I've been having a war with my bathroom door
Cleaning my closet feels like a waste
When I have all this dirt on my face
I keep wearing my mind on my sleeve  
Look at the mess the brain matter started to leave
And the fiends only stopped knocking because
I never lock these gates anymore
All these thoughts mentally start to swirl
Stuck arguing with myself
Unravel my second being like Professor Quirrell
Now who's got the stone to make me melt?

They make work miserable, act unique they'll smash though
"Here's a black suit, black shoes, now that's you"
Act passionate and we'll laugh at you or stare
Until you have no personality to share at all
Now take a pat on the back and another task to attack
But we won't pay you any extra for any of that.

I'd rather melt with these snowflakes
Than be a powder keg of suppressed emotion
Snap my fingers in a quick motion
And blow up these baby boomers
Then assume I don't have my mind in check
While you drink through pain a wreck
I'm two hundred percent proof, you sit loose
About as real as hi-c implying it's juice
If my twenty year old body ******* this world
You made her a *****
And she was only looking for a better player to score

I have this bass in my skull
So now all my thoughts are pounding
But come out with an emotion that's dull
They want me to speak a little more serious
I laugh off the world's issues because if not I'd be furious
Everybody believing everything they read
Knowing no one's really reading because very few believe in me
Rather splatter the internet with a rumor or scheme
Then trust that they're soaking your carrots in chlorine
I mean,  what if you took the time to research and truly decide?
I'm not a god or a prophet, sir, I'm just along for the ride
As you drive into the unknown,  you follow that front wheel
But what if your bike has a mind of its own?

They've got us distracted off on a less than beaten path
With another sweep to knock you off your feet
Left to be eaten by Chuckle Teeth.
They smell fresh meat quicker than Jaws
Then you're stuck in a loop in some fictitious claws.
"But look at the validity and all of these facts"
If you found it that easy, they planted the evidence for just that
And nobody's listening just fighting their case
While I stand on the sideline and awkwardly pace

I'm anxious
I've been stuck in this minute
For what feel like a day
Trying to shake this headache,
Yet here it stays.
I'm a hair away from pulling out my follicles
Scraping molecules from my mind.
So I took a breath of air
In the open world, the demons and I share,
The land isn't so slanted making the playing field more fair.

There's too many people making too much noise
The girls and boys are playing, they're all saying
Something at the same time, at the same time
I'm trying to keep my thoughts in line
They all keep their cool so how come, I'm losing mine
Its too confusing, they're abusing the spot lights,
I hit a stop light, I don't not feel not right
Losing my grip and one little slip
Regret in the hind sight, once I have my mind tight.
Alright.

I wish they understood the pressure.
One little bother to overflow all my levers
I wish I understood the pressure
And, honest, I'm trying.
A minute past meltdown I'll be crying
Because I didn't mean it
You don't get it, I didn't mean it all
The smallest largest thing can tear down these walls
And sometimes I want you to see my side
And that's all.

How come we have to die
To show up in someone's mind
You can have a thousand friends
That all showed up after the end
Who pretend that they were there,
Who pretended that they had cared.
All the people standing over my hole,
I'm staring at you from six feet down here
But if this life isn't, why believe death is fair.

They keep speaking of tragedy
Being the only way to really promote peace
Cooking enough enemy meat to have a feast
But the enemy is me when the enemy is you
Both told we are right, both believing it's true.
When we both fell to the floor its only then we knew
We truly only have one life to lose.

Remember being kids? Remember where we lived?
Living the only place we could afford to go,
Spent eight years getting out of the mold
So when this anxiety and panic even try to take hold
I use those cards I was dealt to never fold.
Im not asking for a thing because everything
I ever had was mine
And if it all fades away that's absolutely fine
The memories are the only thing I won't leave behind.
And that's absolutely fine.

I talk to these gods in times of trial and success
They **** me in times of swimming
But give me a melody to keep singing in my mind.
I've been skating on thin ice on waters filled with debt
Hoping I can hold my breath while this washes over.
I've been sober long enough
To see when people drink too much power
Dancing stupidly in the traffic of a nothing life
In charge of nothing, seeing the whole sea
From the mole hill they imagined.
Imagine that.

You're my song of the day, not metaphorically,
Literally the tune blasting through my ears as I write.
As the girl does yoga on TV
showing pictures aesthetically pleasing to my mind
Knowing work is right around the corner, here I'm fine
Mulling over the problems of the morning
Only to be forgotten with clock's ticking time.

I leave it all at the door in a futile escape
Once I cross that line, that is where they wait.
Don't be concerned all the fronts are fake
The real issues aren't spoken in anyone's public wake
Smiling like suns in children's artwork
Hung on a fridge, that will work in the world I live

Sitting in a circle, we were just sixteen
A few dumb kids figuring what this life would mean.
Andy says he's going to community college,
Jimmy is going out of state,
As if these plans were going as perfect as they seem
Matt took a year off trying to search for knowledge
I took a similar rope just waiting for fate
As if we can succeed just stuck in a wait.

Andy took general courses, working a minimum grind
He stays up all night, caffeine pills keeping him online.
Jimmy got a degree in something with no market
Thirty grand has him working two jobs
Feeling like seeking education left him robbed
Cleaning up after the generation that cut him off
Matt and I keep passing ideas that we never do
Thinking school might be worth it
Still deciding a future  but even the new
Leaves a taste of the same place we knew

A few average kids didn't stand a chance
Took a few different roads all led to the same
If you have the experience, you lack their degree
If you have a degree, it's two years experience they want to see
So nobody trains you and nobody learns
Now they have a following believing the world doesn't turn
I'm so lost in these politics I can barely find my way home

They didn't give you feet
To try to fit in shoes tied too tight
Looking at a blank page,
Only reading what others write.
This is your world, don't waste it
Trying to be something your not
We have enough flocks, beeping in unison robots.
Even as I write words I feel as generic as my past self

"Let me guess, Ryan, every person has potential?
It's easy to write the next poem using a stencil
Of the last fifteen years of your life, right?
Or maybe tell me about your father again
And block him from reading it like the chicken **** you are
No matter how many demons battled, you don't ever win.
Until you start to man up or even in these puddles you'll be a drowner"
But here I still stand a loner, lacking a fan base
Lacking a realistic view of life, still a closet I rarely face
"Another lost case, wearing that victimized millennial cap"
But I'm trying to fight a system while most these kids nap
I'm sick of defending myself to my mind, I'm furious
"Then maybe you should take more than writing serious"

They didn't give me this mind
To pull my skull into a head case
Look at this page full of ink drained
Stained only on what I'm writing
Turning my back on a world too wasted
With people faker than the flavors they're tasting
We have enough flocks, none I'm ready to flock to
Even as I write these words I feel as generic as my past self

I stayed up late tonight,
last night too,
the day before that,
caffeine cranking my gears,
family making me see days through.
on the coldest nights, where I feared failure,
I looked to my right and always knew
I'd fight every battle with you.

I get stuck and erase parts, I felt wouldn't fit us well.
imagine all the lines deleted, the things I never tell.
the illuminated nothing that strangles at my soul,
it speaks to me in phrases yet I never let it be whole.
as I walk down this hallway, a hallway of five feet,
to a room I know contains the best thing I'll ever meet
Don't ask me which,
I couldn't choose, they each have me in a hold
so tightly I am wound, I would let all else go.

I'm a child for being lost in here
I'm a man for walking through the door
looking at most of you, I wonder what you are.

There's wind in your sails, son
But there is sin lurking in the waters
This ice might freeze your veins
When you're on high tides with just a dream,
Whether it's smooth sails or drowned on a rock bed
Remember to always keep a level head.
Most of those speeding bullets are flying depressed
What if the fame of their mental unrest
Continues to grow and the crowd following
Is the food making the illness continue to manifest?

I'm paying to make the warm days stay cool
I'm paying to make the cold days warm
And I keep my cool because it's out of my hands
All I can do is fix it or buy it brand new
Until I come to that day when these cards all come due
I feel lost because I work to eat Ramen as fuel
That's just being dramatic, I eat because I like it too.
But I wish people were more honest about these feelings
Instead of the fake smile, fake "great" chat.
Shake their hand never knowing the weight on their back
Let's be real, this is exactly where I'm at:

I put down the pen for a month to be a work slave
That doesn't mean I don't crave to jot these thoughts
It means I don't hold the energy for me
I spend my free time pulling grey hair looking at the dark circles
That I wave to in a mirror fogged up when I breathe
"How can I help you and how am I wrong?"
A professional drug dealer, a professional nothing.
Think I'm important? I think you'd replace me like nothing.
A Russian roulette and not a single chamber is bluffing.
I put down this pen for ***** scraps of parchment
That a man used to get synthetic numbness sent
Through his veins and I miss that idiot some days.
And I'm sorry. Man, I'm sorry.

All these broken kids, want a parent's pride
But once you hear those words
They still fall short, in the void so wide
Spent your whole life, questioning why.
I can't blame me, you barely know me
And for every night that I felt incomplete
I did my best to try, try so hard to never be you
If only you knew, I hope some day you see.
The only real conversation we ever had,
Was me having hard times, you said you're in therapy,
Even then you didn't care for me.
You felt bad for a moment, but I've spent 15 years in a moment.
For every chance you're given you drop it.
Time for a game, time for a job, time for a second marriage.
Time for your children? Those washed up excuses are getting lame.
Forget it, I'm healed, here's for the rest of us.

For the mother, getting beaten and bruised
Don't stay for the kids
Leave for the kids
A marriage is the least you have to lose.
No matter the hobby, the job, the passion
For the kids, try to match their excitement.
My generation isn't lazy, we're outcasted.
An Internet of people saying your dreams can't happen.
For the kids, build them up, make hope outlast them.
For the mother, verbally bashed to feel useless
It's simple, you aren't useless.
For the father, stay active, protect your family,
You do matter.

I'll cut the poetic verse to tell a short story and I hope it gets passed around. When I was ten, my sister was fourteen. My parents split up and while I was young, I remember a lot. I remember struggling to get by with my mom and sister. My father was quickly in a new relationship. His soon-to-be new wife and he would spread a million stories about how she talked badly of him which even got around to my teachers in school. It's funny, she never said anything bad about him, we didn't want to go with him on the weekends because he was pushing for us to sleep at his new girlfriend's house. It got to a point where when we would call my father, the new woman would pick up the phone and tell us not to call him. So many years later, my sister and I still keep an open door for him. We are facebook friends and whatever (I don't have his phone number, I messaged him a few years ago for it and he ignored it). Occasionally, I get a message asking how I am and I always respond, he reads my response and never writes back again for months or a year. He wishes me a happy birthday and father's day on my Facebook to keep up appearances or something but truthfully I don't know him at all. My sister got a house a couple years ago only a short distance from where he lives and even after many invites, he still hasn't  visited. This is the same guy that to strangers seems like such a fun guy, I've never met. And every part of this involving me really doesn't matter but, I wish he would see where my sister lives and I wish he gave a **** about her becuase she actually cares that he wants nothing to do with her. And to any part of this that is called fabricated, I remember everything and so does she.

These kids are like dragons
Their flames will only drag them down
All the talk is cheap,
Actions only happen on softened ground
As my mind and eyes get heavy
I've been swimming where reality and dreams meet
They say tragedy is dying in death but I don't believe,
Tragedy is never attempting to live, I don't believe
You should give only 30 percent of your mind
To find if the dreams you believe is something you can achieve
And the start only takes a start to begin.

I know what it's like to give it all and still never win
When your account is in red and car running fumes
Selling all of my things in these rooms
Just for the comfort of having a roof
But Ryan, what if it isn't enough and you lose?
I refuse, to put those thoughts in my mind.
You want all of those doubts?
Fine, what if I die of anaphylaxis  tomorrow
What if I don't have a breath to borrow
And I just turn blue.
What if this stress breaks me down
And I forget all the things that make me live
That's just as much true as all of the positive
So why do they scream all these nightmares on the news
But never show all the dreams pounding through

They want you divided, they want you weak
Push down the kid trying to speak
Tell him he's ignorant for having childish morals
Attack his grammar, leaving sides in a quarrel.
Forget the issue for fighting, they bring in their own issue for fighting.
In a rich man's war, it's all the poor biting
Until the world is bloodstained, we scatter from lightning.
Why isn't anyone asking why we are fighting?
These flames are only going to drag us down.

Walking onto this stage,
Feels more like a cage to a faceless audience
They're out there looking for answers,
They're asking what you would do
Until you wake up and there isn't a soul in the room
Except the walls are personified and they're screaming at you
"What's your life plan, kid?"
"That's ridiculous, you should just quit."
"You can do more, even your best is a dead end street."
"Wipe the smile, this is work, you don't deserve to enjoy it."

I quit trying to ever write for anyone but own
So why do I feel like the crowd keeps growing?
They keep asking where I come up with the words to continue,
This eidetic memory makes me relive everything I've been through
My future self is making these poems take form
I'm Link and this is my Song of Storms.
So when I take a breath, I know my time isn't due
Felt the warmth of the day, made it a night without harm.

Standing out on this stage,
I realize this whole image is useless,
Throw down the mic and give a face to the faceless
I don't have much time, don't make me second guess if I waste it.
It's funny, the nameless strangers tell me I'm killing this game.
The people who speak frequent act like the hydra has 50 heads unslain.
I'm confused how people seemlessly seem to relate success with stress
They're ****** I paved a path without losing my mind
These walls can scream all they want
I'm self-made and made it my own, the audience is blind.

Even if I leave this demon on an island in the past
I feel like my mind will still be attached
They hit me with adrenaline pens in a panicked blur,
A fifteen minute relief pretending to work on a cure.
Looking through the eyes of a rabbit
Every harp string starts to hum
Staring over these oceans that begin to turn to ***
Try to convince me, by casting all these spells
But this water isn't fixing anything when they poison all the wells
They tell us to keep sailing, despite the brutal winds
As the sun is fading, the tide is setting in.

Look at me and say, "you're an inconvenience to us"
Like my soul is insignificant, blowing away like dust
My only privilege asked is that you let me breathe
In a room full of untrust, still they don't let me leave
My voice starts to wheeze, they don't listen.
I'm in a position to beg people to let me breathe.
My heart rate quickens, wishing I could just be freed,
A time bomb around my neck, no one holds the key.

I smile for today, the sun is shining, keeping storms at bay
Even if forcasted, Armageddon is on its way.
Don't expect the kids to sit inside, let them dance in puddles
You can't go along for the ride living in these bubbles
Avoidance is simple, but I'd rather take a chance with trouble
I'll smile all the while, until the day I meet my death
I'm in a position to beg people to let me breathe
But you won't hear me speak a plea until my dying breath

I woke up from a drugged sleep,
Went to work feeling like I had no feet
I speak my mind when my mind goes numb
There's no candy - coating when the sugar runs.
It's unfortunate when benedryl turns me to a zombie shell
But, contrary to my spoken thoughts,
I tend to write pretty well.
So I set my sails on paper trails leading into ink infested wells
Not literally though, I bought a pack of 20 pens on sale.
Caligrapher? I could never be. My mind spits too vapidly.
The metal tips snap back at me, leaving splatters on the tapestry.

I take a bath, I take a bath with a cup of tea
And stupid show on TV, stifling my own laughing
My wife is in the room connected and she's trying to sleep.
I wake her up occasionally to tell her an obsurd thought,
Most of those nights I'm up past three.
I swear she compliments my crazy mind quite perfectly.
She'll read this babble I wrote and tell me I'm silly.
And do you know why? Because I'm silly.

I wouldn't know what to do with a lot money,
I don't want fancy cars or designer meds.
But I'd love a glass of orange juice with some pulp, instead.
I'm not a picky person, but there are a couple things I hate,
Like asking for fresh - squeezed and getting concentrate.

I quit my job today
it's like gaining a beautiful freedom,
Wouldn't you say?
To wake up, In a world free from the clock in, clock out
I didn't leave a note, I just walked out
Honestly, I'm smiling with no doubts, no regrets
Even more honest, it's been five minutes,
I haven't even gotten in my car yet.
And I haven't had a chance to dissect these decisions.
I got a wife and son at home, they don't even know,
I don't even know what I was thinking,
Sit down for a minute, I'm getting blurred vision.

I'm taking some time for myself today,
Those bills can stack like dominos,
They fall, I didn't plan to pay them anyway.
I'll play these video games and become a legend,
Sodas will pay me to represent them
I'd be a sellout in a second, that isn't even a question
Just as long as I don't need to get out of bed, then I'll be fine.
It's alright, keep telling myself, it's alright.

I retired from my job today,
I gave my title away
What will I do without this purpose?
What is there, now, for me to seek?
I'm trying not to freak out
Honestly, my nerves are shot, my brain feels so tired
Even more honest, I'm driving home to try to explain to my family
That really I just got fired.

There are times to be scared
In them, rational thoughts drift from your head
The times when news comes that appears unfair
And all the crazy, wild fills you instead.
I know it, you know it. I hate it.
Take a breath.
In an ocean of waves, some are meant to swim
With a storm on the horizen, the outlook is grim.
Take a breath and hold it. For a second and release.
You can make it, I can make it.
This is not how I die,
It's much more surprising for the life I've led.

You won't take me alive, sir.
To be clear, you won't take me at all
Look into my eyes, Storm.
See the walls I've made fall.
Don't come any closer, truly, I mean no harm.
But come at me, I'll attack thee.
Until my sanity is long lost,
Every bone I've been blessed, will shatter in just cost.
Take a breath. Take a second.
Think hard about your moves, you hold such might
But I hold a will with everything to lose.

There are times to be scared
When my hands shake without end
Truthfully, I do my best to hide it
Try as I might to hold it in.
I take a breath.
With water just below my mouth
I've been submerged deep in water
And turned that downpour to a drought.
I don't want to, you can make me.
Because, although, I'm scared of the sea
Make no mistake, I will make the sea fear me.

It's amazing, I write with intensity
Waiting for people to read my words
Hoping they will understand the density.
They sleep on my mind
And the same grind that kept me awake at night
Is the same one that people don't bother to shed light.
This is the only way I know to express myself,
Keeping a semi - manic, lunatic head on shoulders
With belt around my neck to hide the stitches
Where I attached this Pandora box of a boulder
With twitching fingers tapping on ivory keys
To maybe pull these chains off my body with ease
Before they choke me again, almost feeling free.

You toss up your nose at those with outward demons
While keeping your own inside, imagine if people could see your innards.
Think about that, next time someone walks by with track lines
Begging for cash and think you're much better.
I got this job, I wear a tucked shirt and tie
But outside of that, I see little difference from you to I.
My own endorphins pump through my veins
Until I close my eyes from exhaustion, mentally drained.

It's amazing, I seldom talk with intensity
People laugh at the defenses I put up mentally.
I've got walls like China, you'll never get to me.
I'm smiling while thinking about my debt,
I'm laughing unsure if I'll ever make it.
I see why you sleep on me,
I sleep on me too.
If we've only talked in passing,
I'm, at best,  a stranger to you.
So hi, my name's Ryan
But you can call me the dream fisher too.

Have you ever been so tired
That your mental state is on a high wire
In a twisted dance with your heart and your brain
Until they both fall back and everything's drained
Your eyes strain to fixate on a thought
Until you realize the very thing you conspired,
That you visually try to admire, isn't tangible
Until you stand to pull out above all
End up in a stall because the rhyme scheme seems too clean
So you write right from the heart, am I wrong?
But the mental flow won't let you go so you must carry on

While the world dances with stars in its head,
I'm looking at ***** of fire, millions of miles from my bed
When perspective gets dissected, a frog leg is still a frog leg
Or the lead led out of my lead pencil still leads a lead trail
Until I halt my hands a minute for my thoughts to catch where my mind leads
But never using a pen, because the ink just bleeds.
In the sea, I've seen people seem to just wash by,
I stop with a life boat asking around to see who needs to get dry.

If you play with fire, I'd say you might roast mallows  
In a dry wooded hollow, you may end up wallowing in flames
But where's the adventure when everything stays the same?
Until every comfort zone has never grown so much
People don't even say hi, barely let elbows brush
The rush is incredible and can be delicious at its core
To stick with the original metaphor
How else would you ever get a s'more?

I'm eating microwaved pizza with only oven directions
Cracking open a bottle of whatever is in the clearance section
Thinking over my life decisions and selections
Feeling like they spun me until I lost sight of direction
And please don't take me wrong, I don't speak with aggression.
I speak like an old man, passing advice to a child
Playing this life like a movie with a half-smile
It ain't all bad but, the bad has a longer echo
Giving you time to dissect those tragedies to death
Don't waste your breath on what can't be changed
Simply because, it can't be changed.

Remember, as you read my heart, that I'm the generation
With an entitled mind, with every door open, yet they're all empty inside.
they don't listen, no one listens, just continue to position us as victims.
I'm not a victim I just want a chance.
The same one you got, with the same promises you sought
My social security already has a plot in a grave I'll never see
So if you can explain what entitlements will I ever see?
I don't even own these clothes, my home, my life
They'll tax my mind if I don't write clear into the afterlife.

If I protest in a peaceful manner, I'm a coward
If I come violent, I'm a threat
If I keep my mouth shut they pretend I don't exist
So tell me how to exist by your terms?
What's acceptably respectable, you choose
because it seems I've learned, no matter what I lose.

If pictures could speak
I've heard they'd say a thousand words
But if the language of them was foreign
Then, to me, it may sound all absurd
Yet, in the sound you could still feel
The tone at which they spoke
Softly serving as a memory
Of the places it did know

If pictures could speak
I would listen through the night
Laughing as the sun came up
Never sleeping but eyes creeping
More closed passing through a morning light.
I would listen to the faded laughter
Of times someone lived to say
Staring at the past, wasting time in present day

If pictures could speak
They may haunt the world I knew
But their secrets I would keep
In the cryptic art that someone drew
They'd never know I heard them
So silent, but still there
Always talking but never realizing anyone cared

The stars looked really bright tonight,
To be honest I only saw them for a minute
But I saw them all the same, look up
Maybe they're out where you are too.
There's something peaceful about this world
When the crowds part, our hearts march  in silence
If my words were leaves with a pen for a tree,
If I drop this pen does it really make a sound?
Among familiar faces yet, no one is truly around.

I worry about the state of people's minds
In these hot Arizona days, I find
It odd to give a beggar water
And be scolded, as they may not really be in need
If a person sits injured does it matter the context of the bleed
Don't worry I've got a bandage to spare,
You won't take away my image of a  world
Where people sincerely care
So play me for a fool, I'll wear a jester hat
Spewing out a stupid joke for the insecurities I mask.

But if you take away a single thought from me,
Look up at the stars tonight
Maybe they're out where you are too.
You can never touch their beauty

Did you ever just lay awake?
If you haven't, I'm sorry.
If you haven't been kept awake from your dreams
Or lost a wink from the anxiety of unknown
I don't think you're doing life right.
The feeling of being exhausted
kept awake by all the forces in your head
It's awful but it's in moments like this
You remember how wonderful being alive is.

I hate waking up in a scared sweat.
I'm more relieved my nightmares slide away.
How many times have you died in a dream?
It's not as many as you'd think,
If you really thought about it I mean.
I've heard it's good luck though.
I'm afraid of winning the lottery in my unconscious
It may be the worst real luck I ever see.

Whatever the case, you're doing great
If you're on top of the world,
Soar as far as that streak runs you.
If you're in a terrible slump,
Rock that pit like a champ.
Don't ever stop being,
Simply being whatever you are.
**** it's perfect.
Why do so many people mold themselves
Don't do it. Be happily, you.

Tomorrow is an average day to most people,
tomorrow is the last day for a few people,
tomorrow is the first day for a few people.
Isn't that amazing.

If time stood still for a month
I'd question the minutes I misused
If given a week, where I didn't have to think
I might find a second to relax
This American dream I'm suppose to be chasing,
Just feels like I'm racing between work and my bed
Building  a mountain of stress and a mountain of debt
And then I come home, underpaid, overworked
It's hard to not let a job, define my worth.

They build us up for years, kid, follow your dreams
Then tossed to curb, kid, your worthless, it seems
They don't understand, the price to move up these days
A 50 thousand dollar loan to get a degree
In a job that still doesn't pay.
Call me unmotivated, I'll ask for an offer worth my time
Where the pay is substantial and insurance isn't robbing me blind
"Go be a doctor, a lawyer, a suit"
And spend the next 8 years eating only Ramen noodle soup?

You don't get it, I get it. "My generation wants it all for free"
Then how come I feel like I have so many chains around me?
They combat us with fear, attack our esteem and integrity
Until you're weak and question your own abilities.
These kids pop pills because their stressed out from life
Have you seen the pressures thrown at them every night?
I'm not saying we're victims, I'm saying we just need help
We're a lost generation as past ones only fend for themselves

When you start, everything is wide open,
Your actions are completely limitless.
Hold onto that feeling for a moment.
As soon as you move, direction is created,
These moves have purpose even at random
Structure begins to form around them.
Are you a king? Are you a pawn?
Look closely, are they really that different?

I'll tell you the difference, if you'd like.
A pawn can move one or two spaces ahead
Some may make it to the other side,
But a king, a king can turn back if he wanted
For when he dies, that's the end of the ride.
With a queen going every and anywhere
And a rook keeping straight in his sights.
Remember, your actions are limitless
So when you move, be sure to move right.

I carry a house on my shoulders,
Some bills have been bogging my mind,
I've had a tub overflowing for some time
With a smile and bags full of boulders under my eyes
I can't complain, sir, I'm doing fine.
Not fine in the sense, that I'm doing bad
Yet, don't want the atmosphere to be tense
But fine like life is a struggle, no clouds are in my sky
Unless it's raining, in which case we dance.

See, people don't realize you only get one shot
To ***** up your life with every atom you've got
And listen to many past generations
Then continue to make the mistakes you've been making,
I'm not being sarcastic, it's wonderful.
Seriously, I can't think of a better time to live
Sadly, people give all they can give
To a digital internet, no disrespect.
But stop posting and really live, disconnect.
Stop taking pictures and videos to show others
Who cares if acquaintances  like or love it?
It's your life, do you love it?

I've heard from strangers for years say, go get published,
So I ask if they'd buy a copy, they say no
It's not their thing and they feel out of place
Then tell me why your advice was to put my money to waste?
Even fans wouldn't offer me a spot
On their shelf or their wall, so just leave me here
You don't need to encourage me at all.
I'll write until my fingers turn to nubs
I've been ***** all my life, no matter how hard I scrub.

Honey is beauty in the eyes of bee holders
With a hive that's guarded by many soldiers
But for me, my love, it is coffee, mate.
In a red container and a label reading Folger 's
No time to brew, so I chew grounds in my teeth
About a half tub a day, let's be honest, I don't sleep.
No 40 winks, not a one, in a blink, that day's done
And I only wrote this because I found the wordplay fun

About twenty-nine thousand kids die everyday
And I wonder why I was blessed to grow up
Why did I get a chance to grow up,
In a roulette system of unfavorable odds
They let me have a life and tried to say
I should thank all my achievements to a god.
Don't take the little I earned
And say it wasn't mine to earn.

These days aren't all easy, the nights are a blur
I found the best friends in people who didn't know who they were
Growing up and forgetting to throw up their hands
Then defining themselves by jobs, they happened to land
****. Weren't we just kids, can you feel that?
Hold on a second, let me take you back.

Remember that time, back in Szumski's basement
We spent no time practicing, Mitch on drums, Clark on bass
I started singing, no stage, but it felt like a taste
Of what our lives would be like making it
Every wasted night, not a night felt wasted.
Not a night felt wasted. Remember?
Pretending we could skate and scooter
Even if as the summer's end kept coming sooner
We'd never admit we were doomed. To grow up.

We mostly split, seperate ways, that's how life plays
Speaking in tenses of old acquaintances, "I'm doing okay."
I wonder how often we really are okay when we speak that way.
A million thoughts a minute fly through my mind,
And if I'm being honest, sometimes, I just miss you guys.
In the past six years, I've felt like a failure, a champion,
A father, a loser, and all the others in between.
If growing up for you has been like it is for me
I'm sure you know exactly what I mean.

All the beautiful people I'll never be
Walking on these crooked paths and
See right through me, I see right through you
Who am I? I'm beautiful, you're beautiful.
And I find it scary, we define ourselves only by words
Found in every standard dictionary.
What's your beauty making you a freak?
Before you speak, understand, you don't need to speak
That quality may only be seen, and no word can describe
Why, in this world, you are perfectly unique.

Or maybe you got out of the house today,
With a crippling fear that you might deteriorate
If someone looked you straight in your eyes,
But you're still out there, anxiety building, coasting the tides.
A victory to me may be your every day life
So if today all you did was get out of bed
Instead of fighting a constant strife in your own head
I'm rooting for you, do everything that is you.

All the beautiful people I'll never be
Are just as broken, believe me
We all have a closet full of skeletons.
Dance with the bones, come into your own element
I'm alone in a room with a circus full of elephants
Juggling knives and flaming clubs, then turn them all to doves
They throw peanut shells and I dance in a deadly dust
Flying until I fall off this adrenaline rush.
All the beautiful people, will never be me.

It's funny, you can be in bed with soft, warm sheets
While there's a fire going on right up the street.
On that corner, there's a man begging for cash
While some kids drive by who don't appreciate what they have
They stop by a burger joint to get a bite to eat
While the kid flipping burgers is working towards a dream
See that boy has been working seven nights a week
At the end of the night, he asks for a raise
But the manager knows he's stuck in a maze
Shaking his head no, this world just doesn't pay
Building you up just enough to never reach the end
With all the money in the bank and not a dollar to spend.

It's funny, you wake up and lace up your shoes
While a kid down at the park is playing the blues,
A man on that park bench suffers from the real blues
Just from picking up his morning paper and reading the news
He gets so sick of the rat race, he goes home,
And prepares for a rigged game of Russian roulette
But right before he puts that barrel to the side of his head
His phone rings, and has a good chat with old friend
In that one call he puts dead, his plan to be dead,
Goes to a clinic and gets help instead.

It's funny, while I was writing or as you were reading
The man in the next room could bleeding
Shouting for help, you didn't hear his call
Focused on all for one, amigos, we need to be one for all
If no one is listening, I'm just talking to the walls

There is a place where we all go,
Beyond the light and smile shown,
Through the tears of hard nights,
And within the fire burning through determined eyes.
Yes, there is a place where we all go.

My place looks so different than yours,
You wouldn't even recognize it
And I can't grasp yours.
They are all beautiful and real.

We put up so many shields to hide ourselves
Most opinions are not lucid but fabricated
By how we were raised or taught to think.
Go to your place and find you.
If you can't smile looking in the mirror,
Stop smiling to please others.

Sing like no one is watching and dance and love it
If that's the you, that you love
People may laugh, but they will appreciate you
If you open the door,
Who knows who will walk in.

I don't speak from fortune cookie advice,
I speak from  the life I've created.
Ask them about me, please,
I'm crazy, weird, original, innovative
Spending every work day singing and dancing and love it
Because that's the me that I love.

I can't enter your place you go.
Truthfully, I don't want to, it's yours.
Own it and all the rest will follow.

"Stop writing" says one-half of my mind
"Just quit it's a useless skill, just biding your time."
While the other half tells me to get back on my grind
Not using what you have is like the sighted walking blind
I'm the head case that got thrown into chaotic box
With a fox in socks, but I've got a lot of time on my hands
With all these rusty old clocks, just ask Mr. Knox.
He'd say I'm still off my rocker,
Been a poet since skeletons started stalking,
Been writing since the doors got so jammed, they stopped locking.

So judge me, we aren't seeing through the same eyes
On streets where eventually it all dies
I've been my own therapist, philosopher, psychologist.
All I've got is the skin on my back, I gave away my clothes
No one knows where this rabbit hole goes
I bring shame to even hatters being this mad
You'll need a lizard with a ladder to climb to the mindset I've had
Welcoming all into my Wonderland.

I'd grab the devil by the horns
Just to say I rode that bull
Never born legends, but molded to heroes
Life chisels  children to men in seconds
Beckoning demons, only time will tell your battle
With beetles in bottles or a half-million headed hydra
The sword is yours, own that fight, own the right
To go out into that good night

Listen to a million songs telling me what I can be
Listen to a million people telling me what I can't be
Spent my childhood with a suffocated flame
Until I broke those chains, now I can breath
But I can't leave this place until I've lifted every stone
Still afraid of what might turn up
I've been corrupted, pushed until erupted
Blowing up like heavens and hells  collide
Not in real forms, here I welcome you to my mind.

There is no peace in this place, like the one outside it too
In this Mudville, Casey has a home run long overdue.
In a cuckoo's nest, I can't imagine how many flew
I'm continuing to write down my tracks, as always,
For myself. Im hoping they may help you too.

Battling blocks that writers rarely talk about
Falling stagnant with a pen
If I did something outside of this,
Imagine all the hours I could spend
Not riddling my upper rattle
Prattling  on about things most will never read
Listening to a million songs telling me what I can be
Now all I can do is just believe

If you spoke of me in terms of atoms,
I'd say I really didn't matter
Not a molecule of me really holds any mass,
And the weight of that thought gravitates
Until my being completely retracts.

I spent so long climbing that hillside
Just to see a mountain range

They raise you up just high enough to see that gold
Until you've signed that line and you're already sold

Sometimes you find that needle in a haystack
Sometimes you find hay in a needle stack
We're all just trains speeding on tracks,
Looking straight ahead, never thinking about the crash
Screeching  to a halt, with a sore neck from the whiplash.
It's all in the plan, not yours, but the prewritten
As those cards come crashing, sitting up late,
contemplating the best plan to keep the water out,
Plugging ears to keep out the sounds of doubt
Still stuck at a crossroads without ever receiving a map

The fact is, you're in a life stuck in a trap,
Locked behind a desk, making little to give a lot back
They've got you hooked like an addict, digging in scraps,
Not achieving true potential, the mentality of worthless minimal
It's pitiful, the places you could be but aren't,
Rising stars burn out in a fast food smoke
In a way it's a joke, even these words become hidden
Within an invisibility clock, forgotten in a note.
To the point that even a poet who'd never know it
Got discouraged about his rhyme and unwrote it.

I'm running down the fields throwing needles in hay,
But today, the kids don't come out to play
Too busy aspiring not to aspire, lost in the desire
Of lazy days, stuck in a hazy maze,
Lost his metal cap and lost his way
Only educating the past educated, in a past already paved,
The rest enslaved by reality for lack of better analogy
Feeling the weight of an eighty hour minimum week salary

My father wished me a happy birthday.
My father wished me a happy birthday.
My father wished me a happy birthday,
And I wonder if we will ever speak outside of that.

The wind felt really great today
You don't stop to think about it much
I guess your world grows, the world falls out of touch.
I made my choice, to release myself
Among best friends, sea salt ice cream still melts
I don't regret it, not even one or three hundred days,
This is our roof top, not a better place to fade.

It really was just the three of us,
I guess before me, it was just two
Among thirteen, who knew, I'd look just like him
And he looks just a little like you.
We can meet again someday,
In Twilight, just like now, just like then
On off hours, letting light and darkness in.

I am a nobody, you are a nobody too
Still, we make the heartless whole,
Sitting on this ledge with no souls
I can bring that boy back again.
I'm a a nobody but I'm part of something more
Remember me? I'm just some memories
Created to restore.

What if it all came crashing down?
A single blue-green marble hits the ground
No one notices at all.
What if you disappeared?
Packed up and moved clear out of here
No one notices at all.

It's okay. Pay attention to the change.
You can change a lot, it can change a lot,
To know that someone knows you exist
Take a good look on how strange it all looks
And everything you missed , staring at your shoes.
Even a stranger, you never knew, is a lot to lose.

Dance on crowded streets, with no music,
Keep the beat, playing in your head.
Worry about how others see you,
When you're gone and dead.
Give the world something odd to talk about,
Be something new people thought about.
On these cracked sidewalks that begin to look the same
Change the game, change the world.

What if it all came crashing down?
A single blue-green marble hits the ground
What if you disappeared?
Someone may notice you aren't around

Tell them I'm coming,
Tell them I'm raising hell,
Show them the names I've been taking,
Look hard at the demons I'm waking.
I am a something, my cards are showing,
Don't think I am bluffing.
This is my title, so don't amazed when I summon waves,
The hole that I've dug, I call it a grave,
Still I dug it myself, unlike the slaves
Unaware with no care of the bridges their burning.
With a gust through the air, this windmill keeps turning.

Wake up the world in witching hours,
I'll stand on a stage and recite my life,
Yet none throw me flowers
This day job has me living each day in repeat
So quietly, I write week after week
Looking for an audience to pull me from this desk
Until that day comes, I will never rest.
I've been call a quitter, a fighter, a dropout, a dream.
Always striving to be the best me I could have been.

Now tell me them I'm coming
I'll crack through the sky
No limit exists when I sprout wings and fly

If everyone acted as I do,
I would have a hard time finding myself.

Hold a door for someone with their arms full
Hold a door for someone with no arms at all.
Hold a door for a mother, a father, a child
Or someone who may not be here for a while
Hold a door made of glass, of steel, of gold
Of old wood and splinters in the freezing cold.
Hold a door for a stranger and a stranger may hold one for you
It seems so rare that we help, be the exceptional few

Give your hat to shield someone's eyes from the sun
Give your shoes to someone ready to run
Give your attention when someone speaks their heart
And your heart to someone who needs attention
Give something that may mean little to yourself
But to someone else may be a beautiful blessing

Say hello to a person preoccupied with life
Date with intention of a husband or wife
Make people feel special, they'll appreciate your time
Say the words that make sense even if they don't... never mind

I'm not a poet, not an artist.
I can't say I've broken walls.
You won't read me, won't like me.
I won't be a quote you end up reciting
In ten years to friends in a quip
As if I could be slipped into normal conversation
As if my fame has any relation to my body's
Descent into the ground, I will still stay unknown.
Except to notebooks where dust has grown
Accustomed  to being undisturbed.
You won't read me.

Give me a mansion, fill it up with stuff
Give me the money, cash, and all the gold
Until my bank account looks like Mount Saint Helens about to erupt
Still sleeping on a bed with no other pulse
Stuck on society's twist of no monogamy
Cheating life plans, slicing souls like Light Yagami
You have to admit, that's a sick "American dream"
I'll just be here filling your bottles until you don't know where you've been
All these demons on a death note written, barely lived to be slain
If I wanted to live in your shoes I'd have wrote my own name

I fight real mental battles if I'm being honest
Too relatable of a relationship  to "Her Diamonds" by Rob Thomas
But you built me up to the man I am and I plan to stay that shining knight
Until the lights go off and we both take flight
All my energy, all my might, I burn creative bridges in a dark night
Until I write up a cure for the pain you, everyday, fight

I started chasing success to be best me I could be
they created a world where security is not free
Chain you to a machine, a desk, a job
Then take away your thoughts, see you've been robbed
I'm not anarchist, I just know the insecurity they feed
I'm standing up, saying what you already knew, you can be anything
If the you, staring at you, through a glass pane is not the same as you perceive
Crack the glass and give your all to that dream and believe

Let me write these words pushing mental boulders
Throwing more pencils to the ceiling than Fox Molder
Keep believing in warmer days, it's getting colder
You couldn't freeze these gears, I came to play
Slay these demons without a sword to wield
Don't teach me the game, toss me into that outfield
Out of the cast but stuck remembering my name
Focus, on that single lane life but that satisfaction won't last

So you're trained to live for a dollar sign and that's fine
But me, I live for myself, I live for my family,
I live for those I don't even know and that's why this society can't stand me
I'll never be righteous enough to judge my peers
But when those lights go out, what do you really fear?
I fear that we entered a war against ourselves and losing
Looking at humans as a race, a gender, a label.
This table is not stable, it's leaking
I'm not speaking as a whole but in general, small lights
Shining to each other breaking stereotypes
This is my life, so dull, I created my own hype.
If you want to pull an ounce of my energy
Become an entity hell bent on greatness
You could be greatness, create it.

You've been waiting your whole life for a spotlight
Unable to see anything in sight because all you created was darkness
Every action, transaction, was watched by someone.
Make like a split power line, sparks shooting out a live wire
All it takes is one flame to become a bonfire.
It's all success if you throw your all into that blaze
They will believe you're crazed but shadows emerge and admire
The only reason your dreams are unrealistic
Is because most don't have the strength to risk it
But few fans would buy stock in your story,
With front row seats, they'd never miss it.

I feel there are few times where I can just lie,
Lie under a large tree with no other purpose
A million things to do yet, I am doing none
Carrying a mind with no thoughts, not one.
With leaves acting as net catching the sun
Slowly rising up, knowing that time is done.

I see a lot of hate these days,
I see a lot of everything.
Racism still running rampant,
****** preference hate still lingering,
A bunch of lies broadcast on TV,
People concerned I'm always smiling.
Does it bother you that seeing a smile bothers you
It's bothers me, it doesn't bother you
Don't bother understand I'm just rambling
But in all honesty, you should be bothered all the same
This spinning planet makes less sense to me all the time.

We hand the kids the Internet in tiny little screens
Don't bother to watch over, in a jungle of unclean
Common core, you do the simple math
Raise up a generation of sociopaths
Of privileged poor who believe they deserve more
And fight for rich in desert war
With no clue what they are fighting for
Take small amounts of radicals
And make casual assumptions of an entire race
This is the narrow-mindedness  we still face
If you don't see my side, that's fine.
This spinning planet makes less sense to me all the time.

I swear I'm not bitter, I'm just scared with what I see
Divorce became so common
Teens actually tried for pregnancy
People became photos posted socially
I'm glad, on my street, there are no street lights
The stars, the sky look so pretty
No one looks up there anymore and that's a pity.
If you don't see how small you are
You don't see how big an impact you can be
Just a few beliefs, in a mind of mine
This spinning planet makes less sense all the time.

How far would you go to save the world?
How far would you go for just one?
Would you sail through the darkest of waters?
Would you feel the heat of the sun?
there's beauty out there in the clouds
With suspicious peace lurking in the unknown
If ambition without limits was allowed
Tell me, how high your mind would have flown?

There's galaxies seen in wondering eyes,
Formality imploding your dreams
Have you sewn all these elegant thoughts
Society tries so hard to pull at the seams
You have a spark, they envy so terribly
They'd ****** to tear it apart
But shine, like innocence, even in the darkest of dark

The rain was made for dancing
Trust kids, they have it so right
When the room turns pitch black menacing,
They turn on their night light.
If you are lost and have seen no sun for a while
Unsure of what tomorrow will bring,
Start simple and put on a smile
Attitude can change everything

To everyone born to this world with nothing
No social code, allowed to risk it all with no bluffing
While others get bored being handed their every desire
I spent my childhood days building dirt empires
Dreaming of the molds I was not cut out of
When I'd sit down with fellow folks talking of my aspirations
Most just laughed, brushed me off like I had no chance
So I fueled my fire with life's frustrations
My life works may never something tangible
But if you read every chapter of me, your hands would overflow

This world doesn't seem to understand my twisting mind
But at least I never looked at my dining room,
Thinking it's a great place to hang a clothes line
I'm taking jabs at my past but never dwell in that hollow home
Past these child eyes how much of me do you really know
If you were me, if you had to be, disrespectfully  some say they'd **** themselves
Take that negativity and raise myself onto a higher shelf

I find my best inspiration in music and staring out at stars
one of my favorite pieces I ever wrote was just about passing cars
I'm scared that people are being cookie cut all the same
In a Stepford  manner more messed up than Gerald's  game
They hand you charts and define you in a statistic
Like they already threw you the ball but you missed it
I'm here to breath life into a deflated man's scene
Don't let these demons destroy your darkest dreams
Spark a light onto who you want to be
In a sea of fish, be the one swimming up stream