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Nica Monet Oct 2019
... so many times.
so many opportunities, i let pass.
i say, i learned from my past,
but falling down the same hole,
do i ever learn, or do i just fail the same test?
i try. i try but why
do i... rush and develop an attraction
for another girl that i call my crush.
One, two, three people from my past, oh boy did it last?
no. but little by little did it break me.
so now i say i'm done until you came in.
afraid to face the truth
or maybe i'm just a fool.
Nica Monet Oct 2020
she thinks older than her age
but she plays like a kid with bliss
like a ferocious dragon—treated wrong
face the fiery rage, you’d lose your wits.

treating her right does not guarantee a kiss
only to the one she loves
she’d grant that wish
you do her wrong
not a piece of you would be missed.

like a kid she goes
willing to play and learn
eyes gaze at her with awe
what a sight to see
lovely as she.
Nica Monet Mar 2018
I am the moon one side’s shown, the other hidden
I am the stars, scattered decisions with a vision
I am a rollercoaster, unexpectedly spontaneous
I am the rain I fall, hard unconscious
I am the storm, I come back strong and ambitious
I am the sweet song of acoustic, a spectrum of quality
I am the sweet love song, cliche with a personality
I am the sea calm never steady
I am a hummingbird flying here to there
I am the trees that sway, I am a leaf in the air
Yet I am a wolf leader of its pack, never rests
I am the train that leaves and comes back
I am the dedicated worker, never stop till a heart attack
I am a child who passionately believe
I am an old soul, authenticated and wise
I am your hair, unique and stubborn
I am a judge willing to listen and compromise
I am a trampoline once you fall, I bounce you back up
I am a slime molded into anything, still the same
I am a human being, complex and alive
I am a living thing, I break, I live, I matter, I thrive
This poem has many metaphors and each one describes me as a person:)
Nica Monet May 2021
in a good day
she’s the warm sunlight in the morning of spring
the reminder that it’s a new day to try again

in love
she’s the puppy that’ll catch your attention
without a price, loves unconditionally

in a bad day
she’s the moon that reveals half of herself
and remains present for when others need her
me
Nica Monet Aug 2020
I've fallen
fallen off from the perfect image framed of me
for me to embody a perfect daughter
daughter that's no longer me

I was one of the nicest
I was one of the best
Fell off my high chair, can I just lay here and rest?
It feels as if I have to live up
to the things I no longer want
to the expectations not of my own
but of the people that dares to throw me off my throne

The fire and desire to break away grows in me
Yet I'm stuck inside a cell where they claim I'm free
As I stand still in the same root like an old tree
I envy the leaves of life falling when it felt right to flee

I'm no angel, nor do my demons define me
But in this earth,
to look after thyself is seen as a deed of evil
Self-worth constantly shattered
and we ask why people lack the effort?
the effort to be and stay true to ourselves are enough of a riddle
I'm not the same as I used to be, I'm no longer the little me.
Internal conflict within me in the environment that disguises itself as a safe haven to be me. I'm living in a small *** not for a big tree.
Her
Nica Monet Jun 2020
Her
She can make you
smile like nostalgic times do
With her own little clever lines
it spoke to me and that was when I knew
She can instantly charm her way
far as she reached into,
the walls i built for others, but for her
it was nor lowered nor off limits
For her it was a simple qualification
As she showed such qualities
that i adore in a person
We knew that after every conversations
little by little we bonded
She’s who you’d want to spend all your days with
As she entered and carried an energy
that leveled up to mine
She smiles with love
where have you been all this time?
Nica Monet Sep 2017
the first time i saw you.
my eyes, i couldn't believe em
i had no words and like cards i can't find them
you're the only one in my thoughts, you'd be
occupying my brain, my heart,
what are you doin?
but you don't see what's happening?

You were changing me into something different. To become someone else rather than myself
and in the end,
was i the only one sufferin?

It's not your fault, none of it was.
It's how i let myself get lost in you, how i based my whole world
around you.
But now i realized who i am,
boy, i'm not where i should be.
so i kept telling myself maybe it happens for a reason
or maybe it's just not the right time for you and me.
this was something i wrote back in 2015; so it's not about anyone.
Also this was my entry poem (revised)
Nica Monet Aug 2018
hope your good at clues.
'cause whenever i see you,
my action tries to scream the news.
if only... it was that simple.
I then, would be brave and
nothing would hold me down.
but my feet, they're buried as if they're stuck on the ground.
so many times, i thought about
my lips meeting yours.
or if you're lips wanted to meet mine.
for the first time, i wanted you to try.
But at the same time, what if i face rejection,
only then will my heart, feel my past and cry.
This last year, i was marked with fear.
I hope you understand.
i want to hold your hand,
and if i do, there's no need to feel any shame.
if i tell you though, would you think of me the same?
with you, i can't make the first move.
i'm not like the others, i got respect
i don't like to invade.
i'm not sure how'd you feel and that's why i'm afraid.
since now you know,
i'll leave that up to you,
Nica Monet Sep 2017
feelings, they still linger
i can hug her, hold her, or come over
and you, b... you living so far away
it's a way i fed my hunger.

then, i had no clue but now i knew
maybe i fell in love with her because
she reminded me so much of you

in littlest ways i could notice
it's such a mess but i think I'm being honest.
the time she left, you caught me
but i was too caught up in the moment i didn't noticed.
...i missed you
and she was the closest thing to you
that i ever knew

now that you told me that you missed me too
that i've been in your mind nonstop, is that true?
because now i just don't know what to do.

Feelings they still linger
You miss me, i miss you, i miss us
but what can we do, you're living far away.
if only you could be here in a snap of a finger
my feelings for you came rushing in
they never left, they still linger.
to my first.
Nica Monet Sep 2017
Wish i could find the words without saying another bad word
to explain all the voices that my soul and brain have heard
some are a lie that caused me to cry
dealing with my problems, oh i sigh.
Built my walls too high, for no one can enter
that even i can’t reach in and fly in my main center
dealing with my demons, either if i am awake or dreamin’
i shouldn’t have believe them for they were very deceivin’
people think i’m flying through my life without feeling dying
they were all wrong for i have been trying

i see mirror here, mirror there, which one can i look at and stare
they’ve been my enemy lately, that i can’t love myself completely
i look at her, and it’s such a blur
i know it’s just a reflection but my mind sees all imperfection. compliments of perfection doesn’t help me find my direction.

in my eyes i see my true complexion
but i choose to believe my beauty is base on perception.
i still have to learn that i am worth
every living cell on this earth
that outside appearance doesn’t matter
but what’s inside is so much better.
nov. 29, 2016; something i wrote last year:) and i would like to share
Nica Monet Jul 2020
Is it better to remain friends after a taste of being lovers?
Can it continue?
Pause now until we’re ready.
Pause now til’ I see you.
Will you take the bite when we’re given the chance?
Or find another in the meanwhile.
I’m stuck on you but I don’t mean to.
I don’t expect you to feel the way I do.
I don’t hold you as a possession.
I respect all your decisions.
If this is the best way for now
Til’ I see you, i don’t know how
to express the way i feel about you
but all of it is true.
How did i fall so easily...
in love with you.
when souls connect without the physical bodies together.
Nica Monet Sep 2017
if only you knew
that i love you dearly and true
since then till now, i say
i still do.
it pains me seeing you go
a several days without
saying hello

so i whispered in your ear,
"i missed you"

now yo    u know
that i still think of you
but i gotta let you go,
my princess.
my rose

my tender sweet green eyed beauty
she's one hell of a cutie.
-n
i'm glad we're still friends.
Nica Monet Oct 2020
Beyond that fog lies the unknown.
The way it can hide a whole city
may fill a hole in me
bury the trauma within
by keeping our memories blurry
it’s a natural response to forget
to never again recall that story.
the fog in this context can be our own comfort zone. in this fog you may hide but you are not alone.
Nica Monet Sep 2017
You carry love deep within your soul
you carry your heart,
still healthy and whole.
and even in those times your hurt,
emotionally numb with no control
A natural gift of love, you still give to all.

In a person's book
you'll be in more than just a chapter
you're one of the main characters,
always known as a lover
such joy that they'll always remember
accompanied by your contagious love and laughter.
the lovers, the dreamers, and me.   9/18/17   12:10 am
Nica Monet Jul 2020
She brightens up the darkest streets with her radiating glow.
She carries an appearance that’s hard to miss.
She‘s there whether people pay attention to her or not.
Her appearance may change but she is still the same.
In times she’s whole, she’s magnificent !
Yet we still don’t know what she hides on the other side.
In times she isn’t fully herself, her worth does not lessen.
She’s just as beautiful in two different ways whether she sees that herself or not.
Everyone else will only the parts of her she reveals.
Not everyone acknowledges her presence.
But there are some, who stops to do so.
Full Moon (07-04-2020) as all the planets align.
Nica Monet May 2020
Why do we default to living inside our heads?
We think of the future
and when we reach the end,
do we look back at our life and see that we planned everything ahead?

We tend to base our futures with the knowledge learned from the past
But wouldn’t that just lead us nowhere new,
but right on the same path?

As kids we’re programmed to think that our present; now makes our future.
What we’re not told is how our past disrupts and unfold,
itself right in front of us.
As a reminder to fear what’s near our grasp.

So live in this moment, breathe it all in
Our past may shape us but everyday we choose a mask that has the power to molds us.
During this quarantine, I encountered my inner demons. My attempts failed so I seized a new perspective.
Nica Monet Oct 2020
Your presence ignites a spark
that you may not see
like a matchstick whose capable
of starting a fire in me

In your absence,
continues an ordinary day
until when you’re around do i display
a sense of enthusiasm
in the air
an energy only found
in your presence
when you are here.
for people who misses somebody.
Nica Monet Oct 2020
Some may know what I’d say
Some may know what I’d do
but no one knows the demons i hide
until i found the person i knew
that would understand me too

to show vulnerability
I confess with all the knowledge you now have
my mind wants to flee
for it is not for a public audience to hear nor see
as the world responds with sympathy or hostility
please i beg you respect my trust in you
and be gentle with me.
Opening up to someone for the first time is scary. But this is someone you trust so go with how you feel and take it slow :)
Nica Monet Nov 2019
30% of me said, pick up the knife
100% agreed to hold it up my jaw

50% of me said, grab the pills
10% said you'll get caught that won't work

60% of me said, drown yourself
25% said how?

75% of me said, grab a belt and go to a tree
50% thought it would be the quickest

80% of me said, slit ur wrist and DOD in your car
80% of me would do it

99% of me told myself to END it. begged to take my life. begged for one reason not to continue...

...yet 1% of me thought of all the faces of those I were to leave behind and my promise to them,
"I won't"
happy thanksgiving...
Nica Monet Nov 2019
Something you should know about a lioness in a zoo
Kept hostage even though it's well taken care of
Held within its will,
yet no desire to leave

Without an idea,
she lives in a small piece of land;
isolated from its habitat

The lioness is unaware, the lioness is confused.
She does not know that her doing is anything but wrong;
she is simply not in the right place

instead,


She grew and learned strength in a wrong place...
                                                        ­                             ...she calls home.
the irony of the lioness
Nica Monet Oct 2020
what you see is not always what you get,
like a tiger scared by a house cat.
we sometimes forget
that appearances can be deceiving
just like we’re trained to master the act of concealing
the emotions that don’t serve our audience
in a zoo they all want
to see a tiger at its finest performance
no one knows the struggles of the tiger
since no eye sees behind the curtain where life seems to be a little harsher.
social media is not the real life.
Nica Monet Nov 2019
Toast to the guinea pigs
for extinguishing my fear of being alone

Toast to the moon
for being the substitute of street lamps

Toast to the car parked on the driveway
for indicating the presence of my family

Toast to the guitars
for remembering the way they tune

Toast to the fridge in the kitchen
for keeping our food fresh

Toast to the walls of the house
for absorbing the noises I rather not hear

Toast to the paintings
for reminding me of what I’m artistically capable of

Toast to the bed in the room
for keeping my body comfortable at night

Toast to the lights
for providing my room personality

Toast to the tapestries hanging on the ceiling
for maintaining my privacy

Toast to the dreamcatchers
for giving me hope of a good night's dream

Toast to the pictures on the wall
for reminding me of who I am with people I love
Inspired by Clint Smith's poem of Shout Out.
Nica Monet Oct 2019
a guest inside a head,
welcomed a stranger to bring it danger
a reflection easily spotted
revealed not only a heart that's haunted
a soul trapped inside the head
would love to stay, laying in bed
buried underneath the earth
trapped and summoned the dead,
to come back
among problems did it lack
the antidote to cure,
no signs of how much it had endured
soul felt trapped, heart was under attack
Give it a map, it'll soar and come back
hopeless not quite
Give it business, give it work
happy sun
begins to rot
Limited freedom hinders its growth
give it space, give it time
lonely moon
drowns in an overwhelming typhoon.
Nica Monet Oct 2020
Just like how the sun and the moon
exists in two different times.
One of them is up while the other one lie
asleep or present on the other side
of the world they both share,
until the sun finally arise, the moon awaits
as they both appear awake
Up at the same time,
the moon holds back on its own bedtime
to join the company of the sun,
making her radiate brighter during daytime.
Nica Monet Jan 2020
What does emptiness look like?
Is it Black or is it White?
A white wall demands to be decorated
For humans to rip its core; to find colour
It contains no depth, no personality
White is easily contaminated
White often viewed as pure;
Disguised as a being without experience.

White has no feelings, it begs for a reason to exist
Given that purpose it only serves to brighten a colour.

A black wall demands an answer
For us to give it meaning; to look deeper
It contains emotions, a mystery
Black prompts us to look beyond the surface
Black often seen as a threat;
Screams out individuality.

Where is black contains darkness,
Where is black contains a story,
Where is black, contains a wall that was once a blank, white wall.
What do you see in white that you don't see in black and what do you see in black that you don't in white?
Nica Monet Jul 2020
Love may be the toughest withdrawal
It fertilizes a garden and blooms the wildest—beautiful flowers.
It’s flourishes with enough love given to it,
as it decays in a catastrophic drought.
Nature needs care and its necessities to grow.
We grew a garden raising it up from the seed.
Withdrawals hit when the desire to revive the flowers and the browning of plant is no longer achievable.
No fertilizer.
No water.
Dry Soil.
The wanting to of seeing the flowers bloom again. The wanting of how the garden once looked.
The images of what the garden would have looked like. That is the toughest.
All i had to do was reach deep into what I have felt when a certain type of love leaves.
Nica Monet May 2020
Just a few weeks back, i let my heart take the wheel
Told my brain to stop thinking and i let my emotions spill
We didn’t put any label to it, but i’m here right “now” and what i feel is real
I am not guaranteed anything in this world
but with you in it, I was a miner who found gold
since the day you told me you liked me, I must be that lucky

Little did you know that days before that i often dreamt of you and thought of you
then i feared the future, no doubt
but i also looked forward to when i'll be in your arms
Hand in hand as we walk up the same route
To see you and learn what you’re all about
then we can hang out and laugh at everything we’ve talked about.
Just like how my dreams with you always play out.

I like you a lot and that scared me.
but you’re in luck because i love scary,
movies we watch are also in the same category
maybe you and i are real similar,
and that’s all that matters in my end of the story.
Tu sais qui es-tu, bella :*

— The End —