Who am I
Even I dont know
This troubled soul
Hidden there in concealed flesh
Lies rotten puke
I voimted out black pile
out it came weeping
But instead it cried out in pain
The chains grew tighter
Deeper into darkness
The tunnel endless without light
The smoggy atmosphere tense
I hid my face
I couldn't look back at the mirror's
They released reflections of truth
Which I held onto
These roaring lions
Savaged my inmost being .
I was an animal not worthy of redemption
One that should be forgotten not forgiven.
I’m sure it has happened
To many other people before.
There comes a moment
A feeling one cannot ignore.
A want, a drive, an impulse
To have, to hold, to own
Something, someone or
A moment that is yours alone.
At a party, a face appeared
And our two eyes connected.
It seemed we were talking;
A dialogue was being erected.
A relationship of mere moments,
It seemed powerfully right.
And at just that one moment
Nothing could be more right.
We left the party immediately
And went to my place to see
If followers through with feeling
What just the right thing to be.
It was all a wonderful adventure.
I am sure we had no kind of fear.
It was an accident of timing,
One I would suffer for years.
Twice more and we were broken,
Never to be together again.
No thoughts about if ever
Not a question about when.
And after the last evening
I knew things had moved on.
When I looked into my wallet.
All of my money was gone.
All because of impatience
And not wanting to be alone
I let myself fall into a kind of
Rock and roll Twilight Zone.
Why didn’t I ask more questions?
Because in that single moment
I wanted a fantasy romance.
Nothing was more important.
It was months later I discovered
In a routine visit to my doctor
That I had contracted a disease
That would ruin my life forever.
They didn’t know what to call it
In those days before the name.
Those were the days before AIDS
And it’s horrific kind of sick fame.
And they had no way to treat it
So, most of us just quickly died.
We had no ability to resist it.
We had no resistance inside.
We lost all our friends and lovers
Because for one single moment
That one evening with a stranger,
Nothing was more important.
I fell into a frenzy of not caring,
Drugs and drink and debauchery.
I felt I had lost all hope in life
And lost all my chance at dignity.
Of course that made me sicker
My resistance went down further.
I no longer wanted to live like that
I was sick of my life altogether.
I am writing this to you, today
So you can share it with others.
Tell people that getting laid
Is not the same as a lover.
Point to me and advise them
We may have just one moment
For valuing ourselves as a person
Nothing must be more important.
(This is dedicated to many of my friends over the decades that suffered from *** and AIDS related issues.)
Filled with lead,
Spilt the beans...
Spoilt the fun.
Pigs in the butter,
Killed the fun.
Spilt the milk,
It doesn’t matter…
Cry no more
Water under the bridge,
Milk is in the fridge.
I want to have control
but truthfully the thought of pleasing you controls me
the guilt I'd feel inside of not pleasing you controls me
and although I may have the control of a different mindset
My love for you is simply too strong to control
Why, I'd die to have control of my life
One morning when you get up
with a heavy head,
Your heart seemed to have sunk,
You feel lonely and deserted,
Everything looks like a horrible
And, you believe you have
committed a crime!
It's no one but your conscience
telling you, that it's time.........
— The End —