"impulsiveness" poems
I am BPD.
I am the demon that possesses your mind,
I am the ghost of all you want to leave behind.
I am the monster that will make you unstable,
The voice in your head making you suicidal.
I am your heart making your emotions intense,
I am your mind, muddled and making no sense.
I am your brain making you neurotic,
With the perfect balance of a handful of psychotic.
I am your self-esteem making you feel worthless,
I will make sure you feel that you have no purpose.
I am your impulsiveness making you act reckless;
Your need to harm yourself is becoming endless.
I am your soul feeling neglected,
You feel it very deeply because you need to be protected.
I am your extreme paranoia,
Making you live in a shell, I’m a merciless destroyer.
I am your fear of rejection, you will outburst at the slightest disaffection.
So, I am BPD and I will ruin your life,
I will cover you in scars made by the blade of a knife.
Jun 13, 2016
Jun 13, 2016 at 4:03 PM UTC
I came from a generation that stuck in between the nostalgia,
The grandeur of aesthetics and hypocrisy in the genitalia
Too many amateurs which they called pretenders
Too many pretenders which they called profounders
Of Artistry in every countries culture.
I am not the most impressive writer just like Shakespeare
Neither close to the modern writers on which they give praise
My age is a few leaps away to the end of my youth,
At twenty, I found words of impulsiveness and courage elicit from my mouth.
I am just someone who embodied the face of my leagues
They call me the soul of their generation as they please
I may write pretentiously, but I speak for the marginalized
I dream for my inked piece would reach them, I hope to get them amazed
I am the soul my generation
A little careless with my actions, telling others I'm brave
A little wild, yet I screamed that nothing bounds me
A little innocent with life's surprises, and so I apologized and called it as a mistake.
I'm a few every people that you've met.
I carry the pieces of the individuals who have touched me
I flow like the river which takes parts of the fallen objects in me.
Vulnerable to anything, Easy to gain what the heart desires
Misunderstood like the innocent criminals,
Goes along with changes
I'm maybe everything they thought I am
I'm maybe someone you never thought I am
Or nothing in with your choices
But one thing's for sure; I'm free.
Jun 23, 2017
Jun 23, 2017 at 10:39 PM UTC
Mirror Mirror on the wall
Do you see what I see
I see her
The one who carried me
For her vulnerability
For her arrogance
For her joys
For her impulsiveness
For her motherhood
For her individuality
For her fearlessness
And I see her
The one who still carries me
For her adaptiveness
For her honesty
For her pious soul
For her warmness
For her empathy
For her leadership
For her abundant love
I am a part of her and her together
Do you see that in me too?
Jul 12, 2015
Jul 12, 2015 at 8:38 AM UTC
There's a devil in me
Her name is Marianne.
She's my impulsiveness
my scorn
my haughtiness
and, yes, my insanity.
If I'm the balloon the boy let go of, she's the one who murmured to let me go- convinced I could fly
But-
I CAN NOT FLY.
It is a simple thing.
I am no bird.
I am no balloon.
or maybe i am.
but I'm a penguin.
or a thin-skinned animal balloon.
Perhaps I can run, jump, dance
I CAN NOT FLY.
So I must beg the boy,
* don't
let go
of me.
please.
i'll float too high and
P O P!*
Ah, but panting into his other ear is
Marianne.
**I wants to try out my wings!
I want to
kiss that boy,
slap those *******
steal a car,
run away to Europe,
become a ninja,
ride a dragon,
and on
and on
and on.
Just let go.**
*Let's get this straight, Marianne.
I CANNOT FLY.
The boy?
doesn't love us
Those *******
are people too.
That car?
is not ours.
Europe?
is expensive
Become a ninja?
we're afraid of the dark!
Ride a dragon?
they aren't real! and we're afraid of heights!
And on and on and on?
where would you stop?
I CAN'T FLY!
I'm a penguin!
I am charming
sweet
graceful, even
But-
We will not live your dreams.
please.
don't let go.*
she gasps,
**I want to dance!
I want to sing!
I want to shout!
I want to laugh!
I want to love!
I WANT IT ALL!!!
Fling us free, up into the blue yonder!
Live fast and die young!
We'll live forever-ever-ever!
YOU CAN FLY!
WE'LL SOAR ABOVE EVERYONE!**
i whisper
*no.
hang on.
don't let me go.
hold me close.
i can not fly*
Jun 28, 2013
Jun 28, 2013 at 10:27 PM UTC
it’s just how it was.
and so things ended up the way they did.
we were quite a pair;
what with my impulsiveness and your rationality.
as i took a step back, each time i recognized the danger in your eyes, flickers unleashed.
this rendezvous meant meeting somewhere a little nearer than halfway,
not without leaving a breadcrumb trail of weariness.
see, we didn’t get around to the part of burning bridges-yellow and orange and blue flames standing tall. neither did we try dousing ourselves in gasoline just so it could stay alive, sparks like flirtatious moths attune to life.
all that we’ve resorted to was crossing the bridge and rightly so. for all we ever wanted was to learn the language the city lights spoke upon the ripples delving into atlantis’ reach. there wasn’t a need to get past the platform, plainly standing there already felt right.
this is what those weeks were all for. open-door kisses and treacherous things in the dark.
the laughing fits and slow dancing in your balcony at 2am, acoustics faint on your speakers were just ways we came up with in order to **** time.
things ended up the way they did.
your messages left unopened, my secrets i’ve bared onto your lips and your tongue was the ink you’ve etched yours with on my skin. for a while it meant more than that, we meant more than just a jet’s smoke trail of fleeting stars crash landing upon reality. we could only get to pretend for so long that the crash wouldn’t occur even as we’ve made an agreement that we’d still be alright and remain with an exchange of warm smiles and inviting eyes like the first encounter. but pretending could only sit so well in my chest but it can’t quite counteract this particular feeling rushing with intensity, an outrage that’s only worsened as those exchanges are kept.
so forgive me if i couldn’t keep contact, if all your calls go to voicemail-and i try not to listen to them but ultimately fail. the only compromise i aid to is to not reply.
that’s just how it was.
things ended up the way they did.
the passionate flames surrounded us keeping a close watch so they wouldn't engulf us
we were just bridge watchers content on not going beyond nor under
-“bridge watchers.”
May 2, 2022
May 2, 2022 at 10:18 AM UTC
Can you smell the little pastries cooking down the hall
Can you hear the sound as my heart begins to crawl
Interlaced corridors of cordial metaphor
A coffee cake pace in a curious position set a forth
Can you see how sensual measures make me shake
Can you feel that you are my love's potentate
Lost in a scatter-brained impulsiveness to force annealing
Chasing that radiant love that feels like constant healing
Knowing that it is pouring in half of your soul
Knowing that equally given will always equal a whole
Giving all the potency of love a spirit can possess
Realizing that Love was never really a test
But more falling into a breathtaking abyss
Lost in the epicness of her every kiss
Jan 4, 2014
Jan 4, 2014 at 9:12 AM UTC
Misguided with glazed eyes,
they gleam in an effort to encourage impulsiveness.
I no longer have a desire to be the windows inside of you.
Admiring a lavender sky,
sunsets continue to die,
plagued by the thought of
night creeping in again.
I am vulnerable to the pale moonlight.
You once told me, 'There's a cracked home that you carry inside of you.'
No longer am I the thoughts filling your head,
that I'm the cure to your sickness.
Isolated myself in heavy sheets of sadness,
suffocating-
in an uninvited guest room,
just some extra space.
A breeze persistently tugging,
the tattered curtains.
Someday, you'll understand-
I was never your home.
Never becoming a garden,
never a lonesome white gate.
Paint chips from my decaying bones,
from years of damage.
Been here before
a ghost to these creaking stairs.
Fixing everyone else's homes,
a loose floorboard bares secrets,
but I continue to keep things just to have something to hold.
Stairs cave,
with each step I take.
I end
as it begins;
your body becomes an earthquake,
the house crumbles,
words evolve into raspy whispers
Damage has been done,
marks are on the wall,
as demons claw.
They're ripping through your veins
as I feel the foundation in my fingertips.
The walls won't be here tomorrow,
no longer holding everyone's hands,
or breathe through these polluted lungs.
I've begun to feel a need to repent
and with every move I make,
my happiness is spent.
Jul 31, 2017
Jul 31, 2017 at 5:11 PM UTC
you think
one day my memories
will fade away
from your life,
like i did
what a dream you have
you forget one thing
it was not my choice
to leave you
it was your impulsiveness
who drift us apart
Aug 5, 2023
Aug 5, 2023 at 7:50 AM UTC
This silent stewing atmosphere,
Air beginning to reach a boil,
Only smart amphibians jump from comforting waters
Into the oblivion of impulsiveness and
Throwing all things known
Into the fleeting wind,
Breaking free from freedom,
Finding old traditions in new lands,
Erasing memories, and forging new ones--
The silence.
The quiet pitter of precipitating plagues
Upon desert soils
Where magnificent poisons
Of stasis and spoils
Of capitalist endeavors
Piling upon one another to create
Monuments to their golden idols,
Solar winds tearing at biological fibers--
The Storm begins soon.
And I--
A wandering spirit,
tossed playfully back and forth
by the impulses of time and space--
I arrest this bright-eyed idolatry,
Escaping into fragmented mysteries
Awaiting me on foreign soil,
Not away from pain and war
Famine and dismay
Ineptitudes of a dying human race:
But simply away--
where the golden afternoon’s
lazy sunbeams will meet my
smiling cheek
at angles different and unknown.
Mystery within Mystery,
I open the door . . .
Oct 6, 2014
Oct 6, 2014 at 2:27 AM UTC
She closes her eyes to block out the sadness
Everywhere there is red
Raw
intense passion
false courage
Encouraging impulsiveness
Red
Evoking deep emotional and spiritual connotations.
Red
in her dreams
Is she lacking energy.
feeling tired or lethargic.
Red
the color of danger
violence
blood
shame
rejection
or
****** impulses and urges.
Perhaps it's time for her to stop and think about her actions
Open her eyes and see the beauty of red
Red
warm and positive
exciting emotions
take action.
spirit and leadership qualities
promoting
ambious
determinations.
Red
Overcome the shyness and remove the sadness
May 20, 2016
May 20, 2016 at 6:49 PM UTC
Divinity is an infinite concept- never ending and never beginning. Before creation there was the Divine and after attainment there is the Divine. To move within the Divine Way is to move within eternity. Within the eternally passionate and spontaneous movement of Divinity is the fullness of omnipotence.
To follow the Divine Spirit is to live within the shadow of creation. It is the ecstasy of “Buddhahood attained” and then laughed at in the ****** of eternity. It is Enlightenment or Holiness always, then steadfastly shunned in the decadence of their implications.
To move within the oneness of the Divine is to perceive the sameness of things, but things are things and to say that they have no meaning, or that all meaning is one meaning, is to be lost within the ocean of the void- the indulgence of omnipotence.
To follow the Divine Spirit is to understand the deeper meaning of things. All worlds of the escapist and the realist are both real and unreal, for the Divine is Enlightenment, but illusionary in its idealistic terms. It is the great river on its never ending journey to the sea, but to reach the ocean is to be lost, to cease to be, for it is always within the journey that one finds meaning and never at journey’s end.
Those that do not know the harmony of the Divine live in materialistic emptiness. I WANT, I WANT, I WANT – a childish form of avarice, of impulsiveness and sentimentality, a continuous grasping, a world full of desire – the very foundations of fear and affliction. Those that proclaim the Divine find nothing but discriminative idealism. I AM, I AM, I AM – the indulgence of pride and love – an idealism based on a relativistic compassion, concealing in truth a desire for self-worship.
For those who travel in tune with the harmonics of the Divine- IT IS, IT IS, IT IS – spirit reflects its own reward. The bonds of illusion fall as leaves from a tree in autumn; all is right within the world for Spirit moves within.
Nov 1, 2017
Nov 1, 2017 at 5:10 AM UTC
anger
explosive
anger
with all the grace of a submarine through tar
unexplainable
it appears from nowhere
ready to shatter any good fortune the world decides to bestow upon me
sneaking up upon me slowly
lingers around forever and ever
haunting my existence
till death do us part
this
explosiveness
impulsiveness
frustration gathers
nowhere to escape to
imminent doom
frustration
forever
tied up
just pure anger
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry...
Apr 19, 2013
Apr 19, 2013 at 11:09 AM UTC
death has come to greet me,
tell my loved ones i am going,
ask them for the last time,
to come and meet me,
tell her not to haste,
ask her to wait,
for i have a mother,
who standing at the door awaits,
my brother must be,
watching my way,
we haven't talked
for several days,
in its impulsiveness ,
it will not hear,
my father crying,
he is standing near,
death has come to greet me,
i want her not to hurry,
but it will not listen to me,
so let me embrace her happily,
for after such a long time,
death has come to greet me....
Jan 25, 2019
Jan 25, 2019 at 8:49 AM UTC
I sailed a boat on the cloud of dreams
Fishing for those elusive moments,
Some call them dreams.
I waded through clouds of silent white
Where all that was caught were wisps
Of fleeting wishes that never were delusions
But as white turned to lightness of grey
Then to the throws of harsh reality, as ideas
Became electric striking around me.
I waded through the clouds of turbulent
Moments, impulsiveness struck upon
Me from above, and I leapt from the safely.
I was in calm white sinking in to oblivion,
Only my thoughts kept me afloat, then I
Relaxed, let go, and sank into nothingness.
I awoke, confusion clouded me as if recalling
That moment a sank beneath, and my thought
Was deluged, but I am here , I wish I was there.
Jun 9, 2015
Jun 9, 2015 at 3:18 PM UTC
A reckless nature, the seed of disaster
Impulsive at heart, chaos flowing
In a world of mayhem I am master
My first instinct always showing
Who cares it's not my bullet bit
All because I feel like it
The universe even knows the truth
That to stay alive we need chaos
To create disorder and keep our youth
Destroy harmony, the fool's oasis
I hate this world, every piece meant to fit
All because I feel like it
Entropy a euphemism for discord
Actions meant to dictated by instinct
A message so loud it brings down the Lord
From his seat he creates order so distinct
I feel compelled to make even his will submit
All because I feel like it
It’s madness that’s come over me
To want to break the perfect machinery
That moves like a mind in harmony
It’s a want for a change in scenery
For a need is too easy to permit
All because I feel like it
Is it a sin to live and act on a whim?
To forgo all thought and just do
Thinking leads to an outcome grim
Even if logic says I’ll come through
I’d rather blank and go for the hit
All because I feel like it
Impulsiveness is known to be for fools
But for me it’s an escape from reality
For I become different than the tools
That move the machine so carefree
I continue to act my way, never quit
All because I feel like it
Jun 25, 2016
Jun 25, 2016 at 10:40 AM UTC
He's headed to the roller rink
She's headed downtown
To see no one
to be around nobody
a perfect night to themselves
doing nothing for nobody.
He sits in his car
the music blaring
softly sighing
hoping to
drown out
the latest saga
Why must others make their
problems his problems.
See, he has his own problems
But he doesn't put them on other people.
He prefers to purge then on paper
Get them out and forget about them
Because these things aren't important
When the night is cool
and it's about to rain
And the lights stream by like bolts
speeding down a empty road.
Wanta
Drown it out
dance in the moonlight
and shout
shake his hands
whip his hair
ridiculously.
Forget the world
for awhile
walk alone at night,
anything to extend this quiet
anything not to go inside.
She's biking in Noho
It's 2am and it's
that California cool outside.
Riding with no handlebars
playing some Dorian concept,
burning a natural high.
Another sleepless night
remedied by impulsiveness
and exercise.
She don't want to go home
seems like this bike path
could stretch till the end.
And anyone who stares
is just a pedal away
a pedal behind
makes her feel so safe.
Wanta
Drown it out
dance in the moonlight
and shout
shake her hands
whip her hair
ridiculously.
Forget the world
for awhile
walk alone at night,
anything to extend this quiet
anything never to go inside.
He hears a song
nostalgic it travels
him in time,
head back he closes his eyes -
trying to remember
what it felt like to ride
open and exposed to the
elements, his headphones in
jamming.
She feels the bright
of headlights.
just one more block to go,
her hands cold
and forehead sweating.
Her thighs burning,
her back aching.
Her hairs standing,
her face clammy.
Wanta
Drown it out
dance in the moonlight
and shout
shake her hands
whip her hair
ridiculously.
Forget the world
for awhile
walk alone at night,
anything to extend this quiet
anything not to go inside.
Feb 26, 2019
Feb 26, 2019 at 11:04 PM UTC
Merry Christmas to Fitness
But mostly to Sickness.
Merry Christmas to Business
But mostly to Holiness.
Merry Christmas to Joyfulness
But mostly to Loneliness.
Merry Christmas to misses
But also to every mistress.
Merry Christmas to everyone who is religious
But also to those who are superstitious.
Merry Christmas to impulsiveness
But mostly to wiseness.
Thus, Best Wishes for All: I have plentiful.
Only wonder if the etymology might be
'Mary kiss my ... '
Surely not! Forgive my Rudeness!
And so Merry Christmas to Rudeness
But mostly to Forgiveness.
Dec 24, 2020
Dec 24, 2020 at 5:56 AM UTC
This trap is familiar, full of integrity and decorum,
I wished I could turn it into a safe spot.
I loved how it looked, and for once I pushed my impulsiveness into a bleakness, so I couldn't sense where this pain was shrieking from.
Aug 5, 2023
Aug 5, 2023 at 7:23 PM UTC
How do you tell the difference between
your head and your heart?
What the heart wants
the head wants not
The tricks the mind plays
on your eyes
dancing shadows in the corners
As you try not to mourn
these unanswered questions.
answers always just that little bit out of reach
flitting in and out of peripheral vision.
You and I are pawns
in the game more commonly known as life.
Indecisiveness and mixed feelings
caused by a lack of impulsiveness
because I have been thinking
for too long.
Act and then reflect.
Do and then think.
In the moment, is how to live.
With passion. Oh god, live with passion.
Sep 1, 2013
Sep 1, 2013 at 12:57 PM UTC
Remember when the rain was beating on the windows
blurring out the parking lot surrounding us;
secluding, isolating us inside steamy windows.
Between curfews and the length of the "movie"
we weren't wasting any time.
Clothes came off quickly like the breaths we gave each other
inhale exhale inhale exhale
it was a collaborative effort.
Your lips tasted like the mountain dew in the front seat
and my breath tasted vulnerable on your tongue.
We gave each other all we were willing to give
and it was innocent and it was impulsiveness, over and over,
and it was the light in our eyes
the designs on our fingertips
that called the shots.
fast forward
There is still rain tapping on the widows,
but it's not fully blurring out the man walking to his car 100 feet away.
Keeping track of our routine time limit
we knew the moves
we knew the drills.
But apparently I'm not so "innocent" anymore and that bothers you.
I am no longer on the same page as you and I no longer hold your same perspective.
Or maybe I'm just realizing that they were always different.
But you can no longer seem to match my breathing.
You can no longer seem to draw the same entrancing pictures
on the inside of my cheek.
Who knows when you stopped fully caring,
but your radiating desires won't let you stop touching me.
Won't let you say that you no longer feel the warmth our bodies ignited.
And you thought I wouldn't notice, but I **** well did.
I could tell from the flat-soda taste of your lips
from the rough, jagged edges of your fingertips
but was still offering you my own.
I saw it coming, but
was still offering you parts of me.
Hell, I probably would've given you everything, if you had asked.
now as I sit here watching my "innocence"
continue to disappear like wisps of smoke
I can't decide if I truly regret letting it leave
from innocence to individuality
I can't decide if I ruined something good
or decided I wanted something better.
Now don't get me wrong,
what we had was good.
It was young and it was new
but it was fragile and it grew
in two opposite directions
and lets face it, neither of us had a map
neither of us knew how to get back on the track
that we thought we wanted.
Let's face it, neither of us remembered
to bring along a bottle of mountain dew
so that we could pretend nothing had changed
so that we could pretend that we didn't think that
we deserved better.
Jul 30, 2014
Jul 30, 2014 at 1:33 AM UTC
love is something positively crazy.
love decides everything in this world. it doesn't have any conditions or boundaries. we don't know exactly what love is and where it comes from, but one thing is sure; we are nothing without love! there are times when we feel shy and timid, when we are afraid of expressing the love we feel. being afraid of embarrassing the other person or ourselves, we hesitate, procrastinate, and withdraw the will to say the actual words "i love you". one can say "i love you" in many different ways: by means of pleasant presents and little notes and letters full of kind words and a type of enchantment, wide smiles with hope and loyalty, and yes. sometimes even through tears.
sometimes we show our love when we are quiet and do not say a word, at the other times — we speak loud and freely to express it. sometimes we show our love by impulsiveness. while plenty of times we have to show our love when we forgive someone, regardless the damage they caused, regardless of them being what others call 'beyond repair'.
the problem with our world is that people don't learn to listen to one another. they hear the words, but they don't listen to the actions that accompany the words, and do not mind the expression on the face, even in front of us.
we have to listen to see love in and around us.
if we listen attentively we will...
Aug 3, 2016
Aug 3, 2016 at 2:09 PM UTC
*swinging in silence
consolidated within
that maximised impulsiveness
keeps on growing*
Jun 2, 2017
Jun 2, 2017 at 10:54 AM UTC