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Kara Jean Jan 2015
Dim light, green-eyed warmth,
souls twining through open lips;
I feel so complete.
You make me whole.
Kara Jean Jan 2015
Don't let me fall for you;
I will kiss every inch of your face until you can't breathe from laughter.
I will wash your body in the shower and kiss all the parts you don't like.
I will write you thick letters and leave you silly notes in unexpected places.
I will paint for you and do anything that will make you smile.
I will let you take your anger out on me
again and again and again
then accept your sorry *** back with arms wide open.
I will drive the two hours home to stay the night with you in the hospital,
I will stay up all night and sing to you
and touch my lips to your forehead with the softest breath.
I will lay awake fretting over whether your threat was empty or if I'm going to get an earth-shattering call in the morning.
I will tell you again and again how beautiful I find you and how special you are in this universe.
I will hold you close and memorize the sound of your heartbeat.
I will write poems about the unique shade of your eyes and the intoxicating way smoke rolls out from between your lips.
Don't let me fall for you;
I will love you until my last breath.
My dear, I believe it's too late.
1.7
Kara Jean Jan 2015
1.7
Is it really love
when I'm just an afterthought,
and you're not sorry?
My eyes are swollen and I hope you're happy.
Kara Jean Mar 2015
There are bruises on the insides of my thighs from your hip bones
and bruises on my lips from your teeth.
There is a bruise on my chin from bumping heads while we slept
and a bruise on my heart from the words that fell out of your mouth.

These bruises are reminders
That *** is clumsy
Kissing is sometimes better when you're smiling
Sleeping together is messy and beautiful
And words leave marks that will never fade.

Bruises in a positive light; what a concept.
I've never had bruises that make me happy and I love that they were all unintentional.
Kara Jean Mar 2015
Constant changing
of winds and minds and ideas.
Worry
nesting in my bones and thinning my thighs.
Love
blowing through our open mouths and burrowing
deep deep into my soul.
Hurt
in the most raw form
when your mind is cloudy and I care too much.
The end is so worth it
but the journey might eat me alive.
I will keep doing this over and over and it will **** me.
Kara Jean May 2015
Dry leaves rustling
Remnants from fall float away
In a cool spring breeze.
Spring is nice, I guess.
A
Kara Jean Mar 2015
***
Loving someone who doesn't love themself
is a constant reminder
that bliss and pain are one and the same.
I have a coat for you but you're sweating.

I'll love you til my end.
aa.
Kara Jean Dec 2014
aa.
Suppressed moans, kiss marks,
convulsions under my touch.
Bite your lip, baby.
Poems can be *****, too.

Oops.
Kara Jean Jan 2015
It's two fifty five
and goosebumps cover the skin
where your lips should be.
I'm missing you tonight
but
Kara Jean Jan 2015
but
Blind hurt and anger
covered by such tender love;
but is it worth it?
******* or not?
Kara Jean Nov 2014
Sleep is gentler when my olfaction is full of
smoke and spice and a hint of shampoo
(like Christmas with you in a log cabin)
And my ossicles still vibrate with variations of my name
and low tones of “I love you”s without the actual
three words.

I find peace in the way our knuckles inhibit that perfect fit
of our fingers, but we lace them regardless.
It seems your thumb on my cheekbone
and your strength blanketing my quivering being
are the only things that normalize my oxygen flow
and slow my racing heart after a ****
memory-mare
(nightmares are bad enough
memories are worse)

And most nights,
when your calloused fingertips paint circles between my shoulder blades,
I wake in the early morning
not with a scream
but with a welcoming sigh
to that crooked smile meeting mine.

A night with you is a night safe from ghosts.
In response to my previous poem, "Ghosts"
Kara Jean Nov 2014
It haunts me.
No matter what I do,
it seems the **** brown eyes never shut.

I can hide fairly well during the day,
unless it finds me in the instructor grasping my arm
(to get my attention)
or in a friend who playfully puts his arm around my
(neck not the neck).
And they don’t know that they have caused spots
in front of my vision and a barely suppressed
panic.

Baths are solace,
I scrub it away until I’m raw.
I shed it from my being in
red swirls that taint the inner walls of a porcelain
bed
(Hah, it never used a bed).

I **** in the heat from the scalding water
in hopes that it might burn out my temporal lobe
and destroy for good the memories that
wake me up at three am in a cold sweat
and a muffled scream
and the inability to remind myself that it is not,
in that moment,
robbing me of serenity and innocence and a full night’s sleep.

And God, why can the past feel so present?
Go away already
Kara Jean Nov 2014
It’s 2:24 and it’s raining sand to clog up eyes and put this house to sleep.
The wind rocks the foundation as the windows crack and yawn.
My spine feels the shudder as the walls give in and surrender to the night.
It’s 2:27 and I’m awake in the bare skeleton, left alone to converse
with the breath of a ghost that once held hopes of a happy home.
Oh, if I could get outside these walls.
Yank me from my human state.
Let the night turn me into dust so that I may ride the winds of change,
because even false hope is better than none.
Let birds build nests from my ribs, let rabbits gnaw on my arms.
Send my heart out to the ocean
(oh, to be an ocean)
Let the fish thrive in my hair.
But do leave my spine to congeal into this skeleton wall,
so part of me may remain to comfort those I leave behind.
It’s 2:43 and I’m giving myself over to encompassing black.
So long, dearie.
Kara Jean Jun 2015
Equanimity;
How stoically your eyes shroud
those growing storm clouds.
I know you're hurting, please don't use this façade with me.
Kara Jean Nov 2014
I must have fa
                          l
                            l
                              en into a world of madness,
for my roots drink your presence and I bloom under your radiance.
And when you abandon the task of caring for me,
           My ribcage withers and cracks and
di s i  n  t   e   g    r    a    t     e      s,
                               Catching the wind
in hopes of finding you
               breathing into
            d                            l
        n                                    i
   A                  under                 f
                         your                       e
                          Fire
                    Once more
If the form doesn't show up properly I'm probably going to cry.
Kara Jean Jan 2015
How ******* dare you
downgrade something so lovely;
can't you see your worth?
You're so **** important
Kara Jean Jan 2015
Time and talk will heal
the hole that's been punched between
your heart and my own.
We can do this.
Kara Jean Dec 2014
When every word is measured
and there is no solid ground,
a light appears to beckon
could this be hope we've found?
Through shakes and chilly glances
we've held on through it all.
I know this too,
we'll make it through,
dear, you're my wonderwall.
I wish we didn't do this so much
Kara Jean Mar 2015
I feel the waves crashing into my spine
knocking the wind out of me
again
and again
and again.
I can't keep my head above water
but the tide never stops
(I fear that soon my heart will).
I reach for your hand to pull me out
but it seems you just push me deeper.
Choking on the salt rushing down my throat.
My lungs are bursting,
won't you throw me a line?
It's never ending and I can't take it.
You're going to **** us both.
Kara Jean Dec 2014
Mindless days and numbing nights,
does a satisfying sleep exist?
So sick of feeling like I can't feel anything,
all I feel is sick.
Lashing out at those closest to me,
what else am I supposed to do?
This has to end,
my eyes are raw from pointless tears.
My heart can't take another night of this.
Kara Jean Dec 2014
How ironic is it
that something as lovely as a Lisa Frank
butterfly-shaped bandaid
could cover something so ugly
(in both form and concept)
And oh,
There's no worse feeling than a relapse
into such an addictive hobby
(I thought I left that behind me)
How I miss the numb pressure
and the sting accompanying the post-period
of regret and infiltration
(Don't do it)
Welcome back
(Get out)
I'm trying so hard to keep it together
Kara Jean Dec 2014
In your bones, in your muscles
twitching restlessness.
That foul pit in your stomach
(oh God I'm gonna puke)
and your lungs can't keep up
and your mind races
races
races
And the real kicker
is that there's nothing
that you can do.
*nothing.
Please for the love of God be okay

Am I saying that to you or to myself?
Kara Jean Nov 2014
Shake the sighs from your pillow
and tuck in your dreams
Wring out regret
rip the past from the seams
Take a deep breath
tilt your face to the rain
The soothing sound of drumming drops
will draw away the pain
I don't usually rhyme my poems but this one seemed to flow nicely
Kara Jean Apr 2015
I tried to show you the stars
but all you saw was black sky.

I tried to lift you up
but all you noticed was how far you had to fall.

I tried to sing to you
but all you heard was the silence between words.

I tried to give you warmth
but all you felt was the itch of my sweater.

You're far too aware,
yet so very blind.
I wish you could see what I see.
Kara Jean Dec 2014
Forgive and forget,
your lips on the mess I made.
Sometimes love's enough.
How'd I get so lucky, though
Kara Jean Dec 2014
Destructive thinking,
hollow eyes and bleeding thighs,
eight months thrown away.
A little haiku because I'm too shaken up to write anything else.

God I hate myself.
Kara Jean Nov 2014
January saw raw lips and bruised knees
from biting back her words and the struggle for solid ground.
February saw dried flowers in the window,
but she could only hang upside down for so long
before she lost her grip and crashed.
March saw dilated pupils and swollen storm clouds,
full of self-doubt and irrepressible memories.
April saw a loss of words accompanied by a ****** loss
of something far more precious.
May saw blooming flowers,
but she choked on the dirt in her lungs.
June saw her “love’s” final kiss,
and a preference for a model newer than she,
without a broken windshield.
July saw tears mixed with rainwater running into gutters,
and desperate wishes lost on dying starlight.
August saw feeble movement and blurry disappointment
that her orange bottle of hope had failed her
again.
September saw pale fingers closing around long sleeves
to hide angry purple lines of control and release.
October saw sunken cheekbones against cold porcelain,
and lovely handiwork wasting away.
November saw candle wax dripping into closing sockets
until scabbed defeat finally blew out the flame.
And December saw a dark wooden bed
below six feet of worms and decomposed youth.
Kara Jean May 2015
Green buds, fresh mowed grass,
Bees and pollen everywhere;
I can't stop sneezing.
I love spring but spring does not love me.
Kara Jean Nov 2014
He’s strewn like sea glass and bottle caps across a vast stretch
of thought and broken reality.
With ideas the shade of his hair and shattered mirrors reflecting green oceans.
He speaks in broken typewriter and favorite albums,
with wonderful word explosions plotted like mine fields.
Greatness and aesthetic appreciation lost in a fog
of “used-to-be’s” and “not-good-enough’s.”
So deeply immersed is he in this false state,
that his heart strings untie and veracity leaks,
to be buried beneath black sand and tumultuous waters.
Looking out from deep inside; can you remember how it feels to float?
For just a moment, he lets the galaxy settle in his bones, and he is so beautiful.
He shakes and breaks and he’s a snowglobe of erupting suns and burning stars, before the black hole consumes yet again;
and how lovely dead stars are in the calm quiet of heated seclusion.
She pushed through chilled fingers and planted herself in his veins,
rooting in his heart and he unintentionally did in hers;
Tangling their leaves in hopes of deciphering the code
hidden in shaky lips, downcast eyes, and bitten skin.
Their opposing forces cracked his roof.
A tree of words and intertwined fingers forced its way through that crack
and to the sun.
He fails to realize that the pressure on his ribcage is her lips,
and the heat he feels is not a self-lit flame,
but fingertips on perfectly sculpted cheekbones.
And so afraid was she that his tight warmth and soft glow would be taken by
winds, that she inked his being into processed pine with meteors for witnesses.
She loved so hard that she exposed him to the night, and still the moonlight
could not penetrate his polluted atmosphere.
And still she stayed, until new dawn shown into a bleary green soul.
And when his monsters retreated, for a little while, he found her
with his ashes in her hair, and her smile at his neck.
She stayed, for her life was in his lungs
and patches of new grass grew up through his chest.
And though he drowns in false incompetence, though he understands nothing, he breathes.
And in the confusion, he can always reach, always to be engulfed
by acceptance and love he refuses but deserves.
He will always find a set of ever-changing lights that never flicker in his hurricanes.
Lights that give their all to this impossible boy,
her beautiful love, hidden in his attic.
On having an unstable boyfriend.
Kara Jean Jul 2015
The actor on the screen of our favorite show has nothing
on the way the TV glow graces your skin.
And the vibrant sunrise pales
to the green and gold peeking out between your tired eyelids.
There is no comparative to spilling words into your chest
in the quiet darkness when neither of us can sleep.
And the warm fizz that fills me when you pull me
just a little bit tighter
and press your full lips to the base of my skull.
I wouldn't trade that little smile that tugs at the right corner of your mouth when I kiss the left for all of the big things in the world.
I love our unimportant moments.

I haven't written in a while.
Kara Jean Nov 2014
I don’t know what I would do
without your lips tracing those clustered purple lines
and your eyes telling me I’m beautiful anyway.
Without your hand on my swollen head
when I let eighteen years of **** burst onto that
plaid button-up I love so much.
Without your crude sense of humor making me laugh
until my ribs threaten to crack
and a snort escapes
(I don’t know how you think that’s cute)
And your professions and confessions that fill
my heart in ways I don’t understand but simply
can’t get enough of.
Without your being heating the back of mine
while I plant light kisses on your every finger
and that smile that gives away the lie
when you say you don’t like it.
Without those green eyes creating sparks in my soul
(Who knew I could house such a blaze?)
Without your jigsaw mastery
when I drop the puzzle and lose all the pieces.
I don’t know what I would do
without you.
Kara Jean Dec 2014
I have a question,
That and many more,
As I stare at my reflection.

I'm outside a building that makes no impression,
There is but a single window, no door,
I have a question.

These people have a strange expression,
I have never seen such a smile before,
As I stare at my reflection.

I rap on the window to attract their attention,
They do nothing but ignore,
I have a question.

Wait, I know the people gathered at this session,
I know that and much more,
As I stare at my reflection.

How is this for some deceitful deception?
It's my family gathered on my funeral floor.
I have a question,
As I stare at my reflection.
This is NOT written by me. I take no credit for this. This was written by my boyfriend and he asked me to post it for him. I hope you guys love it as much as I do.

— The End —