you were so beautiful, and miserable.
powerful, and vulnerable. remarkable, incredible.
you will be remembered for ages as the
gorgeous blonde with stars in her eyes,
a voice so soft and sweet when she verbalized,
the woman who seemed to ooze with confidence
and beauty, with everything she would do or say,
the woman that everyone wanted to be in the 60s, and  still
do to this very day.

you wrote beautiful poetry,
you were so much more than what the eye could see
or the dumb blondes you played in movies, or on tv,
or the minds of small minded people.
you're a timeless beauty,
you're an inspiration to me.


without a doubt,
you were beautiful,and remarkable
inside and out.

Charlotte sat in her queen sized canopy bed in her attict bedroom, her crimson red hair hanging over her face as she scribbled in her journal. her hands trembling. her pulse racing, overwhelmed with sadness, and anxiety.

dear journal,

i feel like an ant in the ocean, being tossed every which way by multiple tides and ruthlessly ripped apart. i feel useless and hopeless and confused. nothing ever gets better, only worse. and i feel so tired and beaten down by life. i just want to give up, because i dont have any fight in me, not anymore. im too damaged. i'm 18 years old and i feel like i've had enough of life. & that it's too laight for me. i dont want to live this life anymore .


charlottes p.o.v
i walk down the stairs and into the kitchen to get a glass of water. only to walk in on my mother and father watching the 10 oclock news, i see the apartment building on fire and all of the people standing around it hugging talking and crying. and then i a reporter comes on. "sophia ryan, 87 year old resident passed away in this fire. not only did the residents of this apartment building  lose all of there belongings but a closs friend as well." a picture of the old woman is now on the screen. it's her. my eyes widen and my hands begin to shake. i drop the glass that i was holding and it shatters all over the kitchen floor. my father jumps and looks back at me with fear and confusion in his eyes.

i hate you for the scars you've left,
steeling my piece of mind,
i hate your ignorance, and your
weakness.
you're so selfish, cruel and blind.

i hate your judgements,
and your ego.
your so predictable, shallow and hollow.

and you hate me because im nothing like you,
but u cant steel my light,
because i figure that if you hate me,
i' must be doing something right

it's like a nightmare,
everything you feared staring you right in the face,
grinning from ear to ear, and taunting as you scream,
you dont know how to deal with all of the pain you
feel, if only this werent real, and just a terrible, dream.

it's like a bullet to the chest,
agonizing and unexpected.
crying as you're bleeding out, perfusely
but you just get rejected.

your heart filled with so much pain &
anger, you dont know what to do,
so you turn to all of this self
destructive behavior, getting lost in all of this pain,
you slowly begin to lose  you., you
dont know how to overcome, and you have nowhere to run.
you turn to the drugs and the *****, not a friend in the world,
just a sad and lonely girl with nothing left to lose.

i tremble in fear, as i slowly dissapear, always waiting for something to go wrong, maybe im just crazy, because i've been here for far too long.

because living with her, only one thing is for sure, there will always be a problem, even if its only in her mind. her mind a dark and twisted blur, and there seems to be no cure. hope.
or anwser.

my mind has been shattered, and my heart has been toarn, for depression stole my mother away, long before i was even born. & its tragic to say, that i'd be better off without her around, because all of her madness & constant sadness, has taken its toll on my heart & soul, always wearing me down.

sometimes when she speaks,
i swear that i can hear demons taunt & shriek,
something evil taking over her,
leaving her sick, cold blind and weak.


and i resent her, for being selfish, and leaving me hurt and helpless, i resent her because as the world grew colder, she had been nothing but a weight on my shoulders, and never a shoulder to lean on.

and i still love her,
but i feel like she doesnt.

still i resent her for everything she is,
& because of everything that she wasn't.