i’ve tangled with a lot of bodies
after we ended.
i’ve knotted myself with different hearts
pretentiously knowing that this pain i’ve felt could be mended.
i’ve scrambled those ties in my hands and how easy it was for me to un-knot them.
one knot comes in, after a few days, weeks, or sometimes but not often, months, slowly it detangles itself and i leave untangled, unbroken, as if nothing went past these lines on my heart, my body, my lips, like it didn’t happen at all.
i thought those messy tangles i put myself into would be as hard as when we had to untangle ourselves — or just me, i guess — from the oh so short but very sweet time we’ve had together.
but, i was wrong.
i wasn’t left untangled,
i wasn’t unbroken.
i still had a little not, tied in between my heart, body, and lips, which i try so hard not to notice by putting myself out there, messing my own lines up till i catch someone who ends up letting go afterwards.
we’ve already part ways,
you barely left.
i wish you could untangle this knot you left.
i wish you could mess with mine again, and probably leave a bigger knot — so obvious that i’d give up trying to fix it.
i wish to see how your soft hands would carefully untie, over then under then pull and stretch, this knot and maybe i could finally figure out that it was so easy that i didn’t even need your help.
but you’re gone.
and i have to accept that.
it’ll take time before this untangles by itself so i’ll just let it be for awhile.
and when someone does come not only to tie their heart with mine,
but also untangle what you had left behind,
then i’ll be fine,
and know that now’s my time.
to the guy who i loved for two short weeks, thank you. i still love you and i’m happy you have found someone who’ll love you just the way you like it.