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Janna Jul 2018
There's a hole in my heart

A void in my mind

A deep desire for nothing but want

A need for something like fun

Adventure and thrills

Seekers and pills

Falling into a blackness

So dark I'm turning blue

Such stark it's only true

Helpless and innocent

Forgiving and iridescent

I bond with strangers

Act bold, I'm not the tamest

I am stuck, so stuck

I don't know how to get out of here

This place, this room, this hide

This mask, this facade,

This glass, this wall, this broken bridge

It is all burning up into flames

Watch it, sink

Down it goes deep into

Black Waters

- soulwriterj
Written in a state of fragility and lostness.
IG: @soulwriterj
Janna Jul 2018
I can't stop thinking about you
I'm not sure if its because of the kindness I saw in your eyes
Or the way you looked at me
Like really looked at me the way I looked at you
Our eyes met and they locked
Never like this before
Has it been so long now
I can't even remember the last time
Six hours flew by just like that
Talking, and even in the silent moments
it didn't feel awkward
I'm scared of this potential love
I can't lie
I fear the future of what it might change and bring
Good or bad
Sorrow or joy
I'm stuck in pickle
A pickle I can't forget
- soulwriterj
Follow @soulwriterj on instagram
Janna Aug 2018
I think about you today
I remember the way
Your hand drifted
Onto my thigh
You stroked it ever so lightly
I let you
The air between us
Calm, not too hot
Neither was it cold
It was just right
I remember you now
Like an old sweater lost in my closet
Forgotten amidst all the brand new
But when found again
Deep within the membranes
Of memory after memory
It brings warmth to my body
A nostalgic smile to my lips
I miss you now
What we could have been
What if I chose you
What if I let your fingers
Stroke above my thigh
What if I let you take me home
What if we could have been more
What if
I can only say
What if
- soulwriterj
That time I let a soul mate go.
Janna Dec 2019
I sit here and imagine the smell of roses blooming
Out of my nostrils
The life of the wilderness
Raining down hunger and fire
Hunger for the Truth, fire that quenches my thirst
Thirsting for the transformation Truth brings
Because I know a Name like no other
Yet to confess His name is controversy
Maybe even deadly
I know a Name like no other
And He is the Way, the Truth and the Life
Who's hand is raised to receive this Manna?
Who is willing to lay down their life for the cross of salvation?
He calls out and none answers
So then,
Who if not me?
When if not now?
What if not Him?
Where if not here?
How if not this?
-soulwriterj
Janna Aug 2018
I’m sorry

For doubting you

Your dreams, your beliefs

Your desires, your grieves

I’m sorry

for projecting fear on you

For taking one step behind

Because I thought about all the things

That could hurt you

But not all the opportunities that it could bring

I’m sorry

For not loving you enough

For hurting your body

And forgetting your soul

Leaving your mind empty

With everything foul

I’m sorry

For leaving you breathless

Tired eyes, weary sighs

You are more than you think

But I don’t tell you enough

I’m sorry for holding you back

Making you feel worthless

Ugly and sad

Losing your sense of inner beauty

Judging you, your outer seemed filthy

I’m sorry

I promise to love you better

So your heart will always be whole

- an apology letter to myself

soulwriterj
A lot of the time, we blame others and we also blame ourselves. But it’s time to snap out of it. To learn from our mistakes, to get up, give ourselves a chance to improve and be better, not stay in the hole we dug for ourselves.
I wrote this letter to myself on 9th November last year. It’s not because I was feeling sorry for myself but because I became aware that I HAD to stop feeling sorry for myself, my situation, my downfalls, my mistakes but to rise above, saying sorry to myself shifted my perspective, and the thing that brought me to this awareness is the belief that the God I know has accepted and loves
me for all that I am, now I too can accept myself, all that I am and who I can grow to become.
Ask yourself what you have to do to get out of the hole you’re in, don’t focus on how you got in there anymore, definitely don’t stay or think you can get comfortable in there.. find a way out, there’s always a way out.
Janna Sep 2018
Can I share my dreams with you

Delve into the deepest depths

The ocean of your thoughts

Whirlwind like a torpedo

Within a world unknown

At the shallow surface

You’re almost invisible

But I see you

I see those tears

Shed in the midnight hour

Shunned by the day light sun

Show me your skeletons

I will show you mine

-soulwriterj
dont let simply anyone in to your secret universe of dreams, wonder, revelations, mysteries, questions, discoveries, hopes, desires, guard your heart.
Janna Aug 2018
I feel like a snake

Shedding its old skin

Shaking and snaking

Out of the old

And remaking and refreshing

What is new

What is to come

What it can transform into

Shiny, new, smooth

No longer hanging on to the old

Not safe keeping it

Simply shedding it

Leaving it behind

I’m snaking away into

A new place

I have not forgotten the old

I’ve just simply grown new skin

Tougher and sharper

Better than before

I remember the old

Like it was just yesterday

And older still

Are the ones before

I’ve left them in various places

In remembrance

Of the good times

And the bad

All to learn

Something new

To grow into my new skin.

- soulwriterj
Janna Dec 2019
Pen and paper are the best friend
To the words in my mouth
That I cannot express out loud
Pen and paper are the sidekick
To the problems that heroes can't fix
Pen and paper are the beginning steps
To peeling back the layers of my soul cry
Pen and paper are the pain killers
To relieve the discomfort that doesn't easily die
Pen and paper are my therapy
Don't get me a therapist, I'm more a realist
Pen and paper holds a deep and dark side
That if you ever discover my words
You might never see me in the same light
-soulwriterj
Janna Sep 2018
Everyday I ask myself

If the hole is still open

My itchy fingers can’t help

But poke and pry

Instead of let time heal

My itchy fingers

Do more harm

Than patience and time

My itchy fingers

Keep on itching

I keep asking myself

If it’ll heal

But my itchy fingers

Won’t listen

- soulwriterj
Janna Aug 2018
I Pray
In the quiet
In the silence of the night
Among the stillness of sleeping bodies
I Pray

I Cry
In the raging heat
Burning inside my heart
Devouring my words into tears
I Cry

I Wait
Patiently, on His voice
I am waiting
To see, hear, dream
Of a new awakening
I Wait

I Believe
In the Great, the Almighty
My Greatest Counsellor
My Strongest Comforter
I Believe

I Love
With my whole heart
I am loving you
All that I am
For all that you are
And all that you can become
I Love

I Plead
With my whole body
And being
For the Magic to touch you
For the Miracle to heal you
For the Blood to wash you clean
I Plead

I Remember
Your broken heart
Your wilting spirit
Dying a death too soon
I Remember

I Hope
For the silenced and fearful
For the lost and broken
For the weak and poor
That we reach Eternity together
I Hope

-soulwriterj
Janna Nov 2018
I’ll write my concerns

Down it goes,

On the perfect crisp white

In between the lines

Can you read through them

But down it goes either way

Lodged in my throat

The words don’t come out

Like the way I want it to

The pen is dry liquidation

It worsens my condition

I can’t seem to write

Write down these concerns

Stuck and caught

In the moment

The pen hits paper

My words choked up

My vision is blurry

The dry ink got wet

Now I thank the liquid in my eye

-soulwriterj
some days our worries are well above our heads, high in the clouds, we can't see the start or the end, we have lost our voices, choked on our own tears, we lack understanding and wisdom, the left is right and right is left. some days we can't speak but try and write your concerns down, let it go, burn the piece of paper, pray on it, but let it go, let it out.
Janna Dec 2019
Hungering
Dripping sweat
My soul thirsts
For more and more
Of the One that
Gives and gives
Yet my flesh fights
It's a tug o war
Dripping sweat
Hungering
-soulwriterj
Janna Jul 2018
The hand of my Creator
Was knocking on the door step
Of my heart
Patiently waiting
Always seeking
His lost daughter and child
To return into His mighty arms
- soulwriterj
I found my way back home.
Janna Aug 2018
occupied - you're on my mind
amplified - everything that you do
mystified - unpuzzling the puzzle
petrified - when fear takes over
mortified - death or life
simplified - breaking you down
rectified - right my wrongs
satisfied - soul at peace
gratified - soul contentment
- soulwriterj
How amazing is language and the English dictionary. Words are so important and how you use it, how you speak and what you say. It matters. Bring meaning to your language, to your words. Think trash, speak trash. Don’t speak trash. I’m learning this every day. It’s not easy, but I want my words to bring life not death. Proverbs 15:4 says “a wholesome tongue is a tree of life, by perverseness in it breaks the spirit”.
Janna Jul 2018
I opened up to you

Like a flower

On the first day of spring

I feared nothing

Not even when the rain fell

For when the sun shined

I grew just a little bit more

- soulwriterj
IG: @soulwriterj
Janna Aug 2018
My eyes meet
Yours
Your eyes meet
Eye meet pun wordplay Mine
Our souls connect
A brief second
You’re gone
With the rest of the crowd
- soulwriterj
Janna Mar 2019
Losing my Grip
Instant Flip
Bountiful the Field
Endless to Yield
Reminisce of Old
Truth Be Told
Yesterday was Gold
-soulwriterj

— The End —