slow down
take your time
and realize
that there's more here
for you
sit outside
in the grass
and the let the sun
taste your skin
sometimes it may feel like
you could fly
with the birds
but all you have to do
is breathe
and you'll be grounded
with the lilacs

the clouds above my head
let the raindrops
fall onto the scars
of my trauma
so that they may
grow flowers big enough
to hide the pain

black circles traced his eyes
and a headache for days,
he forgot all he used to be

replacing those lonely nights
with tears to keep him company
he took everything he had
and soon went missing

not from the world
but from himself

smoking sativa
to try and bring him down
from the fog
of the clouds

a backpack full of
broken dreams
and bottled memories
he crushed them

and threw them into the tide
waiting for the waves
to turn them into seashells

look at you
with your ocean colored eyes,
sun kissed cheeks,
and coffee bean colored hair

you look as if
you were painted by

Norman ******* Rockwell himself

day by day
i lie awake,  
sometimes i pray
for a day where you and i
could reconcile
and everything could be okay
and we wouldn’t be stuck
in this black hole
with no moons and no stars.
i know god can hear me
yelling and screaming
asking for peace,
but how could my peace increase
when my peace no longer lives
within me

packing for a change
to float off
into a different place

luggage tags & duffle bags
i’ll see you soon

flying off into the sky
to live with you in the clouds
my goodbyes have been final
and my bags have been checked

see you soon
so we can fly together
into the moon

i stay up late
having conversations with the walls
and screaming your name
at the mirror
               what if i can’t get up today?
i have sleep paralysis
from overthinking our conversations
from last week
until today
              what if i don’t want to fight?
the monsters under my bed
have pulled out my memory box
and have thrown it around my room
for their own amusement
            what if the sun doesn’t shine today?
that’s okay,
it’s only monday
you still have the rest of the week
to recover
take it easy, you’ll be okay

your soul is the sun
to the paradise
behind your ocean colored eyes

Don’t cut pieces of yourself

To cover other’s wounds

the summers haven’t been the same
since you left,

late at night
i drive to the beach
and listen to the waves
because in the sounds of
them crashing into each other
i can hear you call my name

i grip the sand
because through the grains
i can still feel your hand,
letting go of the sand

i place a seashell
beneath your star
so that way you can
enjoy this moment
with me

the stars are falling at a faster pace
the clouds are getting closer to my face
i can see myself standing on the ground
and time seems to be the only sound
the skies are spinning
the moons are falling
i can feel my blood flowing
and my palms sweating
but the only thing hard to comprehend
is breathing

i measure time
by the amount of beats
my heart skips
the longer that i am away from you

you colored me blue
some days the blue of the sky
because you knew how to
make me feel carefree and alive

other days
the blue of the ocean
because you never knew
how to handle your emotions

you were the kind of blue
that was full of life
the kind of color
that made me see the conception
between you and i

last night
i had a dream
that love was a star
waiting for us
to sing our
unsung song
so that we could
fly to it

i am not an artist
and i don’t know
how to paint

but if i were to take
all the shades of blue

and blend them together
they would most certainly
create a painting of you

i want to be the one
you see in the clouds
when you are feeling
tired & empty
and need a reason
to keep going

every memory
i’ve had of you
has found its way back to me
turning our white silk sheets
into satin blue
every tear stain
a different thread
embroidered with every
i love you
we had ever said
to each other

you approached
our blank canvas
with black & blue paints
trying to make a sunset
out of me
but all you painted us to be
was a whirlpool

still framing it
trapping me in the middle

i can’t cry
when i hold you
and i can’t feel
when i kiss you
because you’re only

in my daydream

only in my daydream

and i hate for us
to be apart at lengths we are
but i love the days
when i fall apart
because the tears create illusions

and that’s the only way
i see you

and when they ask,
have you fallen in love?
i will look at the ground
and say,
i can still feel the impact  
from falling
in my chest

Last night I had a dream that I was finally free,
Free from the burdens, the anxiety, the heartbreaks that changed the person
I now try to burn endlessly in flames.
For a moment, I felt like me,
Whoever that may be,
I felt like someone who is still very much
A stranger to me, and the decisions I’ve made
Maybe this version of conscious I was experiencing
Just hadn’t gone through life fully,
So he was only showing me moments
Of when I’d forgotten I was happy
Either way, I felt a little bit of peace
Inside of this R.E.M sleep,
A feeling I hadn’t felt since I was 17,
Specially, When I was falling deeper and deeper in love with you
Under swaying blue cypress trees
I felt complete…
So, when you left, and I awoken from my dream,
I couldn’t help but to ask everyone around me,
Why? Why would you let this happen to me?
They explained that in order to feel happy,
You must first feel pain, and within that pain, hides the seed of peace,
And once you plant that seed
And nurture it
Watering it, giving light to its body
You begin bloom into the version of yourself
You always dreamt to be…

M.H. John