Keep Believin’
Keep Believin’
She’s not leavin’
But peelin’ away some time

You won’t find the right lines
To reassure this mad mind.
Come face me,
Embrace me I’m wasting,
Please save me.

Keep Believin’
Keep Believin’
She’s not leavin’
But peelin’ away some time

I’m in the dark here,
Crippling cage of fear,
And each bar grows from each tear.
Cold comfort. Salt sunburn.
No respite, No return.

Keep Believin’
Keep Believin’
She’s not leavin’
But peelin’ away some time

How ******* banal is this existence?
Traversing the canals of this persistence.
Never quite knowing
The way the wind is blowing
If things happen for a reason
I’m giving up on believin’

How ******* sane is this world?
As bony and frail as the frame of a little girl.
Never truly ripe
The holly gardens at midnight
If things only grow for a season
I’m giving up on believin’

How ******* real is reality?
Speaking in abstracts like a badge of morality.
Never really concise
A tickling on your brain like head lice
If things only happen for a inexplicable reason
I’m giving up on believin’
This contemplation
itself
is treason.

I'm a better man for leavin'
Than just staying here decievin'
Myself into believin'
That we've something left worth fighting for

I couldn't stay here lyin'
Inside I would be dieing
It's best I give up trying
There's nothing here worth fighting for

I still must thank you baby
For showing me to stay'd be
More no instead of maybe
We've nothing left worth fighting for

It's time to get a move on
In the morning I'll be long gone
I guess you lose and I won
We've nothing left worth fighting for

The house is quiet, only my whisper is heard...

oh, I guess I'm such a nerd,
are you hanging on my every word?

OK good, come on, let's go,

Shadows drifting, so discreet,
fowl breath, a cut out sheet,
  hard to move these trembling feet
a waiting guest, for me to greet?
not a trick, I hope a treat!?!

Perhaps the reaper comes this way
he knows of this, a game I play?
waking Crowley, where he lay,

I grab ahold the banister,
and step around the stair valute,
the air grows dark and thick again,
as everything is put in mute,
until a bell, I pause to think,
perhaps a playing flute?

Prolly not & that's real cute,
or maybe
inquiries of  candied loot?

True that,

I wait to hear again, a ding,
the joy of laughter it will bring,
the songs again my heart will sing,

I grip the rail, I'm petrified
a ghostly ghoul,
me, has spied
I move away,
from where I hide,

Shhhhhh be quiet,

My legs are heavy,
I slowly stepped,
you escorted,
up I crept
tears I wish,
that I had wept,
I move my hand,
away are swept,
no way for me to leave, get out,
they'd never hear me scream & shout
trudging on with wary doubt,
I bite my lip,
I moan & pout,
in every step, as I grow brave,
climbing up, a darkened grave,
with every step, my soul to save,

Very dramatic poet,
emmmm thanks, read on,

I reach the top in my suspense,
ahead I say, in my defense,
sorry if you're feeling tense,

It's alright,

I open up the door ahead,
filling me & you with dread,
dragging knuckles, telluric bed,
I look, in horror, shrilling,
....shrieking
a glowing face, chilling,
peeking, must be the one,
that I,
... am seeking!

I chuckle at the sounds of creaking,
bones & boards beneath my feet
they tell,
so sneaking up?
say
you lived in hell?
so I give up
hey, where's the bell?

Oh hear it is, that's just swell,
I know right?
Thanks for finding it though,

Look out!?!

Jumping out, you give a start,
I feel it pump inside my heart,
looks as if I need black art,

Yikes!!!

Your not afraid?
you silly girl, let me give
another whirl
a bony hand, sweeps & swirls
tattered sheets they creep & twirl

You do your best
to discourage guests
I'm prepared for any scary test
Yes I'm different from the rest,
& by the way,
you mustn't know that I am blessed
I'm not leaving, you may have guessed

Some pumpkins happy
some are scary
the children here,
they shan't be wary
I am not, no I am nary
this may be a fateful twist
but by the gods I have been kissed
sorry but your aim, it missed

I know that I look a witch
as I move my nose & give a twitch
but my dear, I pulled a switch

I raise my hands, I curse your words
as spirits cry, my voice, is heard
I bind you here, your soul I gird,
I cast a spell, hogtie your feet
take a bite, it's really sweet
yes my dear please have a treat
do you mind, if I have a seat?

I call my spoon, my kettle stirring,
as he speaks,
the words are spurring,
I laugh aloud, as kitty's purring,
supernatural events, occurring,
as caldrons bubble, broomsticks fly,
& Frankenstein went walking by,
his Mummy gives a wistful sigh,

Your look of shock, a priceless one,
like someone just removed the sun,
I dare not say, a silly pun?

No it's very good,
Oh hey thanks friend,

As breaking glass of aged pane's
& your attempts to stop me,
all in vain,

In  rattlin' of my heavy chains
relieving bones,
from what they weigh
as my skeleton comes out to play
protecting children as you prey,
wave a wand, a hand & down I slay,

Too much?

No, go on...

The werewolf howling at the moon
growling baying, softly croons,
a clown I think might be a goon,
the wicked hour coming soon,
cackling witches laugh &  snicker
spirits run & candles flicker
demons plot, giggle...
... snicker,
rubbing hands,
they fight & bicker,

Hehehe...

I must admit their kinda spooky
Some are cute and kinda kooky,
To me look like a bunch of groupies,

Ha ha, good one poet!
Oh, well thanks!

I give my stick another flick,
I guess I gotta few more tricks!?
as fires dance in flaming licks,

Ewwww, I like it...

Halloween no time for fools,
the banshee comes with gaurding ghoul,
we're taking him to scaring school

Oh very cool,
yeah I made some room,

You can ride with banshee there,
the one with all the crazy hair,
you'll be alright just don't stare,
It's not as if I just don't care,

Huh!?! Great,

The unwanted speaks,

Well my dear, I'd say we're even
but temporary guess I'm leavin'
and your magic I might believin
pretty good, you think you won
congrats again, it's been real fun
a spell like yours can be undone

Hmmmm,

Oh I see, you think my best?
wait a sec, I'll get undressed
something here I must confess

Most these monsters are my friends
on whom my back I can depend
do your thing, with time you spend

That's okay, you go ahead
I don't wanna end up dead
and now I see, an empty bed
& your face is just filled with dread
boy you're really turning red
must be all the ink I bled

Careful now,
is this just a story?
filled with rhymes,
& kinda gory,
finding out is mandatory,



Now I jump out,
- I just say BOO
I guess, you see-
the tricks on you!

Happy Halloween!

Great ending,

Awww thanks for the love,
yeah sure do love this time of year,
lotsa fun, this one,

Enjoy a candy,
& thanks for coming!

Cherie Nolan © 2016

I hate this life so very much. The dope... Just never enough. No matter what I do. No matter where I go. I feel alone. I am unknown. There is no where's for me to roam. This drug is toxic. The chemicals hypnotic. My teeth grinding. Turned to powdered slots. As each moment passes the next, it's all just a big fuckking blur. The time has all past. And the mad hatter has finally crashed. There has never been a better time then this! Where there's nothing here that's even left. Everybody has stopped believin in what was gunna leave them next. The possibilities were never ever even really their!! So left behind. There is no more time.

IF YOU READ NONE OF MY OTHER
POETRY, PLEASE READ THIS!

Knock, knock - Who's there?
Is anybody home?
The lights are on, but you are gone...
It's silent as a tomb.

Knock, knock - Who's there?
Listen to the sound!
He waits for you! You know it's true!
But you are not around...

When Jesus is a'knocking
At your heart's fast door,
You appear to close your ears...
Do YOU know WHAT'S IN STORE?

We *DON'T all go to heaven...
YES! There is a hell!
You will find that you are blind
Believin' a tall tale!

I am a "good" person!
I'm helpful, and I give!
It's okay to be this way!
I live and let live....

NO!* Jesus lead the sinless life
And gave it up for *YOU!
Let Him in, He'll take your sin,
For He is kind and true!

There are NONE "good" people!
Folks! We're near the END!
Satan promotes his lies and gloats,
You'd best believe it, friend.

We ALL sin, and like as not
God CAN hold a grudge!
I don't know why we try and try
To say He doesn't judge!

This means YOU TOO, Believers!
You'd best have a care...
Be ye pure, or you'll endure
The same fate sinners share!

This is simply Bible.
God, the temple left!
Ezekiel. You know full well.
It was then BEREFT!!!

CHRISTIANS! Are you holy?
Have you sinned enuf?
He is God - He's not a CLOD!
He don't put up with GUFF!!!

Do I sound like I'm frightened?
You BET! I am afraid.
There is grace, but it's a race!
I may NOT make the grade!

We CAN blame the devil,
And that is just a shame...
He tempts us all, but please recall
REBUKE! In JESUS NAME!


Adam blamed the WOMAN.
Eve... she blamed the SNAKE...
Holy SMOKES! C'mon folks!
HOW MUCH CAN GOD TAKE???!!!


Knock, knock - Who's there?
Christ died that we may LIVE!
Open up and drink the cup!
Then He can FORGIVE!

If you don't, please hear me.
You'll believe a LIE.
You may well end up in hell...

So kiss your soul GOODBYE.


SoulSurvivor
(C) 6/12/2014


This poem is a spoken-word vidio
on YouTube...
https://youtu.be/PbD84Tuydxw

See him wasted on the sidewalk, in his jacket and his jeans
Wearin' yesterday's misfortunes like a smile
Once he had a future, full of money love and dreams
Which he spent like they was goin' outta style

And he keeps right on a'changin', for the better or the worse
Searchin' for a shrine he's never found
Never knowin' if believin', is a blessin' or a curse
Or if the goin' up was worth, the comin' down

He's a poet, an' he's a picker, he's a prophet, an' he's a pusher
He's a pilgrim and a preacher, and a problem when he's ******
He's a walkin' contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction
Takin' ev'ry wrong direction on his lonely way back home

He has tasted good and evil, in your bedrooms and your bars
And he's traded in tomorrow for today
Runnin' from his devils Lord, and reachin' for the stars
And losin' all he loved, along the way

But if this world keeps right on turnin', for the better or the worse
And all he ever gets is older and around
From the rockin' of the cradle, to the rollin' of the hearse
The goin' up was worth, the comin' down

He's a poet, an' he's a picker, he's a prophet, an' he's a pusher
He's a pilgrim and a preacher, and a problem when he's ******
He's a walkin' contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction
Takin' ev'ry wrong direction on his lonely way back home

There's a lot of wrong directions, on that lonely way back home

Within the four doors that make up my Hyundai Elantra surges gasoline of sublime ecstasy.
                I'm gonna lose my mind and sail the ocean.
               'Cause somebody told me there were cherry blue skies...
Reverberates my radio and pours out of my chords to the tune of the bliss hiding in the highways ahead of me.
Sometimes, I let my voice steer the wheel and my hands touch the happiness in the follicles flying through the winds of the roads.
Other times, I drive without reason--
Without a destination or time limit or objective.
I drive to dream about
                Waking up too early
                Maybe we can sleep in
                Make you banana pancakes
                Pretend like it's the weekend now...
Or to caress the breeze of the sunset's gentle gust grazing my fingers and the spaces between them.
On the surface sits a black car, but inside travels the life inside of me that I cannot manifest anywhere else.
As
      Don't stop believin'
      Hold onto that feelin'...
Turns the corners and the lyrics to my wheels
      Come crash into me...
I can't help but thank the gravel that I drive on and embrace the euphoria that I breathe in and love the life that I live.

Yo guess who's bizzack
Attack the mens in black?
Where them ***** cops at?
Blastin' us for no **** reason
We at war with each other for no **** reason
Daily treason
Commited by the ******' senate
Masons evolve around the sun
Not the holy son
Open ya head cuz its brain dead
Knowledge is power im here to devour
Make my enemies bleed
From gun powder
Deep in the flesh hard for ya to ingest
Air into ya system
Takin' mad shots
Aint no missin' em
My style be simple
And complex
**** the chains the cars n the rolex
No plex
Cuz you dont wanna see
Me act a fool
Bring out the tool
Know the rules
To the game used be 48 now there's  50
Got every fool in the hood
Actin' shifty
When we gone break some leven
And embrace heaven
Naw i feel like im the only one
Left revengin' for the sons
Of satan
Watch me get blatant
No panic yea im growin frantic
I try to remain calm
Put theres an itch in my palms
****** after midnight
Gets the mind right game tight
Blurry vision
So i had to realign my sight
Now im focused no hocus pocus
Im back on top of thangs
Got my own biz in my own name
Still spreadin' luv
To all colors affliated cuz
We all in the same gang

N these for all my homies
Who i see when i hit the ******
Deaths on a creeper
No sleep i stay up most nights
Tryna figure out n fight
Why do we live like this?
Its ludicrous
Somebody tell me this?
Or is it they tryna bring slavery back
Fools aint even realizin'
That?
Too busy after the fame
I peep game
Wastin' time to maintain
Temporary fame
Only to end up in shame
Hearts full of flames
Cuz ya soul done burned out
Keep the smoke out
Uh out of my way hit the highway
Half a tank in my glasshouse
Make a stop to my spouse
Put a tag on tha ***
Then step back out
Once my feet hit the street
I bang original or *******
Loud music
So nigguhs can thank
But they say im crazy
And they phase me
Out the picture
Too busy drunk on  the spiritual liqour
I killed the ol me
Along time ago and now i know
Ain't no *** of gold on the end of the rainbow
We just inches below
Armageddon
Bring the heat
I bet i get them sweatin?
No more lettin'
Off this trigger man
CERN just waitin' to flip the script
Manifestin' demons into the light
Pretty aint it?
Got many believin' in dead things?
Reality aint what it used to be
Art imitates life
But all I'm painted with is strife
Roll the dice
Tryin' not to get" snake eyes"
Keep ya eyes on the prize they watchin'
You
Be vigilant and stay true
No matter what they do??
When they try to attack
Dont hold back??
Revolutionizin' the game black
Guess who's back???

All those I-hop visits in the middle of the night, all those nights sneaking out of my room and hanging with you until 4 in the morning, or saying I was sleeping over my friends house when I was really sleeping at your house, OR OR OR you sneaking into my room at night and crashing on my floor till morning.

I never regretted any of it. I still don't. I didn't think it was wrong. I still don't. You were like my big brother you still are. Yeah I knew my father and stepmother wouldn't approve of you as a friend (nor would the approve the misfit gang our friends) so I kept you hidden, hence all the sneaking around.

You called me panda growing up and would "******" anyone else who even dared to try to call me that. And Hell I was one of the few people who was allowed to know what your real name was (don't worry I wont put it up here).

We've been through hell and back. As Mistress and sub, Enemies, romantic interest, then siblings. We've been on one hell of a roller costar. But through all the yelling and the fighting that we seemed to always do, We always would find a way back to each other and bee there for each other through thick and thin. We always had each others back and would look out for one another.

You would sometimes take me on your dangerous jobs. I was always in that beat up old ford focus you had with an oversized hoodie on and your iPod blasting in my ears. You taught me how to fight with a Tanto (the dagger version of a katana sword) well two tantos, so now I am quicker throwing a knife then most people are pulling the trigger on a gun Something I am VERY Proud of, (See you don't need Hideous disgusting GUNS to defend yourself) AAAAANNND I am very deadly with just my hands and body (AGAIN you don't need stupid pointless nasty guns to defend yourself). And I taught you how to keep your temper in check (which rarely ever happened so maybe I didn't)

We let the other see sides of ourselves that we never showed anyone. You were for the longest time the ONLY person who knew what my ex boyfriend Jim did to me, and so there for were the only person who understood why the song DONT STOP BELIEVIN' By Journey would make me curl up in the fetal position and have such horrible flashbacks I would hyperventilate and cry my eyes out and shake uncontrollably  (Still get flash backs but no more hyperventilating or crying, now I just freeze in the middle of whatever I'm doing and shake really badly). I was the only person you would open up about what happened to your family, about the car crash, that is until a few months ago when you finally wrote a poem about it and started coming to terms about it.

I was the one who stood up to you and got you to see that your drug addiction was destroying you. that youw ere better then the "low life" **** you were portraying yourself as. I was the one who made you see the light (your words not mine)

You were the one to show me that I wasn't worthless, or a **** up, or a waste of space that my family was better off without (though I still struggle with that everyday).


I met you when I was only 12 turning 13, you were 15 turning 16. Now I am 21, you 24.

THATS 9 YEARS!!!

you left my life from the time I was 15 to 19. FOUR YEARS! you left my life because of your drug addiction, Those four years felt like A part of me was missing. My big brother was gone. The person who had been there for me through everything. The one who would always make sure I was ok and had a smile on my face. the person who when I was mad would sneak me I hop pancakes into my room when my stepmother or father wasn't looking. The person who was always there in the shadows making sure I was safe, Always protecting me.

But then you came back and I welcomed you eagerly. You promised me you would never leave my life again. that you realized that it was stupid. that you missed your sister to much. I was fine with that. I missed you too.

You finally got clean and free of your addiction. though you still did dangerous jobs... Which led you to getting shot and almost dying. But when you got better you quit those jobs and focused on other things. Like your Boyfriend and the love of your life who later became your wife.Then you started a family, You wife and your beautiful daughters. Gosh I love my nieces. You started to see the light. And I was happy to be a part of it.

But then Magnum (your kinda father figure) got hurt really badly and BAM you changed. You started to revert back  into your old self, dangerous jobs, cold hearted, distant. And nothing anyone would say would get through to you. You wouldn't listen to any of us. Not Mags, Not your wife, not your boyfriend. not even me.

THEN CAME THAT DAY

It was  September 15th 2014.


You posted a poem on here and I commented. and we did our usual Banter back and forth of you saying something and me being stuborn and not letting it go. you FLIPPED out and told me "I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR BIG BROTHER ANYMORE SO ******* AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!" Goddess that hurt so badly

It felt like you had shot me, stabbed me, ran me over with an 18 wheeler. You ripped my heart in two. You told me to get out of your life. But you Promised you would never leave mine! You've been there since I was 12 years old and now you just want to leave? AFTER EVERTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH! you want to just wash your hands of me and be done? You want me gone? You want me to leave? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT HURTS ME??? The ONE person THE ONE ******* PERSON who has always been there for me is now GONE!!! **** VANSIHSED DISAPEARED!!!

My big brother. the person I could always count on. :'( Gone... just Gone.. it left a gapping whole in my heart.

I tried to be angry. And I still am. THIS ISNT FAIR TO ME!!!!!! I DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE THIS **** IT!!!!

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME HAWK???? WHY??? WHAT DID I DO WRONG???? HOW COULD YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS??????

I've slammed the door on you. I cant handle this pain anymore. I cant do it without falling apart. I've slammed the door and locked it. And I don't know if I can ever unlock it. You've hurt me. Worse then you've ever done before. I don't know if I can ever let you back in. Yes I love you. That will never change. Yes even though you don't want to be you will ALWAYS still be my big brother through and through. That will never change.

But sometimes even though we love someone. we just have to let them go. Some times we have to protect ourselves from the pain they cause. even when we don't want to. Even when we want to cling to them and beg them to stop hurting us.

Maybe someday in the future I will be able to unlock that door and we can start again.. but I don't know. I honestly don't know.

I want to open that door so badly though. I want you back into my life. its only been a week and I already miss you like crazy . I miss my brother.

But how can I know you wont hurt me again? Is it worth letting you back in? You broke your promise to me about never leaving my life again. You broke your promise. How can I trust you again?

******* ***** I'm dreaming,
of you and another man reaming,
well you are a succubus and a demon,
And I'll tell you right now, its my emotions that you are feeding,
on and on I go tears streaming,
waking up cold sweat beating,
the brows of my forehead and my teeth bleating,
Clashing, gnashing, outside is scary but within it is bleeding,
knife wounds to the gut, butterflies screaming,
I can't even sleep now, covered in my own *****,
Hating you, blaming you, dreading the upcoming meeting,
Can't escape it, can't fight it, it is your body I'm needing,
Your soul that still makes me feel like givin',
Up and dyin' here in this bed of my own decievin',
Girl, I'll tell you its our fault I'm leavin,
Dead and unheeded,
Depressed and beaten,
down by the secrets of me you were keeping,
But now it is over and still on my sub-conscious you are eating,
So every time I wake up, half-dead and decreasing,
I still find you, And I find myself singin',
But you deserve no more songs no more revelin,
Not from me, no, you'll find happiness everlastin',
And I know this I can see it, I am dreaming,
And his **** is bigger and its aching,
The torture, the ****, the forlorn breeding,
Modern society or mental instability,
I dont know babe, Im ******* crazy,
Lazy but forcefully preceding,
When I tell you I'm flawed and dominating,
You laugh at me, hardly even breathing,
and I cant help but still be believin'
My love, my idolization, it is sickening,
and as the subject, my former accomplice, partner in crime, your sins to are quickening,
You made one mistake and that was never falling,
Ever out of yourself and now your life you'll be living,
Yet that mistake was not yours, nor any others my darlin',
I was simply not the man, a scared abused child buyin',
More hopes and lies to fight the pain of hatin',
Yourself every day wakin',
Up thinkin', without her I'm wasting,
Too much fear, too much pressure, babe you cant even be feelin',
You just gotta sit there and get *******, no performance, no mind rushing,
a thousand miles and still good for nothing,
Failure again, forevermore, the one person you can live without now ignorin',
You, 'Sexually incompatible', and all the gravy,
Still I kept coming of the dream, of the real one, of you and me feeling,
A love greater than love, obsession and needing,
Just one more look, one more hug, one more day of existing,
But now, buttercup, its just me up alone at night, fighting
The memories of you, and, for what its worth,
I'm losing.

Shoulda gone sooner,

Mighta helped, he said, it's going to all come down,

ground up. All the concrete and asphalt and plastic,
maybe
even leave a little of that won't hurt, could help
build randomness back in the the path of least resistance
But no bigger than the biggest pieces left at Jerusalem,
fill all the holes.

that was a stutter, that double the there, 3 lines up,
I stutter when I write,
not as bad as
some
But I pretty much tamed spelchek when I renamed her.
She likes being thought of as Spelchek, my servant,
as opposed to evil Spellchick who bewitched by keys,
made my tittalk sound plumb dumb.

So Spelchek respects some of my stutters as honest
ensamples of thinking
wait. What am I saying
Selah
Like the psalmist, right? The the thing is

oddly broken lines are part of the meandering
mode of meaning
being
found under rocks, aha

Sisyphus, we're in your book!, Too cool!
Happy whatever, Jah, you, too.

Back to Cousin Kenny, who went to inspect the city,
seeking some good he might do.

He laughed when he got back,
'said maybe we can find them guys that
let on they was able to levitate the Pentagon,

back then, you know, they was steeped in lies,
and they loved to tell 'em, loved to lie,
prospero, ever **** one

prosperous liars. But, now, their old age,
they coulda stopped believin' some big lies

by now.

Who would know? Any way, the cities, as built,
must be un built,
NOT DESTROYED, those are the good hard labour

of good people, doing the best with what they had,
we take apart mistakes, we destroy lies.

Angelic beings, aliens, without papers, if you
would give us half a chance we could show you

what a good idea possessed human can do…

Trust me,
don' laugh

Close your eyes

How would this world look
if it were designed
for life,
and that, more abundantly.

An idea, not a dogma. Life, have it…

how? Lest, now, now is living, and we can do it better

if we find a reason to hope,

which was why cousin kenny went to the city,
in the first place.

Oakland...walkin with my Walkman
Collecting cans to get 10 cents so u can try to pay the man
Gang banging...ppl slanging that good stuff
Yup that's Oakland
Walkin to the corna store
Gimme more gimme more
Make sure I get the right kinda mint like the wood
Maybe I could try and get outta Oakland
Dreamin of a better life
Free from familiar strife
Shoot this is life
Sharp like a two edge sharp knife
I laugh cuz I kno I'm better than this
Oakland...walkin with my Walkman dreamin...schemin...believin

'I've had my chances and I've been burned, but I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned'

too ****** true, listen you never can take away what you lost but you can take away a lesson learnt.

No-one is ever worth you makin yourself forget who you are and if they are, they are not the one. No wonder it never works if someone is controllin and manipulative and takes everything from you and worse still they blame you for it fallin apart and say things like 'i don't know who you are anymore' - well duh!!! ya think!

No wonder if they suffer some deep heartache and you just can't help make better, they can try to patch it up but if you can't actually dig it out and feel the pain and then try to heal it does that actually mean something - i'm not a fixer, i can't heal i aint frikkin jesus!!

No wonder they can't accept apologies because they think the world owes them somethin, and thats because they can't accept the world owes them nothin, you make your own choices, own decisions, own life. You make the choice to be happy, you make the choice to have a good day, you make the ****** choice!!!!

I am too tough and also too weak, i bend at rejection and balk at love, its a ying yang thing. I loose myself in relationships, fall far too easily for sweet words and a few kisses, but the *** is never good enough with the good people and the hugs just never quite reach all the way round, the actions speak louder than words!!

I have realised that life is funny old thing, but you know what i am proud of myself, i never give up until the last fight, i never walk away til there is nowhere left to walk. I am stronger than i realised and i am ready for a new life on my own and follow my path wherever it may take me

I love my son, he is the light of my life and i take it for granted sometimes until someone comes along and ***** him up, i mean two lesbian mums who don't get on, adopted from a druggie mum and then there's some girl(s) who take him and 'love' him like he is there's - no i don't think so....no i do not think so, you took his mums love and made it hurt, you made him see her cry, you made him ask questions he don't really understand and he misses you for no reason apart from the fact he thinks you are his best friend...he's 3 for gods sake

I am a passionate, proactive person, sometimes it don't come across right, i expect everyone to get it, i can write poetry from my heart and make my words come out right, but surely there are some people out there where this will make sense?

I am ready now, i am me, i am crazy, mad and up for life, i don't need no narcotics, i don't need no false hope or fake love. I want someone - not right now, but i want someone older, more emotional intelligent than a what i've had, and that can fight a good fight with me, tell me when to shut up because i go on...which i do, but you know what my voice is the strongest thing i have and i will fight with it till you have no more breathe to take, but then i will have no more breathe and you will have to catch me when i fall wherever i might be!!!

Loss only hurts when you realise where it comes from, this recent loss comes from believin in someone who couldn't believe in themselves, i don't care what they do, who they are with and what they say when i am gone because i believed no matter what she was worth more than what she gave herself....never lie to yourself x x

Words and Music by Josh Garrels

Children of the Earth
Once dust but now alive
Livin’ in tents of flesh and bone
We hold spiritual fire.
Set a flame in my heart
Illuminate the darkest hours
Where I wait before the dawn
To see the glory and the power
Of the Lord

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

The older we become
We must become more like a child
Believin’ there’s a land that lies beyond
All things that we’ve seen
Make my mind free from fears
You know I can’t do it on my own
The way is high,
But we could fly over
When you heal our wings.

We sing

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

This song is so simple yet means so much to me.  There are so many things to comment on, but the one line that is applying most significantly to my life right at this moment is:

“Set a flame in my heart, illuminate the darkest hours, where I wait before the dawn to see the glory and the power of the Lord.”

I feel the flame of the Holy Spirit burning within, and yet I continually try to put it out, allowing darkness to set in.  Oh that the Lord would end me and show His glory and His power.  May the dawn of His redeeming grace burn like the fire on Mount Carmel, through the water and the trench, making all my sinful darkness be extinguished by perfect Light.  I believe! Only help my unbelief.

I shift swiftly from the window sill
Fearless after forlorn grievances
Hey Taylor you have me believin'
Failed love stories, you're just teasin'

Eighteen years and I reached maturity
Listened to your ballads, felt amorous
I can't ask that you'll write me a song
I must confess, I think of you all day long

I want you to see me, white horse mounted
Rescue you from a life rebounding
I raise a hand and pray to the lord
But you're the reason for the teardrops on my keyboard

Why can't you see... me?
Are we meant to be?
I would hold your hand,
let your soul fly free.

Keep Holding On,
'Cause you know we'll make it through
we'll make it through..
and Don't Stop Believin'..
'Cause you know I'm here for you,
I'm here for you..
so come on Raise Your Glass,
We're stronger from every scar,
brighter than any star..
we're the outcast!
and we're gonna make it through..
we'll make it through..

Anything could happen,
when you're standing in the hall of fame
So hold on to that feeling,
take that 'midnight train going anywhere'
You have more friends than you know,
so hey now, hey now..
Don't dream it's over
Everybody hurts, and everybody talks
but tonight we are young.
So hold on to that feeling,
and keep holding on..
(please) don't stop believing.

Yeah,
I've kept quite and figured the pen ran outta ink
The message wasn't too clear and these days it's been hard to just sit down and think
Let me stop for a min and take you back to where it all started
Half the people I grew up with are non existent- but all them departed
I get on this and self proclaim myself the realist and smartest
Thinking outside of the box but boxed in my own words
Keeping my talents to a minimum and remain so modest.
They gon run they mouth before they ever talk to you
Saying a whole lotta nothing's, thinking they logic is the truth
Feel like I never say much but there is a lot to know
Feel like the difference between us is really starting to show
I've stepped away from my heart and suddenly forgot the meaning  
Forgot that feeling of being a young man - fearless and optimistically dreaming
I'm not saying I'm back im just saying the pen is lit so you better keep caution
Or I'll let it all leak out like its blood comin out the faucet
With slick metaphors and play on words that don't really play
Subliminal bullets with SHH names that I  shouldn't say
The reigning king you'd swear I'm bringing victory back to Cleveland
Celebrating with my team and all the people who never stopped believin
I've stopped thinking about what they thinking about and watched my success finally rise
You can glare at him all you want but can't take the determination outta this poor child's eyes
The hit came outta no where
You know the haters don't like the art of surprise
Their whispers are the inspiration
We grow from their doubt and constant congratulatory lies
Shake your hand - saying they feeling you but quick to stab your back
Look out deeper in the woods, snakes are everywhere and not just in the grass
I lost a step but gained two more, hop scotched over what they didn't know I could do
Tired of talking past pain, my father and most of all about you
Progression doesn't start unless you finally start to rev your engine
That green light come on and your drive should push you to that happy ending
If you don't lose sleep thinking about your dreams you ain't truly dreaming
If you ain't cry a few times while working you ain't really putting in a meaning
If you have the same amount of people in your circle when it's all said it done...
You ain't truly make it
If you never folded once under the pressure
Your point never truly hit breaking
This the formula that shows the good from great
She says she loves you but how much of that love can she truly take?
Money don't buy happiness and that logic remains truthful
But the change from the change still helps keep one's life fruitful.  Crazy.
But this concludes the ending of Dougie Simps and simply forgetting what it meant to let the pen do his talking
I've run out ink - the blood all over my hands now. Imma see ya when I see ya. (He turns slowly...and continues walking -away.)
- I'm Gone

Everybody's got an old, sad story
'bout a love that didn't last
Everybody's got some bittersweet memories
'bout lovers from the past
Everybody's got a dream inside them
'bout a love that's true
Some give up and let it die
Don't let it happen to you
Yeah, some folks up and let it die
Don't let it happen to you!

Chorus:
'Cuz if you let your good dream die
You might as well be underground
But if you keep believin'
Love will come back around, oh yeah!

Now everybody who has waited for love
Will get another chance
Just be sure to keep your heart wide open
and your feet all ready to dance
Live your life with a smile on your face
and a love song in your heart,
Love will come runnin' back to you
and you'll never ever be apart, no!
You'll never ever be apart!

There ain't never been an ego like yours
And sometimes it's due to fear or raisin'
But I can't blame your mama for this one
It ain't your daddy's fault either
This time it's definitely you
But that's all water under the broken bridge now
I won't ever stop believin' in these dreams that you chase
Because maybe one day you'll see
All your anger and angst
Was silly but necessary
Because it got you here today
Everyone believes in somethin'
Be it a religion, Fate, luck, or a person
And of all people, hunny, you need
A lot a believin'
Ain't nobody ever thought you'd fail in life
Mostly 'cause you scare the hell
Out of us all
But I ain't scared no more
Because I know you
And I know it's just an act
So come on home and we can set
All quarrels aside
And darlin',
Bless your soul

Dear God,
These songs make me
Remember Everything
About all those
Careless Whispers
You spoke to me,
So Far Away.
Like you would
Never Think
To just
Let It Be
And let us go our
Separate Ways, Worlds Apart.
So, here I am, stuck in
The Space Between
Where all my
Grace is Gone.
I just don't know
Why I Love You
And all I can hear is
"Don't Stop Believin'."
It's just one
Bad Day
After another for this
Southern Girl.
Eventually I won't be
Tangled Up In You
Anymore. I'll just be one of those
Misguided Ghosts.
But until then, you can
Call Me
Anytime, and just
Maybe,*
I won't need to find a
*Gravedigger.

Here come
pairs   of   legs
   riddled with cellulite
   accents
     stuff the air
Neuwcassul
   Burmingum
stores     reek
of cheap   tat
   bargain   last-few-quid   items
Irish music
no-one gives a     jig     about
    Mr. Whippy's
for sale every seven/six
   make that     five     cafés
women   packed
   like bubblewrap
     into denim shorts
     middle-aged men
plagued with     tattoos
   Irn Bru tans

back at the chalet
     kids thwack
   plastic     *****
with plastic racquets
   next-door neighbours
   puff on their nineteenth
*** before midday
come   night
karaoke floods towards us
   like a murky tsunami
don't stop believin'
     hold   on   to   that   feelin'

but the   girl
in the museum
   had a ponytail
   another one
dipped in gold
   like a fancy chess piece
and I walk   around
in a   Norwich   shirt
lick sea-breeze
     and know
   this isn't
home

You never gave a ****
Even when I loved you
But you're one hell of an actor
You had me believin'
Everything would be okay
And took it from my right to breathe
And now I'm suffocating
Tryin' to get you erased
My heart, it's screamin'

I could have loved you forever
Unconditionally
But then you went and ******* me over
Almost abusively
If not for circumstances I would try to get you back
But seeing as the circumstance is me
And I'm done playing games
Just know
I could have loved you forever

You won't hurt me again
Because now I'm guarded
There's no way you can get to me
So the story goes
Hidden deep within me
Is a soul strong enough to survive
And now I'm suffocating
Fightin' for the air I breathe
My tears, they're streamin'

I could have loved you forever
Unconditionally
But then you went and ******* me over
Almost abusively
If not for circumstances I would try to get you back
But seeing as the circumstance is me
And I'm done playing games
Just know
I could have loved you forever

It's my time now though
And your time to go
You're not welcome back here anymore

I could have loved you forever
Forever
Unconditionally
But I know I'll find better
Good enough for me
If not for circumstances I would try get you back
But seeing as the circumstance is

I could have loved you forever
Unconditionally
But then you went and ******* me over
Almost abusively
If not for circumstances I would try to get you back (try to get you back)
But seeing as the circumstance is me
Just know
I could have loved you forever

Forever baby
I could have loved you forever

Looking for Snoopy

Rollin’ on that rhythmic rollercoaster
My knuckles dead white, I can’t
Lose it on this lightspeed slant
Of fire, feeling those flashes
As the thunder thrill goes faster

Are you diggin’ what I’m sayin?
I ain’t gonna scream, got some
Dignity under this blue dome
Are you shakin, it’s bootin’
You ain’t got time for tremblin’

I’m targetin’ the sparklin’
Sky full of that shinny gold
So I can start believin’
I’ll reach someone I hold
Dear in my throbbing heart

Are you diggin’ what I’m sayin?
I ain’t gonna tremble until I touch
The silvery stars to rush
My present to your present
In the myriad of the moment
A doggie you’re still drawin’

Turns out I found this fellow
Surviving on this swayin’
Spinning track trippin’
I put him in papers that glow
To your doorstep delivered
Hope you’ll enjoy, recovered

That merry memory
Packed with awesomeness
Allow some silliness
From California and me
Happy birthday Mommy
With love and pink cherry

February 15, 2015

####;;;;;###########


Trollin' trollin' trollin'
Keep those doggies trollin'
Trollin' trollin' trollin'...

... The LIES!

If they are believin'
Then you can decieve 'em...

You'd better not receive 'em


... bye BYE!!!


SoulSurvivor

I do not only believe that we can fly
I believe in things beyond my mind's eye.

From mermaids to unicorns and dinosaurs.
I believe they all once lived before. I actually
believin in alot more. I know its seems slightly
odd. But you never know whats here in this  
mysterious pod.

Like fishes in a pond I swim in my imaginations
mind thinkin beyond the worlds beliefs. Which
gives me a relief of understanding. That maybe that
theirs not jus Man here. But more deep in shores or
extinct but not fully seeked.

Cause we're in reality's belief thinkin we're crazy to
believe in such things. Yet we never know what the creator
made . The universe is too big you see . No its infinity
think in its space .

Potatoes
Tomatoes
Making some brew
Believin'
Dreamin'
Inspiration Stew
Now he who wishes to take a sip
Will be blessed with a gift
Twas a gift they already had
Just lost deep in their soul
For they now have found their goal
Their goal is as simple to be
To believe
To dream
And to inspire thee

This is a poem of emotions of me
Trying to set myself free
I'm not doing this for any other reason
Just to clear myself from false believin
The more I do for you, you push away
Like a cat gone a stray
I told you how I felt and you didn't respond
I tried to give you my heart but you weren't too fond
So I may pull away and let you be
I hope it's not "just friends unfortunately"
It breaks my heart to write this out
but I'm human with emotions that need to be shout
If you feel anything at all this is your last chance
I won't look back on this, not even a glance

Hey
You
Whatca talkin' about
I can hear you scream
and shout

"You, boy in that fancy bar
Saw you jumping off in
that fancy car"

You
Don't
No, not even a word
You are over the top
and so absurd

"We know about your type
We are stuck believin' all
kinds of hype"

They
Thinking they have all the
Indignation
Them
With a self-centered sense of
Accusation

What
You
Making up stories about me
You don't even know what day it is
Or past half three

"Let's put you in your stamp
You people belong in a
Concentration Camp"

Wow
Stop
What did you just say
Listen to your stupid words
You always thought
this way

"Now that you know, whatca gonna do
Whatca gonna do when we come for you"

Come
See
It's not what you think
Your pathetic world is
finally on the brink

You
Your world narrow and beached
Blind
Hiding your own choices to cover
your behind
Pathetic and base your vision is
contagious
Unfortunately for you, your morals are
Outrageous

Talk
Go
It's cheap and gaudy
Go ahead, pretend it's holy,
everyone knows it's just
Naughty

Bad
Nasty
How many descriptive words
None describes better than
just
A bunch of turds