magine the unimaginable lights -
that shine down upon me,
getting caught in my dreams by an angel,
a saviour, a guardian -
''twas a gift so unforeseen
the equilibrium still shakes me.

Because on this particular night
I was answered by a gentle touch,  
a gentle hand -
to finally become in sync with mine.

it was the day that wind stood still -
she captured it all, in her first breath
just so she could sweep me off my feet,
like tranquility had never seen
The big bad wolf.

Yet - the only thing I wanted
throughout the seasons,
was to capture the first winters snaps
from her nose -
I wanted to kiss her under the mistletoe
and steal her as my Christmas gift.

I want the summer sun to weld us together -
capturing unwritten memories like The heat that stirs between us is molten, bound together to set into stone.

I want our spring days to bloom -
Because the flowers weren't enough
beauty to see me through the season,
so I had to pick you from the fields -
stealing the wild flowers from your eyes.

but most of all,
I need you in those autumn months -
So I could get swept off my feet
only to be picked up by your hand,
Then placed in your heart,
For me to look forward -
to the rest of our days.

When the giant sleeps
he lays dormant, never to be heard.

He sleeps like a baby but breaths like a lion through the caves as it echoes.
But to the surprise of those glaring,
waiting for a beast to emerge from
never seen reputation he has built.

'Tis only the gentle touch of his hand
that gave him his second reputation.

A soft one, a push over - but ha, I laugh in the face of unlaughable emotions, kind notions and love potions.

But that's just not me is it...?

I said to the wall in front of me
I needed to pass but,
to my amazement,
I could never even see,
a wall, a mere
mirage to the retinas deception.

But I question why I ever mention,
my thoughts and perceptions
like the worlds in one convention.

Despite being mouth to horse -
I always got stared at,
trampled down and taken for.

Ironically I'd say for granted,
but I'm left stranded, demanded around then commanded - like this sleeve hadn't already,
seen the washing powder one too many times.

All the lost faded faces I left on my brain,
all the sleepless nights,
I thought my help could turn me insane,
But as the day repeats,
I'm thinking... "Not this Again"
Not another sleepless night,
Just waiting the next day.

But at least I know
before I take my final breath,
It was all just a test,
until death,
And I don't live a day,
with a shard of regret.

A poem about me personally. Always getting called a push over or soft, because I live my life as "that guy" wishing everyone a good day and making sure I put a smile on others before myself. I recently sat and assessed people around me, who was bringing me down, who used me, and I cut loose ends. For once I was selfish - yet I still help them despite breaking. Even if I hate - I give kindness. I live with no regrets, and despite my pain I always wear a smile! Live to the fullest, love, laugh and share dreams, that could never be written even in your mind. Enjoy the read!

Once our lips collided
The ground beneath shook,
Unmeasurable richter scales
Never mind the after shock.

Tension gripped between our fingertips
As our hands clamped tightly shut
The vice grip pulled us closer in,
Pushing us up against one another,
As our hearts beat in one dreamy rythm.

Looking into each other's lost eyes
We looked down at each other's lips,
Seeing the moist on hers I licked my own,
But she caught my tongue on the way back.

Silks shed, losing strings between delicate
Sewing - still sharing our words through touch,
We both inhale sharply as we meet our passion
To fall in between the lights from the moon outside.

Deep down I know this path was chosen for me, whether I play with cards and deal myself a new deck, or if I decorate my life with glitter.

I know what ever has happened has gone - put behind the curtains and closed for no one to see again.

Then even as the stars burn completely across the sky like drips of lava onto the icy surface, one by one descending into the faded night.

We still search for the sky that once was - but remember the coldest nights in December, were only made for us to hold each other close.

We remembered the only stars that we needed were in each other's eyes the whole time - only to glisten once more.

Knowing I would fight for you until my dying breath - whether you want me too or not, because you've already stole all of the air from my lungs - snatching at the last sharp piece of air I had to offer.

You pulled me into a vortex of uncontrollable emotions - and I fear I will spiral out of control as I don't know what to do.

But oh how I've forgotten what it was like - to be switched off from the irony of social media, and to talk the hours away like we didn't have enough.  

The laughter that's trapped inside our stomach - alongside the excitement of knowing the ins and outs of each other's purest souls.

Knowing I have you to dine, knowing I have you as mine.

knowing our souls are one design, written in horoscope sign.

All of these little things you seem to do, stealing my heart like a crime.

Makes me remember why, I fell the first time.

I don't want to think
about what could be, I want
you inside my arms.

As each day without
you in my presence I turn
To my minds penance.

hoping you are with
me, before I can even
finish the sentence.

It's not the fall that
breaks me, it's knowing I have
no arms to catch me.

If I whispered in
your ear, what you want to hear
Would you stay, my dear?

Ryan Holden Oct 7

Even as I freeze.
I don't drop to my knees,
The cuts from the knives
The self inflicted disease,
The unspoken words
eyes filled with tears,
closed mind,
closed blinds,
closed ears.

But as the waking leaves
curl towards new light,
the blanket opens the horizon
like a million glorious stars,
glistening the dew on the leaves
of the grass over the hill.

His consciousness had awoken,
enlightened yet frightened by the past,
remembering the pain and resent.

But I can't do this just yet
I can't be broken,
I don't want to be hurt anymore
I have nothing to give,
but I have everything to give.

Only in time will I give you my all,
I'll fall, deeper than I've fallen before.

Like the precipice wasn't the problem -
just the sheer drop below, into an ocean
of love potions

To swim with the dolphins, and to rise above the surface of the solitude.

To be able to not drown in a sea of emotion
because your eyes alone are the ocean,
and I was just a wave skipping by.

I've found the trail I want to follow
and even if I tell myself I have nothing
to give,
I know I have every single piece to give
it's just,
I've only just collected the pieces.

So please,
if I give you my all
don't shatter me, it took too long
for me to rebuild myself.

The truth is,
I want to fall deeper than I've ever fallen
I want to dive into your eyes,
to get lost at sea,
to get a call from you,
For you to say you're missing me.

Ryan Holden Oct 2

You broke the last thread
When you told me you didn't
Love me anymore.

All of the woven
Pieces of what got sewed in
Place, just fell apart.

With nothing but loose
Ends to play with, and scissors
To cut all the rest.

Ryan Holden Oct 1

This Mental torture is like a flame on thick ice,
just not enough to melt through my core
yet just enough to leave a mark.


I can't tell myself -
what should this wandering mind do?
Because I keep telling myself,
what will this wandering mind do?

My arms reached around you
sweeping you up like a cave.


My grasp was loose,
as was the howling winds that blew
the air from my sails, plummeting me,
into a nearby whirlpool of blanked out, blocked emotions.

As the course is set and our paths align,
no matter how much paddeling I did. Attempting to steer myself to the safety of the shores but missing it by my fingertips.

I was merely brought back into your arms
despite my previous attempts
to pull you in closer and losing
You to a wrong turn.


As the second wind hits our sails
we got lost at sea - never to see the shoreline again.

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