I am now
starting new chapters
with new
pretty
protagonists.

Please don't make her feel -
what I made her feel.

If I could
Be with her
Right this instant.
I'd flash her a smile
Grab her hand
Then tell her
In a self-righteous voice:
"You see,
You're fine angel, aren't you?
I'm sorry I messed with your heart like that -
But there's no hard feelings, right?"

If I could
I'd put you in my arms,
And try to make you laugh,
I'd tell you about
All my failed attempts
At picking up girls,
I'll strip myself
Of my dignity:
As long as,
It puts a smile on your face.

But I can't
Instead
I just watch you burn up
Into a sad ball of hate and hurt.

I know I can't take your pain away
Because they're your internal demons...
But... I just wish I could
And it's got nothing to do
With my feelings for you:
I've just grown to want
To take care of you.
And the care doesn't want to die.

If he tells you
that he can't say
"I love you" -
It's probably
Because he does.

I only realise now
After nearly a thousand poems
That with every poem
I write
I give away a part of me.

It's not in the lovely way you speak
Or how you and I just seem to click.
It's not in the way you sing
And how you strum my heart's string.

It's how you make me feel
And fact that you're cuter than a baby seal.
Sometimes, your words kinda melt my heart
And I can't tell the sun and your smile apart.

It's because I want to hold your hand
And your lips are where I want mine to land.
It's 'cause of how you bring me up
When I struggle to overcome a hiccup.

That's why I like you more than a friend...
Because your existence made my fear of girls to end.

I'll shut you out,
because I love you.

I'll keep you away,
When I can't keep my thoughts at bay -
because I love you.

I won't call you up,
I won't let you worry -
or even know
that I'm descending
into a dark pit -
because I love you.

I'll fight them on my own,
I'll defeat them for us -
but,
I'll make sure that you're not a spectator,
of the gory battles I seldom fight -
because I love you.

Nostalgia
courses through my veins.

Sentimental memories,
awaken.

The past is recreated...
revisiting my head -
accompanied by
experienced emotions and feelings
making me high.

Euphoria,
casts a spell on me
each time
I play that old
playlist.

Girl,  
You be throwing yourself on the wrong guys,
Then you subject me to your pitiful cries.
It hurts me knowing, you're playing the fool...
You shedding tears 'cause you thought he was cool.

Girl,
Why you be letting their fake smiles fool you?
Nothing coming out of their mouths is true
Why you throwing yourself on the wrong guys,
And ignoring Mr right whose under my disguise?

Yeah,
That's right I finally came clean...  I mean,
Girl, it's been like this forever, this feeling...
I've given up waiting for its leaving,
So I've got to say what my heart's singing.

All they offer is temporary happiness,
But I offer laughter, that will leave you in a lovely mess...
All they do is leave you, with your heart raking up scars,
And I'll give your heart some healing with these bars...

Girl,
You've been throwing yourself on all the wrong guys,
And I've had to watch it all with my own eyes,
You've been wasting golden tears, on boys who have no cares...
And I've had to watch it all these years.

You've been playing the fool,
Labelling me as friend.
You've been playing the fool,
Telling others we'll never be.
This confession ends our friendship,
And could cue a courtship ...
I'm ready to take the risk
'Cause of those tears,
It's you I wanna whisk,
It's you that's the subject of my cares.
Because the friendzone's not for me
And you and I were meant to be.

I ponder your reaction -
Your ****** expression,
The words that would escape your lips
If you don't become dumbfounded,
Your body language,
The tone of your voice -
If you knew that
Your name
Was meant to be in the place
Of the numerous
You's in the love poems,
That my heart and mind
Collaborated on.

Every once in a while,
I put my hand on my heart,
When I feel it hurting,
And I tell it not to worry -
I reassure it that all the scars
It often collects
Will one day be healed.

I don't know how we got here...

I'll be honest,
I'm sorry that we're always fighting,
That we don't see eye to eye no more,
And that twinkle in your eye is gone -
I'm sorry,
That our love is withering.

I'll be honest,
I miss when things were rosy,
When you and I just made each other blush,
And our lips were inseparable;
When my hands couldn't keep away from your soft skin,
And we were acting lovey-dovey, ignoring the unrequested attention of wandering eyes.

I'm scared, when you scream and yell,
I'm heartbroken, when you cry because of me,
I'm debilitated, when you won't let me hold you,
I'm stunned, when you don't accept my apology.

I miss,
When you and I,
Didn't care much about the label,
We were good friends that's what we said...
But soon later you wanted more:
And you got it...

Then
"We",
Started becoming an underused word,
The bonds formed by mischevious nights
Shamelessly crying on one another's shoulders,
And divulging of blackmail-worthy, jaw-dropping secrets,
Starter weakening, separating...

Is there any possibility that things will get rosy again?
That you'll stop getting mad at me and I'll stop hurting you?
Is there a chance, just a slight chance,
That the girl I fell in love with will come back...
Or, have we... Have I killed her?

I want you,
what are you talkin 'bout?
I can't forget you,
you're all I think about.

You can feel it,
I know you do,
the chemistry,
it's undeniable -
the intense gaze,
our eyes locked
forever.
We're capable of fixing it -
we just need to rewind.

First it was talking,
then kissing,
and soon later ******* -
but now it's nothing.

Nothing...
Let's go back to square one,
you know we can:
Let's just go back to talking...

They say I should let go,
but I can't.
my heart is
dangling on a string,
attached to your angel wings.
So, my heart is
always with you,
angel.

But I know one thing:
If I had enough skill,
To accurately depict your face
Using paint brushes,
I'd instantly become a world renowned artist...
For creating a masterpiece that trumps the Mona Lisa.

Goodnight,
That's all I said,
Because fear was stronger than my mind's might...
For in reality, I wished to be in your bed.

Relax, ***** minded beauty,
I wished you were sound asleep in my arms...
Because I knew when you're sleeping you'd be more than a cutie
And the comfort of my arms would keep you out of the way of Harm's.

I was so desperate to cuddle with you,
To close the distance that's making me blue,
That I was contemplating pulling a Romeo:
Climbing up your balcony just to serenade you.

But I guess I was too scared,
That you'd be surprised by how much I cared.

I know of a cute girl,
Who could be the cutest murderer ever -
Because her words are lethal to my weak emotional mind,
And they are somehow make my heart bleed.
To live for another day is what I always plead,
Well aware that if she keeps going I'd die with the biggest grin on my face.
Her sweet sweet words are what I desire, but, they're also Death's ace.
"Everything to moderation" my dad's voice yells in my head -
But how can I determine moderate
When I'm gorging on words that make me higher than ****...
And now, from my negative thoughts and low self-esteem, I'm temporarily freed.
But, to be honest,
I don't mind if I'm her first victim...
Because after my brain's gone erratic from spiked dopamine levels
I'd make sure to share a joke with the Grim Reaper -
Before he flashes his deadth-inflicting scythe at me
And takes me to meet my creator.

Since I'm falling,
I decided to admire the scenery around me--
Since there is nothing I can do to prevent it from happening...
It's true that I don't want to be here--
But look at how bright the orange sun shines,
It's absolutely breathtaking the way it paints the clouds a lovely orange shade.
I mean, I don't want to fall for her,
I don't want to fall in love--
Man, Autumn leaves are something else, right?
They just look beautiful. I love the way conifers look when they are dressed in red, green and yellow leaves.
Where was I?
Yeah, I don't want to fall for her,
Because I'm scared I'll fall out of love,
Or,
I'll hurt her and up being the worst person she had ever crossed paths with--
It's so nice the way the wind hugs me,
As I plunge towards the earth's centre,
All because of that pretty lady that's giving me an adrenaline rush.

I'm falling for her,
With the help of Earth's gravitational force,
I'm Accelerating at 9.8 metres per second.
And I've been here before,
Suspended in the air,
Surrounded by clouds--
Plummeting towards the earth's centre.
I know one thing,
When I hit the ground,
My heart will be shattered,
Because it's a fall from an elevated place--
Elevated by flirting and more than friendly hugs--
Because she didn't catch me...
Because,
Reality will catch me,
When everything ends.

So,
I kinda know,
That soon the wind's embrace will be gone,
That soon,
I'll look up at the sun, instead of seeing it at my eye level, like I do now.
I know,
Soon,  she'll no longer be interested in me,
Soon,  sunsets won't look beautiful,
Instead they'll remind me of her eyes.
But,
I'll cherish this fall,
Every single second of it.

And,
I'll hold onto the hopes that I'll one day,
meet someone,
Who never let's me reach the ground,
Someone who doesn't even have to catch me--
Because, she'll make me fall for her,
Everyday,
And keep my mind far, far away
From the contemplation of a reality without her.

I'm normally a stingy person...
But I don't mind sharing a kiss with you.

Dear heart,
Shut up,
So that I can sleep,
Please.

She has her own demons,
And she wants you to vanquish them...
Stupid boy,
Not defend and empower them...

I wonder if you've noticed,
I'm becoming less appealing,
Our conversations are getting very...
Very, boring...
And I wonder if you've noticed,
That I'm becoming less appealing.

You can tell me,
I didn't meant to approach you,
It was a decision made in a split second,
And it seems like my heart's voice was louder than my brain's then:
I'm being honest,
My chest was about to explode,
My heart was a ticking time bomb
And I could only disarm it by giving it a voice,
Converting its electric impulses into sound waves.

But now,
It's been a while since then,
And,
We're drifting apart...
I haven't told you that I nicknamed you zebra because of that cute black and white shirt you had on...
Because,
I'm scared that would just trigger the slow end of our...
Our?!
I mean,
It will make our friendship awkward.
I told my friends I don't like you,
But apparently you like me -
But, I just have a question,
After getting to know me -
Ummm... Have I lost my charms,
Or are you still googly-eyed over the stupid fifteen year old boy that nearly tripped over his own words as he uttered, "You're very pretty"?

I didn't know I loved you so much
That waiting for your messages is currently the worst form of torture for me.

Your hands are just the right texture,
The softness bids all my fears to subside.

Your lips are just too perfect,
A different taste according to your lipstick,
But still the same sensation that makes my eyes slowly close shut.

Your eyes give away your feelings,
And your, "I want you" eyes are simply the best.

Your hugs are magical,
They make my insides feel soft and mushy,
They make me feel warm and loved.

Baby,
You're absolutely perfect for me -
Why don't you want to see that?
Why'd you rather be insecure even though I remind you everyday that you're the pretty one in our relationship?

You know you're ******* when almost everything she says is cute.

Hey, Mr nice guy,
Watch it:
That smile of hers,
Her words;
Mr nice guy,
Don't play dumb...
It's obvious,
She fancies you :
Be careful what you say!

I know her voice is cute, but don't tell her,
I know she's funny, but don't tell her you like her because of that,
I know her smile is absolutely breathtaking... But do not tell her that!
Mr nice guy, be careful,
Cautious,
Wary...
Do not lead her on.

You know there's a chance that you just like her for her looks,
You know that you don't know what love is.
So calm down,
Don't let her compliments get to you.
Don't let her cuteness get to you...
Relax and keep the kind words on a leash.

Mr nice guy
Don't lead her on,
Get to know her first,
Don't reveal your feelings yet -
Until you confirm their verity.
So :
Relax,
Inhale,
Exhale,
Blink twice.
You're only friends for now,
*Don't say something you'll regret!

My heart began to flutter,
I actually felt it beat insanely fast,
I wished my lines were smoother than butter,
And I was scared that my heart would be in a cast.

But I had to do it,
To tell her that I thought she was pretty,
So I whispered into her ears - to combat the loud edm beat -
I leaned down, hoping that my voice wasn't ******,

The pretty petite lady whispered thanks.
I was in such a haste that I forgot so say my name.
I hope she didn't think it was one of those pranks,
Upon exiting the venue, I began to ponder whether my attempt was lame.

Oh, I forgot to tell her my name!
I didn't even get her number...
The thoughts rushed in and I realised I was no longer the same :
Confidence and I were on good terms and my shyness was numbed.

There's nothing more relieving than when a girl gives you a number...

That's actually hers!

Sometimes,
I get cold as I lay in my bed -
And it hurts a lot...
Not being cold,
But the thoughts that my heart whispers to my mind.

Babe,
It's so lonely on those cold nights,
And I can't help but fantasise about wrapping my arms around your waist,
Whispering nonsensical confessions of love into your ear because my heart rate is too high, thus I can't sleep.
And resting my head on your shoulders and curling my body around yours when your warmth finally calms me down and your complaints ward off my attempts to irritate you.

Baby I wanna cuddle with you right now -
But it hurts having these thoughts,
Because you're not here
And well,
You're not mine...

So,
I'm toiling,
Everyday,
For
What again?

Love?
Changing people's lives?
Making mom and dad proud?
Raising children one day?

So,
I'm toiling everyday,
Aiming for high grades,
For what?

Mundane things...
Experiences that are not compulsory...

I'm working hard,
For what?

My heart says it's you, my love,
It says it's your arms,
And your lips,
And your body,
And your voice.

My mind says it's all for nothing
And it's stupid...

But guess what?
My heart's beating is way louder than my brains thinking.

Even the lips of this bottle remind me of yours.

He sat there and stared at her,
Not in a creepy way -
She just made him think, that's all,
Think about why the kind of love he wanted seemed to be strange...for a teenager.

You see,
Everyone his age makes it sound like you only date a girl to get blow jobs and **** her and have ***.
That's all they talk about,
And also making out and groping ***** and ***.

But to him,
Love isn't that,
Love is cuddling,
Holding your girl close and telling her she's beautiful,
Love is trying to make her laugh and turning down every compliment she gives you with, "Don't forget that I'm also very stupid."
Love is never letting her leave you without telling her you love her.
Love is taking walks and holding hands,
And whispering thoughts and kisses on the cheek.
Love is being innocent 90% of the time, but using your other head 10% of the time.
To him,
That's what love is - contradictory to the opinions of all his peers.

That girl he's staring at,
He loves her,
He doesn't imagine getting a ******* or ******* from her,
He can't - but it's not like he'd turn her down if she wanted to -
He can't imagine having *** with her,
He's too scared of pressuring her into doing it if she doesn't want to...
The kind of love that his heart beats for is the innocent kind,
The one where cute little memories are made,
Where there's less kissing and ******* and more talking and laughing and heart-to-heart's,
The kind of love he wants seems to be weird for a teenage boy,
So he stares at her,
Wondering if she would like a guy like him -
That's just him and love,
Love makes him weird...
His kind of love is weird.

*Is that the kind of love she wants?

Maybe she is your one...
    *But are you her one?

I never knew walls had a purpose,
Until I pushed you against the one in my room - closest to my bed.
I don't know why I didn't just dump your beautiful body onto the bed,
I mean, it wouldn't be the end of the world if "something else"  transpired...
But I guess I lost to my conscience and tried to avoid the sheets that were dying to witness a performance.

I pushed you against the wall,
And I was unable to regret it, because you had this look in your eye,
One that flicked a switch,
And my lust took over.
You surrendered your body,
Allowed me drown you in kisses,
You let me be rough with you,
And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be -
Blame the wall,
I've never made out against a wall before!

You didn't want me to stop,
You were totally unlike yourself,
They way you smiled when I told you that I didn't mean to do what I had done,
The way you threw your arms around my neck and whispered, "That was fun."
You were so unlike you...
But I liked this you a lot,
I liked what this me was doing.
I liked what the wall did to me,
How I instinctively pressed my two hands on both sides of your head, telling you that I wasn't gonna let you go - without uttering a word.
And I knew that our hearts were beating in sync the moment you leaned towards my face,
I knew that we were thinking alike...
I knew that you wanted me,
And you knew that I wanted you,
So we let our tongues do the confessions of love
As they waltzed within the confinement of our mouths
And our lips tickled each other's necks.

I'm so sorry that I'm a coward,
Sorry that I'm scared of telling you what's going on in my head,
(or heart)
I'm so sorry that I'm too scared to tell you that you're cute
Or tell you that I want to hold you tight so that you sleep nicely.
I'm so sorry that I'm a coward,
Holding back my feelings for you...
But I guess that's who I am,
A coward -
I hope you can see beyond my cowardice,
Is a little candle,
That burns brightly because my love for you fuels it...
And it gets warmer and brighter each time you say hi.

To you.
I'm still feeding off your love -
Even though it's a different kind of love,
A milder kind of love,
One that doesn't keep me up at night with a racing heart -
I'm still feeding off your love,
Because foolish hearts like mine never let go,
No rehab can do them good:
So I'll still love you,
No matter what you feel,
I still need you,
Even if you're not mine -
It's good enough,
'cause you're happy
And somehow making my days less ******.

Oh, love,
you tell me that many take your trust for granted,
and it upsets me greatly.

But there's something you need to know:
your trust is the best gift you could ever give me...

I'm probably that page in your love story that you'd refrain from sharing with friends.

Was his mistake letting her in,
or letting her leave?

I'm always switching from optimist to pessimist,
why not realist?

I feel helpless,
I don't know what to do,
how to get rid of this sad feeling :
I feel helpless...

She's not mine
But it's fine
Because she's a great friend
And that's all I need in the end.

It's difficult for me to forget her -
But without me, she's happier.
Her happiness is top priority...
Even though it's a sad reality
That it's without me.
Our current situation is one I couldn't foresee.

Some people are fit enough for the challenges love brings,
I guess I'm just not one of them.

Me:"Smile, smile, smile, smile, smile!
WHY WON'T YOU ******* SMILE?!"

*Mirror:"Because there's no reason to smile."

If you really love me,
you'd still cradle that flame -
even though all I do is hurt you -
you'd stay optimistic,
because loving me includes understanding me...

And if you understand me,
you'd know that I bring pain,
no matter how hard I try
and I distance myself from you,
to protect you.