The mirror reveals the soul within
It is hazy water filled
In a desert mi raged heart

It is barren
Where whence it was full throttled cherry blossomed, apple cheeked rosy

The mirror reveals the soul within
Scorched embers
Still can see through the branches to a small piece
Not yet scorned
Tenderly aching but still filled with a sense of wonder
A leaf not torn
A branch unbroken, its leaves fall, hoping to dance in the suns warmth

The mirror reveals the soul within
Whose lines tell stories like trees that have grown
There bark is brittled beauty
Born from moments that were swept up like wisps of air

The mirror reveals the soul within
Still standing
Still solemn
Still here.

The word peace
Conjures up images of hippies
In tie dye shirts
And flowers in their hair
But Personal peace
Now there is something there
Bubbles floating
In the steaming bath tub
That makes me feel like
A rose petal
In a hibiscus tea
Melting me into
A softer side of me
As I dose to sleep

Mornings rise
And I breath in
Breath out
Mantra moments
Spent with an app
That filters into my body
And let’s go of the crap
Of noises and neighbors
Of people who blather
On and on
This stream
A river
Of unconscious anger
Yet it has become a leaf
In my tree
I breath in
I breath out
Letting my branches stretch
Farther
As I repeat the mantra
I embrace all of the good in me
I embrace love, life and harmony

Maybe it is the slow beats
Humming from my headset
Maybe it is the nap
I took today
Maybe it is the painting I look at
Reminding me every day of you
Reminding me to take breaks
Never end it
Take breaks
Never end it
You left
I never got to say good bye
Now I do it everyday
I was angry
It is ok
I was angry
And It is ok
I am allowed to be *******
Even though your six feet under
Well, there are ashes from what I know
I didn't get any
Odd, yes I wanted some
Something to have , to look at
Something to register
With the grey that is within
Something to look at
And know this is real
It still doesn’t feel real
How can it not ?
After 3 years
I look at pictures
I hear music
Your words are still in my head
I know you will be ok
You are strong
Everyone tells me I am strong
Yes
I am
Yes
Do I always want to be
No
No
No
Can someone reach into the depth of me
Set me free
Allow me to longer be
In grief
In grief
Still can’t believe
Still can’t believe
You left me
You left me
Spare me the story
Of the pain
We all have some
I am not going anywhere
Even though some days
I feel you calling me
To join you
No
I won’t
I won’t
I am strong
I still want to cry
Is that okay ?
Yes that is okay
I want to rewind
Rewind to that one day
You told me how you were feeling
I didn't really listen
Now my ears are wide open
With silence
You bring me silence
I know you would have anyway
I know you would have anyway
Have to tell myself all the time
It doesn’t stop me from wishing
I had said something
Something
Even though I know you would have anyways

Open up to me
Slowly
Like apps awakening
Feed me bits of you in colorful rhymes and pictures
Fill me with the files of your life
Even the ones titled miscellaneous
Even the ones titled don’t open unless an emergency
Even the ones that are hidden far back in the files of other files
Be my meme
My posting in the morning to remind me I am the only one
Send me kisses
Real ones
That look like the kinds you see in movie gifs
Let us be each others laptop of loves learning

Grey
Sliding in my door
Like ceramic clouds
Covering over me
Eyes still filled with musty bits of sleep
Staring at the clock
Wondering
When their interruptions will begin
Imaginary curtains I pull back
Hoping the sunlight will want to crawl into my brain again today
Some days I don’t want to have to be coerced into living my life
I loath those who leap like stars in moonlight
But really I am just wishing I was them

Everything I say
You whisper condolences
On my soul
On my spirit
On the very essence of who I am
Where I have been
You wait
Like pigeons
For that moment
I feed you the scraps
Tiny morsels
Of my being
Sit on the window sill of your life
Waiting
For patience
Promises unkept
That swept
Up and up
From cranberry filled faucets of life
Where we sat in
Now you
Pull the drain
And Swish swish
Where one you were my voiceless
Power strip
Now you are editing the very frequency of my being
I must now turn up the volume
Shout it loud
Leave this room of our lives
Leave the stereo at 10
Listen to my voice
On the headset
And walk the **** out

Bubble in the sky
Whispers billowy
Hello’s
And then vanishes
Leaving me wondering

Like a question unanswered
You are out there
My creme filled doughnut of love
You taunt me
I meet you
In bars
You are witty
You speak of Hemingway and heroism
And wine filled coffee houses that would be great to muse
In
Then you leave with your girlfriend
Who confessed to me she doesn’t love you
As I twist the cap on her beer open
And wish it was laced with some sort of truth poison

You
You are out there
I don’t expect you to ride up on a white horse
Perhaps just have a good conversation
Because Hello dear isn’t exactly enticing
Or drawing me in
In this algorithm, online dating world

You, you are out there
I have to believe it,
Somewhere In this jaded heart filled boxed of mine
I release the edges of hate
That have filled the corners of what was my yesteryear's
Long I ago I would have been what was considered Old Maid fate
I know there is just a glimpse of golden
Amongst all this shaded grey

You, you are out there
Each year that goes by
You become more hazy
I have to wipe the windows
Inside me
To trust you are there

You, you are out there
You have changed from muscle man hero
To creative, inspiring, accepting, adventurous lover

You, you are out there
Able to handle this non laid back lady
Able to see beyond just ripping off clothes
And slapping my ***

You, you are out there
Sometimes your to long winded
But Still not jaded
Able to take my hand
And hold it
In the wind blown turmoil of what I have been

You , you are out there
Weathered words, that hold pages
Of information
You spill out onto my soul
And make me want to dive in

You, you are going to be a part of this story
We will tell it
Like the alchemist
Who sought to chase the wind
You
You are the ending
So Let the beginning
Begin

Flames thrown
Like dragon tales
And tongues touch
Like pink fluorescent badgers in the night
We may have left crumbs
Of kisses
For the world to see
Stained on ink
For this memory
And ice in my brain
Like cold freeze to me

Half calf with a twist
As the line stands
Thinking she is a superimposed *****
Foregoing on

Barista
Waist like an elastic band
Hair waving hello in it’s pinkness
Homeless man coming in
Screaming
Obscenities
Something about Romans and Euripides
As if in a round about
Circle the store like a hovered cloud
Then out again

The rocker dude sipping his tea
The older man in the corner
Who constantly leaves
Wandering where one can’t see
Trailing behind his laptop and keys
Somewhere in this madness loop
Latte’s and Macchiato's brew
And I
With a child's flair
Take it all in, while I throw back my hair

Layers of life laid out
Words like scratchy stroked paint
Scorched Harsh brush over

Life brushes new thoughts
Stillness can prevail the mind
Where once was cluttered

Splatter moments stay
In the stillness of my heart
Canvas of my life

Pitched mouth kissed
Pledged
Possessed
redelivered
Leaves fall hard- pressed like dawned lovers
We began lost
This four day – old path poured on forever
His smile returned when mezzo del cammin
Again, a fine giver
Amongst true men
See whatever  
Waking  up rediscovered

Stick it in
Here we go
Round and round
You put your heart into me
But it is implanted now
Like a fist
Hard
I feel it
Fury and fiery
And can't escape it
You *******
I didn’t ask for this service
How do I unpay the time it took
For you to chisel this love into me
That is only falsely real

Kiss me with an awareness
That tongues can’t figure out
Kiss me with a confusion, that spills about
Kiss me with the taste of melted chocolates  that form in our tongues
And then kiss me so hard
We fall in to the  winters lair with molten lava scorching arms

Swilled soda at 11pm at night
Wondering why I lie there at 3
Tossing turning
Decisions made far to late
Wrappers
In the trash can
Calories on the waist
Wondering why I ate that last bag of Pretzel M & M;s
Credit card limits reached
Then wondering why I didn’t spend the money on something more constructive
Lyft rides instead of the bus
Sizzling, slices
Each and every morning
Delicious squealing goodness
Whining and wishing
Hours of daydream
Hawkeye, Radar and hot lips on my tv
Because books would take to much time
And probably make me think

Solidarity
Of momentary
Misfits
Burning like
An Hour glass
Seeping in
And Out
Time
Running
In distant passageways
Escaping me
And all the frozen
Petals
Fall from
Roses
You never sent me
I wait in
Spaces of time
For the day
When
I will
Understand
When it will come at me
Withered worries
Of the when
It will hit me
Like a pan
Hard and heavy
I try to remind myself I am human
Melodies remind me you are gone
And I slow my breath to catch a glimpse
Of something that once was