Sometimes I just want to escape,
but every door is locked
Sometimes I just want to hide,
but the eyes come from the walls
Sometimes I get sick of crying,
but I’m already drowning in my tears
Sometimes I want to dream,
but the nightmares become my fears
Sometimes I just want to give up,
but I am always trying to be saved
Sometimes I just want to start over,
but now it’s too late to ESCAPE

You saw the impatience of my body,
waiting for you to make your move
I saw your hands ready to rip me out of my clothes; and cover me with your skin

You finally appeared on my neck, suffocating me while my skin was in between your teeth
I saw my breath leave my body, then felt my scream squeeze through my lungs
It was only the beginning, and you already left me marked up
I saw your tongue act like a magnet; stuck to my skin
Dragging yourself lower,
You found your way below my waist
Your hands became handcuffs; ready to see me squirm

My lower lips were burning from all that pleasure your mouth gave
and your tongue vibrated more heat inside my body
Your fingers thrusting hard, you wanted to see how hot i was inside
I couldn’t wait anymore
I wanted your other thermometer to come in and hide
I felt the burning on my skin and in my body
You left me to grab a remedy to beat the heat
Then suddenly I felt a cold sensation
You shocked my body with a piece of ice
You wanted me to go insane;
I wanted more of your pleasure you bring
I couldn’t handle the thrill
My legs kept shaking; you couldn’t keep me still
You melted the ice all over me
I was drenched with your saliva & ice
I continued to scream
The blood flow turned my face a different colour
while you felt that fire inside of me
I finally strapped you down to my body with my legs wrapped around you
making sure you fix every leak inside me
Until I pour

My heart kept racing
My fast breathing dried my throat, tongue and mouth as I felt a sensation take over my body
I began to shake, holding onto your skin with my nails
I gripped your body, pulling you closer to make sure you don’t stop
I love having my lower lips choke you, as you give me that big release

I tried to breathe when his teeth released its pressure on my neck
His lips left a mark that gave me a teasing ******
before his head moved below my waist
His tongue finally took control while his hands controlled my body
I locked him in between
Then my legs started to become weak
I lost control once I felt that wet vibration inside of me
His fingers; digging
inside my tunnel, made my lungs work hard for oxygen
I saw my legs shake, but felt a feeling inside my body
I felt my legs shake, then I saw the feeling get stronger
Grasped everything I could reach, but I couldn’t hold on
I felt weakness while I trembled against his mouth

His face finally switched places with his hips
I was filled with a thicker weapon
The one that pushed up in my ribs
My neck was being abused;
getting marked up while I was hyperventilating
Losing air from everything, I couldn’t control how my body was reacting
He played the boss all night with all of his moves
And just as I thought all the positions were accomplished,
You showed me how I couldn’t handle the beating from your pelvis
You made a ponytail in my hair; the hair-tie was your hand
I was pulled back from a different position then I couldn’t move
My head was throbbing, but so was my
body
It was beautiful pain so I wanted more
Your love for my flexibility forced my legs onto your shoulders
Every minute was a different feeling
Every hour was a different position
There was nothing left for me to grab onto except your body
So i dug my nails in your skin,
scratching marks on your back on every spot you hit;
while your love bites left marks on my body

It was so noisy; felt like the bed was going to break
Uncontrollable sounds that I made
You were in charge of how I moved;
those ******* moments had my whole body in a quake
We were drenched; our bodies and the sheets
That big O you gave me, left me losing my voice from my screams

A kiss can turn into something dangerous if its in the dark
A tongue is like an instructor, showing me how I need to start
You tear off my clothes, then grasp my hips
I rip off your shirt, then I made your jeans up-zip
Your lips met my body, marking up my skin
Your tongue showered me, then found its way in
Losing grip in my hands, but my legs choked you
I felt weak when I couldn’t stop you
The intensity made me squirm; I couldn’t breathe
Finally I felt your whole body on top of me
I was strapped to the bed, waiting for that
moment where I cant hold on
That moment you constantly use your lips, body, & tongue
You showed me something new in the mirror
You made me focus when you whispered your plan in my ear
When you start, I tell you not to stop
I knew how to yell, but you make me scream when you hit the spot
You made me feel that pleasure, and rolled my eyes back
Felt myself drowsy, dizzy, and relaxed

I raised that hand one more time
Not to say goodbye;
But to say hi
Hi to the skin that healed many years ago
Goodbye to the unmarked wrist that finally went unharmed
That shiny, silver thing wasn’t a pretty jewel, nor a diamond
It wasn’t a piece of jewelry, or accessory, and not a pretty belt
All of a sudden my mind breaks the rules;
targeting one more time
Making me weak,
and ******* up one last time
It was a pressure that I once felt
I revisited the past while in the present
I unlocked a door with the missing key
A key I threw away, to get rid of my anxiety
It wasn’t a shiny; beautiful key
wasn’t the colour gold; it was was black & *****
The darkness were thoughts racing through my mind
The dirtiness was blood making me pour from the inside
I wanted a release that I used to give dangerously
I craved a new pill that I have never seen
I thought I killed the past;
or at least laid it to rest
I thought I would never pick up this weapon again
Sometimes we are convinced we are ok
and that we are finally strong
Then our mind becomes our enemy once again and proves us wrong

There were many times I loved my fears more than feeling safe
There were many times I never showed love, only hate
There were many times I worshipped my nightmares over my dreams
There were many times I chose insomnia instead to sleep
There were many times I put aside my happiness only to be angry
There were many times I put myself in danger to please my anxiety
There were many times I needed that alcohol; bring drunk over sober
There were many times I left home to reveal all kinds of exposure
There were many times I chose the knife over my friends
There were many times I wanted to call it quits, before starting the meds

The most two-faced is the one living inside me;
the air I once breathed became polluted and made my soul black
When I became weak, I pushed myself to the floor
All those scars & cuts became bad memories that live on
I had fun drawing, but it wasn’t on paper
There was no eraser; I couldn’t erase the damage on my body
and that red liquid that dripped wasn’t paint
I tried to swim against my demons but they were a better swimmer
The ground I walked on was bumpy when I tried to walk away from the past
I needed to run away and hide from my fears but I was found
I felt warmth but then it turned cold
Then I heard every sound until my ears started to hurt
I kept my eyes opened but the tears ran down my cheeks and blocked my vision
A breath of fresh air became dusty and I began to choke
The reality was that I couldn’t be alive around myself
My wounds are healed but I keep bleeding
I can swim, but I’m drowning
I can walk, but I’m tripping
I can run, but I’m falling
I can feel, but I’m numb
I can hear, but I’m deaf
I can see, but I’m blind
I can breathe, but I’m hyperventilating
I can live, but I’m dying