When I was
A child,
I was ignorant

I didn't understand
What cursing was
Was oblivious
To why people acted out

I never understood
The anger I felt inside

Although small
And visibly frail
I gave myself a beating
Every time I got mad
I lashed out at myself
Then I was bleeding
But I was only a child then
Still in kindergarten

My anger grew
As my body
And my mind did

Something
Once so pure
Had slowly been
Tainted

Life had been cruel
So I was cruel
To myself
I gave my emotional damage
Life through my skin
Granting my pain
A physical presence

Over the years
It only got worse
My parents sent me away
I was scared and all alone
But little do they know
I never changed

The wounds progress
Deeper they go
Into my flesh
And I lose control
Of everything I am
For this one moment
To feel again
Until the wound closes

There is blood
All around me
It surrounds me
And I panic

I was always this way
I can never change
A life so broken
So tragic

What is this
I sense?
A glimmer of hope?
Shining bright
As the light
Cuts through the dark
This flame
Doesn't flicker
Doesn't fade
And my doubt
Starts to evade
As a sense of happiness
Washes over me
This is what I've been looking for
This is what I need
This glimmer of hope
Calls me home
As the light
Resides
Within me

Your life was like
A sunrise dawning
On a moonless night
It gave me
A sense of hope,
Brought from another life
And I tried and I tried
To make everything right
But the pain, how it gave
me no reason to fight
But your presence alone
Brought a light into my darkened world
I clinged upon your every word
Basked in the melodic tones of your voice
You whispered sweetly to me
And told me I could be anything I dreamed
But these dreams were not
Created by me
Time passed on, and I opened my eyes
To see my sweet dream be whisked away
Your claims were a fraud
And your whispers were lies
And I stood in disbelief
That I believed in your disguise
I tried to be someone
Tried to be better
Tried to be the me that would please you better
And now I've become nothing
But broken in your hands
And the fact is: reality tastes bitter
When lies are all you have

I can still recall
My life
Closing in on itself
Destroying my mind
To the point of a broken
Body
I was weakened
Defenseless
So helpless
I failed to see the end
I was blinded
For, there was no light
To give me color in my eyes

But then I rose up
At my lowest point
I was so weak, I couldn't
Use my hands
And now I stand
Strong
By faith that resides in me
It gave me courage to fight and conquer my worst enemy
Even physical ailments
Can be brought on by doubt
So I changed my mind
And turned my life around

There is nothing that can extinguish the burning flame
Nothing can put out my intangible source of faith
So from this moment on
I will rise and be stronger then ten thousand Legions of angels
For the angel carried me safe from deaths grasp

All my life
Starting young,
I was told
How to act
How to sit
How to dress
How to talk
Like some robot

I hate to say it
But I'm human
I will make mistakes

I never knew who I was
Because I was always told who to be
And no one could ever understand
To the extent that I mean

Kids hated me
Said I was weird
Because wearing skirts everyday
Well, it was weird
But that was my life
Sheltered and nice

But corruption found its way inside
Like a serpent
I was a place for darkness to hide

I acted out
To make a stand
Became the rebel
That I really am
Took a knife to my skin
With crimson red
I turned my purity to sin

"Katherine"
It means pure, yknow
And there was a time
When I could have been

Pure
Is what my parents wanted me to be

Perfect
In the eyes of everyone
Except me

Strange
Ostracized in my own world

I doubt anyone could even imagine
All the pain I went through
I was a freak
With the face of an angel
So innocent
More like ignorant
But without bliss

I was the angel
Who never smiled
The angel
Who never spoke
The angel
Who cried in her room all alone
Even when I was
Just five years old
The angel with shackles
Clamped to my ankles
The chains pulled me to earth

I am an angel
With broken wings
And no one could ever
Feel empathy

With a twist
Of a
Blade
All my pain
Is erased

As the blood
Flows strong
My existence
Is replaced
With a
Void

I made a
Nuse
When I was
Young
Out of my
Clothes
And tried to
Suffocate myself
Because I hated
Everything
That had to do with me

But that never got me far
For I'm still here
Living
Breathing air
Much to my despair

Someday I will be
Nothing but a memory
Just a story to be told
An old picture to behold

Those who remember me
Will keep my presence alive
Tortured by me, who's
Nothing but a memory

I know it's irrelevant
But I cannot bare the thought
Of being the cause of their pain
My memory will bring nothing but
Heartache

I would rather dissolve
Waste away
As the hands of time
Drift me away

I would rather pass on
Than weigh the hearts of those I love
Don't let me become a memory

Be happy
Cherish your life, in peace
What's gone is gone
And in time, you'll move on
Although the pain clings in desperation
It will someday release it's hold
Even if the rain is bitter and cold
The sun will shine again

Please don't let me be
Just another memory

I can't get a single word out
Before everyone's problems flood over me
Overwhelm me
And drown me
I can't find the words to say
To make myself feel better
And it's hard
Because when I try
Nobody wants to listen

Every one else
Has problems
That are one thousand times worse
When I tell them my own
They don't listen
Not like the way I listen to them
Time and time again
They brush me aside
Don't ask me if I'm alright

People are selfish
You see
They only care about themselves
And don't bother with anyone else
It's the ones who suffer silently
That go off the edge
It's the ones who suffer indefinitely
That stick a bullet
In their head

The ones who are silent
The ones who are selfless
Speak little words
But are so broken
That they grow tired
Grow tired of waiting
For somebody to finally share
All the pain they've been facing
Grow tired of
the extra problems
That they finally
Cave
And commit the unredeemable
Act of sin
And cheat themselves of this life
And all it has to give

My heart
Slows for a moment
As my hands
Brush against my face

This is a feeling
I've learned to know well
So numb and distant

No one understands
They will never know
Or hear my cries
Because the silence
Has become my new home

Four walls surround me
As I lie in my bed
It feels more like a coffin
Is where I rest my head
My hands are folded
And then I realize
I am ready to stay like this
forever

The very thread
Of my existence
Is tearing apart
And I do not fight
To catch myself
Before I fall apart

I'm tired of running
Tired of hiding
I'm tired of being the
Only one who is trying

This is not living
So, perhaps I am dying

After all

Falling is flying
When you're barely
surviving

The aroma
of you, it
Fills my senses
So intoxicating
As your neck
Is pulsating
I begin to
Lose my grip
My sanity begins to slip

May I come
Just a little closer?
I only need this one thing
To give me closure
I try to forget
Or redirect
My mind
As it starts to
Close in

Let me run the tips of my fingers
Upon the surface of your skin
Allow me to capture each drop
Of blood as it passes through your veins
Let me partake of your flesh
In every possible way

Your skin is ripe
And soft from youth
Your flesh is tender
And beautiful, too
Something that I must abuse
Something I can not refuse

Let me have one bite
Or two
Just Enough to keep
Me satisfied

There are things
Only a trained eye can see
While others
Go through life so obliviously

To see your loved ones
Die in a car crash
A thousand times
Dying over and over
Because the images just won't leave your mind

A body burning
In an oven
Begging for someone
To save him
The heat slowly eats
Away at his skin

An unknown person
Faceless
Nameless
Skinned alive
Lies in a meat cooler
Blending in with
the animals
Who shared the same fate

There are things
That only a trained eye can see
A pool of blood
With no visible source
The grim reaper
Has taken his hold on you
And you can't run
From these delusions
That plague
You