empty and hollow
tired; full of sorrow
my heart aches but i can't feel it
can't feel the pain when life hits
i'm numb

i don't know what to do
it hard to feel for you
when i can't even for me
who can i be
when i'm numb

who am i without you?
what do i say; what do i do?
together we are oil and water,
we can be together but cant mix
i know this is best, but how do i find myself?
i haven't a clue

how do i describe how i feel?
one hand free, other held down by guilt
but no longer chained to someone who i am not

who am i?
that i don't know
i've lost myself among opinions surrounding me

who do i be?
myself? what does that mean?
how do i find myself when i don't know what im searching for?

i'm only a sponge
when they erupt, one thing being a tipping point, i'm there. i'm the one who cleans up, i'm the one to make it seem as if it never happened.
i'm only a liar.

the flowers died on monday
the clouds cried on tuesday
the sky screamed on wednesday
the sun dimmed on thursday
the stars hid on friday
mother nature weeped on saturday
the earth spun on on sunday

joy, giggles and laughs as they trudge through the snow. snowballs gliding through the air, sleds speeding down. it's magical, the way the snowflakes fall gracefully from the sky...

but, when the sun comes out, the fun begins to die. the once white covered grass starts to fade, the happiness of winter melts away.

this side of my skin
hides what lies within
a perfect shell
hiding my inner hell

this side of me
hides what you can see
what i hide
what's trapped deep inside

outside as perfection
inside a deadly infection
it spreads through my soul
its darkness swallowing me whole

this side of my skin
protects what i hide within
keeps my thoughts hidden
because what they say is surely forbidden

world, forget me
as i'm nothing special
a blank slate
with no motivation

i stay sedimentary
afraid to fail
how can i fly
if i wont take a leap

world, forget me
i have nothing to offer
nothing to share
just an empty shell

a passing character in someone's story
i'll never be the one they read for
my life is nothing but trials
all which i've failed

world, forget me
please i beg you
don't waste your time
trying to see me as who i was meant to be

in chains i stand
before you
trapped as i am
make me anew

release these bonds
break these chains
set me free
from all my pains

let me go
be who i'm meant to be
no matter what you say
i'll finally be me

tie me up
my insides in knots
how can i tell what is real
and what is not?

my anxiety tightens the bow,
now struggling to breathe
my heart beats fast
and i begin to seethe

the pain of worry
lies deep inside
lacing me up
i've been tied.

don't touch me, for i might crack
don't hit me, for i might break
don't yell at me, for i will shatter

these glass walls hold my porcelain soul,
but cannot protect me from the world
the pain, the love, the hurt—

paint my face the way it should be
a smile and bright red cheeks
i am yours to design

i'm so lost
first you love me
then treat me like trash
acting like i'm not there
...acting like you don't care

i don't understand what ive done to you
to make you hate me the way you do
is it really hate?
or only a facade?

i don't know how to feel
cause i don't know what's real
do you truly love me?
or am i only a means to an end?

You were a rose.
As beautiful as its soft, red petals.
Even a perfect rose has flaws––its thorns.
And, My Darling, you've stricken me.

pulling me up just to push me back down, to this cycle i'm bound. pride is a sin whether from you or within. i climb to the top not planning to stop but if i go too far—
just let me fly, be free. let me truly be me. unlock the door, release the chains because no matter how much you think you love me, you only put me in pain.
how can i heal when i begin to it's my skin you peel. bring me back to "perfect," everything you dreamed for me, but that's not who i am, can't you see?!
just let me live my life, the way i intend too. you treat me like a trial run, how is that fun for you?
this is my life, not yours. leave me alone

overlooked but overused. i the key to new experiences—what lays beyond the wall. day after day, hour after hour people touch me but are unclean. the germs crawl around me, waiting for the next victim. flu, covid, a cough—doesn't matter which 'cause i experience them all...

do you ever feel like you're not enough? like what you do will never measure up. who to be and what to do have never come clearly to you.

i know you.

I know your pain, your sorrow, your lack of faith.

"how do i believe in myself when no one else does?"

you prove them wrong.

show them your strength, your courage, your confidence. prove to yourself that you deserve life, deserve to be on this planet we call earth.

we all have something to offer, you included.

show the world the best you can be and then they'll see that they were wrong about you and the things you can do.

spread your wings and jump, i know you'll fly.

Power surges, the energy in my veins. We have the right to change. Things don't stay the same, after all, life is only a game. Prepare your hearts for this is war, it's time to even the score. We will win, and that's a promise I'll give.

The prize, just keep your eye on the prize. The buzzer sounds as I stuff my face, not daring to lose this race. Hot dog after hot dog, I don't slow down. Victory is in my sight, there's no stopping me now. The buzzer dings, my hands held high in the air. I've won, completely fair and square.

My imagination runs rampant. Images I cannot control. I fear myself. I can't close my eyes or they'll creep inside. These far off lands own me, I'm only a vessel to tell their twisted stories.

If you could have it all, everything your heart desires would you try? Just a sip, they said, your dreams will come to life. What happens when the drink runs dry? Your aspirations shrivel, you confidence wilts.

So, will you take a sip?

This emptiness swallows me whole. Please hear my prayers! I yearn for peace, to feel something. Will you send me a sign to prove everything to be alright? I'll wait for it, like I do every night—for you to pass my window, to be my shooting star.

I'll wait for the sign that you are mine.

Overlooked, overworked, underpaid, with no gratitude. You yearn her presence but gripe about mine. "It's too hot, too bright." I'm never 'just right.' Without me, you couldn't survive, couldn't thrive in this life you call yours.

See how well she treats you. Her glow dissipates with my darkness. Envy runs through me. You don't deserve to see.

Nothing runs without me.

when i look at you
my stomach flutters
your smile makes me gleam
i love you

your laugh is perfect
each chuckle makes me grin
basking in your joy
i love you

the lovingness is so pure
the cuddles so protecting
i feel safe with you
i love you

be mine forever
staying side by side
loving til the day we die
i love you

i'll say it
if you'll say it too
just two words
i love you

I do.

have you ever felt your memories crawl up your throat?
the pain of each nightmare coming afloat.
the flashbacks swallow you whole.
there's no hope for your soul.

do you live your terrors day after day?
the corrupted thoughts won't go away.
its blade slices your skin
allowing the bad thoughts in.

save me.
hear me.
pull me from this pit
please, before i quit.

give up on this.
it's them you'll miss.
release me
subdue me

please let me be free.

shut out the noise
push out the lies
see the truth
open up your eyes

minds are twisted
with false truth
invading our brains
poisoning our youth

wake up, please
push through the fog
rise up from the ashes
see through the smog

please open your eyes
not awake in disguise

i don't hate you
but i hate what you do
you're dripping with sin
as you're hurt within

follow me
and maybe you'll see
how the world has lied
false truth invading as you cried

your pride is too high
for you to see the lie
to admit you were wrong
so i'll sing this song

"i love you
as Jesus does too.
i pray for your heart
'cause it tears me apart
to see you this way
so i have something to say
i'll be here for you
no matter what you do
and i hope that you
will be there too."

as the world crumbles
around me
all i can do
is watch

the death
the famine
the pain
the suffering

i can't carry the weight
as the stones come crashing down
pummeling my pride
leaving me raw

wrapped in chains
because i mock His name
listen to the other's music
the banished one

satanus
beelzebub
lucifer
...a fake.

a false god
powerless
is it to rebel?
break the *******.

let yourself free
the weight lifted
as the Heavens sing
when you finally see

who you were
truly
meant to
be

How does it feel
to be blinded?
Ignoring the truth
and for what?

To rebel?
To fit in?
When will you learn
that this is just sin?

Wake up now, please!
Pull off
your rose colored glasses!
Open your eyes!

It pains me to see
your judgment clouded.
Please, just try to
even if it's only for me.

How would life be
if you saw what I see?
Would you finally understand?
Could I finally be me?

Nothing seems real,
theres no way to feel.
Everything is dull.
Until I heal.

peer into the glass
what do you see?
are you staring back
or is it a nobody?

the twisted lies
that are held behind
that shiny pane
inside your mind.

do we see the truth?
what it reflects to us?
do mirrors twist the facts
we won't discuss?

is this truly me?
is my soul flawed?
am i really just
a lying fraud?

the pounding in my chest
increases my unrest
as tears stream down my face
praying for a change of pace

worry bubbles inside me
snatching my glee
just let me be
and maybe i'll see
why you ignore my plea
to be set free

how can i feel so alone
when people have shown
how much they care
but are never there

panic is my foe
lying to me of what i know
dampening my glow
furthering my woe
of what it shows
whoa

Is everyone blind?
Can we not see the truth?
The world is dying
and so is our youth.

People are dying
for the pettiest reasons.
When we disagree
we'll commit treason.

Countries falling
as others rise.
Only succeeding
at others' demise.

When will we stand up
for what is right?
Will we sit by and watch
or actually get up and fight?

The world is crumbling
over greed and pride.
Ignoring the help
that everyone cried.

We must stand up
and fight for what's right.
If we standby to watch
nothing will be left in sight.

United We Stand,
Divided We Fall.
The canyon between us
will slaughter us all.

Can't you see
the man up there?
A puppet on strings,
dancing unaware.

completely unaware
the depth of tragedies
that have occurred
before the formalities.

Do you care for us?
Or is it all for you?
Our country shattering in pieces.
What will you do?

Another speech,
To check a box?
Inconveniences to form
your scripted talks.

We need a leader,
one far more adept.
One for the people,
one who can go up steps.

This ain't an attack
but things need to change
my home is dying
as things become strange.

Home of the Brave
is what they all say
but all I see are cowards
waiting to run away.

Stand up for your land
or we'll crumble before
each angry group
begging to start a war...

You don't understand

he means everything to me

just give him a chance

and maybe you'll agree.




His smile, his laugh

make me feel alive,

without him

I'll never thrive.




I know you won't agree

you're the head, and I the heart

you can try

but you'll never break us apart.


~


I won't agree because I see things

you'll never know.

This guy doesn't want you

he only sees a ***.




You deserve more

that's why logic wins,

saving you from

his unwanted sins.




I know you won't

agree with me

but there's just somethings

the heart cannot see.




Blinded by love,

you'll be the fool.

~

With your logic,

life becomes cruel.




Which do I believe?

The one that sees

or the one

that bleeds?

the lies You whispered in my ears,

blinded me from my fears.

You promised perfection,

but didn't tell me it'd lead my heart in the other direction.




the unrest in my soul grew

as You wound me up like a corkscrew.

Your grin darkened

as Your blade sharpened.




You stripped me of myself

so You could control my body Yourself.

You killed me from the inside out,

suffocating my flower before it could even sprout.




i can't understand how such a tiny ****,

could strangle me no matter how hard i plead.

this wasn't part of the deal,

my soul wasn't Yours to steal.




You clouded my thoughts

so i couldn't connect the dots.

trial after trial You wouldn't leave me alone

Your lies continued until i was overthrown.




there i sat, hollow

ready to trust You, ready to follow.

we walked the path of no return,

ready to die, ready to burn.




that's when I began to pray

for someone to come to My aid.

pull Me from the dirt,

help Me never hurt.




replant Me somewhere new,

maybe somewhere with a good view.

somewhere I won't be numb,

somewhere far away from that ****.




the sun seems clearer,

maybe because I'm nearer.

maybe because I'm no longer tangled in a vine.

maybe because I can finally be happy with My life as Mine.

Hope for a new world

shatters.

Fates laugh as

poison fills the veins of society.




Should we call to the moon?

Surely, she knows how to survive the dark.

What about the stars?

Do we pray for them to fall?

So our pitiful cries may be heard

by some other know-all?




Fates pleased as we long

for happy endings,

ones that we will never reach

no matter how hard we try.




Will we ever be free

of your dangerous games?

Or will your hands stay latched

on those wretched reins?