You said you were my friends,
You said that you'd tell me everything you thought about me,
You made promises to me that you couldn't keep..
It's my fault for believing you.

I believed every lie you said,
I even thought you were my bestest friend.
I loved you like a sister,
I thought you were my family.

I trusted you for the longest time,
But you've always been keeping secrets, haven't you?
You left out how much you hated me,
How much pain I caused you just by being near.

Were all your kind words and laughs... were they all fake?
Was I living a lie that I thought was right?
All I've ever done was wipe the tears from your cheeks...
But I was the one who caused them, wasn't I?

You told me ever stupid thing I've done wrong,
You yelled at me and shattered my heart,
You made me look like a fool in front of the entire class.
You laughed at me when you saw the tears in my eyes.

I learned the truth this day, this very day,
That every kind thing I've ever done was ridiculed.
That two of my best friends talked about me behind my back,
And pointed out my every flaw.

When you pointed out all my mistakes,
All the pain I never tried to cause,
You grinned and I cried.
My heart broke while yours grew stronger.

Nobody spoke up to defend me,
They just listened to your every word, believing every bit.
I can't even look myself in the mirror now,
Without my heart crumbling to dust.

All my friends that I've ever loved....
Why do they tell other people what I do, instead of coming to me?
Instead of telling me that I should fix it,
They talk behind my back... stabbing me with a ****** knife.

I've lost all control know, I can't take this pain anymore...
Why have you done this?
Was your goal, from the very beginning, aimed to break my heart?
I think, I understand now, whose fault it really is...

It's my fault for believing all my friends when they said I could trust them.
*(True story that happened about a month ago.

I saw the world in bright colors,
A brilliant yellow and orange hue,
A hint of pink and a splash of red,
A sky blue full of hopes and dreams,
And bright green, the color of life

My laughing was the colour yellow,
My lips were the orange hue,
My smiles were pink with a splash of red,
My happiness was the color blue as it shone in my eyes,
And green was the color of my soul.

But my friends, they took advantage of my colors..
They stole them to paint their own canvas
They scraped the hues,
They took what color I had left
And kept it all to themselves.

Instead of helping me, they tore me down
Using my radiance as a tool for their success,
Killing me from the inside,
My colors running dry,
My smiles becoming less and less each day.

Now I don't know who I am anymore,
My colors are all in disarray,
They've tainted my mind with this colorless feeling,
A feeling of being dead inside,
Slowly decaying and falling into the void of non-existence.

I'm colorless... a heart of black and white,
My eyes a gray of darkest shade,
Colorless, Colorless...
My soul is now an ugly black,
The lines of life blurring to gray each day.

You stare in horror at the monster I've become..
Why don't you like your own creation?
I offered you my kindness, you twisted it and shifted,
This is who I am now,
Don't you like your own masterpiece you created?

My mind is going crazy, but is it really my fault?
Thoughts racing through my head,
I'm colorless now, a canvas of black and white,
Maybe I can try to find some color and save myself...
The color red now drips down my arms...
Colorless, Colorless... black and white splattered with blood...

It was darkness that held me,
When light was away.

No matter what I do,
The darkness won't go away.

How she really feels inside,
She will never tell you.

Cast out of heaven,
For having a heart of darkness,
Not accepted into the depths of hell,
He's told that he has a heart too close to the light.

In between,
Neither white nor black,
Caught in the middle,
The colour grey.

He's the darkest angel in heaven,
He's the kindest demon in hell,
The wrong side of righteousness,
The right side of despair.

He's made a world of his own,
Rejecting the light, turning away from the darkness,
He's made a new definition,
Of the word 'broken'.

He's beyond saving,
So he's saved himself,
Pulling himself up,
Standing on the line of good and evil.

Things will one day get hard,
But you don't always need to be on your guard,
For let me remind you about flowers in spring,
I'll show you a world about birds on wing,
Where freedom is something to hold,
Similar to the buttercup gold.

Let me remind you about flowers in spring,
Where even the roses hold their sting,
Tulips red and green,
Standing in the wind regal like a queen,
A bright and beautiful season,
Yet something is without reason.

Not everything you see is without flaw,
They find your weakness and claw,
You'll become different and broken,
With words heavy and unspoken,
I'll be here for you if you should cry,
I'll sing you a sweet lullaby.

For let me remind you about flowers in spring.

This man taught me everything,
That I needed to know,
But I never really listened,
I thought I knew it all.

He gave me love,
Even when I really didn't want it,
And he touched my life,
In a way I cannot describe.

He taught me right from wrong,
And I can honestly say,
The day he left,
I wasn't that strong.

I felt like there was no more fire,
To ignite anymore,
That the darkness won,
Over my inner light.

He will be missed dearly,
Because he made a mark,
On all of our hearts,
His name written in permanent ink.

For all those times I left it unsaid,
I want to thank him.
Thank him for being there for me,
For being patient even when I made it difficult.

It's hard to believe,
That he is gone now,
Somewhere where I cannot reach,
But I am certain I will meet him again in Heaven.

Because when tomorrow starts without him,
Don't think we're far apart.
For every time I think of him,
He's right here in my heart.

There are times,
When I want to be alone,
And it's not anyone's fault.

But even well intentioned words,
That kind touches,
Turns into static.

And it feels as though a wall
Is separating me from everything else,
Filled with mist and fog.

If Feeling and Emotion are colors,
Then this thing is Grey.
Faded. Muffled.

Not invisible,
But washed-out.

When I am in that place,
There is nowhere else, nothing but this,
And there never will be.

But eventually,
It passes.

Sometimes it takes DAYS,
Sometimes HOURS,
But the wall DISAPPEARS.

The fog melts away,
The gray pulls backwards...
And I am myself again.

I can't help but wonder
If I was made for something different
To influence someone else,
Instead of the people around me.

What if I was made for so much more
Than tearing others down.
But I just ended up
Born somewhere I wasn't meant to be.

I feel like I'm here on accident,
That the reason I don't fit in,
Is because I'm not supposed to.
I clash so much with others.

I'm fighting with myself,
And the situation I've been put in.
Frustrated, angry,
Wondering if it's fair.

If only I had been born where I was supposed to,
Miles away from here,
Interacting with different people,
To find my true potential.

Instead I'm stuck here,
In a life that I don't fit in,
Becoming a black sheep among the white,
The catalyst that makes things different.

I remember, Oh so long ago,
Where it was the light that loved me,
And smiling came without effort.
The days where the sunshine was welcomed,
And not turned away.

Now I don't know who I am,
Who I ever was,
And what I mean to people.
I feel like I'm fading away,
Like the belief in a child.

The light has turned away,
Where did my beloved friend go?
She has shut her eyes,
From the horror I've become,
And abandoned me to the consuming darkness.

Nobody hears my screams of pain,
So I've stopped trying to reach them.
I'm losing my humanity,
All that's left is insanity,
In this crimson fallen world.

An echo, and the sound of my heart breaking like glass,
The darkness has become too much,
I'm drowning.
I've shut down,
Not trusting any soul.

I keep it all inside,
I welcome pain destroying me,
Instead of burdening others.
My life is cloaked in secrets,
Secrets that are killing me ever so slowly.

I remember, Oh so long ago,
Where it was the light that loved me,
And smiling came without effort.
The days where the sunshine was welcomed,
And not turned away.

Listen-
Hear no sound.
Feel only the wind against your face,
Quick to turn into sharp wings.

Run with me in the silence,
Take my hand,
And I'll show you worlds
That you could only have dreamed of.

Catch the air with your wings,
Feel it seep into your soul,
Let it touch your heart,
Right where it belongs.

Listen-
Can you hear that?
The faint screaming of the mindless,
The sound lost on the edges of the wind.

Just the faintest traces of insanity,
Lost to all but me,
I can hear the screams in your head,
There's nothing I can do to help.

I will fight for you,
And live when you cannot,
Find the purpose of life,
And smile since you never will.

Listen-
The wolves are howling at the full moon,
In the darkness,
Where the wind is still.

Weapons in hand,
Sparkling silver like the moon,
Fighting for a reason,
Nobody understands.

There's no way to turn back now,
Turning into the fight,
Fake it until you make it,
It's all about pretending.

Listen-
Can you hear the beat of my own heart?
It's ******, It's never the same,
Changing just as much as the wind...

They believe I'm a lost cause,
Lost in my own world,
Far from the total truth,
Crazy, oddly different.

If only they knew what kind of things I've heard,
Listening when everyone forgets,
Taking in the surroundings,
And making them apart of me.

I closed myself off from love,
Because I didn't need the pain.
These feelings can either make or break you,
Tearing you apart or healing the scars.

But something happened,
That changed my mind forever,
Something that took a dead flower,
And made it bloom into the most beautiful sight.

My heart beats a little bit faster,
When I see you just up ahead,
I always look away and tell myself it's fake,
There's no way I'll let love destroy me.

I think I'm falling in love with the fire,
But I know if I get to close,
It'll burn me mercilessly,
Don't touch the flames.

They say I'm crazy,
But I don't care what they say,
It's like he's pulling down the walls,
Around my heart.

It feels like gravity is pulling us together,
I'm not going to fight this feeling,
Let's watch it grow like plants,
Waiting to get closer.

Feel the heat of passion,
Nature and Fire were never meant to mix,
But we'll make this work,
We'll make it bolder than anything.

Some say it's a disaster waiting to happen,
I couldn't disagree more,
I've never been so happy in my life,
I feel like I'm floating!

It feels like we'll never fall,
Always be here,
Nothing could ever happen...
It's perfect, meant to be!

...ah, you weren't supposed to fall that hard,
You weren't supposed to ruin it,
With your blood,
My love is what killed you, isn't it?

It's burning down,
The embers are falling beneath the earth,
Passion going up in smoke,
"Until death do us part."

Love is what brings people together,
It's what tears them apart,
Leaves a hole,
That nobody but you can fill again.

There's a second chance,
A chance for life,
A way for your eyes to open,
The light returning to your face.

Love is forever,
It can pursue through even death itself,
So let's let this city burn,
And lose ourselves ... together.

Rainy days or beautiful blue skies,
I still prefer your hypnotic silver eyes,
I'll be at your side when I hear your cries,
I only hope our love never dies.
Promise me we won't have goodbyes,
I smile at you because I still get butterflies.

No one will ever bring us apart,
I'll give you my soul if I get your heart,
Because I chose you, that makes me smart,
I've loved you from the very start.

When we met my life began anew,
I know you're in love with me too,
I see it in your eyes when I look at you,
Your always in my thoughts no matter what I do.
I read your expressions when I need a clue,
To determine if your love for me is true.
You met me and spread your wings and flew,
I have you with me now, I'll never feel blue.

Written all for you my love,
You're worth more than the universe.

The songs always call out to me,
And my heart always answers,
Narrowing the gap,
Between my heart and soul,
This is where the memories are made.

I always seem to connect
To the rhythms and songs,
That actions cannot express,
Finding a way to smile,
This is where the memories are made.

Somehow I find that music explains,
Everything that I find hard to,
Showing me that it's okay
To just be me,
This is where the memories are made.

It's hard to remember what people say,
It's hard to know their thoughts and feelings,
Somehow I find that what I remember most,
Is connected by the melody,
This is where memories are made.

That last song that we sang together,
Still engraved in my head,
That song that played as I walked to meet my future,
I smile when I hear it now.
This is where memories are made.

Tears falling when that song on the radio,
Reminds me exactly of you,
Remembering the moments we spent together,
When I hear your favorite song.
This is where memories are made.

The feeling in my heart was gone,
I had lost the will to live...
So I came up with a plan.
Slowly, and surely, I would push people away from me.
If everybody hated me, and nobody cared,
I could leave this world without causing heartache.

So I pushed my friends away, I shut down,
I made it so I only depended on myself.
The thing that made it worse,
Was that nobody fought back.
None of my friends ever asked if I was okay,
Nobody wanted to hear what I had to say.

The friends I believed were my own family,
They shrugged off my pain as if it never existed...
They didn't care if I pushed them away,
If I was cut off from the world.
Nobody spoke up. Nobody batted an eye.
So that was it. Now, I could finally be free...

But, if I'm still here,
Something must have happened.
If I'm still here to speak, to type my feelings,
Something must have changed my heart.
I can honestly say,
It was something I never expected. Something 'my plan' did not include.

My internet friends wouldn't let me die.
The friends I had never seen,
The friends I had never felt,
The friends who I'd never heard their voice.
But that day,
I heard them loud and clear.

I never met them,
But they felt more real than life.
I could feel their emotions, they connected with me,
They loved me for who I was.
They changed my mind about life, about death,
Something I never thought could ever happen.

I feel like I can hear their hearts through the keyboard,
I feel like I can hear their voice speak to my heart,
I feel their hands in mine when I need a friend,
I feel their fingers wiping away my tears when I can't hold back,
And I feel them take the knife from my hands.
They're building me up faster than I can tear myself apart.

Those friends...
They are REAL.

I help everyone,
I'm always there when they need a friend,
When they need to talk to me,
Just me
Because I'm the one who listens.

I know all of their stories,
I know what everyone's going through,
I know what makes them sad,
And I know what makes them...
Smile.

I'm there when they're crying,
I'm there when they're happy,
I'm there when they don't even need me,
And I'm still there
Even when they're gone.

I know my friends
Better than I know myself,
And I can read their thoughts,
Their emotions,
I know exactly what they need.

But, ah, alas,
Nobody knows a thing about me.
They say they do,
But
Do they?

They only know what I've told them,
They only know what I pretend,
They've only met
The happy side
Of me.

When I'm crying
I run to nobody.
I stay and deal with it myself
They don't need to know
That their protector is breaking.

They don't know that I have heaps
And weights pushing down,
Things that are threatening to **** me,
To drain every ounce
Of my happiness.

I fight on for them,
I smile so they don't have to know
What I go through.
I smile so that way
They do too.

When I'm crying, yes,
I type happy thoughts.
Behind an Internet screen,
Nobody knows,
Yes... nobody knows.

O child of the sun,
Don't you notice the radiance,
The radiance you give others to smile,
The light they find in the dark,
Was because of you?

Your glow is contagious,
Your laugh remains in our memory,
Light touches our hearts,
Makes us forget about mistakes,
But what about you?

O child of the sun,
Where is your radiance?
Where is your smile, your love?
You touch the heart of others,
Lighting their world, darkening yours.

You know the taste of oblivion,
The price of forgetting,
The pain of loving,
Yet not feeling loved.
You know the feeling of fading away.

O child of the sun,
You hesitate before firing your bow,
Afraid to take a life.
Your hesitation has cost you a dear friend,
How do you live on?

Your music touches your soul,
The only feeling you have left.
You control the notes,
And form them from your soul.
But who listens, besides you?

O child of the sun,
Your heart was stolen by ice,
Covered and frozen...
When the fire touches it,
It burns more than it should.

Your friends see you as an ally,
But you always feel alone.
Life always seems hollow yet brimmed with light,
You feel like your friends take you for granted,
Because they don't know who you truly are,

Until you're gone.

Sometimes I think I see her,
Her distinguished face among the mass,
A ghost-like smile hovering,
Her eyes full of broken dreams,
Full of things she's afraid to say.

When I see her face,
I try to wave,
Smile,
Call out to her
But it seems every time she cannot hear me.

She is only visible for a fleeting moment,
Disappearing into her fallen world,
Her heart shattered beyond repair,
Her eyes blind to happiness,
And her ears deaf to encouragement.

Sometimes I think all she is,
Is an Illusion sent to haunt me,
Illusions played by the trick of the wind,
A game to get me scared,
A reason to tug on my heart.

Today, I saw her again,
Instead of looking away or blinking,
I stared on and waved,
And this time she waved back,
But it was a warning

She stayed there,
Staring back with her sad eyes,
Her smile matching a ghost's.
It was only then that I realized,
I was staring at a mirror.

I've been hiding for so long,
I've always been here.
Waiting for somebody to notice me.
I smile, I curve my lips,
But nobody gives me a second glance.

That real smile weeks ago has diminished to a fake,
A mask, I wear,
Concealing my true face.
They've pushed me to the sides,
As if I had never existed at all.

Since they didn't care for the real me,
This is who I've become,
A fragment of their nightmares.
That girl nobody cared for, she's crying,
The tears running down her face.

"nobody cares" "shut up"
They've all said to her.
Nobody gave her.... nobody gave ME...
A second glance.
I was a girl nobody cared for, the one swept underneath the bed.

Don't look under the bed at the girl with the hidden face,
Her face streaked with tears,
A broken and shattered heart.
She used to be real, but they turned her fake,
Nobody ever once cared.

But SHE looked.
That one girl... with the short dark brown hair,
Her eyes flicked with gold.
She looked under her bed, where the outcasts were sent,
And she actually saw me, instead of seeing past.

She had a smile that even a billion words could not capture,
She looked at me and said,
"Why hello there. I care about you."
And again the girl under the bed started to cry...
But this time it wasn't from sadness.

I fought against the rising waves,
Trying to keep my head above the water,
Refusing to let myself drown,
I used up every ounce of will I had,
And pulled myself out of hopelessness.

I couldn't stand,
But somehow I found a way,
Lighting the darkest tunnel with light,
Painting the world with my hope,
Using the brightest colors to live my dream.

I never thought I could be broken,
Molded into the perfect tool,
To destroy others,
The same time I was destroying myself,
Turning the paintbrush into a weapon of steel.

Determination flowing in my veins,
I never thought I'd lose it all,
I started with so much,
Only to end empty-handed,
The fallen darkness too much to bear.

No way to fight the insanity,
I've pushed myself far past the limit,
My determination ****** my energy dry,
And I can no longer fight what's ahead,
I already know I've lost the war.

I find the pain in paint,
Even the simplest things can be complicated,
the most colorful things can be found colorless,
The most mended things can be called broken,
In this twisted excuse of reality.

When we are far away,
And we must never return to one another,
Remember the stars,
The moon,
For they will always shine no matter the gloom.

We see the same stars,
The same beautiful night,
But why is it that you do not treasure it?
There is only one sky,
And the stars are forever living and dying.

We have different views of the same thing,
Yet you refuse to see it from my angle,
Even though I have viewed it from yours.
The stars tonight...
Did you know they were watching both of us?

Waiting for us to move,
Waiting for you to face your problems,
Waiting for me to forgive myself,
Something that may never happen.
I know exactly what I have done.

The stars, tonight, they twinkle and glitter,
Oblivious to the reason for which I am silent.
Under their gazes, crystal tears have formed,
Falling from my blue eyes.
I am broken, and there is no way to fix me.

Shrinking in a corner,
pressed into the wall;
do they know I'm present,
am I here at all?

Is there a written rule book,
that tells you how to be-
all the right things to talk about-
that everybody has but me?

Slowly, I am withering-
a flower deprived of sun;
longing to belong to,
​somewhere or someone.