That I "sound depressed"...
He's said it more than three times,
And it's getting frustrating,
Because he probably does know he's right...
He knows that
I'm real sad
Because of her.
Is depression accurate enough
To convey the sinking of my heart,
The absence of that heavenly glimmer of hope,
The difficulty I find
When I attempt to say "I've moved on"?
Is depression suitable enough
To encompass the self-pity
I'm drowning in?
The green that sneaks onto my skin
When my friend talks about how
He got his girl back?
I'm not depressed,
It's not her fault.
I'm simply heartbroken
And it's all my fault
For choosing to use my broken reel:
She was bound to get away.
Turns out it's been a week,
Since last we had a conversation...
I had a theory,
That if I didn't talk to you,
I'd slowly forget you,
I'd get over you -
I'm an attention seeker,
I crave your time
And not having your attention
Would trigger a red flag
And I'd move on.
It's been a week,
Around last week Saturday,
You didn't reply...
And I didn't bother to question
You about ignoring my message,
Realising you were no good for me,
If all you'd do is make me anxious
About what I said wrong.
But every fucking person said
I was not in the wrong...
I did the only thing
That seemed reasonable:
I began to walk the
Trail on the mountain
You must be wondering
If I'm writing this to say
I've finally got you outta
My heart and mind?
You are irritatingly cute,
Your voice is undeniably divine,
And your frankness just sets oxytocins in my head haywire.
They're still there,
They don't wanna fade to nothing,
Every night -
They ignite all these unhelpful thoughts in my head:
"I just want to say hi."
"I just want to say we need to meet up."
"I just want to get to know her more."
"I just want to tell her she's really pretty."
"I just want to tell her I admire her."
"I just want to tell her that I kinda like her."
I just wanna tell you
That my thoughts are all over the place because of you,
Your intense gaze,
Your cute little body...
Because of you,
I don't know how this poem should end...
With me saying I'll keep trying to forget?
Or with me saying I'm giving in
And I'm sharpening my dexterity,
Because your heart will land in my hands soon?
I really wish I mean it,
Every time I tell my friends I don't like you...
But they always respond with
"Then why is she all you talk about?"
And I reply with an unconvincing,
"I. DO. NOT. LIKE. HER!"
I really wish,
My heart would listen to me
When I plead for it to let you go,
When I give it reasons why chasing you,
Will only result in its breaking.
I really wish
I could write a poem
About how much I hate you,
How much I don't like you,
How you make me feel the opposite
Of what my behaviour around you implies.
I really wish
I could write about a girl who's better than you,
I wish I could delete your phone number -
But I think I've memorised it.
I wish I could tell you I'm busy -
But every second of your time that you give me,
Just seems to be the only thing that I can never decline...
I'm well aware the feelings aren't mutual,
But I just don't know how...
How, I'm supposed to ignore these feelings,
I don't know how to not have
Feelings of dismay each time I walk up to you
As a friend... And nothing else.
I really was hoping
That I could tell you I'm over you,
That I don't you see you that way anymore...
I was hoping, that I could appease your fears...
But I can't...
Get you out of my heart.
Relieve me of these thoughts:
One day, I think I'm getting somewhere,
The next...umm...it's like I'm being
A nuisance to you.
Just tell me if you like me already...
I'm tired of trying to figure it out.
My friends tell me I like you,
Even though I insist I don't.
A few days ago,
One friend asked me
When I was going to confess -
Even though I had just complained
About how I am giving up on
Anything with you.
My feelings depend on whether
You fancy me or not...
I don't want to ask -
Because if I do,
Regardless of your answer being a
"Yes"... Or "No",
Your next question will be,
"What about you?
Do you like me?"
What would I say,
If you said, "Yes"?
I'd say yes...
But, then what next?!
And if you say no,
Would you sense that I'm lying,
When I quickly reply with a "No"
Followed by a speech on
How you're great and all,
But just not my type?
Or ward me off,
When I try my luck,
With cheesy lines,
So that I know,
You don't see me
To play detective -
Looking for clues
Of strong feelings...
An unending turmoil,
Of frustration, love,
And hope and despair
In my head...
There are some things,
that I've been keeping for too long in my heart:
I want to make you smile a lot.
I want to make you laugh a lot.
I want to kiss you a lot.
I want to to hold your hands
and I want to hold your waist
and I want to hold your gaze,
because your brown eyes are amazing
to stare at.
I want to tell you that you're beautiful
and make you blush.
I want to make you vulnerable
and hear you tell me sweet things -
I just want to hear you speak for an eternity.
I want you to be cozy in my arms
and I want you to tell me all your deepest desires,
I want you to be happy with me.
I want you a lot,
and I want to tell you that
I'm falling head over heels for your uniqueness,
big brown eyes,
astonishingly cute little smile,
small innocent frame
and sublime voice.
My heart is overflowing
with strong feelings for you, dear -
I'm also longing to call you "baby".
I'm rarely honest with myself,
right now, I am:
I think I need you,
I could just talk to you all day,
because you allow me to ramble on,
you always acknowledge my jokes with your cute giggle
and it all seems special when I get a glimpse of your smile.
I think I need you,
I'm honest with you
and, you don't judge me.
You make me feel intelligent
when I'm not even trying -
and you have this tone in your voice
when you're really not lying.
I think I need you,
because a girl like you shouldn't be alone.
Now, I'm not saying that I deserve to keep you company,
it's best you give me a chance then you can decide that.
You need someone to remind you that you're beautiful...
I think I need you,
because my heart's been fluttering
when I'm in your presence.
Sometimes, I feel like swooning just from hearing your voice.
And the only thing I look forward to when meeting you,
is hugging you tight -
sometimes, I wish I could steal a kiss too...
But, I find myself wandering around the contours of your big brown eyes,
I freeze and rethink my attempt.
I think I need you,
I like you a lot,
and this being friends things
isn't cutting it out for me,
I want you in my arms -
not on the opposite chair.
I want you.
being the indecisive teenage boy I am,
I'm still unsure whether it is wise to call you...
but being the overthinker I am,
I'm aware of a million and one reasons why I shouldn't,
I've thought up hypothetical situations where things could go dismally wrong.
being the hopeless romantic I am,
I've also thought up the perfect conversation:
You: Hello, who's this?
Me: Oh, thank goodness, it's me, that guy from the party. I just wanted to see if you were dead yet, but by the sound of that beautiful voice, I'm sure you aren't.
You: Awww, thanks. Hi, how are you?
Me: No, how are you? I've been waiting three days for you to say good morning back...
You: Aww, reallyy? I'm sorry, good morning (with a soft giggle). I'm good...[or you could scare me with: thanks to your call, I'm feeling good]
I'm too lazy to think further...
but it ends with you saying that you'll meet up with me for lunch in a few days, me finally being man enough to call you "zebra" (and you adoring it, even though it's such a stupid nickname) - and also, with you confessing your feelings for me while my reply is short, simple and vague:
Yeah, you'd be so flustered by my one-word reply, that you spend the whole night thinking about the mixed signals I'm sending you and fall asleep only to dream of me.
It seems foolproof to me,
the problem is,
what happens if you have a boyfriend...
or you're hurt and you're in hospital,
or your mom picks up the phone -
And those are a few of the stupid reasons that I'm afraid of dialing your number...
But I'm still thinking of you, I wish there was some way you could know how much you're killing me by not talking to me.
So, got girl issues, son?
Yeah, she left me.
That's the thing, I don't know, and it's driving me nuts, because we were going so well, I was sure something good would bloom.
Move on, fool!
Because, a girl like that doesn't even deserve your tears, your poems... You.
What do you mean? I'm the one who doesn't deserve her, but still, she didn't mind my pessimism, she was a friend, I enjoyed talking to her. She didn't mind me and she was so surreal.
Sorry, lad, but she left you for no reason, if she is capable of such a thing, then she's not worth your time.
But she... She's what I need. I mean, I can't open up to someone again, it's not easy for me to feel comfortable around girls, like I do around her. I'm terrified of letting more poeple know what lies in my brain, because I'm bound to face rejection one day. She's just what I need to keep away from everything that's bad for me.
So, we're at a dead end, huh?
No, you're just too stupid, you're holding onto her, when she's already let go of you.
Shut up! What do you know, you're just a bottle?
Says the drunkard talking to me.