It's amazing, I write with intensity
Waiting for people to read my words
Hoping they will understand the density.
They sleep on my mind
And the same grind that kept me awake at night
Is the same one that people don't bother to shed light.
This is the only way I know to express myself,
Keeping a semi - manic, lunatic head on shoulders
With belt around my neck to hide the stitches
Where I attached this Pandora box of a boulder
With twitching fingers tapping on ivory keys
To maybe pull these chains off my body with ease
Before they choke me again, almost feeling free.
You toss up your nose at those with outward demons
While keeping your own inside, imagine if people could see your innards.
Think about that, next time someone walks by with track lines
Begging for cash and think you're much better.
I got this job, I wear a tucked shirt and tie
But outside of that, I see little difference from you to I.
My own endorphins pump through my veins
Until I close my eyes from exhaustion, mentally drained.
It's amazing, I seldom talk with intensity
People laugh at the defenses I put up mentally.
I've got walls like China, you'll never get to me.
I'm smiling while thinking about my debt,
I'm laughing unsure if I'll ever make it.
I see why you sleep on me,
I sleep on me too.
If we've only talked in passing,
I'm, at best, a stranger to you.
So hi, my name's Ryan
But you can call me the dream fisher too.
Have you ever been so tired
That your mental state is on a high wire
In a twisted dance with your heart and your brain
Until they both fall back and everything's drained
Your eyes strain to fixate on a thought
Until you realize the very thing you conspired,
That you visually try to admire, isn't tangible
Until you stand to pull out above all
End up in a stall because the rhyme scheme seems too clean
So you write right from the heart, am I wrong?
But the mental flow won't let you go so you must carry on
While the world dances with stars in its head,
I'm looking at balls of fire, millions of miles from my bed
When perspective gets dissected, a frog leg is still a frog leg
Or the lead led out of my lead pencil still leads a lead trail
Until I halt my hands a minute for my thoughts to catch where my mind leads
But never using a pen, because the ink just bleeds.
In the sea, I've seen people seem to just wash by,
I stop with a life boat asking around to see who needs to get dry.
If you play with fire, I'd say you might roast mallows
In a dry wooded hollow, you may end up wallowing in flames
But where's the adventure when everything stays the same?
Until every comfort zone has never grown so much
People don't even say hi, barely let elbows brush
The rush is incredible and can be delicious at its core
To stick with the original metaphor
How else would you ever get a s'more?
I'm eating microwaved pizza with only oven directions
Cracking open a bottle of whatever is in the clearance section
Thinking over my life decisions and selections
Feeling like they spun me until I lost sight of direction
And please don't take me wrong, I don't speak with aggression.
I speak like an old man, passing advice to a child
Playing this life like a movie with a half-smile
It ain't all bad but, the bad has a longer echo
Giving you time to dissect those tragedies to death
Don't waste your breath on what can't be changed
Simply because, it can't be changed.
Remember, as you read my heart, that I'm the generation
With an entitled mind, with every door open, yet they're all empty inside.
they don't listen, no one listens, just continue to position us as victims.
I'm not a victim I just want a chance.
The same one you got, with the same promises you sought
My social security already has a plot in a grave I'll never see
So if you can explain what entitlements will I ever see?
I don't even own these clothes, my home, my life
They'll tax my mind if I don't write clear into the afterlife.
If I protest in a peaceful manner, I'm a coward
If I come violent, I'm a threat
If I keep my mouth shut they pretend I don't exist
So tell me how to exist by your terms?
What's acceptably respectable, you choose
because it seems I've learned, no matter what I lose.
If pictures could speak
I've heard they'd say a thousand words
But if the language of them was foreign
Then, to me, it may sound all absurd
Yet, in the sound you could still feel
The tone at which they spoke
Softly serving as a memory
Of the places it did know
If pictures could speak
I would listen through the night
Laughing as the sun came up
Never sleeping but eyes creeping
More closed passing through a morning light.
I would listen to the faded laughter
Of times someone lived to say
Staring at the past, wasting time in present day
If pictures could speak
They may haunt the world I knew
But their secrets I would keep
In the cryptic art that someone drew
They'd never know I heard them
So silent, but still there
Always talking but never realizing anyone cared
The stars looked really bright tonight,
To be honest I only saw them for a minute
But I saw them all the same, look up
Maybe they're out where you are too.
There's something peaceful about this world
When the crowds part, our hearts march in silence
If my words were leaves with a pen for a tree,
If I drop this pen does it really make a sound?
Among familiar faces yet, no one is truly around.
I worry about the state of people's minds
In these hot Arizona days, I find
It odd to give a beggar water
And be scolded, as they may not really be in need
If a person sits injured does it matter the context of the bleed
Don't worry I've got a bandage to spare,
You won't take away my image of a world
Where people sincerely care
So play me for a fool, I'll wear a jester hat
Spewing out a stupid joke for the insecurities I mask.
But if you take away a single thought from me,
Look up at the stars tonight
Maybe they're out where you are too.
You can never touch their beauty
Did you ever just lay awake?
If you haven't, I'm sorry.
If you haven't been kept awake from your dreams
Or lost a wink from the anxiety of unknown
I don't think you're doing life right.
The feeling of being exhausted
kept awake by all the forces in your head
It's awful but it's in moments like this
You remember how wonderful being alive is.
I hate waking up in a scared sweat.
I'm more relieved my nightmares slide away.
How many times have you died in a dream?
It's not as many as you'd think,
If you really thought about it I mean.
I've heard it's good luck though.
I'm afraid of winning the lottery in my unconscious
It may be the worst real luck I ever see.
Whatever the case, you're doing great
If you're on top of the world,
Soar as far as that streak runs you.
If you're in a terrible slump,
Rock that pit like a champ.
Don't ever stop being,
Simply being whatever you are.
Damn it's perfect.
Why do so many people mold themselves
Don't do it. Be happily, you.
If time stood still for a month
I'd question the minutes I misused
If given a week, where I didn't have to think
I might find a second to relax
This American dream I'm suppose to be chasing,
Just feels like I'm racing between work and my bed
Building a mountain of stress and a mountain of debt
And then I come home, underpaid, overworked
It's hard to not let a job, define my worth.
They build us up for years, kid, follow your dreams
Then tossed to curb, kid, your worthless, it seems
They don't understand, the price to move up these days
A 50 thousand dollar loan to get a degree
In a job that still doesn't pay.
Call me unmotivated, I'll ask for an offer worth my time
Where the pay is substantial and insurance isn't robbing me blind
"Go be a doctor, a lawyer, a suit"
And spend the next 8 years eating only Ramen noodle soup?
You don't get it, I get it. "My generation wants it all for free"
Then how come I feel like I have so many chains around me?
They combat us with fear, attack our esteem and integrity
Until you're weak and question your own abilities.
These kids pop pills because their stressed out from life
Have you seen the pressures thrown at them every night?
I'm not saying we're victims, I'm saying we just need help
We're a lost generation as past ones only fend for themselves
When you start, everything is wide open,
Your actions are completely limitless.
Hold onto that feeling for a moment.
As soon as you move, direction is created,
These moves have purpose even at random
Structure begins to form around them.
Are you a king? Are you a pawn?
Look closely, are they really that different?
I'll tell you the difference, if you'd like.
A pawn can move one or two spaces ahead
Some may make it to the other side,
But a king, a king can turn back if he wanted
For when he dies, that's the end of the ride.
With a queen going every and anywhere
And a rook keeping straight in his sights.
Remember, your actions are limitless
So when you move, be sure to move right.
I carry a house on my shoulders,
Some bills have been bogging my mind,
I've had a tub overflowing for some time
With a smile and bags full of boulders under my eyes
I can't complain, sir, I'm doing fine.
Not fine in the sense, that I'm doing bad
Yet, don't want the atmosphere to be tense
But fine like life is a struggle, no clouds are in my sky
Unless it's raining, in which case we dance.
See, people don't realize you only get one shot
To screw up your life with every atom you've got
And listen to many past generations
Then continue to make the mistakes you've been making,
I'm not being sarcastic, it's wonderful.
Seriously, I can't think of a better time to live
Sadly, people give all they can give
To a digital internet, no disrespect.
But stop posting and really live, disconnect.
Stop taking pictures and videos to show others
Who cares if acquaintances like or love it?
It's your life, do you love it?
I've heard from strangers for years say, go get published,
So I ask if they'd buy a copy, they say no
It's not their thing and they feel out of place
Then tell me why your advice was to put my money to waste?
Even fans wouldn't offer me a spot
On their shelf or their wall, so just leave me here
You don't need to encourage me at all.
I'll write until my fingers turn to nubs
I've been dirty all my life, no matter how hard I scrub.