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"normal" poems
Hindi na ikaw ang gusto ko Yan ang lagi kong paalala sa sarili ko Sa twing nakatingin ako sa sayo. Ayaw ko na ng mga mata mo. Ayaw ko na ng mga ngiti mo. Ayaw ko na ng lahat sayo. Pinili kong maging pusong bato At hindi pansisinin ang nararamdaman ko. Parang normal lang Gaya nung wala pang ikaw. Kaya ko nung wala pang ikaw Nagkandaletche letche lang nman ako nung may ikaw Kasi nung may ikaw Para akong baliw na laging nakangiti Nakatingin sa langit Iniisip ka palagi At Ayaw ko na non. Kaya araw araw akong magiging bato Sasanayin ang sarili magmukha lang na malakas ako. Kahit nakatingin ako sayo ngayon. Ngayon. Ngayon parang kinakain ko ang lahat ng pinagsasabi ko Bakit ikaw parin ang gusto ko Sa pagising sa umaga excited pa akong pumasok kasi ikaw ang makikita ko kuntento sa sandali HINDI kuntento sa isang oras na pasulyap sulyap sayo “pasulyap sulyap” Ibig sabihin Segundo Pero sa bawat segundo ng isang oras na gunugugol ko Ang gusto ay ang tumitig lang sayo   Sa mga mata mo, sa ngiti mo Kahit sa lahat ng kaabnormalan ng katawan at isip mo Tanggap ko. Kasi ikaw parin ang gusto ko Ikaw ang gusto ko Sabi pa nila tumingin na raw ako sa iba Kaya sinunod ko sila Pero sa twing ikaw ay makikita Parang madilim na kwarto na ikaw lang Ang tanging ilaw na bukas Sa sandaling yun Walang ibang gamit Kundi isang ilaw na naiiba sa lahat. susubok akong magsalita pero lalayo kana tinatawag ka ng kaibigan mo kasi ang isang oras ay tapos na. “SANDALI” sabi ng prof. muling napinta ang ngiti sa labi dahil sa huling sandali sumulyap muli sayo.    Patapos na ang sandali At tinawag kana muli ng mga kaibigan mo. habang hinihiling ko, Na sana ay muling magsalita ang prof ng kung ano, Pero sa oras na yon unang lumabas ng silid ang propesor. dahil tapos na ang sandali Tapos na. Ang isang oras.
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Oct 14, 2016
Oct 14, 2016 at 9:59 PM UTC
Isang Oras
Hindi na ikaw ang gusto ko Yan ang lagi kong paalala sa sarili ko Sa twing nakatingin ako sa sayo. Ayaw ko na ng mga mata mo. Ayaw ko na ng mga ngiti mo. Ayaw ko na ng lahat sayo. Pinili kong maging pusong bato At hindi pansisinin ang nararamdaman ko. Parang normal lang Gaya nung wala pang ikaw. Kaya ko nung wala pang ikaw Nagkandaletche letche lang nman ako nung may ikaw Kasi nung may ikaw Para akong baliw na laging nakangiti Nakatingin sa langit Iniisip ka palagi At Ayaw ko na non. Kaya araw araw akong magiging bato Sasanayin ang sarili magmukha lang na malakas ako. Kahit nakatingin ako sayo ngayon. Ngayon. Ngayon parang kinakain ko ang lahat ng pinagsasabi ko Bakit ikaw parin ang gusto ko Sa pagising sa umaga excited pa akong pumasok kasi ikaw ang makikita ko kuntento sa sandali HINDI kuntento sa isang oras na pasulyap sulyap sayo “pasulyap sulyap” Ibig sabihin Segundo Pero sa bawat segundo ng isang oras na gunugugol ko Ang gusto ay ang tumitig lang sayo   Sa mga mata mo, sa ngiti mo Kahit sa lahat ng kaabnormalan ng katawan at isip mo Tanggap ko. Kasi ikaw parin ang gusto ko Ikaw ang gusto ko Sabi pa nila tumingin na raw ako sa iba Kaya sinunod ko sila Pero sa twing ikaw ay makikita Parang madilim na kwarto na ikaw lang Ang tanging ilaw na bukas Sa sandaling yun Walang ibang gamit Kundi isang ilaw na naiiba sa lahat. susubok akong magsalita pero lalayo kana tinatawag ka ng kaibigan mo kasi ang isang oras ay tapos na. “SANDALI” sabi ng prof. muling napinta ang ngiti sa labi dahil sa huling sandali sumulyap muli sayo.    Patapos na ang sandali At tinawag kana muli ng mga kaibigan mo. habang hinihiling ko, Na sana ay muling magsalita ang prof ng kung ano, Pero sa oras na yon unang lumabas ng silid ang propesor. dahil tapos na ang sandali Tapos na. Ang isang oras.
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65
You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And I know that. But I can't rediscover it every ******* day. I can't return to that epiphany every time my alarm clock goes off. It's unnatural. But what I can do, and do quite naturally, is become jaded and unimpressed by it. I can see your beauty as normal, as one of my life's many constants. I can climb atop its shoulders and travel about, rolling my eyes at sunsets and rainbows, dismissing all the beauty of the world as less than average. And I complain to you about it. And you can deduce your beauty from that.
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Nov 18, 2015
Nov 18, 2015 at 11:19 AM UTC
Beautiful
if I should sleep with a lady called death get another man with firmer lips to take your new mouth in his teeth (hips pumping pleasure into hips). Seeing how the limp huddling string of your smile over his body squirms kissingly, I will bring you every spring handfuls of little normal worms. Dress deftly your flesh in stupid stuffs, phrase the immense weapon of your hair. Understanding why his eye laughs, I will bring you every year something which is worth the whole, an inch of nothing for your soul.
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73.7k
If I Should Sleep With A Lady Called Death
I would have taken the easy path But that would leave no room for glory I would have picked out a comfortable life But that isn't God’s kind of story I would have followed a prettier road But missed the most beautiful way I would have clung to familiar things But lived out my days in the grey I would have chosen what’s stable But grown cold, apathetic and bored I would have sought out earth’s riches But lost all that in heaven is stored I would have liked more successes But not learned so quickly of grace I would have seen myself praised more But given up knowing God’s face I would have tied all my loose ends But not known it’s He Who brings peace I would have wanted for happier times But traded a joy that can’t cease I would have opted for normal But not tasted rare delicacies I would have preferred a man’s love But been robbed of Divine intimacy He’s chosen for me the high road More jagged, more narrow and steep So now I must travel this difficult way Ever knowing it leads to the deep Now I must choose to cherish His path And trust Him to walk with me there Now I must hasten to take up my cross The fellowship of His sufferings to share For one day this life will be over And all my afflictions will end It is then I will see what all this is for In my Bridegroom, my Savior, my Friend
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Jan 6, 2016
Jan 6, 2016 at 11:12 AM UTC
The Life Chosen for Me
gabing hindi mapakali, gustong humagolgol, ngunit walang luhang pumapatak, sikip ng dibdib ay hindi maintindihan, ilang kilometro na ang takbo ng isip, ngunit ikaw lamang ang iniisip, Papalayain na ba ang sarili? o hahayaan nalang na magkusang mawala, dahil nagmimistulang bangkay na at hindi na maramdaman ang muling umibig. ang makita kang masaya na, ay akin ding kasiyahan, mga katanungan ko'y hangang tanong nalang. sinusubukang ngumiti tumawa ngunit, aking lamang pinaglalaruan ang aking sarili, dahil sa halip tuwa at saya ang aking maramdaman ay parang normal lang. PAPALAYAIN NA AKING SARILI, sa nakaraan nating ako lang ang nakakalam, na parang ako lang ang nakakaalala. ito na nakakaramdam na pala ako ulit. SAKIT pala ang aking nararamdaman, na ako'y napag iwanan na, na ako nalang ang nabubuhay sating nakaraan. TAKOT, na ako'y tuluyan mo na palang nakalimutan, TUWA na ikaw ay masayang masaya na, ngunit sana ang mga tanong gustong itanong saiyo, matuldukan na, pangamba ko lang ay hindi nanaman ito sagutin. pangamba ko din ay baka hindi mo na ako ituring na kahit parang kapatid lang, yon ay aking tanging hiling. ngayon ay siguro panahon na para, Palayain na aking SARILI, ngayon luha na ngay bumuhos sa umagang gansa ng sikat ng araw, at ngayon sa huling pagkakataon ipapadama sayo, K. ikaw lang, mahal kita, minahal kita, at kung baliktarin man ang mundo at kung saan pwede na ang TAYO, K. mamahalain parin kita. mahirap man sakin ngunit siguro ngay ito rin ang iyong inaantay ang, Palayain na aking SARILI.
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May 11, 2019
May 11, 2019 at 11:50 PM UTC
Papalayain na aking SARILI
gabing hindi mapakali, gustong humagolgol, ngunit walang luhang pumapatak, sikip ng dibdib ay hindi maintindihan, ilang kilometro na ang takbo ng isip, ngunit ikaw lamang ang iniisip, Papalayain na ba ang sarili? o hahayaan nalang na magkusang mawala, dahil nagmimistulang bangkay na at hindi na maramdaman ang muling umibig. ang makita kang masaya na, ay akin ding kasiyahan, mga katanungan ko'y hangang tanong nalang. sinusubukang ngumiti tumawa ngunit, aking lamang pinaglalaruan ang aking sarili, dahil sa halip tuwa at saya ang aking maramdaman ay parang normal lang. PAPALAYAIN NA AKING SARILI, sa nakaraan nating ako lang ang nakakalam, na parang ako lang ang nakakaalala. ito na nakakaramdam na pala ako ulit. SAKIT pala ang aking nararamdaman, na ako'y napag iwanan na, na ako nalang ang nabubuhay sating nakaraan. TAKOT, na ako'y tuluyan mo na palang nakalimutan, TUWA na ikaw ay masayang masaya na, ngunit sana ang mga tanong gustong itanong saiyo, matuldukan na, pangamba ko lang ay hindi nanaman ito sagutin. pangamba ko din ay baka hindi mo na ako ituring na kahit parang kapatid lang, yon ay aking tanging hiling. ngayon ay siguro panahon na para, Palayain na aking SARILI, ngayon luha na ngay bumuhos sa umagang gansa ng sikat ng araw, at ngayon sa huling pagkakataon ipapadama sayo, K. ikaw lang, mahal kita, minahal kita, at kung baliktarin man ang mundo at kung saan pwede na ang TAYO, K. mamahalain parin kita. mahirap man sakin ngunit siguro ngay ito rin ang iyong inaantay ang, Palayain na aking SARILI.
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22
Red as the blood gushing from her wrist. Purple from the bruises on her body as the beating Green is her eyes yet she doesn't want to see Yellow is her body from the **** her father impacted her Red,purple,green,yellow She wishes that she had a normal life Red,purple,green,yellow Her body aches for love, as when her father whispers "I love you babe" she cries Red,purple,green,yellow Her mother calls her fat and ugly while she beats her Red,purple,green,yellow She slits her wrists while she cries Red,purple,green,yellow Shes now dead as she was hanging by a thread ~A.E.G.
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Oct 24, 2017
Oct 24, 2017 at 2:06 PM UTC
Red,Purple,Green,Yellow
You are beautiful No matter your size, skin color, religion or sexuality Don't ever let anyone doubt that Life would be boring without diversity You are beautiful and the lenght of your dress tonight doesn't justify anyone calling you a **** nor gives them permission to grab your tight Only you can give them consent And remember to say no is your right You are beautiful wear those strechmarks with pride They are perfectly normal and natural Don't look at them as flaws Your body is a miracle that you don't need to hide You are beautiful
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Mar 11, 2018
Mar 11, 2018 at 5:43 PM UTC
To all the women out there
as i stand on this street corner and watch these two roads meet, i finally feel at peace maybe it’s because it’s my feet at the intersection of two distinct paths, merging at a point of vulnerability maybe because it’s a reminder of you and me and a blissful bond we once shared. without a care in the world, your arms wrapped around me to shelter me from the cold. two souls kept warm by each other’s company. two hearts dancing in the rain playfully, two minds with the same thing in mind; you want me to be yours and i want you to be mine. i don’t know, maybe i’m crazy. maybe time has finally outplayed me maybe i’ve stopped seeing beauty in the little things, maybe i’ve stopped appreciating the gift life brings. maybe i’m in over my head, or maybe i miss the familiar contours of your body between the chalk white sheets of my bed. i don’t know, maybe this is normal. maybe i stopped being myself after you left, maybe this is all a test. maybe i failed and i couldn’t clean up the mess maybe thats why the rain suddenly feels colder on my skin. maybe thats why whenever i try to apologize i don’t know where to begin or where to end all these that I’ve typed in my mind to tell you i just can’t hit send maybe i ****** up and i won’t admit it maybe I’m a coward. seems like I’ve got all the time in the world, maybe i should do something about it i mean every minute without you feels like an hour maybe I’m a fool for distancing myself from you maybe that why i couldn’t end with that i loved you because for some reason i couldn’t accept that maybe just maybe you might of loved me too
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Jan 8, 2015
Jan 8, 2015 at 5:57 PM UTC
Maybe
as i stand on this street corner and watch these two roads meet, i finally feel at peace maybe it’s because it’s my feet at the intersection of two distinct paths, merging at a point of vulnerability maybe because it’s a reminder of you and me and a blissful bond we once shared. without a care in the world, your arms wrapped around me to shelter me from the cold. two souls kept warm by each other’s company. two hearts dancing in the rain playfully, two minds with the same thing in mind; you want me to be yours and i want you to be mine. i don’t know, maybe i’m crazy. maybe time has finally outplayed me maybe i’ve stopped seeing beauty in the little things, maybe i’ve stopped appreciating the gift life brings. maybe i’m in over my head, or maybe i miss the familiar contours of your body between the chalk white sheets of my bed. i don’t know, maybe this is normal. maybe i stopped being myself after you left, maybe this is all a test. maybe i failed and i couldn’t clean up the mess maybe thats why the rain suddenly feels colder on my skin. maybe thats why whenever i try to apologize i don’t know where to begin or where to end all these that I’ve typed in my mind to tell you i just can’t hit send maybe i ****** up and i won’t admit it maybe I’m a coward. seems like I’ve got all the time in the world, maybe i should do something about it i mean every minute without you feels like an hour maybe I’m a fool for distancing myself from you maybe that why i couldn’t end with that i loved you because for some reason i couldn’t accept that maybe just maybe you might of loved me too
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30
You used to tell me how you didn't like the way I lacked a sense of intimacy, How I wouldn't hold you the way you wanted to be held, The way she held you, I wouldn't kiss you much in public, So you didn't give me a chance to get away, You would hold me tighter and my escape was found within the lock of our mouths, I liked it, But I always wondered what normal really is, Were you like this with her or was she normal, Do you crave the touch of women who lack the intimacy you desire, or do you simply like playing our little game, As of late I've tried to touch you more, say words which feel like rosebuds, So sweet and elegantly delicate, And the more I show this foreign concept if an intimate relationship, The more I fall in love, The more I fall into your trap of smiles and fingers running through my hair, The more I crave your kisses, your touch, What happened to me? Because darling, I'm afraid.
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Dec 10, 2014
Dec 10, 2014 at 9:28 PM UTC
Intimacy
Ano ba? Nakakatawa! Ano ba? Nakakainis na! Ano nga ba tayong dalawa? Nalilito na ako sa kung ano nga ba Ano nga bang ang kaibigan? Hay nako, aakbay-akbay na... Ano ba ang iyong mga ginagawa? Ano nga ba ang aking ginagawa? Ano nga ba ang mga kalokohan nating dalawa? Mas maganda na hindi na lang tayo nag-usap. Mas ginusto kong nakikita na lang kita palagi, Gusto kong masaya ako na walang masama sa huli Mas ginusto kong makita ka na lang sa maskara mo, Sa maskarang **** bawal tanggalin. Kaibigan mo nga ba talaga ako...? O laro at loko-lokohan lamang? Oo, itinuring kitang kaibigan dati, Oo, kaibigan nga ang ngalan ko sa’yo. Hindi ko napapansin ang puso kong Nahuhulog na lang bigla sa ating mga ginagawa. May mga kaibigan kang babae? Akala ko ba ako lang. Hahaha. O ano? Nagseselos ka na? Gusto kong kasama ka, Mag-isa lang tayong dalawa. Tahimik pero maraming kalokohan. Ano ba tayo? Laging yun ang tanong. Isang tagahanga lang ba ako sa aking idolo? Isa ba akong kaibigan na kinaiinisan mo. Minsan mas magandang mag-isa sa malayo. Yung hindi ka nakikita pero naaalala... Oo, malungkot. Wala namang taong naging permanente. Pero ang mga bakas nila sa aking puso, Nakabakat parin, dinadaluyan ng aking mga luha. Baka bukas, hindi na ito maging normal. Kasi baka sa susunod na mga araw, Iba na ang depinisyon ng masaya. Masaya akong nakasama rin kita, aking mahal na kaibigan. Napapaibig ako pero ang mata ko’y nakamulat pa. Kasi alam kong hindi ngayon. Anim na taon na ika’y mas nakatatanda. Pero kalokohan nating dalawa ay pambata. Minsa’y hindi mo na maiintindihan pa. Oo, sumosobra na rin ako, noon pa. Ano ba ako sa’yo? Kasi kaibigan ka sakin. Ano ba ako sa’yo? Iyong tagahanga lamang ba? Oo, mas ginusto ko pang hindi lang kaibigan, Pero mas ginusto mo ata akong kausap mo lang. Gulong-gulo na ang isipan ko. Sino nga ba ako sa'yo? Nakakainis na lang minsang hindi ko mapigilan, Ikaw. Ikaw. Ikaw. Puro ikaw. Mga litrato mo, nasa phone ko. Puro ikaw. Pero nakakapagod na magmahal... Ng mga taong hindi mapapasa'yo. Ano ba! Ano ba!? Ano ba!?
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Apr 2, 2018
Apr 2, 2018 at 7:58 AM UTC
Ano Ba?
Ano ba? Nakakatawa! Ano ba? Nakakainis na! Ano nga ba tayong dalawa? Nalilito na ako sa kung ano nga ba Ano nga bang ang kaibigan? Hay nako, aakbay-akbay na... Ano ba ang iyong mga ginagawa? Ano nga ba ang aking ginagawa? Ano nga ba ang mga kalokohan nating dalawa? Mas maganda na hindi na lang tayo nag-usap. Mas ginusto kong nakikita na lang kita palagi, Gusto kong masaya ako na walang masama sa huli Mas ginusto kong makita ka na lang sa maskara mo, Sa maskarang **** bawal tanggalin. Kaibigan mo nga ba talaga ako...? O laro at loko-lokohan lamang? Oo, itinuring kitang kaibigan dati, Oo, kaibigan nga ang ngalan ko sa’yo. Hindi ko napapansin ang puso kong Nahuhulog na lang bigla sa ating mga ginagawa. May mga kaibigan kang babae? Akala ko ba ako lang. Hahaha. O ano? Nagseselos ka na? Gusto kong kasama ka, Mag-isa lang tayong dalawa. Tahimik pero maraming kalokohan. Ano ba tayo? Laging yun ang tanong. Isang tagahanga lang ba ako sa aking idolo? Isa ba akong kaibigan na kinaiinisan mo. Minsan mas magandang mag-isa sa malayo. Yung hindi ka nakikita pero naaalala... Oo, malungkot. Wala namang taong naging permanente. Pero ang mga bakas nila sa aking puso, Nakabakat parin, dinadaluyan ng aking mga luha. Baka bukas, hindi na ito maging normal. Kasi baka sa susunod na mga araw, Iba na ang depinisyon ng masaya. Masaya akong nakasama rin kita, aking mahal na kaibigan. Napapaibig ako pero ang mata ko’y nakamulat pa. Kasi alam kong hindi ngayon. Anim na taon na ika’y mas nakatatanda. Pero kalokohan nating dalawa ay pambata. Minsa’y hindi mo na maiintindihan pa. Oo, sumosobra na rin ako, noon pa. Ano ba ako sa’yo? Kasi kaibigan ka sakin. Ano ba ako sa’yo? Iyong tagahanga lamang ba? Oo, mas ginusto ko pang hindi lang kaibigan, Pero mas ginusto mo ata akong kausap mo lang. Gulong-gulo na ang isipan ko. Sino nga ba ako sa'yo? Nakakainis na lang minsang hindi ko mapigilan, Ikaw. Ikaw. Ikaw. Puro ikaw. Mga litrato mo, nasa phone ko. Puro ikaw. Pero nakakapagod na magmahal... Ng mga taong hindi mapapasa'yo. Ano ba! Ano ba!? Ano ba!?
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To end up alone in a tomb of a room without cigarettes or wine-- just a lightbulb and a potbelly, grayhaired, and glad to have the room. ...in the morning they're out there making money: judges, carpenters, plumbers, doctors, newsboys, policemen, barbers, carwashers, dentists, florists, waitresses, cooks, cabdrivers... and you turn over to your left side to get the sun on your back and out of your eyes. from "All's Normal Here" - 1985
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32.7k
Poem For My 43rd Birthday
We live in a world where no means convince me and flirting is a green light for *** Where women are told, *don't get ***** and men are rarely told, *don't **** Where **** shaming is encouraged and victims are blamed. Where speaking out about **** is a call for attention and **** victims are silenced. We live in a world where **** culture is normal and that is unacceptable.
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Jan 11, 2015
Jan 11, 2015 at 9:49 PM UTC
**** culture
Growing up gay wasn't easy. Always knowing I was different to the rest. I never felt right, never felt normal. Because I'm not. I'm different. But sometimes difference is good, isn't it? I've accepted myself. But some haven't.
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Jul 24, 2015
Jul 24, 2015 at 9:04 AM UTC
Growing up gay.
Anxiety is not stress. Anxiety is not some umbrella term you can use to describe how you feel when your favorite character in a book is in an intense battle unless you can somehow feel how fast their heart is beating until you can feel how hot their blood is until you can feel what it’s like to be that character in that situation the weight of the world on your shoulders Anxiety is not finding lighting candles to be the only solution, candles are another problem. Another long paragraph to your list of “Things That Can Easily **** Me” example: “I didn’t leave any matches out, did I? I blew out the candle right? I need to check. Do I smell burning?? PUT THE CAP WHEN IT’S DONE! Will set off my fire alarm? Does my fire alarm work? Where’s my fire alarm??? Where’s somewhere I can put it so it doesn’t hurt me. THIS IS OK THIS IS NORMAL THIS IS RELAXATION.” Anxiety is not stress. Anxiety is horrible flashing images, constant reminders, the most negative form of “what if” imaginable. Anxiety is wasting all your time thinking about an 8 page paper due for class in a week but instead of bringing yourself to writing it you are sobbing on the floor thinking of how bad for your grade this will be. Anxiety is having a crush on a girl and trying out makeup for the first time. Anxiety is having a crush on a guy and wondering if your sense of humor is funny enough. Anxiety is not stress. Anxiety is downloading an app that checks on your health and leaves you wondering how long this has been going on for. Anxiety is wondering how to fix your eating disorder instead of actually fixing it Anxiety is outing yourself to fit in Anxiety is always wearing pants because you’re too afraid of your own scars Anxiety is staying up countless nights crying crying crying you cannot yell your thoughts are no longer your own Anxiety is writing a list of pros and cons to killing yourself Anxiety is lighting a candle so you can slowly burn the list because Anxiety is telling you if someone finds out, you will die. Anxiety is not stress. Anxiety is having making a friend and losing them in less than a year Anxiety is wondering if all this help is helping or do I need to help myself Anxiety is your friends questioning you non-stop are they really questioning you or do you question yourself? Anxiety is memorizing the suicide prevention hotline Anxiety is beating yourself up countless times “How could you forget something as simple as a Birthday?!” Anxiety is “I only have three friends and one hates me, one I’m trying not to lose, and the other I love too much to tell the truth” Anxiety is “It’s only a matter of time before we all die!” Anxiety is “Congratulations! Two of your friends have died this year alone! One ******* hates you! Oh! HAHA! Wait! They all ******* hate you!” Anxiety can turn you from “Wow. I look kinda good today.” to ”DYSPHORIA! DYSPHORIA! DYSPHORIA!” JUST ******* KIDDING! ANXIETY IS STRESS! AND MUCH MUCH MORE!!!!!!!!
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Dec 29, 2015
Dec 29, 2015 at 3:50 PM UTC
Anxiety is not Stress
Anxiety is not stress. Anxiety is not some umbrella term you can use to describe how you feel when your favorite character in a book is in an intense battle unless you can somehow feel how fast their heart is beating until you can feel how hot their blood is until you can feel what it’s like to be that character in that situation the weight of the world on your shoulders Anxiety is not finding lighting candles to be the only solution, candles are another problem. Another long paragraph to your list of “Things That Can Easily **** Me” example: “I didn’t leave any matches out, did I? I blew out the candle right? I need to check. Do I smell burning?? PUT THE CAP WHEN IT’S DONE! Will set off my fire alarm? Does my fire alarm work? Where’s my fire alarm??? Where’s somewhere I can put it so it doesn’t hurt me. THIS IS OK THIS IS NORMAL THIS IS RELAXATION.” Anxiety is not stress. Anxiety is horrible flashing images, constant reminders, the most negative form of “what if” imaginable. Anxiety is wasting all your time thinking about an 8 page paper due for class in a week but instead of bringing yourself to writing it you are sobbing on the floor thinking of how bad for your grade this will be. Anxiety is having a crush on a girl and trying out makeup for the first time. Anxiety is having a crush on a guy and wondering if your sense of humor is funny enough. Anxiety is not stress. Anxiety is downloading an app that checks on your health and leaves you wondering how long this has been going on for. Anxiety is wondering how to fix your eating disorder instead of actually fixing it Anxiety is outing yourself to fit in Anxiety is always wearing pants because you’re too afraid of your own scars Anxiety is staying up countless nights crying crying crying you cannot yell your thoughts are no longer your own Anxiety is writing a list of pros and cons to killing yourself Anxiety is lighting a candle so you can slowly burn the list because Anxiety is telling you if someone finds out, you will die. Anxiety is not stress. Anxiety is having making a friend and losing them in less than a year Anxiety is wondering if all this help is helping or do I need to help myself Anxiety is your friends questioning you non-stop are they really questioning you or do you question yourself? Anxiety is memorizing the suicide prevention hotline Anxiety is beating yourself up countless times “How could you forget something as simple as a Birthday?!” Anxiety is “I only have three friends and one hates me, one I’m trying not to lose, and the other I love too much to tell the truth” Anxiety is “It’s only a matter of time before we all die!” Anxiety is “Congratulations! Two of your friends have died this year alone! One ******* hates you! Oh! HAHA! Wait! They all ******* hate you!” Anxiety can turn you from “Wow. I look kinda good today.” to ”DYSPHORIA! DYSPHORIA! DYSPHORIA!” JUST ******* KIDDING! ANXIETY IS STRESS! AND MUCH MUCH MORE!!!!!!!!
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32
My darling, For 2016: 1.) I hope you know you have nothing to prove. 2.) Please stop wanting to end life early. Every sunrise is made for you. Realize that every night the moon kisses you good night and the stars ask that you choose to stay. 3.) I hope you find time to be more grateful. 4.) I hope the world surprises you with beautiful things in return. I hope what is normal never becomes boring to you, and you always see things with a sense of wonder. I hope you still believe in magic. 5.) If it’s past midnight and you’re still awake for no reason, go to sleep. Rest. Clear your head. You will have more strength tomorrow. 6.) Stop hiding behind your sadness. Wipe your tears, let it go. Learn how to be alone without hurting. 7.) Learn to actually be there for people. You will be amazed how good real companionship feels. Believe me, you don’t appreciate your friends enough. Show them. Share your life with them. Be happy together. 8.) Cherish that guy. He loves you; stop doubting it. Be there for him, not because he needs you, but because that’s where you want to be. Protect each other. 9.) I think you already know who you are, deep inside. And it’s not how you think of yourself on a bad day; it’s not how greatly others think of you. You’re confused now but you’re trying. One day you will be greater than all of this, and you won’t even realize it. 10.) I hope this is the year you become everything you want to be, but with a heart like yours, you will always want more: to do more good in the world; to be better, kinder; love deeper, love truly. Despite your struggle, I hope you realize you’re already all you must be. 11.) Continue to live in the best way you know how.
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Dec 29, 2015
Dec 29, 2015 at 1:48 AM UTC
new year's wishes for myself
My darling, For 2016: 1.) I hope you know you have nothing to prove. 2.) Please stop wanting to end life early. Every sunrise is made for you. Realize that every night the moon kisses you good night and the stars ask that you choose to stay. 3.) I hope you find time to be more grateful. 4.) I hope the world surprises you with beautiful things in return. I hope what is normal never becomes boring to you, and you always see things with a sense of wonder. I hope you still believe in magic. 5.) If it’s past midnight and you’re still awake for no reason, go to sleep. Rest. Clear your head. You will have more strength tomorrow. 6.) Stop hiding behind your sadness. Wipe your tears, let it go. Learn how to be alone without hurting. 7.) Learn to actually be there for people. You will be amazed how good real companionship feels. Believe me, you don’t appreciate your friends enough. Show them. Share your life with them. Be happy together. 8.) Cherish that guy. He loves you; stop doubting it. Be there for him, not because he needs you, but because that’s where you want to be. Protect each other. 9.) I think you already know who you are, deep inside. And it’s not how you think of yourself on a bad day; it’s not how greatly others think of you. You’re confused now but you’re trying. One day you will be greater than all of this, and you won’t even realize it. 10.) I hope this is the year you become everything you want to be, but with a heart like yours, you will always want more: to do more good in the world; to be better, kinder; love deeper, love truly. Despite your struggle, I hope you realize you’re already all you must be. 11.) Continue to live in the best way you know how.
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13
I am quick to cry and to anger and people think I'm strange. They don't see how hard I try to control it, I know I'm seen as deranged. Emotions can be overbearing and it's difficult to stay quiet when someone upsets me It's simply not easy to hide it. I guessed for a long time that the issue was with me. But I thought I could watch maybe learn their technique. For keeping a cool head when things get heated. Instead of losing it over nothing and feeling totally defeated. I was wrong it turned out. I don't have breaks I have border as in borderline personality disorder. I got a diagnosis and was incredibly afraid that people would treat me like someone who'd contracted the plague. While I wasn't right, I wasn't totally wrong, mental illness is unfortunately still mostly ignored. If I was unwell with a headache, people would ask 'Are you okay?' 'Here I've got Panadol Actifast.' But when the ills In the mind and I say 'I'm feeling down' 9 times out of 10 people get freaked out. So it's tough when you're shamed For having a disorder A lot of normal people suffer So could your son or daughter. So next time you hear someone say 'I'm feeling down.' Do me one favour and please, just don't freak out. It's hard enough already dealing with this day to day without having friends turn their backs and walk away.
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Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 12:02 AM UTC
BPD
my body shakes from the cold that’s normal - at least its what i’m told my whole body shakes its like i’m an earthquake an earthquake inside waiting to break my mind its so hard to tell when i hear the bell if all of this is truly real
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May 21, 2015
May 21, 2015 at 10:23 PM UTC
earthquake
I’m running in circles I’ve got a scattered brain Does this look normal? Or have I gone insane? I tired of the 9-5 Just look in my eyes This job is draining me Of my creativity And happy vibes I come home and I just wanna die It doesn’t help that I live In a lions den Every morning I wake up There’s a beautiful silence And then Noon comes around here comes Big mama with a big ole frown I thought I’d just chill on my day off Rent is paid but it ain’t enough I think I need some air Maybe I should go to my moms house And see if my family cares Ha Ha I needed that laugh Look at me I’ve begun to chaff Anything to just break a smile People swear I’m crude or ******* vile Yet we got fools praising a dead man A woman beater a native to gang land I’m just trying to get my head straight Don’t bother me now No time to contemplate Tummy’s hungry And I’ve got an empty plate
0
Jun 21, 2018
Jun 21, 2018 at 6:24 PM UTC
Round and round
He has taken rake and shovel in hand, Taking advantage of the light, Rare in these climes this time of year, Still welcomed, though rendered severe By the sun's reluctant trudge above the horizon, The type which, sauntering through a window pane (Falling upon a crucifix anchored above a cradle Or some ancient, gilded frame Containing a photo of some grandparent's wedding day, Exploding into full undifferentiated diffusion) May possess a dram of warmth, albeit resigned, nostalgic A bittersweet reminder of what has gone by (And in the shade, the air is filled With the portentous chill of what lies a few months hence) But there nonetheless as he tends to those final farewells From the trees bowing to December's inevitability, The droppings not the Pollock-esque bursts of October (Those having been collected and consigned To the normal corner of the back lot) But dreary brown-hued things, not welcomed by eye nor heart, Simply corralled perfunctorily and dismissed. One could contend that such activity is unnecessary, The mere vanity of all endeavor, As the snow will come soon, and steady as well, Performing the seasonal, cyclical function in its own time, But he soldiers on nonetheless, a unseen one-act nearly-farce, Painstakingly raking and bending and scraping To leave his patch of green uncovered for a little while Until the locking time comes to seal the earth's secrets once more, To be revealed to those Who shall receive the teasing ministrations Of the fickle, fitful March equinox.
0
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 1:44 PM UTC
November In The Sun
He has taken rake and shovel in hand, Taking advantage of the light, Rare in these climes this time of year, Still welcomed, though rendered severe By the sun's reluctant trudge above the horizon, The type which, sauntering through a window pane (Falling upon a crucifix anchored above a cradle Or some ancient, gilded frame Containing a photo of some grandparent's wedding day, Exploding into full undifferentiated diffusion) May possess a dram of warmth, albeit resigned, nostalgic A bittersweet reminder of what has gone by (And in the shade, the air is filled With the portentous chill of what lies a few months hence) But there nonetheless as he tends to those final farewells From the trees bowing to December's inevitability, The droppings not the Pollock-esque bursts of October (Those having been collected and consigned To the normal corner of the back lot) But dreary brown-hued things, not welcomed by eye nor heart, Simply corralled perfunctorily and dismissed. One could contend that such activity is unnecessary, The mere vanity of all endeavor, As the snow will come soon, and steady as well, Performing the seasonal, cyclical function in its own time, But he soldiers on nonetheless, a unseen one-act nearly-farce, Painstakingly raking and bending and scraping To leave his patch of green uncovered for a little while Until the locking time comes to seal the earth's secrets once more, To be revealed to those Who shall receive the teasing ministrations Of the fickle, fitful March equinox.
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32
Ah the perfect boy Mushy and gushy, all human like, with normal human skin, and smile Scratch that Heavy body armor, brandishing a sword, born in the mid 15th century Hmmm, no Aluminim for hair, copper in his head, lack of understanding of any type of human emotions That's not right, no How about Scales? Not possible Gills? Smells fishy A being of pure light energy? Sigh, beyond my comprehension I guess I'll just get A pet rock
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Jul 12, 2018
Jul 12, 2018 at 9:07 PM UTC
Pet Rock
Let me pretend our life is normal there's no illness here as I lay beneath the covers With you My dear Under the covers on a chilled mornings day Outside beyond our window children are at play Freshly brewed coffee drifting in on the air As we lay beneath the covers without a care Spring flowers bloom their perfume dancing in on the breeze Hear the Kookaburras laughing outside in the trees Dogs bark in the distance a few streets away But under the covers nice and cosy is where we shall stay Till it's time to get started on our day ahead But for now I'm quite content under the covers with you in our bed
0
Sep 24, 2018
Sep 24, 2018 at 2:38 PM UTC
Let Me Pretend
I hate how the words "Lesbian," "Gay," "Bisexual," et cetera Are thought of as bad words. It's like, oh, no, don't teach your little sister the word lesbian Don't tell her there are some girls who like other girls How inappropriate! It's like, oh, no, don't teach your little brother the word gay Don't tell him there are some boys who like other boys How disgusting! Don't let anyone under the age you deem appropriate know That there are people who aren't heterosexual Why? I can't possibly understand why. There is no reason for homophobia, not really. I saw a metaphor somewhere that went something like this: "I was in Subway, and I bought myself a ham sub. As I was paying, the man behind me bought a different sub than me, and I was immediately offended that he got a different sandwich." This is what it sounds like when people say homosexual people affect them. How do they affect you? Just because they don't love someone who is of the opposite *** Or just because they like both Or something else Just because of their ****** preference, no matter what it may be You think that gives you reason to hate them? Really? Just because they're different than the 'normal' you're used to? Normality is relative. You can't say it's not "normal." That is not a justified nor sensical argument. What is wrong with those people? Can't they just see past all their biases and realize that we're all people And we all deserve the same rights no matter who we're attracted to No matter who we kiss No matter who we touch No matter who we have *** with Is it really that difficult? **We're all humans when it comes down to it, and we all deserve the same rights. Everyone should be able to see that.** And you know what I wonder? Why are we voting on whether people deserve rights or not in the first place? And then there's people who act like homosexuality is a disease People who act like anyone who is anything but heterosexual is broken and needs to be fixed They're not broken. They don't need to be fixed. They are who they are, and the government shouldn't tell them what they can and cannot do Based simply and only on who they're attracted to. "You can't get married because you aren't straight." Do you realize how shallow that is? Do you? "You're disgusting because you aren't straight." Why? Why should it matter to you who they're in a relationship with? It's their life, their decision. No one ever asks heterosexual people why they're heterosexual. No one ever says, "Hey, when did you decide you were straight?" It's just ridiculous, and I'm fed up of it. "If gay marriage is legalized, more people will become gay." Oh, yeah, sure, of course, that will totally happen. Just like when African Americans were given rights Everyone decided they wanted to go out and become African American. Just like when women were given rights Everyone decided they wanted to go out and become female. People of all sorts of sexualities and preferences have grown up With mostly straight media everywhere It didn't "turn" them straight. So gay media won't "turn" anyone gay It won't hurt anyone if there's a gay couple in a commercial. Or a TV show. Or any other form of media. It makes me sick to think that just because of your personal opinion My friends who are not heterosexual would not be allowed to get married To the person that they love. Do you know what will happen if gay marriage is legalized? Gay people will get married. Why can't you just understand that it doesn't matter? Why should you care what they do? Why should you care who they like? It doesn't affect you. It doesn't change you. It's just giving LGBT people more control over their own lives. It's just giving LGBT people rights they should have had in the first place. Why?
0
Jun 1, 2013
Jun 1, 2013 at 10:36 PM UTC
Homophobia
I hate how the words "Lesbian," "Gay," "Bisexual," et cetera Are thought of as bad words. It's like, oh, no, don't teach your little sister the word lesbian Don't tell her there are some girls who like other girls How inappropriate! It's like, oh, no, don't teach your little brother the word gay Don't tell him there are some boys who like other boys How disgusting! Don't let anyone under the age you deem appropriate know That there are people who aren't heterosexual Why? I can't possibly understand why. There is no reason for homophobia, not really. I saw a metaphor somewhere that went something like this: "I was in Subway, and I bought myself a ham sub. As I was paying, the man behind me bought a different sub than me, and I was immediately offended that he got a different sandwich." This is what it sounds like when people say homosexual people affect them. How do they affect you? Just because they don't love someone who is of the opposite *** Or just because they like both Or something else Just because of their ****** preference, no matter what it may be You think that gives you reason to hate them? Really? Just because they're different than the 'normal' you're used to? Normality is relative. You can't say it's not "normal." That is not a justified nor sensical argument. What is wrong with those people? Can't they just see past all their biases and realize that we're all people And we all deserve the same rights no matter who we're attracted to No matter who we kiss No matter who we touch No matter who we have *** with Is it really that difficult? **We're all humans when it comes down to it, and we all deserve the same rights. Everyone should be able to see that.** And you know what I wonder? Why are we voting on whether people deserve rights or not in the first place? And then there's people who act like homosexuality is a disease People who act like anyone who is anything but heterosexual is broken and needs to be fixed They're not broken. They don't need to be fixed. They are who they are, and the government shouldn't tell them what they can and cannot do Based simply and only on who they're attracted to. "You can't get married because you aren't straight." Do you realize how shallow that is? Do you? "You're disgusting because you aren't straight." Why? Why should it matter to you who they're in a relationship with? It's their life, their decision. No one ever asks heterosexual people why they're heterosexual. No one ever says, "Hey, when did you decide you were straight?" It's just ridiculous, and I'm fed up of it. "If gay marriage is legalized, more people will become gay." Oh, yeah, sure, of course, that will totally happen. Just like when African Americans were given rights Everyone decided they wanted to go out and become African American. Just like when women were given rights Everyone decided they wanted to go out and become female. People of all sorts of sexualities and preferences have grown up With mostly straight media everywhere It didn't "turn" them straight. So gay media won't "turn" anyone gay It won't hurt anyone if there's a gay couple in a commercial. Or a TV show. Or any other form of media. It makes me sick to think that just because of your personal opinion My friends who are not heterosexual would not be allowed to get married To the person that they love. Do you know what will happen if gay marriage is legalized? Gay people will get married. Why can't you just understand that it doesn't matter? Why should you care what they do? Why should you care who they like? It doesn't affect you. It doesn't change you. It's just giving LGBT people more control over their own lives. It's just giving LGBT people rights they should have had in the first place. Why?
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79
From the beginning we were born to die. There is no starting over. There are no second chances. With death carved on our skin how could we live a normal life? You could run but you'll one day run out of breath. It's just a game. You hide your pain and sorrow. Save it for another day when everything just falls apart and you can't pick it up. Medicine and alcohol keeps you awake As you hunt your demons and monsters. You could choose to die but then this world would fall apart. You give others that second chance, you give them time to run and escape while you slaughter their monsters, and **** their demons instead. You've got blood on your hands and a soldier's heart. Your brain is beautiful just corrupted. You smile to stay strong and your humor hides your internal scars. In the end you'll look back on your youth and notice you died a long time ago. You never had the chance to be happy. You'll never know the feeling of growing old with your lover because all your lovers are either buried below your feet, or somewhere up in the sky with the stars. It's not that far, one day you'll be with them. Then, you'll finally be able to rest your tired hands.
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Aug 19, 2013
Aug 19, 2013 at 7:01 PM UTC
With Tired Hands
What I am, Is not what you are, Because unlike you, I never was human. Never was able to really feel emotions, which you all adore, Been called a demon for that reason, a monster which was deserted, Emptiness, calm and drenched in the sorrow of never fitting in is what embellishes me, an ornament of true, cruel sadness, undetected. And yes, I don't understand you, perhaps I don't even want to, knowing what humans are like, I accepted my fate of being alone, I let my fingernails grow long and sharp to at least fit into the picture of a monster you have put me, because what else do I have left ? A heart, perhaps which desires to take those under its wing whom suffered the same tragity, orphans with no place or rejected, abused. And a body, carrying a thousand marks done by a knife, or these nails, in a cold desperate wishing to be normal at least for a day, to not be alone and deserted, with no one left to talk but a silly pen, a pocket watch which is about to stop ticking calmly, gently very soon. An ember of light, triggers some emotions at rare occasions, which fade into nothingness as the day begins to face it's end, ah, phantoms So, what I am, Is not what you are, Because I am... A demon. ~ Umi
0
Apr 14, 2018
Apr 14, 2018 at 6:00 PM UTC
What I am