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Bragi Jul 2018
On the Wednesday night of my birthday
I noticed how I’d been thinking of you lately
On the Wednesday night of my birthday
I missed that lost promise of a maybe

Not a ‘promise’, you wouldn’t have said so,
Not an ‘oath’ that I’m pretending you swore,
It was a hope that I’d been waiting for.
The maybe that maybe we were more

But more than what? you’d say
More that friends? ‘That’s all it was, the only way’
Left with a sour denial to taste
After all the time together we’d waste.
Wasted if we were nothing that great
But we were and you were my soul..
Mistake?
Too late to differentiate

Gone
Lost with time
Go
Ghost
From my mind
On the Wednesday night of my birthday
Things have started going a little hazy
On the Wednesday night of my birthday
My memory of you is slowly fading

I’m going crazy. It’s something I’d worked so hard at saving.

Why
On my birthday?
Bragi Jul 2018
I care.
Of corse I care.
I know you think I’ve forgotten,
That I’ve moved on.
Its hard to move on when I feel like we did nothing wrong.
When I know I still want to whisper words to you.
The same few I said when you smiled at me. That moment was perfect.
I didn’t need you to say it back. I never have. But I hoped that one day you could.
It frightens me that I will never feel that, or any other word from you ever again. And that the last thing you said was ‘it never had to be this way’. It did. I opened up my heart to you, but you had a boyfriend, so I went. True I left. I couldn’t be your friend, because thats what loving you meant. A certainty too intense. Else, I was stuck in limbo surrounded by white walls, a room slowly filling with black paint until… until. I saw him through the ripples in dark liquid, feeling you, clueless of what you really mean. My life was in perpetual pause in front of a big-screen projection. Waiting for the hoping for the moment of a day, when you hold me and our heartbeats melt in pendulous sway.
This one really is my heart on a plate. Its the most honest and open I've written. If this person ever read this they'd know it was about them.
Bragi Jun 2018
-                         We write poetry
When our hearts are shattering
Into a thousand
                   Tiny
Pieces
Pin
Bragi Dec 2019
Pin
Happiness is a pin
Put in what you took out of love.
But love lasts only
as long as the loading
Of hope;
A bullet in a gun that never goes off.
The gun goes numb in your hand
‘Till you remember the aim,
Picking up the pin it points you back and
Sails you insane.
As an ocean ripples, Love loops,
all from a pin in something you took.
It’s been a while since I wrote. Hope all are well x
Bragi Oct 2018
I was so in love
With what we had made
That any sense of sufferance
Of punishment
For my actions
Became an utterance, stayed.
Lost in my satisfaction that
I had given you something far lighter;
I was so in love,
Stolen, a divine fire,
Like Prometheus.
Bragi May 2018
I’m letting it hit me
Like a wave
Washing over me
Wet soil on a grave

I’m letting it burn
Like hot coals
Beneath my feet
Thought myself so bold

I’m letting it suffocate
Like a dark plastic bag
Pulled over my mouth
A marble statue made to gag

I’m letting it take control
Like a fortune teller
Whispers of possibility
What if I hadn’t met her?

I’m letting it sicken me
A twist with no hunger
Flicking me, eyes closed
Like sleeping through thunder

I’m letting myself fall
Far down the rabbit hole
In hopes I’ll land and look up
To my name being called
Bragi Sep 2018
Like a hammer that’s too short.
Like a wall that feels lacking.
Like a land of giants, vanished.
Like a god among gods who aren’t your own.
Perfect in an imperfect world or

imperfect in a perfect world;
your imperfection shown.

Yggdrasil overgrown and all the options leave you empty.
At first nine worlds seem plenty
but soon you hope for twenty,
finding no treasures tempting.
Your desires in the waters 

of three holy wells reflecting
a thing that seems calm and collected:
an ending to the ending;
soft but not,

like a pillow made of rock,
you rest your head upon
the thought of Ragnarök.
Bragi Aug 2018
I inhale the dark mist of self sodomising reflections like it were the sweet smell of nostalgia; Lavender on my pillow playing soft symphonies of content. This is no longer a reality but can be re-lived through memories, through a silver-lined portal of pretend; the face staring back at me, I know, is a devise; all fogged by want. This is the face I choose, the one I wear today. It may change, but for now, like a magic trick, smoke and mirrors guard me and my secrets.
Bragi Jul 2018
There’s something about be you don’t know.
What?
You can’t quite put your finger on it.
There’s a part of me that’s drifted away
Like a cool breeze on a summers day.
Two points with distance growing between,
Slow,
Safe,
Shifting through time and
Both needed space from this place
So I disconnected the fuse and the spark went with it. Fizzled.
I hid it where you can’t see it, out of sight of your hand held screen. Visiting you with a tap but we both know there’s more than that, more than this coding and updated status, facts we can’t see behind these boxes of light. Facts like you and me and what I wanted us to be but now it seems I was as real as a dream.
This nightmare.
This nightmarish grief without you leans on me like a leach, feeding on this thing, this thing between you and me.
‘What ‘thing’?’
‘What do I mean?’
What am I saying?
Feeling like there’s something about me you don’t know?
What?
Hm. I guess you just can’t put your finger on it.
Bragi Jul 2018
Some think is bothering me
It’s getting underneath my skin
I’m feeling the slow pressures
Of a feeling sinking in
I remembered what it was like
To want to not to be
As I sit here asking
What’s right about being me?
Don’t tempt fait by looking in my eyes
You know i wear this face in disguise
So why
Why
Do you pull me beneath with that sigh?
Thinking of things, hinting, waiting
For me to give in and cry.
Tear drops moulding lines and I’ve broken
I beg you not to use me, you have me, open
But it always ends the same way when you leave it all darker, hopeless in pain.
This thinking my think reminds me some think is bothering me of late.
Bragi Oct 2018
Loving you was like I jumped on a train at the last second; the doors sliding behind me and I almost missed it, the carriage that held you. As I took a seat I noticed you there, sat reading a book, holding a sweet smile across rose tinted cheeks, the glasses you wear hanging tightly atop your nose. I never want to leave. I stop, start staring like an idiot and its obvious how I feel, but you haven’t noticed my existence. The book is written by someone who stole your heart and even though I hope you finish it before my stop I know you can’t. I just wish you’d have looked up. Just once, at me. I wish you’d have seen what I’d seen looking at you one last time as I stepped off the carriage and onto a platform that lead somewhere you would never know. Somewhere we would never be.
Bragi Jul 2018
Have you ever felt stuck in a memory?
The feeling of longing and the inability to let go. Microscopic details that probably aren’t right but your mind fills them in when you close your eyes and think really hard about what was, what could have been. And then a shock hits you like ice cold water in the summer heat when you find out what is. The memory in all its beauty was never meant to be.
Bragi Oct 2018
Sometimes shorter is sweeter.

Just like me and you.
Bragi Jun 2018
I’m gonna get a Chinese.
Take away that takes me away
Small pleasures that sooth my heart

              Special Chow mein
           Special fried rice
        Not so special prawn crackers
But still special to me.

                                 Reminding me of when
I was a boy and I’d scoop up joy in a little edible bowl and glow as the taste hit me as hard as you did when you said you couldn’t give what I gave you back.

                                                          ­  Well I’m
gonna get a chinese tonight, so how about
that.
Bragi Oct 2018
Three letters
That together
Make
A beginning
A middle
An end

You
Bragi Oct 2018
In the sea
There is a tree
It’s roots they stretch a thousand leagues
It’s branches reach up oh so high
They go so far as to touch the sky

The tree was said never to be named.
For centuries, deliberately some would say,
it kept all people in the world at bay
But the gods had promised there to be a day
The most deserving of children would find a way
And climb the tree to find treasures array
..if only one monster the youth could slay.

In a sadly lit room a little girl cried.
The ring she had given her before she had died
was all that was left of the happy past life
Her mother had spent with her there by her side.
Her mother long gone and the ring not in sight,
The little girl wailed but would sneak out that night.

She knew where it was, her cruel aunt had thrown it;
‘Come now’ she said ‘I think you’ve outgrown this’.
It fell at a place where all were forbid,
under sea waves was where it now hid.

She found the place
She made no mistake.
Before jumping in the little girl braced
A rush of water had hit her face
A brand new feeling she had to intake
But the water now returned a warming embrace.
It helped the girl and showed her the way.

She must have been swimming for more than nine hours
Her legs were so tired, but she was no coward.
She could see shapes ahead, she screamed and she shouted
But no one replied, no alarm had been sounded.
So the little girl swam... and soon she was grounded.

The shapes were giant roots, bigger than buildings
Huge, unbelievable, bewildering, tall things
Then she realised, on one was she standing
And when she looked up, she noticed she was climbing.
At the top, she knew, she felt a strange feeling,
The ring would be there, she could see it, waiting.

She reached the top
Her heart had stopped
A golden garden with birdsong, soft.
The gardens heart held a door, locked.
But the way to the key appeared to be blocked.
Blocked by a horrible, familiar aunt.

The aunt ran at the girl, in big scary strides
But the girl was not afraid, no more would she hide.
She stood on the edge, her heart as her guide.
And waited for the moment they both would collide...

Off the edge they fell
The girl said ‘farewell,
To my mum where all is well’.
She closed her eyes as the demon aunt yelled.
At then at that moment her mum’s voice broke the spell
‘One more push to be happy, one more my big girl’.

She opened her eyes and felt the wind rush
She kicked off the aunt with one final push.
The girl only just missed one of the trees roots.
The monster was slain, you could hear the yells hush.
The girl landed safely in the waters warm touch.
And now a small key in her hands did she clutch.

She climbed once more
And unlocked the door
Where beyond was lain the most wonderous of hordes
Treasures beyond what all life has explored.
But the little girl walked on so swiftly past it all
Until she had found what her heart was there looking for.

The Gods came down and congratulated her
‘But you must take more! It is what you have earned!
You completed this feat, you should take what’s deserved!’
But the girl just smiled and with this thank you she turned

I just want the ring
And memories to keep
Of my mother always.
To help me to sleep.
You Gods are kind
But my mother you can’t give
So let me go home with this most precious of gifts.

And with that
the girl found herself back
In a dimly lit room with a ring in her hand.
But in the morning when she got up to stand
She found herself smiling at a rather strange sound.
It wasn’t her aunt yelling, or screaming a demand,
But asking if she liked yolks runny
or if she preferred them when hard...
Bragi Nov 2018
Raven black hair
And a quality about you that tastes
As dark.
Bitter sweet.
Something’s hidden from this story’s ark
And I wonder if I should quit
But your green eyes hold me down like
Chains under deep sea water and I let
Them drown
Me.
I’m afraid of you.
I don’t know you.
But I know how I feel when I’m near you
And like a raven caught against the moon
Nothing can stop the shadow you cast on
Me.
Bragi Jul 2018
The feeling when the sun is piercing a clear blue sky and you can see it through a window bringing peace in sluggish time. It’s entrancing and you appreciate it’s glare. This day is perfect you think as you stare, eyes closed. But you look out from a window that is on a shaded side. The beams won’t touch you and this day won’t heal your mind. So for the next dawn you wait, on the shaded side.
Bragi Jun 2018
Sick. My stomach sits unsettled.
Moaning like ghosts, mostly meaning
My mind is stuck
On you.
Haunted, hunted like a buck or stag pursued by the sunrise on an empty street in suburbia. Soon to be disturbed and yet it stays still, staring at the beams of light edging over the horizon. Hypnosis of the kind where your skin freezes and pimples, ripples, in wonder when you find the reason you’ve been stuck there all along was because this short lived sensation means more to you than carrying on.
But like a buck caught in the sunlight, it’s not meant to be. The sun doesn’t want the stag, just like you don’t want me.
Bragi Jun 2018
Tick
Tick
Tick
Tap
Tap
Miss

                      Tick
                      Tick
                      Tick

                                         Miss

      Scratch
      Scratch
      Tap tap
      Scream

Stroke
Stroke
‘Hello?’

                  ‘no’

Stuck in your own head,

                    you’re alone.

Tick tick
  Tap tap
    Scratch scratch
      You’re trapped.
        Tra tra
          Pa pa
          Ha ha
         Haha
        Hahaha
       Hahahaha.

No way out.
Shout ?
‘what’s wrong? What’s this all about?’

Nothing.
She…



               Nothing.

-
I don’t want to be

Just another tick,

A heartbeat,
Off your list.



I left the taps running.

The shot? I missed.

You scratched on the door like a cat waiting to be let in.
Screamed when you saw what you’d seen.

Stroked my face.

Awake?
‘Hello?’ I heard you say.


‘no’ go away.

It’s not fair,

You should have left me there.

I didn’t want to be saved.
Important note to readers: However you read this, suicide is a very serious topic and should never be taken lightly. If you need help in any way big or small there are many places to turn. This is just one of them:-
(United Kingdom)
Samaritans – for everyone
Call 116 123
Email jo@samaritans.org
Bragi Jun 2018
...time again
I miss something.
Is it you?
About you?
A part of
who I once was?
With you.
Because
was I me with you?
Or was I you with you?

I wish I knew.
But I haven't a clue.
I didn't choose.
All I could do
was tell the truth
and I knew I'd lose
waiting in queue
but I couldn't move,
rooted in my shoes
I refused
like a love struck fool
and was used.
But I let you.

Time and...
Tip
Bragi Oct 2018
Tip
I don’t want to remember you.
I want you to have a place on the
Tip of my Tongue.
Like I do on yours.
Bragi Jun 2018
There is no one I have been through more with. No one else I fought this war with. No one else I battled with most. And no one else since she was diagnosed. So thank you for being both mother and father. Thank you for being my shield and my armour.
Bragi Oct 2018
I’m always too late.
As I open a new door and hope beyond hope that you will be there with an outstretched hand to grasp, to lead me to love and a lifetime of calm and content, I find it there, still held out yet recently gripped. Slipped out of my reach and into the path of another, luckier, funnier, happier, leaving me the lonelier, once more, contemplating how I missed my chance and if I’d have arrived sooner, unrealistically, and stolen you away in a merry chase, fate would have been kinder. But none but me could have been blinder, still lingering on what could have been and leaning hopefully to a truth that will never be. Us. Thus time is finicky, a whirlpool of whispering questions teaching valuable lessons that no one hears until you arrive at the moment you’re in now and already it’s gone and you forget how you got there and what went wrong. But while I’m gone, wondering the reasonings and all it brings, not everything stayed the same. I weighed my wait. I’m always too late.
Bragi Jun 2018
Social media is a weakness. I’m so closely linked to what you do. I could stop. I could ‘unfollow’ but that would be rude and I’m better than that. We both are. So we continue ‘following’ the others every move. So I feel my heart collapse and explode simultaneously every time I open your story or hear the birds in the morning thinking of you. I’ll check twitter and when I see you’re ok without me, I’ll turn away, bitter. Anxiety will envelop me till the next time I grow desperate and write in your name to find my new dose, the newest update.
Bragi Aug 2018
A Story of guilt.
Not for him, for us.
Vincent.

Strokes and flicks,
Glides of guilded golds
Hushed in the Blues,
Innocence in the Greens;
Boldly infused oils
Spilling out on a canvas;
A legacy built on
Sorrow. Toil. Turmoil.
Who with dark indents on a page shaded in
Shadows showed
Work. Work, work,
Constant work.
A Starry Night’s muse.
All the while cowards saying they always
Knew,
Always loved,
Always loving
Vincent.
Bragi Jun 2018
He wants you to know that he feels wasted.
The feeling of ash in his mouth, tasteless, 

but the numbness he feels isn’t painless, just nameless.
He thinks you think yourself blameless but his hatred, though baseless; shapeless and aimless, reckless,

is tenacious; holding him in stasis. Sleepless. Wakeless.


“You took all that I had and spread it out like a selection on a cheese board for all to see, but you… You kept my heart for yourself. And every now and again you return to it and watch, pressing down slowly upon the needles that hang there like some strange, disturbed voodoo doll. Well, when the needles have been pressed through, they’ll have nowhere left to go, and the holes that you leave, will heal over tenfold.”


  Waste not, want not.

  Want not, waste not.
                  Wasted not, wanted.
                  Wanted not, wasted.
                   Wasted no. Not wasted. He just feels it.
Bragi Jun 2018
We always talk about what would happen if we hadn’t met, and yet, I always wondered what would have happened if we did. ‘Before’, and I knew you, all of you.
Bragi Nov 2018
When I see your face
I giggle a little
Tripping a little
Over my inhibitions
Fidgeting a little
Fleeting figuratively from
These feelings I feel
When I see your face
Taking me to places
I wish I’d always have been,
Seen in the mistakes I’ve made
That took me here and made
This moment with you.
Safety and truth
Things I can share;
Things that grew
From a part of me where
I’d hidden what I knew.
Now you know and this new
Twist in my heartstrings
Brings me to think
My happiness is linked
To
When I see your face.
Bragi May 2018
Can’t sleep.
Lying here.
On my bed.
A bright screen.
White
Dead?
No life.
My head
Filled with knives.
I bled.
For a time.
Words unsaid
Steady decline.
Depression fed.
Fault’s mine.
Should’ve fled.
Was a sign
Should’ve read.
Got there fine.
Where it led?
Should’ve said
A bright screen.
White.
Now red.
Dead?

Not yet.
What’s next
Lying here
On my bed?
Bragi Jun 2018
You asked if I was ok today
You asked if I was ok
I said ‘yeah’ I was ok today
What more was there to say

Hey
I smiled and walked away
I smiled through the pain
I smiled and walked away today
What more is there to say

They asked me if I was ok today
They asked me if I was ok
I said no I wasn’t ok today
Our encounter’s on replay

Ok
so it’s stuck there in my mind today
It’s stuck there in my mind
I try to breakaway but no
Just thoughts of you I find

You asked if I was ok today
You asked if I was ok
I said ‘yeah’ I was ok today
What more was there to say
Bragi Jun 2018
Reading this
    can see h w distra ght I am
I'm missing  ut letters.
N t j st an  letters th  gh.
Three little letters that remind me  f    .
I find it hard t  talk ab  t    .
Even t  be in the same r  m.
I av id it all.
I'll even av id writing the w rd 'av id'.
Ir nical.
H sterical.
C mical.
All w rds with a part  f     in them.
Wh  am I kidding?
I can't pretend.
It's all that's in m  head.
You.
Bragi Jun 2018
You remind me of my mother. I said that to you once, maybe twice. I think I told someone else that before too.. But I can’t remember which one of the many. I said you were like no one else. Like she was like no one else. ‘Perfect’. Now you’re gone from my life. Just like she is. What have I done? You remind me of my mum.

— The End —