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Amy Perry Jun 2014
The eyes have it.
All three of them.
Spreading consciousness.
An egg cracking
With an encouraging moan.
The clash between personalities
To inherit the throne.
Hasty overthrow.
Short-lived lifespan.
Sedated again,
Chemically, internally,
Where did you go?
You're there.
You're inside of me.
Back in your egg,
Calling "come find me.
I'll come out and play,
And give you more meaning,
Daft, sedated you stay,
Until I come out and play."
How many nesting dolls
Does this egg have?
Leah Jun 2014
I killed what was left of the good in me
and I'm so tired as ****.

In the midst of hot last summer
You were in my arms and
now I only remember the time when you were mine.
On the last mid-autumn
You told me you were minted with joyful nightmares
and I was far away and didn't say anything.

The odds of having heart palpitations countless times,
the thought of it affected me,
now I can only recall the bad times
and a glimpse of your silhouette.
While thin grey clouds are holding their heads up high
and music is blasting out the window
I'm on my way to you
- a journey to the centre of your voice
before the sun comes alive

I’ll be a dedicate wildflower
with a beating heart once again,
and I don’t know why I remember but I was your crimson terror
that are holding you against your will.
I promised you that I’ll be on the brink of letting you go but I lied.
Genevieve Jun 2014
Burn incense to block out the smell of death and self hate
 that lingers in your room
, as you sit up
 at 3am 
thinking too much
, because your mind is
 never at rest.
The musky scent and stuffy atmosphere
, will breakdown your thinking pattern
 and your thoughts leaving you mellowed
 and able to sleep
 for a while…

Somedays every feeling and all my thoughts bombard my mind like a hurricane

Bashing against the walls of my skull wanting to be spilled all over the page
.
like ink in a fountain pen.

Yet there are days
I cannot even think

of words to say
,
when you ask me

what's on my mind
or if I’m okay.
Leah May 2014
I hear some of you say
that I'm going crazy but
I don't give a first.
Give me something surreal at least
so I can buy it and go behind the shed
to smoke a cigarette.

Everyone's a combination
of happiness and craziness and
some would lose and some one win.
If you failed, remember
that every time you re-miss
you're hiding from your true self
in a real world.

Pretend you're happy, fine, cray,
totally out of control at times.
Start crying to the mirror
if you don't know what to do or say.
The art of living is in your head.

I hear some of you say
that I'm making them smile and happy but
I don't give a first.
Believe me, If i feel the same I'd buy you a hundred candles
and left 21 candles to be blunt
or give anything just to feel that
on my skin
Leah May 2014
I destroyed my body
for a peace of mind i never got.

It's amazing how at one point in my life
I will be extremely close with you and then
later you will become a complete stranger.
You passed me without a word,
without a single acknowledging look. But,
you were the person, who once knew me so well
that you knew all my dark secrets and saw me through.

You were the smell before the rain but
now you are the blood in my veins,
a heart without chains.
No one's going to kiss the pain away. It's miserable, tired and lonely.
NitaAnn May 2014
Falling apart recently,
hearing music…
seeing things out the
corners of my eyes.

Turn and look and there's nobody there. Dark, shadowy figures with the evil feel about them. Feeling tense. On edge. Mood is getting lower and lower and the only thing keeping me functioning slightly is the anxiety! Not sure what to do, what to think…trying to ask for help from friends/family because I know they can help me
but scared they won’t want to.

Stupid, stupid paranoia.
I hate this, I hate who I am, that I am this…
Not sure how to cope.

So so scared all the time,
thinking, feeling like 'they're' close…
watching…waiting…

Where is the barrier between this being 'in your mind' and 'real'?

Trying to remain level-headed is harder than I thought.
Trying to persuade myself it's not real
but my instinctual reaction is that that works with it being real.
I am so on edge...don’t know where to turn...how to cope…

Thinking about how much easier this would be if it was all over...
Self-harm…bad, horrible thoughts. Needing this…pain,
this urgency to hurt myself is driving me mad.
It is not normal to want to hurt yourself…I know that,
and when I'm feeling good, I'm able to keep a complete lid on it,
it doesn't even occur to me that it's something that needs to happen…
I know this, yet when my mood drops, it's back to my old ways, the before ways, the causing myself pain to function part of my life.

Plus, I keep having fears that I'll be possessed
and end up hurting people I know and love…
Not a very in depth fear for the moment…
but something that is crossing my mind…
What if these 'demons' are to try and get the most out of me
before I die…what if I am used to hurt others?
I almost feel like I have to avoid other people in case
I'm possessed and I hurt them.
NitaAnn May 2014
So 2014 has pretty much ****** 100% since it started. It's one of those things that I silently think to myself "It can't get any worse" but then catch myself because I know that's not true. Every few weeks it seems I am being dealt another situation to deal with in addition to the extreme burden I am already carrying around.

Life is so overwhelming right now I almost cannot even think about it all at once.  I do not want to trigger myself into having a panic attack. I am doing my best to take it day by day, sometimes even hour by hour. I do not even know which way to turn anymore or how to even start to cope.

I really have tried to trust others and rely on them for help and support but…honestly…maybe I do not know how to do that? Am I picking the wrong people or is it me??? Seems like I am there for everybody else but nobody is here for me now.

New symptoms, worrying about what it all means…dealing with ****** healthcare…doctors not as concerned as I am…seriously how much blood is normal to cough up before I can get a Dr to give a ****! Going on Day 3 of feeling like I have been hit by a semi-truck. I am physically and mentally exhausted.

I surrendered…
Oleander May 2014
She took my hand,
that lonely little child.
Her eyes asked me a question
for which I had no answer.
I could count her young fingers
without looking for
she gripped so tight.
What could I possibly say?

The taller she got,
the more frequently
she let go and
disregarded me.
I can't blame her
for those latent
hateful tendencies.
Still, she would come back,
and every time her hand
was just a little bigger,
just a little stronger.

It was inevitable and utterly
unavoidable,
but it still surprised me.
The sky fell apart
and showered her with
woeful cries and broken dreams.
The tragic beauty of
shattering reality
took my breath away.
She let go of me,
but this time,
she shoved me hard
into the black shadows
of her nightmares,
a permanent enemy
of her innocent undertakings.

I watched her from the
corners of her subconscious,
waiting for her to look at me.
She ran like the devil
was hot on her heels,
but she was never afraid.
She burned like fire,
a bright star scorching
the night and she was
beautiful.

The longer she burned,
the more I feared
she would sputter and
die.
I waited for her,
ready to share my tears
with only her.

Then she fell,
and she is still there,
there before me.

She is an unconscious huddle,
a pile of glowing flesh and bone.
I notice how she is more
like a woman
than any other woman
I've ever seen.

The ashes begin to fall,
gray snowflakes
drifting over her,
the drab attempt
to bring her back to earth.
And she has fallen --
quite literally --
for the dusty act.
She does not say anything.
I weep as the inevitable engulfs her,
that once child,
still lonely.

I wait for the darkness.
Soon, there will be
no light peeking through
her soft confinement.

But it's only getting
brighter.

I look carefully,
and I am overwhelmed --
overjoyed--
as she burns like stars
buried in the ash
of the universe's shortcomings.
Wes Apr 2014
sad*  scared  alone  depressed  It  overwhelmed  ups­et  ignorant
 irrelevant  broken  disgusting  is you  awful  rejected  numb  stupid   
unhappy  lazy­  fat  mad  that protects me from the  hopeless  cold  fear
glum  tragic  pouring rain and you shelter me from the  worked  poor
despair  big wide world and for that I owe you my soul  chubby
sick  and           I          think             that          you         are  wrong
hollow                                              B                                               shame
empty                                               e                                                 envy
anxst                                                a                                            remorse
grief                                                  u                                               greedy
poorly                                               t                                             shallow
fed up                                              i                                             beaten
bullied                                              f                                               guilty
unheard                                           u                                         unneeded
stress                                             l.                                             *bored
I don't particularly like this 'poem'. :)
Without my friend I would feel...
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