I was dog tired. Just keeping my eyes open was tough. My timid body was drunk with fatigue. Staring for a whole day at a computer screen and typing as if in a trance, had left my mind blank. My skinny hands were frostbitten in the cheap artificial leather gloves, as they clung to the motorbike handles. My heart raced as I looked at the ominous black clouds.          I tried to focus on the gloomy scenery as my mind drifted in and out of my dream world. Winter had turned the green hedges into lifeless shapes with razor sharp thorns. Mud from previous vehicles had turned the hedges into the edges of a war zone. The trip felt endless as my threadbare tyres skated round the bends. After driving for a hour, the icy chill of the evening air had made me regret not putting on my old trusted army jacket. My rusty red Honda 500cc motor cross motorbike kept up its duel with the dirt road as its exhaust barked continuously. The beam of my headlights kept stabbing the gloomy sky.               With my frostbitten hand, I switched on my CD player, in a desperate effort to focus on the road. The words of Golden Earrings Radar Love pierced my eardrums  "...almost there, gotta keep cool". My goggles started to fog up as I echoed the lyrics. I started to breath shallowly like a chain smoker, to stop my goggles from frosting further. I had just became used to the soothing distraction, when the motorbike gave its last bark and gradually coasted to a stop. I got off my stead, with my joints feeling like a geriatric patient that had completed a rodeo. I surveyed the bust engine as my cursing breath formed little clouds in the gelid air. I dug around in my shabby jeans, whipped out my cellphone, only to discover that there was no reception. I salvaged my flashlight from the bikes saddlebag and popped a "Life Safer" sweet into my mouth. I realized that I had to walk to the nearest town.                 I started down the road, remembering my fathers reference to isolation, being between "hell and the hotel." My flashlight reminded me of load shedding and sudden darkness. As I walked past a small lake, the clouds parted, revealing  a crescent moon that hung in the air like a haunted vessel. The moon reflected in the lake, to a watery grave for the sailors. I got the eerie feeling as I walked, that someone or something was following me. I stopped and swallowed the stale cold coffee that was left in my hip-flask. The howling Arctic wind had ceased and I could hear my own heartbeat. Ledd Zeppelins Stairway to heaven started smoothly...

Do you know what I think about when I see a single butterfly flying in the air?

No, you’re wrong, I don’t think of you. I think of how that butterfly keeps flying in the air, landing on flowers, leaves and trees while being all alone. With what purpose does this mere butterfly have and why does it keep flying around in such a majestic way.
I guess I think of myself. I too like the butterfly am constantly flying around with no purpose yet I continue looking majestic as I land on some flower.

BUT, when I see two butterflies flying together, I think of you and I, and that for a moment in time, I was not alone. That I found someone I could ‘fly around with majestically’ while still having no purpose. But you flew away and left me on some flower.
So now when I look at two butterflies flying together, I also see that there’s a chance to find someone else that will join me in my (no purpose) life’s adventures.

She told me: "You always get women. They forever chasing you. And I'll be dammed if I said you don't come across as a player, a 'Casanova', using your charms and words. But I know that is started with you looking for the 'one', the one girl you hoped existed. A girl you could be yourself with, a girl to fall Inlove with. But I can see that as time moved on, you began to give up on the 'one', thinking you wouldn't find her. But I know when you saw me. And when we spoke for the first time. You began to feel hope again...that I was the 'one' you have always been looking for."

She only loved the way I made her feel. She didn't love me. Yet I'm okay with that, because I never loved her either. She was a temporary distraction in this eternally dull life. I guess she got something out of it too. She escaped her sad reality of always being alone, even if it was only for a little while. Yet I still wonder, why she keeps crying over my lifeless body. This stupid girl, were you so lonely that you made yourself believe that what we had was real?                     ...I hate that she keeps crying, it's been weeks since my death now. Why can't I pass on to the afterlife? She is probably the cause of my letup, I had thought.                     How much time has passed?  Why can't I move on? Why can't she stop crying?                    Maybe she did truly love me...   A single tear dropped from my right eye.                 Maybe I was truly inlove with her... I began to smile, and I thought to myself... "I guess I was the only one keeping myself back, from passing over to the afterlife.    Goodbye my dear...."  Yet I know she never heard those 3 words, that echoed from my lips as I began to pass on:                  "I    l o v e...      y         o          u."

Head was in the clouds then I thought of you, thinking back to a time where I could call you mine. I thought of the day it all burnt down.

Hindering rain, as I walk away from you I turn, looking back I can’t see your tears.

Laughing, I see the flash of lighting and hear the crack of thunder. I begin to think of you, wondering if you are in the clouds again and I remember.

Hindering rain, as I stand still soaked from my tears you walk away and disappear.

Dry your tears with the rain.

After I saw their lifeless corpses, my vision went red.

When the blood cleared from my eyes, I was shocked to see that I've gone back to a time, to a world where you were still alive.

I imagined the possibility to be able to live forever, but then if you have lived for so long, one would probably want to die, so maybe it's better to be able to die than to live forever.

“What's that smell ?“
My eyes open, my ears are ringing and my head is throbbing. It's to dark to see, an unnerving silence can be heard.
“Where am I?” I reach out in front of me, nothing. I reach beside me, touching the floor. It's wet. I retract my hand towards my nose, blood?  I sit up, it hurts. I move my wet hand to my abdomen.

I wake up, what a dream I had, I murmur to myself. My girlfriend walks into the bedroom. I told her about the dream. She laughed. I didn't understand what was so funny about it. I looked up, it was dark, she was gone. I felt pain in my abdomen. Now I get the joke.

Exhales of fog lighten the air. Summer dread begins. Climbing high, left hand smeared with blood. Climbing up. Right elbow smashed. Further, further. I look down. Nothing but mistakes.

I see myself walking up this path. My feet are bare. I feel the mud between my toes. As I continue walking I feel water drops on my skin. I don’t feel cold.

Running, leaping as the ground caves in, higher faster, I get a hand to connect, pulling myself up barely.

My hair starts feeling wet. The clouds above me begin to roar