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ms reluctance Apr 2015
I knew I had fallen out of love.
Yet I stayed;
I didn't want to be alone.

I am sorry it took me so long to realize
that if I was lonely when I was with you
then you must have felt isolated too.

And maybe I don't love you
like I used to
but I still love you enough
to spare you the desolation
of being alone in my company.
NaPoWriMo Day #6
Poetry form: Free verse
ms reluctance Apr 2015
People find it strange
that someone like me
who gets out of breath,
wheezing,
after two flights of stairs
considers the horse
to be her spirit animal.

Ironic though it may be,
isn't it natural
for the somatically lazy
to have a wild soul
that runs free?
NaPoWriMo Day #30
Poetry form: Free Verse
ms reluctance Feb 2013
Down by the river,
A sapling under the rock.
Spring is here at last
ms reluctance Jun 2013

Down by the river,
A sapling under the rock.
Spring is here at last.

Form of poetry: Haiku
ms reluctance Apr 2020
i am tired
not allowed to sleep yet
i must wait
and breathe
heavier every second
empty still
nothing to give
so much to steal
i will wait
unseeing eyes fixed
on the frozen hourglass
i will speak
of birds and sunrise
the relentless vice
of waking
i will wait
until i cannot anymore
NaPoWriMo Day 19
Poetry form: Gothic
ms reluctance Feb 2013
It is fall again;
Still she weeps at the altar
each Sunday morning.
ms reluctance Apr 2014
Purple
storm clouds blown in
by the turbulent winds
haven’t enough rain to wash off
your pain.
NaPoWriMo Day 11
Poetry form: Cinquain (traditional)
ms reluctance Apr 2015
They turn on the street
lamps to commemorate the
dying of each day.
NaPoWriMo Day #16
Poetry form: Haiku
ms reluctance Apr 2018
‘What’s the point of it all?
Life is such a long haul!’
All my distress melts away,
bleak worldview turns upside,
once I saunter inside
the air-conditioned café.
Sometimes you are just hot
when you think life is fraught
on a white-hot summer day.
ms reluctance Apr 2014
It is quite strange how
I always run out of these
endless summer days.
NaPoWriMo Day #2
Poetry form : Haiku
ms reluctance Apr 2020
naked feet submerged
in the freshly watered grass –
balmy summer breeze



the loud twirling fan –
last slice of watermelon
hesitating hands



lazy guilt dissolved
laundry postponed once again
excuse in the rain
NaPoWriMo Day 18
Poetry form: Haiku
ms reluctance Jun 2013
Away from all their expectations,
far from the madness that ensues,
a moment of solitude.
Harper Lee and coffee.
Afterwards, a stroll
with some of my
favourite
tunes -
Bliss.
Form of Poetry: *Nonet*
ms reluctance Apr 2020
The squall rousted the last of the roses,
a flutter amongst the mango blossoms.
The storm billowed with savage abandon,
a waterfall cascaded down the wall.
Lightning graffiti scrawled across the sky,
charcoal thunder rattled the fogged windows.

I held her trembling hand and stroked her back
as she leaped at the sound of every crack.
We breathed in rhythm — a steady tempo —
in-out, in-out, our tempest ritual.

He came to report a discovery
of roe while cleaning the rohu for lunch.
Spicy fritters added to the menu —
swift improvement to inclement weather.
NaPoWriMo Day 26
Poetry form: Blank Verse
ms reluctance Apr 2014
Unzip your eyes,
A surprise waits,
Blue skies today.
NaPoWriMo Day #23
Poetry form: Thanbauk
ms reluctance Apr 2018
Puppy videos on Instagram,
snarky relatable memes,
pretty pictures pinned to my board,
filtered funny tweets.

Bashful poetry and uplifting words,
whispering truths to the cosmos,
a few shows, binge-watched,
peppy dance routines,
movies, music, art,
time-consuming scrawlings.

These are some
weapons in my arsenal,
my anti-venom
against the toxic approach
of tedious,
stifling
boredom.
Poetry form - List
ms reluctance Apr 2020
Soon, almost, tomorrow, maybe, later
are polite ways of saying no, never
Easy words I often use to cater
to persistent questions I don’t savour

I answer one query with a question
of my own. Before you know it, I change
the discourse with a subtle suggestion,
still manage to have a pleasant exchange.

I must confess though that secretly, I  
always harbour a faint hope that someone
will see through my feint and try to be sly
so we can tease and toy and have some fun.

Please pardon my disingenuous ploy;
my ennui struck heart enjoys being coy.
NaPoWriMo Day 14
Poetry form: English Sonnet
ms reluctance Feb 2013
Blow out bubbles of hilarity,
Sing me sad somber songs,
Distract me enough to fool
My wayward heart that longs.

My coward heart that longs
To escape all my wrongs…

Take my hand and lead me
Astray. Away. Far away,
From this edge of self-destruction
Or the darkness will take me one day.

The darkness will get to me one day,
If not like this, then some other way…

I've been stuck here so long,
Beginning to like this sinister night;
You are the only one I’ll follow
Anywhere, even into the light.

Anywhere we go, that’s okay.
Just hold my hand and take me away.
ms reluctance Feb 2013
The fire inside her,
Once but a tiny spark -
Brought the promise of hope
And spread smiles all around.

The fire inside her
Grew into a playful flame -
Dancing and leaping up
To go meet the golden sun.

The fire inside her
Became a roaring blaze -
Fiery passion burning in her heart,
Guiding her through unfamiliar ways.

The fire inside her
Then mellowed to a gentle glow -
Warm, tender, protecting her
From the darkness so hollow.

The fire inside her
Has now begun to flicker -
Making her old hands quiver
But willing her to keep going.

The fire inside her
Will burn out soon enough;
Become ashes and dust
And glory days of the past.
ms reluctance Feb 2013
Three withered brown leaves,
A trail of ants heading home.
The first drop of rain.
ms reluctance Feb 2013
I ripped out my heart
and blew it out in a kiss
to him one rainy day.

He kept it for a while
then tossed it away
into the stormy sea.

If only I knew how to swim
I would have gone looking
into the ocean for it.

So to keep me from dying,
they had to stitch me up
with a heart of stone instead.

And that is why
now they call me
the girl with a heavy heart.
ms reluctance Apr 2014
Head
hot, heavy
spinning, throbbing, aching
drinks, smoke, music, electric guitar
dancing, bumping, tapping
bruised, sore
toes.
NaPoWriMo Day 14
Poetry form: Diamante
ms reluctance Apr 2018
The sounds of morning
roused me from a deep slumber.
The clouds grew tumid.

Songbirds of the day
kept me company and we
held the rain at bay.

A gentle twilight
broke the slow afternoon’s back;
a drizzle followed.

The sky wept last night;
the storm faded in hiccups.
Now the earth is dry.
ms reluctance Jun 2013
The
path
that you
have chosen
is not pretty but
it will lead you to salvation.
Form of Poetry: Fibonacci
ms reluctance Apr 2019
A shoal of fish, my thoughts
flit about aimlessly,
succumb
to the pull of eddies,
get lost among the rocks.

Love and pain
are the water lilies.
Beautiful.
Recurring.
Temporary.

The mind is a river.
I am the riverbed.

The river drowns me.

The river makes me.
NaPoWriMo Day 21
Poetry form: Free Verse
ms reluctance Sep 2013
How much time do you intend to spend
holding on to your naive notions of everlasting happiness?
How much love will you turn away
before you are brave enough to risk it all again?

You took a chance once.
It worked for a while
and then it didn’t.
The hours of waiting alone,
listening for footsteps at the door,
footsteps that never came,
they still haunt you.

So you cling to those memories of pain
that you let define the rest of your life.
You wear a cloak of cynicism
over your shrivelled heart.
Protected.
Safe.
Dead.
ms reluctance Apr 2018
The potted banana tree has borne fruit.
Light, water, fertilizer,
I gave it as needed.
Every day I watched it grow.
Every day it made me happy
to see the potted banana tree
thrive,
and not just survive,
in a place it wasn’t supposed to be.
NaPoWriMo Day 11
Poetry form: Imagism
ms reluctance Apr 2020
Oh, to be a person, a place,
a smell, a taste,
a ****** of music,
a turn of phrase
that brings comfort,
and lilac-tinged peace;
a sense of security
buried inside a memory.

To travel in time feels sublime.
What a relief! We get to relive
those sweet sensations
like flipping through worn
pages of a favourite book.
Oh, to be the reason
for a smile, a fond look,
a happy sigh
reminiscing
the good times gone by.
NaPoWriMo Day 3
Poetry form: Free Verse
ms reluctance Apr 2018
Find me before I am forever lost;
This madness tastes too sweet.
Give direction to these stumbling feet;
They cross lines that can’t be uncrossed.

I gave you up before I knew the cost.
How easily I admitted defeat!
Find me before I am forever lost;
This madness tastes too sweet.

Save my heart before it hardens to frost;
I need your warmth, your burning heat.
Will you please cling to me when we meet?
Find me while my heart is still soft.
Find me before I am forever lost.
NaPoWriMo Day 21
Poetry form: Rondel
ms reluctance Apr 2018
Mine, mine, mine –
the pain is mine,
I can bear it.

Mine, mine, mine –
The shame is mine,
I can wear it.

Feel the brittle glass,
a couple of knocks
and it will shatter.

I have a spine of steel,
throw your rocks,
it doesn’t matter.

Watch me burn,
with cool disdain,
I won’t bemoan it.

This trainwreck is mine,
my hellfire to maintain,
witness how I own it.
ms reluctance Jun 2013
Sometimes I feel as though I’m trapped;
Captive, in the prison walls of my mind.

I hold the right keys (which can set me free),
The right locks someday I hope to find.

A strange thing, perhaps the strangest of all -
Being a stranger to the desires that lie within.

How can I hope to finish the rest of my story
when I do not know where to begin?
ms reluctance Apr 2015
There was a man, let us call him Mack
who always had the perfect comeback.
But he kept missing his cue.
So he decided to spew
random retorts to pick up the slack.
NaPoWriMo Day #8
Poetry form: Limerick
Trepverter (n.) (Yiddish) A witty riposte or comeback you think of only when it is too late to use. Literally translated, it means "staircase words". Another variation is the French word, L’esprit de l’escalier .
ms reluctance Apr 2019
Those who fear being misunderstood should
not get into the business of creation.
Nor should they who only want to be good.

Absolute truth is a piece of fiction.
What you create no longer belongs to you –
always subject to interpretation.

It is cathartic to create something new
even if it does not serve the purpose
you originally set out to do.

If misunderstanding makes you nervous,
remember, being understood can be worse.
NaPoWriMo Day 22
Poetry form: Terza Rima
ms reluctance Apr 2019
All the times you felt invisible
because you thought nobody
cared about you.  

Do you wonder if you have
ever made someone in your life
feel the same way?

Gave up asking
how they were doing,
if they were really okay,
just because you always got the same answer.  

Kept silent in the face of silence.
Let them push you away.
Made little effort to
nudge the truth
out of their reticence.

Pain can make you
quite blind;
rather oblivious to the
same feelings in others.

Tunnel vision of the soul.
NaPoWriMo Day 19
Poetry form: Abecedarian
ms reluctance Apr 2018
Softly, the music makes me weep, and I
sink into the storm. You are breathtaking.
My life before you was a dream, a lie.
I am awake now, love, trembling, shaking.

You have ripped my feeble façade away
and doused me in ultraviolet bliss.
You, you are the sky. I am a blue jay
forever reaching, begging for a kiss.

I smolder under your luminous gaze;
I grow heavy, molten under your touch.
Slowly, I open, close, my blood ablaze,
Undulating in your leisurely clutch.

I rise, yield, my heart beating like a drum.
I float, complete, my breath a steady thrum.
NaPoWriMo Day 30
Poetry form: English Sonnet
ms reluctance Feb 2013
Strange winds blow sometimes
From strange lands to unravel
A dandelion
ms reluctance Feb 2013
Walk with me
Until we can walk no more.
We can take the stairway to heaven
Or stroll down the highway to hell.

I don’t care where we go,
Or even if we don’t go anywhere
As long as I feel you next to me
So close yet barely touching.

We’ll find our way
Get blissfully lost.
Just you and me
For eternity.
ms reluctance Feb 2013
All it takes is a gust
Of the whispering wind
To breathe life into the wanderlust
Slumbering within me.

I pull on my leather boots
And slip away at dawn.
Don’t look for me in the morning
For I will be long gone.
ms reluctance Apr 2020
We call them heroes, send them to fight
armed with plastic armor, much extolled valor.
They are isolated inside the veil of gratitude,
Drafted in a terrible war they never asked for.

We call them heroes, our robust knights
who will slay the beast, shield us from its fury.
We try to forget the open secret that they were,
in fact, robbed of a choice, ****** into glory.

We call them heroes without ever knowing
the face behind their masks and elastic bands.
These worrisome times will come to pass;
meanwhile, we stay inside and wash our hands.
NaPoWriMo Day 13
Poetry form: Quatrain
ms reluctance Apr 2015
Congratulations.
You have done it –
Created such a spectacular façade
no one will even try
to see what’s behind it.
No one will get a peek
at the wreck you are within.
So rejoice.
You have achieved what you set out to do.
Kept everyone out.
No one knows you are broken;
no one is looking to fix you.
And you are so busy
keeping up your false pretences,
you haven't noticed
the walls you built
to keep the world at bay
have also fenced you in.

The world shall only see
what you want it to see.
You are safe
in your steel cage.
Really,
well done.
NaPoWriMo Day #21
Poetry form: Free verse
ms reluctance Apr 2014
What
next?
Always
the question
that keeps me awake
at night; troubled during the day.
Consumed by this exhausting, insatiable hunger
to decipher the mysteries of a nebulous future, I find it mighty hard
to take a deep breath, look around, notice all the colors and revel in the beauty of how far I have come from the shadows of my past.
NaPoWriMo Day #28
Poetry form: Fib
ms reluctance Jun 2013
People often think
I don’t believe in
eyelashes and dandelions,
candles, shooting stars,
fountains and wishing wells.

If only they knew,
some wishes should
never come true.
Once burned
twice shy,
I had a wish granted once
for a price far too high.
https://madhumitas.wordpress.com/2013/04/12/when-a-wish-comes-true/
ms reluctance Apr 2018
Your pain is not a gift.

Don’t be burdened
if they don’t rejoice to receive it.

Don’t
let the lack of a correct response
ebb your purge.

They don’t understand.
Of course, they don’t.
They are not you;
They have not suffered
your black holes.
Do you wish them to?

Don’t
brush away their sympathy.
It is the price you pay
to have someone
care enough to listen.
NaPoWriMo Day 29
Poetry form: Free verse
ms reluctance Apr 2018
Here I sit, collecting sunsets
while you are away from me.
I dissolve my silly regrets
in steaming mugs of tea.

I’d miss you more, I think
if it weren’t for the playful sea.
The waves tease me with a wink –
I’m easily distracted, you see.

The weather has been great,
these days I’m almost happy.
So I enjoy myself while I wait
for you to come back to me.
NaPoWriMo Day 28
Poetry form: Quatrain
ms reluctance Jan 2019
Maybe I am stuck
because I am waiting to be moved.
Maybe I can move
somebody who feels stuck.  

I loop the songs I love
until I choke them of all emotion.
I stumble through words
from a million brilliant minds
searching for madness akin to mine.

Pictures, stories, art,
opinions, musings, crafts –  
I gnaw at everything for hidden meaning.

Am I even human if nothing moves me?
Do I deserve death if I never learned to live?

Spur my soul, stir my heart
you, who knows exactly what I mean.
Or hark my bemoaning  
as the graceless floundering
of unmoored ennui.
ms reluctance Apr 2015
You see the beauty.
I see only questions
which need no answers.
I am at once
vulnerable and defiant.

You cut through the pretence
of the important trivial things.
The morning news
is enough to bring me down.

I sulk in bed, wondering
what is the point of getting up.
You make sure I find one every day.

You know the significance
of not taking my navel-gazing
too seriously.

And when I despair at the futility
of trying to fix the broken world,
you show me with your endless zeal
and unwavering hope
that just trying
can make all the difference.
NaPoWriMo Day #29
Poetry form: Free verse
ms reluctance Jan 2019
A sigh echoes across the chasm
of the sullen winter afternoon.
I dissolve daydreams with regret
in the cozy confines of my room.

I shall never understand
how time has passed me by
yet stretches ahead, yawning.
I am not alive; I cannot die.

The flowers wilt into dust,
the fruit hangs rotten.
Lost amid conjured trepidation
a promise slumbers forgotten.

Once upon a dulcet time
each path was ripe for the picking.
Dreams sour if they cannot cross
over to the land of the living.

I waste so much time
rueful of the time I wasted.
Every opportunity I missed,
each victory I never tasted.

The winter light warms my face
as I lie in bed, brooding.
The lump in my throat melts away;
my solitude turns soothing.

I savour the lightness of being
incomplete but whole.
If I can’t get that one epic win,
holistic hedonism is my goal.

Drop by drop, every tiny delight
I will use to fill this mighty ocean.
Whatever makes me happy,
I shall do with utmost devotion.

I smile and spring out of bed
as the sun dips below the horizon.
Stretch and switch on the lights
as I make my way to the kitchen.

The future is intangible –
the big picture I cannot yet see.
But today I shall take comfort
in woolly socks and hot coffee.
TL;DR Sad but happy :)
ms reluctance Apr 2018
When I caught the sunset yesterday
I thought of you,
Smiling at the smeared horizon,
How magnificently you would wear its hues.

You came to mind when it rained
On Tuesday, as I sprinted to take shelter
Under the awning of a flower shop.

Winter is long gone, and yet
Ever morning, I wake up to a cold bed.
Residues of hungry dreams remain
Etched on my skin.

Hot coffee, warm cinnamon rolls,
Even the smell of fresh laundry
Rouses a repressed memory –
Everything brings me back to you.
NaPoWriMo Day 16
Poetry form: Acrostic
ms reluctance Jun 2013
There is absolutely
nothing else
in the universe
that can fill my heart
so with joy,
nothing else
that I value more
than the quiet smile
that touches your lips
and the kindness
that softens your eyes
when you see
how hard I am trying
to be worthy.
ms reluctance Jun 2013
There she stands,
by the kitchen window.
Copper curls bouncing,
winking in the afternoon sun,
molten doe eyes, her lips aquiver;
the carmine ribbons of her dress
coming undone.
So quiet, you can almost hear
the cogs turning in her pretty head.
As always she waits,
listening
for the sound of familiar footsteps.
Silence.
Not a peep.
Then, ever so slowly,
a chubby hand reaches up as  she whispers,
“Last cookie in the jar…
You’re mine!”
ms reluctance Feb 2019
Again and again
   your name  
      surfaces on my lips ,
         escapes in a whisper
            and leaves me cold.

When will I be empty of you?

— The End —