. I would wonder what knowledge or truths these men and women had attained during this life and if it were to resonate with my own. Or possibly to share. In the town and at the refill station I dare not to inquire about such trivial matters but instead I nod my head or note the weather. But I cannot help but imagine and sometimes even feel that there is something deep within us and the space and entities surrounding us that is ineffable and profound. Yet it seems that it is lost in the thicket of ideas, concepts, and biased reality just like the sunlight in a dense, cold, unlit forest. And I have convinced myself that if we could clear even enough of the baggage we carry as entrapped souls that we could create a more beautiful, serene, and harmonious state of unity and achieve transcendent heights of being right here and now.

I sat inside a hospital bay
in the usual uncomfortable hospital beds
feeling exposed....and cold
as they brought in a woman
who was convulsing...
my fears shifted

She was on a moving stretcher
there must have been 12 people in tow
doctors nurses and others
It's hard to remember who was straddling her chest
as they pushed the rollaway gurney
trying to revive her
I think it was an EMT..
remember his sturdy legs in dark Navy pants &  shirt with some
sort of medical cross in white
above his heart...
I just really remember this look
of sheer panic on his face

From the amount of police officers
and security guards
I could only surmise that she
was in some kind of other trouble
than just her physical distress.

At the time I was having some difficulties
with my heart and this situation did not make it any better.
I kind of felt like I was having a serious panic attack...
or that I might even have a heart attack
I really hadn't heard anything about my own condition...or cause

I just tried to breathe
the sounds around me
of machines beeping and voices yelling
so many lights flashing
the doctor pounded on her chest
...literally
trying put a tube in her throat...
attempting to force open lips that remained sealed
I felt like they were  
trying to push that airway in me....

as they worked on her behind that curtain
like The Wizard of Oz
I really couldn't see
they were trying to get a line
her veins too thin and collapsed
the sound of drilling her bone....
in her thigh...
I cupped my ears
as the tears rolled from our eyes
unable to get the medicine in any other way
I had never heard of such a method
I really wasn't eavesdropping
but I was completely drawn in

Narcon I think that's what it was called ...
that's the medicine they gave her.
Apparently it can bring you back
from the brink of death....
I was grateful that they had it for her.

As it turns out she was holding some drugs in the prison for a controlling cellmate
It was coercion and extortion
This so-called drug dealing badass chick
who made her hold the drugs
knew she had money on the outside
and dearly made her pay for it
from the sounds of it
the girl bedside me knew that she was going to be caught with whatever she had been forced to hold...
she was trying to roll a joint in the bathroom...
innocent enough for Prison
when she heard a couple guards talking and coming
it seemed this ...getting caught,
each pill a seperate offense
would be a worse offense than death ...
I thought...for her
So she swallowed an entire wax encapsulated ball of pills
Barely able to choke it down....
knowing it had been brought in by a mule
desperation won

As she slowly stopped convulsing and became dimly awakened
somewhat, aware.... felt like we all finally started to breathe
Nurses and others applauded...relief veiled the room

She was up....then WAY up
I guess you would say she was high
From the drugs and from being out of the prison I suspect

She was scared and crying and my heart went out to her.
She was confused and rambling
unsure of all the different pills inside the Wax Ball trying to recount
asking if she was going to die
Begging not to
to the doctors ...the officers as they were asking her "what did you take honey...come on?"
Over and over....looking in her eyes with a flashlight... as her spirit tried to fade but her body and soul just would not let her go yet.

After a bit of time she started to be more coherent and my heart started to feel less like it was going to burst.

I was so upset by the turn of events
that I really wanted to move to another room  
my nerves were just so terrible
  but the nurse said that people were literally lined up in the hallways .
She asked if I'd prefer that in a snarky tone... I said "no, of course not"

I asked for help  to unplug my equipment
then I went to the bathroom
our eyes met ...hers and mine
for a moment...a quick glance
of some mutual pain and understanding
and we smiled at one another.
I don't think it was difficult
for either one of us
I was looking for an escape to go to the bathroom
from my pain and problems
and get away from this mess
this noise
and she definitely was looking for a way out of her situation
we found calm and comfort in sharing...connecting

She wasn't young enough to be my daughter ...
I think she might have been about 36 or 37
but I thought about that possibility....
she had no family there
and that made me sad
I too was alone
I believe she knew
that I had compassion and true empathy for her
I saw that in her kind and sad blue grey eyes
and I think she saw that in mine....or I hope so

She was not formally educated
but she was quite intelligent and articulate....
She was quite proud of her studies while doing time....
she had a wonderful plan and how she was going to get her children back and a job as a hair stylist.
She had long golden strawberry wheat colored hair

She told how she had been in prison for 7 years away from her children... drugs that got her into Prison and drugs brought her to this Hospital this night

She told over and over
the story of this controlling cellmate
and how this whole turn of events that happened.
All because of drugs mostly.... she owned it
she knew that she used drugs to escape her life before  
and she had taken so many wrong turns
the last charges she received were for "walking off"
from house arrest... she ran... with nowhere to really run.
Now there was this...

She was friendly with the guards
they knew her well and most of them treated her decently,
calling her by her last name only
The one guard was constantly by her side and joking,
reassuring her that she would be fine.
Well there was another guard who was not so friendly,
when she was convulsing he had a smile on his face...
chuckling even....maybe out of fear...
I hoped that.... more than hate
It troubled me in ways I can't really describe.
I think he thought she deserved it.
Maybe there's others that might read this
that might think the same thing...
I do not know.

For me....I don't know her whole truth...her story...
..and I don't know how she got there
I don't know what her childhood was like
or even her young adulthood before she ended up there... I know the complexities of my own life
and except for the broken shattered pieces that she started to share
I don't know what happened in that prison either ....
not really
and my Father told us that
we should love everyone unconditionally
and so that's how I practice and live my life.

You could see her deep sadness and true regret ...
in the lines on her face
yet I also saw hope.. in her eyes and I heard it in her voice

The hours that she spent there were like heaven to her.
She got drinks and food that she would not get in prison...company of new people and a chance to feel normal whatever she perceives normal to be

she laughed nervously with the guards but I could tell that she was sort of excited to be out.
Maybe she took the drugs just so she could get out and breathe the air for just a moment.
I wondered about all the motives one might have
She said that it was because she felt she was going to get caught
but as the story went on ....
she further detailed
after the guards came into the bathroom
and found nothing
she went back and sat at a table with a few other cellmates
and waited to see what was going to happen
maybe she didn't think the drugs would seep through the wax
Or maybe they would have a slow delivery and she would just be high again
or maybe she did know
I don't think she wanted to die but just desperately wanted out
She knew that this badass chick
was going to want money for those pills
she had asked to be moved back to Delta
where she liked it....
she said she was clean there
Apparently she complained over and over and even told them what this girl was doing
She told them that she was going to be a victim in this new unit
she did not want to be there
no one was listening

I was still lying in the bed when they finally strapped her in and decided to take her back to the prison
I was kind of sad to see her go to be honest
because she wasn't completely stable
Physically or emotionally
And I don't really think she belongs there
I guess they don't worry so much about prisoners
And as she left
she had this look of longing that she wished she could trade places with me and she didn't even know what was wrong
that I was there for something wrong with my heart
I think even if it was cancer she would have traded

We again exchanged warm smiles again, an acknowledging nod
and we both added a small wave...
I think knowing
we would probably never really see each other again

My friend who had been absent
Who finally decided to come
and see how I was doing
said "do you know that girl?" and I said "no I don't we haven't even talked." I think he was puzzled....

Actually we both were there with something wrong with our hearts...
and I will probably never forget her face
I will pray for her, her families and her children
her children's children
that they can break the cycle of abuse, dysfunction and unhappiness
I am 100% certain that it's possible
I've done it in my own life
and my family's life
though some things are not always so probable

I wish it was contagious...
that she could have caught it there at the hospital but it's really something you have to dig deep to find
You have to want it more than living
More than dying
I'm not sure we ever find our ideal life or blissful happiness...
Most of us endure a lot of suffering
I have let it grip me before
though I am satisfied with being content
in my life... grateful in every moment
anything more really is a true blessing

So upon reflection
I guess again it just helped me to reinforce that every single part of life cannot be taken for granted.
The air that we breathe
the food that we eat
the music that we listen to
and dance to
the kind smile of a stranger
in a hospital bed next to you
a sad poetic story
Or one of Hope
Being able to drive to the store or walk home if you would rather
Sharing time with your family and friends and everything else it's beautiful in the world.
If I ever think my life is too much
just so bad
I always try to think about those who have it so much worse than I do
Although sometimes if I do that it's too much to bare
To think of genocide and children starving
Even if I only have a few dollars sometimes

I do this not only to gain insight ...review hindsight and if I'm lucky have some foresight in my future
or to protect myself from those potential tragedies happening in my life or in my family's life....

it is more about the fact
that I need
WE....need
to be aware
all the time
the people around us are suffering
and there are little things we can do to make their days better like those smiles and the wave we shared....

I carry her smile with me and I hope she carries mine with her.
I was really pretty scared but somehow that smile and wave was comforting and I hope it comforted her too.
The irony was that she was due to get out within a couple months so I again pondered whether she was institutionalized and wanted to actually stay.
I hope not though because she seemed so kind and so optimistic under such distressing circumstances.
If she had to stay I'm glad she had a moment to breathe the air outside her Prison Walls again even if it was just for a moment
And I sure hope she got the hell away
from that bad *** chick
who just wanted to bring her down

Cherie Nolan © 2016

Connected like 4, diagonally is how I see
You sitting down the ways from me
You copped a look, pretty sneaky "sis"
Text message, and that look is gone
Attention averted confrontation deserted just no chance
That cursed little machine
Has us all bent out by the seams
Claim we can't live without it
I don't get it, what's the appeal
Words with a background but nothing to feel
No emotion or gestures with some sort of physical appeal, man, what is real
So addicted to this easy living
We forgot where our bodies and mind exist
In this world of technology we are all hurting but firstly inadvertently doomed for eternity

Should I hang with my friend who I haven't seen in a year or go meet this tinder girl?
Someone New - Hozier

I just can't put my finger on it.
something about her is goregous.
Baby Got Back - Jonathon Coulton

You're right. It's totally her ***.
Ugly Faces - Watsky

Shh, spotify, be nice. It's not her fault.
Do Better - Say Anything

Okay okay, you're right. I'll bring her home.
All Time Low - Jon Bellion

Oh c'mon, She's not that bad...
Proove Me Wrong - Dub FX

Well like... her personality is pretty cute.
Some Girls Are Crazy - Echo Movement

I can't beleive I just had *** in my backseat.
Glad You Came - The Wanted

Yikes. All the girls dropped from this party. it's just gonna be me and my three dude friends.
To Many ***** On The Dancefloor - Flight Of The Concords

I completely agree. Should i go or just come up with a ****** excuse to leave?
You Don't Have To Be A ******* - Flight Of The Concords

You're right i'll leave. What should i tell them?
Working - I Fight Dragons

No i already told them i got the day off. That wouldn't work.
My Buddy's Back - Big D and The Kids Table

Oh perfect!
Sleepyhead - Passion Pit

Yeah I should go to bed.
Let me finish this poem first.
Go To Bed - Ookla The Mok

I'm stuck on this line.
What's a good word to describe Port Veritas? Like... one word?
Home - Phillip Phillips.

That's adorable... you're so right.
See You Again - Wiz Kahlifa

******* spotify that was super uncalled for. Now i'm bummed out.
Get Over It - Ok Go

Dude. That's like super insensitive
Ungrateful - Streetlight Manifesto

No i'm not ungrateful. I love you, you just don't need to make me cry when i'm down in the dumps like that.
Lean Into The Fall - Mona

I guess you're right. Fine. Thank you.
All The Stars In Texas - Ludo

That's the nicest thing that anyones ever said to me. I like when you do that.
Like or Like Like - Miniature Tigers

Uhh, i guess like like. You're pretty much my favorite app.
R U Mine? - Arctic Monleys.

I think maybe you're moving a little fast spotify... i don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment.
I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys

This is getting weird. I'm going to bed.
I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie

Okay no, seriously i'm turning you off.
*Don't Unplug Me - All Caps.

i’ve been photoshopping old memories in attempts to bring back color to over-faded, twice-forgotten black-and-whites
tried dodge and burn but that’s too close to what happened
you dodged so i burned like a stack of photographs and albums in a house fire started by christmas lights
maybe if i crop myself out you’ll turn bright again
until your whole face washes out and i can feel like you’re a stranger again
replace all your blues with harsh reds and sharpen all of my blurred edges
for a while things felt like polaroids,
instant results
but then i realized that i was just wasting film by taking one photo per roll at a time
i was ruining prints of thirty five other potential moments
we were never digital
but we were only ever digitalized,
conversations only spent on snapchat and half-second smiles in hallways
i’ll layer all of our photographs
because we sure as hell never had layers then
your smile is the same in every single one of them, but my expression is always off and my eyes are never quite the same level of jaded
somewhere along the line i’ve realized that no photographic evidence was ever taken of our life
i’m just looking at bad sketches with too many filters
i don’t even remember the sound of your voice
i’m writing poetry about strangers again,
people who have never existed outside of my head
maybe that’s just a bad coping mechanism, pretending that you’re just pretend
but i’ve been struggling with hallucinations lately
because photographs and light and sound is so **** easy to bend into whatever shapes you want memories to take
i haven’t trusted myself for three years now and i’m not about to start
overconfidence leads to the edges of cliffs
and i’m all too familiar with the steep drop of the ravine
when did photographs of you become a foreign language to me?
when did i stop recognizing either of us? why can’t i look myself in the eye anymore?
photoshop steals the life from my laptop battery
and reminiscing on things that may or may not have actually happened steals energy from me
so i’ll try to see if we can forcefully power down this crooked old machine
unplug me
i don’t want these memories saved anymore
delete everything
delete everything
unplug me
delete me
delete me

I got sober and bought a bonsai
tree
It came with a beautiful
stone ***,
heavy and painted

I browsed the internet for tips
on how to properly care for
it
I watered it and let it grow
for a year
I bought shears,
to start shaping it

A stranger was in my house
when I got home from the store,
trying to unplug my PS4

I picked up the bonsai tree
and broke the *** over his head,
while his back was turned

He died a week later,
in the hospital

And I've been clean ever since

It’s like you are snoring
While you are awake
You emanate noise
Unaware
On and on
It grows
Until it stops without warning
Just a peaceful tease
Then “The Return”
A hit performance
Thoughts from your head in puffs of air being traded for oxygen
You breathe words
I pray to black out
Halt the sound
Bring sleep
But you can’t unplug
It’s like you are a noise machine that is unable to shut off
It’s OK
Repeat the mantra:
     I would miss this when gone
     I would long for the soundtrack of your being
     I would long for the music that is my love
     My Dreamgirl...


Dear Lord...
**** me now

It caught me off guard, this sudden feeling of loss, this sense that something beautiful was gone forever. I didn't know what to do with it, this overwhelming idea that now, out of neglect or shame or starvation, a work of art had withered away into nothing.
I suppose that I'm beginning to understand that the world isn't a narrative, it's not a story by an author with a plot and a hero.
This is the essential fallacy taught to children with a streak of the hopeless romantic in them:
the desperate belief that somewhere out there is a place for people who live their lives waiting for King Arthur instead of Jesus.

And even now, with every word comes the terrifying truth that my babbling is going to change absolutely nothing, not a single atom is going to **** an electron on the completion.
I won't feel better, the situation won't change, you the reader aren't going to say EUREKA!!!! at the end of it, so what's the point?

Expression, that is the point of it, and to be be completely blunt about it all, I hope some one I love and admire will read this and say the typical things that are said when people are honest on public forums. Do I have a point? No, not really.
So what do I do with this loss, this empty fireplace in my soul?

I drink and smoke and **** it away, stay so busy that I don't have time to consider it, this knowledge that the fire has gone out. How typical of me, how unoriginal and bourgeoise to write another ode to the trials of the individual.
Who am I to feel loss and pain when my stomach is full and my needs are met?
Aren't I another servant of economic output?
Should I not donate time and money to a cause more worthy of respect than a withering example of excessive individualism such as myself?

No, and what's more, ******* society, ******* for taking away the only haven I ever had: my head. ******* for marketing my imagination,
for inventing a bunch of ******* about responsibility for the greater good,
for poisoning the little freedom I do have with feelings of uselessness.

And most especially ******* for your greatest crime of all;
implanting this feeling of guilt whenever I do anything with my own well-being in mind.
You have created a system that perpetuates itself on shame and output,
you have killed the desire to create for it's own sake.

*******, and I'm going to unplug from you if it's the last ****** thing I ever do.

Thursday you've finally arrived
Work is over and I'm ready to imbibe

You've become my favorite day of week
Most of my jobs done and giving Saturday a wink

Late enough in the week to relax a little more
While Friday's shadow lurks closely under the door

Early enough to fantasize about Sunday
Yet still so far away from Monday

Pour me a glass, or two or three
Unplug my brain and help me let it be

Since I only have one more day of work
Will one more hour really hurt?

So sweet Thursday you may not be part of the weekend
But since the quarantine, it's upon you I've come to depend

its the end of the old beginning of the new
but i can't pretend to walk through this new door without any residue
without any trace of you, or memories
starting a new project, transversing a new lane
i wish i was as sacrilegious and vain
as i used to be before i was beaten black and blue
until i encountered you and my confidence was rocked
until i encountered you and your mind games won’t stop
even after i have burned away every trace
even after i have burned away at the stake
you always find a way to worm your way into my peace
disrupt and unplug, mistrust and vengeance
but what really is love, i just crave revenge

I'm trying to find a path.

The one that leads to sleep and straight into my dreams.
I'm thinking that if find it, quantify it, and twist it enough, they might become reality.
I might be able to run past the nightmares and the conflicts and the insanity.

My path is indestructible and it attracts my feet.
I don't have to think
It's like the ground is moving beneath me,
like a black strip of ground is moving beneath me on repeat.
Everyone is suddenly walking on a path
Everyone is on different pieces of ground,
on their own black path
moving beneath them
so they don't have to think.
If these paths don't touch, they don't make eye contact.
They are all together physically,
but they're in their own worlds...

...Who am I kidding, we're all in our own worlds!
And here I am trying to decide which way to go when
I realize it's already been decided.
I'm moving forward on this stupid black path that never changes.
I find myself looking around at the blank walls, the blank faces,
the plugged in faces! The darting eyes avoiding contact.
There's something wrong here.
It hits me every time, full blown.

There's a reason why I avoid the gym.
I'd rather run outside and let the world
take me in.
I'd rather be able to jump if I wanna, or sing,
or say something to the people around me.
Or escape the people around me!
Find a place where I can truly be.
On my own.
So many people are afraid of being alone.

I want this generation to see, to explore, to fall
and get up
and all the things like making forts and traps and seeing
off the top of a mountain -
from outside your car ...
Guys, there are stars in some places.
I'm telling you, there are things worth seeing out there.
I'm telling you what needs to happen.
You need to get up off your seat, unplug your eyes from the screen,
and go discover for yourself where you end up one day.
**** this path of perfection, **** all the shortcuts
and technology and craziness,
this culture of disconnection is
literally
driving
people
insane!
Start asking yourself questions and you'll realize Wikipedia can't tell you everything.
Peel away from your text and you might notice a blossoming tree.
The world changes.
Daily.
It will change, daily, for the rest of your life.

And I don't know about you, but I'd rather not let it pass me by.

I strung Christmas lights on my bed
Because they make me happy
Because they make my dreams brighter
But some nights
We don't say goodnight
And I can taste the bitterness
On your tongue
Like rock salt and toothpaste
Those nights
I unplug the lights
Because those nights
I don't deserve them

I cannot figure out how to unplug the Emotional Pin-Ball Game.
And I am finished playing for now!

There are nights when I am absolutely afraid to move. Anxiety and fear ~ my current nemesis. Like, one night, when I was on the phone with the therapist and he was telling me to get up and do something, I could not do it. And it was not because I was trying (in that very moment) to be argumentative and defiant, it was literally because my body was frozen and I could not move. And he seemed frustrated, which I understand, as he was trying to help me, and it’s not like he could grab my arm and physically move me (not that he would do that in his office either, but I suspect it’s a little bit easier for him to deal with me in that situation when we are in the same room). It’s so difficult for me to communicate at that point.

Right now I am in this space where I really wonder how I can continue to live up to the person everyone thinks that I am. Who is this person that everyone has created in their minds with my name attached to it? This person that people are praising and say that I am doing great things…Why can I not see the Nita that they see?? I look in the mirror and see constant failure and disappointment.

And I have to say that I am not really in the position right now to be all warrior-like and face all of it head-on. It is really one of those days when I want to curl up in a fetal position with a heating pad and pull the covers over my head. Even though the therapist would say that isn’t a good idea for me to hide myself away from all human contact…I still want too. I don’t have any desires to hurt myself; I’m just tired and I don’t want to be all happy and sunshiny for other people right now.

My body hurts today. On top of my normal Crohn’s issues that I battle daily…my weak body has fallen to pneumonia. So for 6 days now I have been rotating from coughing to not being able to breathe…oh and let’s throw in a Crohn’s fare up at the same time. Way more fun than one person should be allowed to have.  

WAH! I’m sure it’s all “emotional” overload, right? I feel like a pin-ball machine…hit the emotional ball and see where it bounces around and what part of my body it hits! *Headache/dizziness: 100 points. Abdominal pain: 50 points. Nausea/vomiting: 150 points. Insomnia: 200 points.  Cramps/bleeding: 300 points. Coughing fit: 500 points. Uncontrollable shaking or inability to move at all: 1000 bonus points.

go to bed
go to sleep
go to school
don't weep

follow the rules
don't disobey
do what we want
or you'll be cast away

get good grades
learn what we choose
don't follow your heart
or else you'll lose

the world is not nice
it's completely cruel
don't fight it
don't be a fool

i am older so i am smarter
you are younger so you are dumber
because to us
you are just another bar code

we are your owners
you obey our command
we created you
we brought you into this land

we can destroy you
we can unplug you from the wall
no one else is in control
no one at all

I needn't wait until dark
For the killer to stalk,
But I'll unplug my fridge,
Turn off the TV,
I won't use FaceTime
Or socialize on FB.
My cell screen is dark,
No Snapchat or Podcast,
Or Instagram and Vimeo.
The Cloud has been compromised;
In short, disconnect,
For the killer's inside,
And knows what to expect.