When youre in the room and you're laughing while we're laughing it's almost as if we're laughing together.
And for a second you can believe that were a family again, but fantasies and fairytales, I guess you never learned, dont last forever.
So we look around and you can see it in our eyes that were pretending nothing is wrong as we sit with a broken heart.
The distance between us is inches but the miles in your head is what really keeps us apart.
Waiting for the second of attention we might acquire if you look up and meet our eyes.
We love you forever, don't take this wrong, it's the game that we despise.
It's ****** you in and all that's left is the empty corpse you once controlled
You think you're selling something and they believe your every word, but its your life you really sold.
Wakeup from the fantasy and realize the life you live isn't so bad,
Or one day you'll wakeup to losing everything you had.

I cross my heart and hope to die.

That's what you said...

Cross your heart and hope to die
That you would never leave me.

But I'm the one left standing here, hoping to die.

For its MY heart that you have crossed.

I built a magical world inside my mind, where no one can enter but the world is mine. There's dungeons and dragons and no one feels pain, and magical fairies dance in the rain. There's darkness and angels who carry the dead, it's all in this magical place in my head. Porcelain dolls, they come to life, they tell you their secrets and hand you a knife. The walls come alive and give you a push, and everything's dark and turns to mush. Dripping with black and red rivers flow, swirling in circles, you fall below. A place where there's no need to fear pills, cuz they only cure sadness not give you free-will. Lights float around you can catch in your hand, there's no need for clocks cuz nothing is planned. It's all harmless you see? Cuz it's only me, I can't harm myself unless I go free. But the outside world is full of sickness and crooks, so I built this world thru movies and books. Someday I'll return to the world outside, and my magical world will have finally died. Cuz even I can get lonely you see... Cuz inside my head it's always just me.

Standing at the door, hesitant.
Wondering what I'll see.
The other side is haunting,
The other side's a mystery.

It could be the hell
I've always learned to fear
With dark emerging creatures
And an exit no where near

Drowning in your sorrow
Replaying every trauma
Screaming out to no one
It's more than highschool drama

Demons crawling under your skin
Breaking every bone
Scratching and tearing to get them out
You've never been so alone

Screaming in the night
Gasping your last breath
Ripping your own heart out
But never rewarded death

These images they haunt me,
But I've come to far to leave.
I must know what's in there
And what my future will be..

So here I go..
I open the door...

Oh my god..there it is....
This is what I've been waiting for..

I'm just a face for every picture,
Just a memory in your head.
Just that girl you won't remember,
Not a word I ever said..
I'm just a whisper in the wind,
Just a cold place in your heart.
Youll never remember me,
Though I was here from the start.
I'm a cold chill runnin up your spine,
Faint voice with a familiar song. .
I'm a shadow in the darkest night,
The one who was there when things went wrong.
Just a piece of broken art,
The footsteps in the snow.
The puzzle piece that doesnt fit,
But thats something you dont know.

Pay me no attention,
I'm just that dumb little girl,
Who couldn't seem to find her place,
In this messed up little world.

The world is my audience,
I am on stage,
No emotions left,
Just a puppet in a cage.
Reaching out,
Waiting for a hand,
The only one they give me,
Is clap and stand.
They try to break me,
Waiting for it to end.
But they cannot break,
What only bends.

I dont know how to undo what ive done
The click of a button and suddenly I'm lost
Sweating and swearing wanting to run
Wishing there was a way out of this mess..

Soon you'll know just how i feel
The suspense is killing me... waiting...
My mind is spinning i wish this wasn't real
The seconds turn to minutes.. hours.. and days.

Why haven't you responded? Was it really that bad?
Love isn't such a terrible thing to confess...
But now I've lost the only friend I've ever had..
What is wrong with me, I should've left it alone.

Now years have gone and i cant get it out of my head
Searching for you and praying that you return
I take back everything I ever said..
Tricking my mind to believe the feelings are gone.

You're gone for good there's no denying
Funny how its a pattern.. people leaving..
Now wondering if all along they were lying
Just to torture you with their friendship...

I wanna destroy something.
Whether it be expensive or cheap, big or small.
I want to **** something up.
Just so,
for even a moment...
something will be as I feel.
Destroyed.

Finally silence as the knife hits the floor, you scream in terror "what're you smiling for?!"
My vision is blurred and the room starts to fade, as I think of my life and the mess I have made.
They told me not to trust you cuz you'd **** me straight to hell, they made me do things I had to promise not to tell.
They were always there whispering in my head, but they will be gone now for I will soon be dead.
You were always hiding things and sneaking from place to place, but you were trying to get me the help that I was afraid to face..
"But that can't be right you were poisoning us!" The voices grow louder as they furiously cuss..
"You little **** you tried to **** me we don't deserve this!" i mean.. think of all the fun you're going to miss..
All those games we played like hide the ****** corpse.. until we fought when you told me I have no remorse.
The poison though.. was the pills in my drink, You tried to tell me they were prescribed by my shrink.
But reality hits, this is really the end, all this time they said it was just pretend.
The voices fade as you stand there in shock, the only sound made is the tic of the clock.
I thought it was you but MY hand dropped the blade, this is by far the worst game I've ever played...
My memory was clouded but now I can see...
I thought you were crazy but the crazy one's me.

We said that it was just for fun

I didn’t think I’d be the one

To fall in love


But neither did you…

I'm not pretty, I fool myself
with the makeup I put on
The editing of photos
Tricking them one by one

Remembering when I loved the world
And didn't fear this mess
When I'd smile because I'm happy
And not for appearances

Buying the clothes
That flatter me somehow
The curves the bones
Whatever they're obsessed with now

Shaving the legs
Plucking the brow
Painting the face
Just for the wow

Wow... What's the point
Do people really care
Deep down there's nothing
But perfectly straightened hair
And a heart that isn't there..

But beauty on the outside
Is all they really see
When your rotting inside
From swimming in jealousy

Bravo to the world
It took its toll on me
When all I used to love
Is who I thought I'd be

Used and bruised like a broken porcelain doll,
kicked down and pushed around behind these prison walls.
Wrote letters and letters that just piled up,
because what I had to say to you just wasn't enough.
The arguments and dreadful thoughts scream inside my head,
lingering inside of me wishing I were dead.
Missing and wishing are emotions brought just recently,
Since the night I lost you..the accident.. just haunts me.
And it plays over and over in my head...
The violent screams, the screeching tires.
A splash of blood, the burning fire.
How could this happen in the blink of an eye, all my life's worth ripped away that night..
I hurt you to death so I hurt myself more,
I trap myself away behind this locked up door.
Piles of paper wishing you were here,
fill up my wishing well year by year.
I wanna rip my heart out no matter what the cost,
I'd rather rot in hell than lose what I have lost.
But reality, it hits me, I'll never really die,
because the worst of all punishments is to forever be alive... and it plays over inside my head...
The violent cry, the screeching tires.
A splash of blood, the burning fire...
How could this happen?! in the blink of an eye?? ALL my life's worth just ripped away that night.... oh that dreadful night...

The pierce of a blade never felt so good, a rush of blood.. no one thought I would.
I'm past the emotions and the tears, sick of the fighting and my fears.
All this time I've wrote these songs, my life has been following right along.
I write my future, my present, and past, I didn't think the end would come this fast. But now I lie here on the floor, wondering if I could've done something more.
Anything to prevent this tragic end, maybe if I could rely on a friend?
But it's hard to talk when they won't understand, or say that they'll help cuz they think that they can
No one could save me from this darkness inside, it won't go away cuz lord knows I've tried.
Let me fade from this world with no remorse, or fall asleep inside my pale white corpse.
Whichever suits your afterlife thoughts, just be sure to visit where my body rots. And be happy for me cuz I've finally broke free, from this painful life of misery.

Do you understand my frustration
Or should I hand you a pile of ash
To crumble to pieces in your hand
To demonstrate what my life is doing.

I'm all alone
Its like this world has a way of reminding me of that.
I can fill my life with people
But when I lay down to sleep
Even next to the one I love
I slip into my mind.
Disney never told me
That the knight in shining armor
Can't save me from my nightmares.
Slaying dragons?
Can't you slay my demons?
I'm not locked inside a tower
But I'm locked inside my mind.
Banging on the walls
Screaming to get out.
But you know what?
No one can hear me in there.
The screams drive me nuts
But no one else hears a thing.
You might think I'm crazy
But if you stayed for eternity
You'd go crazy too.
It's unfair of me to put that burden on someone else.
It's unfair to expect that anyone can save me from my thoughts.
It's unfair to expect anyone to understand.
I cling to people hoping that somehow if I hold tight enough
That I can bring them with me.
That the warmth of their touch
Will somehow ward off the cold, dark, endless horror.
That the screaming in my head will silence
Bc I have someone who's finally heard me.
Maybe the demons will stray if they realize I'm not alone.
They taunt me.
Like a school ground fight at the flagpole.
But maybe if someone could stand up for me.
Step into my circle and help me up.
Maybe then they would stop.
Taunting and beating and laughing.
They like to see me fail.
I can't help but think if only I wasn't a failure..
If somehow I'm the one who's supposed to save myself.
If i just stop failing for one second.
Maybe I'm my knight in shining armor.
Why didn't Disney write about that?
I guess "Save yourself" wouldn't be a very good title.
But they would've in turn saved me.

I do things that people consider wierd, but living in a comfortable life, is better than living scared.
People stare as I crouch on my feet, reminding myself I will be home soon, under my covers and sheet.
I wear baggy clothes to hide,
Buried in the warmth, with my low riding pride.
But who is to say what's accepted,
When the world is corrupt and infected.
Yes, infected, by their image of life. Smoothed out like butter with a knife .
They learned to feel it is fine, to go abouts with materials things and fancy wine.
Rubbing their wealth in your face, scolding as if you don't try.. telling you you're a disgrace,
to the human kind.
That's what this world has come to, trampling their own for something to do.
While people like me just try to get by, without anyone noticing or batting an eye.
Curling up into my corner of the world, thanking God that i made it again. For this corrupt world might **** me in.
Fearing that society will point me out like at a zoo. Laughing and awe-ing cuz they can't tell,
if I'm wierd or cute.
This is what its come to if you're not like them you don't exist.
You're mearly something they can tell to their friends.
They don't care if you cut your wrist
or are soon to meet lifes end.
So hide beneath your blankets and sheet, and if knocked down get on your feet. Learn that the world, you have to forgive, and no one can tell you how to live.

There goes my heart, there goes the pain,
there goes everything, just ripped away. There goes our love, there goes our fights,
there goes all those restless nights.
Don't turn your head, just wish me dead,
as the promises break that you once said... So I guess this is the end.

I can feel my heart
crumbling down...
to a pile of ash.
Or like someone is pulling a thread out of it
And its slowly fraying and dwindling down
Til all that’ll be left
Is a pile of tangled thread
Trying to pretend
To be a heart inside my chest.

I can play this game
For I know it too
I'm really good at it
Just as good as you

I'll make you feel so loved
Then get inside your head
**** with your emotions
'Til you're wishing you were dead

Don't blame the player
For I learned from the best
He tortured me too...
And I died like the rest

When you think of me I hope that you smile,
not think about how i suffered for a while ..
I'm sorry I couldn't get better
This is my suicide letter...

Please know its not your fault you never could've known
but this sadness has lingered far too long and secretly had grown.
I couldn't tell you tho, cuz i didn't have the heart,
i couldnt bear to see it in your eyes when i told you we would part.
Don't ever think that you weren't enough, i swear you almost saved me.
But this world is so corrupt, please know that i love you baby...
And mother don't waste a prayer on me, I'm unsavable.
I tried to help myself but I'm incapable.  
No meds no therapist no ******* psych ward,
Nothing could save me not even your dear Lord
Your unconditional love was unbelievable
Your kindness and big heart, unbeatable
And to my father, I know im appearing weak
I'm sorry I couldn't be strong like you raised me to be
You showed me discipline but also affection
It's not your fault I took to this direction
To my sister, you were always there for me
I was psychotic and you made me feel accepted and free
I will never forget how understanding you were
But the rest of my life feels like a ****** up blur
To my brother, you protected me and were my inspiration
Teaching me what you knew and your beautiful dedication
I couldn't have asked for better surroundings to grow up by
I know you're reading this and asking "then, why?"

I dont even ******* know...

There's no way to explain this empty pit in me
There's no end in sight to this dark misery
I'm surrounded by loved ones yet i feel alone
I feel darkness deep inside and cold to the bone
Let these cuts release the demons that have made me this way
I'll be free from this world before tonight turns to day
The world will keep spinning and nothing will change
My soul will be free as just my body remains
Be happy for me cuz I escaped the dark
And now i can stay peacefully in your hearts

Thank you all for trying your best
But now i must go, and put my soul to rest

I'm speechless
Because everything I ever wanted
Is right in front of me
Wrapped inside one body

This is my life.
I will not let you take my identity
Just bc my life is riddled with your memories does not mean you are a part of me.
You're only a lesson I have learned and a reason to never look back.
I do deserve better.
And you? You deserve to get exactly what you dished out.
Don't worry sweetie, if you think you were so perfect you have nothing to worry about,
Right?

Oh Karma♡

You know, I've always contemplated suicide, thru my whole life it seems. But really all I want is to be dead to people so I can finally live.

I'm afraid I'm not so good at this writing thing
Everyone seems to have a way with words

I just chatter on til i feel like my soul is free
Or maybe, it's til my soul reveals that it's empty

Either way

What was I saying again..?

Oh yea,

I'm afraid I'm not so good at this writing thing

I'm an artist too
But instead of painting trees
It's my skin that I use
To craft my masterpiece

I'm a poet too
But the way I write my scars
They sink into my body
They sink into my heart

I'm a liar too
I can look you in the eyes
And tell you just how much
I love to be alive

See? I fit right in...

Don't cry little girl it'll ruin your makeup 
Fake it like we've taught you and smile with pride
Pretend you're happy every morning you wakeup 
And don't you dare let them see that youre dying inside

Swipe the brush across the face and wipe away the tears
Paint your eyes, glue fake lashes and color your smile red
You've been here all this time what's a few more years
And whatever you do don't let them know that you wish that you were dead

Wax repeat wax repeat 
It keeps growing back
Dye your hair
Paint your lashes
Til your tears run black

Drink this, don't eat that 
Smile pretty, **** in your gut
Go workout, you're getting fat 
And make sure to tighten that ****

Face mask, manicure
Bikini wax, pedicure
Fake tan, hair spray
Just do what we say

Follow the steps 
Its an easy guide
We tell you how to look
As you die inside 

But at least your corpse is beautiful

Staring at blank pages
Wanting to write again
Staring at my phone
Hoping for a friend

At least out of this
I've gotten one of two
For I could write a thousand pages
Before I could count on you

How could i ever
Think i'd be enough
When he's the moon and the sun
All in one
When he's the reason morning comes
And the sun paints color in the sky
I don't know why
I'd ever think I'd be enough
When he's the hush of ocean waves 
And the song of birds.. 
Even without words...
The most beautiful thing I've ever heard