All this rage inside of me
Slowly
NO!
Not slowly anymore

All this rage inside of me
Corroding my insides
Burning away everything in it's way
Trying to escape

All this rage inside of me
Begging to be let out
Until it scares everyone around

All this rage inside of me
Begging to escape
Until it burns everything down
Until its all burnt to the ground

Leaving nothing behind
But my body
Curled up on the floor
Surrounded by ash
And destruction
While it corrodes
And eats away the rest of me
Until all that lays
Curled up
Are my bones

Everything in me is screaming
BEG
SCREAM
CLAW
DON'T LET GO

But this silence isn't just effecting my voice
Its effecting my soul

Everything in me is screaming
CRY
SCREAM
HIT
KICK
BREAK EVERYTHING
or god forbid just yourself

But this inability to move isn't just effecting my limbs
Its sunk deep into my bones

Everything in me is screaming
SURVIVE
FIGHT
LIVE

But nowhere to go isn't just words
Its the reality of my world

Everything in me whispering
Give me relief
Give me release
Set my mind free
From this body

Everything in me begging
Cut me
Burn me
Hurt me
Desolate me
Desicrate me
Break my bones
And leave me out in the cold

This life isn't mine
It never was
It doesn't belong to me
So set it free
And let it drift to someone else
In need
Who actually has a place to go
A future with a home

Let me erase every semblance
Of what could ever be regraded
As a face

Let me remove my *******
Leave nothing in the way
But a bare chest

Let me seal my hole shut
Sew it closed until nothing
But a flat surface
Is all that you can see

Take a blade
A flame
And mutilate any semblance
Of me

For if I no longer look
Appealing
No longer look
Human
Maybe they won't mutilate
My soul
Or the inside of me

Have you ever wondered
If your existence was simply
A universal mistake?
That when your mom talks about
Almost making sure
That you weren't born
That something got in the way
That shouldn't have?

I lay here in agony
Believing this
Believing in my supposed
Unexistance

When she talks about forgetting
That you even exist
Other than when she randomly gets
A little reminder
I sit and I wonder
If that's maybe just the universe glitching
Because somewhere in some time
I wasn't meant to be

I sit and I wonder
If my supposed unexistance
Can explain everything away
Because maybe its the universes way
Of trying to correct its mistake

I'm not a mistake here
Not there
Or anywhere on a level of your attention
I'm a mistake on the level
Of universal inattentiveness

My existence has been pure hell
Full of near death experiences
Via my own hands and others
But I am a quantum mistake
That isn't easily erased
Even tho I long to be

I sit and I wonder
If my supposed unexistance
Can explain everything away
Because maybe its the universes way
Of trying to correct its mistake

Are all the failed relationships
Simply because the universal pairs
Made between one person and another
Had never included me in the equation?

Is my upbringing full of abuse
And horrors beyond comprehension
Simply because you can't love
Something that wasn't meant to be
In existence?

Does my body fail me
Fall apart
And crumble more and more
Throughout every year that passes
Simply because I wasn't meant to be?

Is the reason that no supports
Can be accessed by me
And I can't get any help for me
Or my disabilities
Simply because the world wasn't built to house me?

Is my existence a universal
Quintessential
Quantum mistake?

One that will only be corrected
By my
Unexistance?

I believe the answer is yes
Because I am floating
Unbound
Through pain
And through hell
With no universal help

I was told
Time and time again
That theres no more reason to be scared
I can sleep in peace

But time and time again
Everyone who ever said
Those words to me
Got proved wrong
Along with me

So now I lay here and wish to do
Everything to flee
The capture of sleep

Im a child
Laying on my closet floor
Curled up and begging to be loved
Crying out for a mom
But not the one that I had

I'm a child
Laying on the kitchen floor
Crying
And getting ignored

I'm a child
Begging for a loving touch
A warm hug
A few kind words
As I curl up and cry myself to sleep
Right there on the floor

Whenever I'm a child again
All I wish to do is be on the floor
And maybe bury underneath
Pulling the floor up and over me

When I was a child I shoved myself
In any possible small space that I could secure
For if it was small enough maybe it could hold me
And keep me safe
Like nobody else had before

I'm a child
Laying on the floor
I am no longer
Here

You make me a child again
Begging for love
Begging for more

As I curl up in decay
The only thoughts that stay
Are the ones I wish to drown
Out and away

The only thoughts that stay
Are that the rot seeping out of me
Is going to slowly seep
Its way into you

The only thoughts that stay
Is that my decay
Is going to slowly spread
And eat it's way through you

So the only thoughts
That won't stay at bay
Are the ones of slowly
Silently
Creeping away