life is like a heart beat
it has its ups and downs
our highs and lows
it levels out just as we do
that's how you know you're alive

im tangled,
wrapped in tape measures
that will never read what
i desire

im glued
onto a scale
which determines
my worth

OVERWEIGHT

to watch the numbers lower
would be a miracle.
all my sacrifices
paying off...

but you're sick
sick with something killing you
something that must be fixed
force feed me till i can't fight back

FAILURE

then i return
to the sorry old loop
one that continues
as it determines my worth.

what do i believe?
my heart pulling to the left while my head to the right.
they won't agree, not on this.
i'm tangled, my feelings and thoughts intertwined with each other with no clear answer.
help me, im so scared.
scared to lose you but scared to lose myself, too.
do i stay or do i go?
i guess its something only time will show

i look to the mirror, an unsightly view
what's staring back? it's me to you

how i hate what i see
the girl looking back is me

i'm trapped in my skin
pleading from within

why am i the way i am?
self love only a scam

to be better, to be yearned for
to be perfect, the end of my internal war

just listen to me, can't you see?
workout, eat less, count calories...

you'll be made new, into the person you crave to be
but it comes at a cost, do you trust me?

left on an island out at sea, all my fears and worries surrounding me. i'm stranded, left only with the Voice inside my head; one thing that wants me dead. how do i escape? how do i become free? free the unrest residing in me. i cant swim. i'm not strong enough. the hate will only drag me down. please help me,

i'm drowning.

drowning in self hatred that i can't seem to overcome. the waves pull me further in, the glimpse of light dimming. i can't hold my breath much longer, sweet release finally seeping in. this is it, the end. my soul rests in the depths of the ocean, floating with misery.

silent tears
the incoherent cry for help
pain no one will hear.
pain no one will ever know.
they are shed when everything else is kept within.
when you are so alone, you have no shoulder to lean on.
the pain leaks from time to time through the corner of your eye, but it stays buried.
buried under the guilt, the shame, everything you throw away.
push your hurt out quietly—don't be a burden. no one wants your problems, your pain—no one wants you they say.
please, someone take my pain away.

Why would I eat if the lies inside me fill me up? 'Til there's nothing but half-truths trapped inside. I plead, scream, beg for someone to hear my cry but it's locked deep within me.
The pain I feel when I look in the mirror; why? Why do I hate myself?
Hate my hair,
my hips,
my thighs,
my stomach,
my smile.
I won't look anymore.
I can't bear to see who's staring back.
Shatter the mirror!
Distort the already broken image.
How much more damage could I do to myself before I'm through?
The scale wails when I approach; the fourth time in a day. When the numbers fall, I let out a sigh of relief, but when they rise…
What can I do?
What would you do if you couldn't be you?
Everyone's words are pointless. If its not the voice inside my head it doesn't matter. Nothing can satisfy my need to feel empty—to feel proud of the monster I’d become.

on and off.
off and on.
the same stupid routine day after day
but i guess i was made that way

Do you know what it's like to be inside someone's head?
All of a sudden wanting to be dead.
Or maybe full of worry?
Rushing 'round in a hurry.
Maybe full of rage?
Being life's prisoner in its cage.

You can't hide from me.
That's just how it is unfortunately.
Standing in a room just me and you
I'll always know how you feel, it's true
cause being an empath is not a choice
but a chance to give all the hurting a voice.

Mask up or they'll see.
They'll see what you hide,
what you try not to be.
Don't let them in.
Don't let them win.
Do not show them the person within.