You should shine,
because the world is yours for the taking.

imagine if you loved yourself
                as much as you loved your friends

I watch a moment more -
the hands they turn, and rise.
I know not - what to expect
With each exhaling breath.

The hands, again they move -
not together, but with each other.
A syncronised harmony -
both moving, changing blissfully.

I'd look away, but I daren't not
I stare amazed, awaiting -
trying to catch or freeze I know not -
The tick-tock of that enormous clock.

I held her breath within my hand
so soft - so sweet
so delicate!

that baby breath -
half in, half out
but breathing still

it twitched around my fingers
a nervous dance -
but dancing still

I reciprocated
with a kiss of life -
but dying still -

This ones for you - not me
I wish I could teach you about the bee -
Drunk on nectar, dreams of sweet honey.

Do you dream of me I ponder?
I dream of you when grey -
by you, I hope I'll still lay.

Both of us caring for our honeybee
Adoring sweet honey - oh love!
Love of money - honey honey bee!

Dreams come true - or else you loose -
Lost - I lost you - and all that honey -
Honey - honey was a wasp!

Last night it was him that I was kissing,
It was his tongue pressed to the back of my teeth,
And his hands on the small of back,
Pulling me closer -

As the wind wept around us,
And as his hand slipped into mine -
I realised, that it was him, that I was kissing in the shadows.

And as I pulled away, slipping back into the light -
You stood there watching, waiting, with a sullen sadness on your face.

And after all this time, that is when you chose to tell me,
That you loved me -

Always carry a book
So you may live many lives and             experience all kinds of adventure

Never forget the world
Do not forget to create your own adventures too -
Sometimes trouble will help you dear

Always fight for what you believe in
Remaining silent is like loosing yourself and one of the great tragedies!

Choose your battles wisely
You are not always going to win, the world is not always fair - but that doesn't mean you'll never win.

Know that you are always loved
Even when I do not understand or when the world seems against you, I and the universe love you baby.

Education is not limited to school
Fill yourself with the knowledge that you love and crave, never limit yourself to a classroom

Be brave
You are my special creation and I will always be there to catch you!

Love like it will last forever
Never limit yourself because of someone else, do as you wish - but don't be foolish.

And most importantly, if you ever learn anything from me -
leggings are not pants*

Be you my darling, and the world will grow to accept you.

I can see the sadness in your eyes
When you recognise their stare
Cast from judging eyes.

I see you gently clench your fists while smiling politely
As you hear the wait staff whispering foolish nothings

The pain in your face was clear to me
When your boss insinuated I was worth more than my "price"
Witty, stubborn and still politely balanced.

I try to soothe you, to say it does not matter.
Let those who will never understand think what they wish
There'll never know our hidden bliss.

I did not fall for a birth date or the lines on your face - though I love them dearly.
Age is only a number darling.

They do not know of all you do for me -
How when my illness takes hold
You do not sleep - watching me like a guiding angel so that I may survive the night.

They do not know of the things that we've seen together -
How the world has grown and become dapled with colour since you let me in
And showed me the world through your wise eyes.

If it hurts – do you scream?
I vow to keep my silence,
An unspoken promise.
A love like ours.

I’m bound in chains – but not you –
Outside I may seem free,
My voice yet fails me.
A sound like yours.

I feel no pain –
A weight still do I feel –
One of metal small and round –
A ring – saying wedding bound.

Closed doors mark hidden lives –
Soundless screams – end forgotten dreams
Words I’ll never say – sounds you’ll never make,
I wish you a mistake, but then –

A love like ours
Never promised a wondrous hour.

today is your fifth birthday -
only nobody in the world knows this but me.

the 20th of November -
the death of all your unlived dreams.

happy birthday my little one,
may you rest in peace.

It has been five days since we first met
you shook your head in amusement
at the loud discussion I was having with my friend.

I snapped my head in your direction
to give you some of my harsh crafted words
but then I saw the smile creeping across your lips.

I won't write about how beautiful  you are,
or how I can compare you to no words in our language
but I will say how something in me changed.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
Before that day I would have never thought you my type,
but as the seconds melted into hours

Every world that spilled from your lips
was everything I have ever believed.

We are so different, and have a lack of knowledge
for everything the other loves
and still -

Love-poems of generations
recited through the sweet nothings
which are truly somethings.
Wedding vows, declarations
and wasted pitches.
Love and romance
encompass the orbit
that is my secret world.
Love swirls through the air
like autumn-leaves.
Colours reflect those of the
dead-flowers gifts.
The world a giggling
giddy, teenage romance.
Like in novels and epic tales.

My love story is a little different.
You stray away,
marginalizing yourself,
from me and all this feeling.
I wont shatter if you touch me,
or slip away -
back to nothing.

Read, explore, examine
Don't just accept.
Shape the world around you
And take chances,
Live the life you deserve,
Not the one you were delt.

Tears ***** my eyes
The hurt, I try to blink away
A flutter of open and close -
Once, twice, no three!

My jaw is tightly locked
As I fuse my teeth together
Counting each breath,
Out and in, out and in -

Over emphasising the sternness of my jawline
In a hope to distract from the pain
That is laced through my eyes

My love, my dearest other
Who is supposedly at home sick

Sits at the table across from me,
With another -

I want to bleach my soul
so that it may be untainted
and returned
to its original
blank canvasry
of beauty
and innocence,
as sweet as welcomed summer rain.

Give you *****
and you will be the hurricane,
the whirlwind, the torment
that will cause a crevice
in our lives.

Give you ***
and you will sing
tales of Irish history
and a lively session
will begin.

Give you cider
and we will spend our night
on the wrong side
of a cubicle door,
drowning in plight.

Give you tequila
and you will dance
until your soles ache -
then you will bare your soul,
all the troubles in your closed world.

Give you a mineral
and say it is any of these
and you will act
the very same.
A replica of the offensive.
A blind drunk relic.

The waking world
Is my sleeping call
Falling under and lost in the daylight -
The night-dark is my kingdom

No dreaming like one in love
No calling on a boy
No dreaming of a curse
No more dreaming -

Every time we go a little longer between seeing each other,
Or you take your time replying
My heart skips a little faster
And I begin to panic.
I worry that you've copped on
To realising that I am merely a fraud -
I seem lovable at the start,
But by the time I'm falling for you,
Really falling,
You've realised I'm not that lovable at all.

I'm all scars, faded wounds that still burn deeply and lost amongst my insecurities.

“No mother I don’t want to go out to play!
I want to stay here, locked away!
I don’t want to play with the others outside,
In here is my kingdom, all I need is my mind!”

I've seen you colour me in and colour me out -
like a child curious with a new discovery.

I feel your gaze watching me as I half-sleep.
Your colorblind world may be black and white,
but darling I thrive for the darkness!
It hides the colours you could never see -
so colour me out,
and let me sleep in peace!

I have spent this long summer hiding within you clutch,
betwixt by your sight, and encouraged by your mind -
I've been hiding in our love-story,
lost in a world where another morning, is another glory -
a real life, fairy tale story.
Whether it rains, or the sun shines
it doesn't matter because I have you by my side -

I forgot about the hourglass on the kitchen table,
smooth sand, silently secretly gliding -
if you watch hard you can see the shift,
shift of the grain, the hour and minute
so when I saw it this morning, hidden under books, papers, ideas and wisdom I could not help but shiver
You handed me coffee thinking me cold,
but come Monday morning, this tale will stale and old -

people glanced with arched eyebrows
and squinted stares,
they whispered to their friends
or make eye contact with another passer-by
had she seen herself before she left?
her fringe had been cut rather crooked,
and they thought she looked the fool.

If they really looked at her though,
they would see the dead despair in her eyes,
slumped shoulder
shielding a secret life.
They would see her weather beaten hands
that are tired.
she works seven days a week,
but doesn't see a penny of it,
and when she comes home
she has to fulfill her 'duties',
like a good wife.

her fringe is crooked
because she cut it herself,
by candlelight,
her hands shaking
fearing that he may see
and punish her
from straying from her 'duty'

I'm lying here, yet again
Wide awake, at 6am.

This is our little ritual,
Our native dance -  

Oh, the change that has come to our ritual -
While you fumbled for missing words from forgotten conversations

I listen to the light snores of our husband to be -
And as I smile with my 6am waking,
I know that you are somewhere in the past aching -

And I'll lay here
pondering how exactly it came to be,
my lonely heart and me.

After all the years
we spent in each other others company,
the moments that lasted an eternity
and oh the nights that were eternal bliss.
When time failed to pass
and we believed
never again would we feel
a moment such as this.

It is terrifying really,
that all those years of love
have been lost
to a few words of hate.

I am everything I have ever been
I am no one, only me.

I am all the colours of the rainbow,
the wind and the rain, and the unbearable heat.

I am the sun and moon,
the grass, the mountains and the oceans blue.

I am all my failures, and all that I have conquered,
I am everything that I have seen, everything I wished to keep.

I am everything I have ever gained,
and everything I've lost.

I am everything,
but I am nothing at all.

There is beauty within failure*
Is my life then a tale of a fair maiden
surrounded by a macabre beauty?


Then it is not the tragedy
written in my sins
on bloodstained paper
that I've been practicing


Or is the beauty in
learning from you failures?
'Cause then all these lessons have been lost on me

When they breathe the words
"I'm a feminist"
and immediately
say something hypocritical
of such a statement
my stomach churns
until I'm sick -

She was beautiful,
like they are on paper
on the brush strokes of a
preserved oil painting.
A portrait only tweaked
To portray her sweetest
hidden beauty.

The colouring of a soul -
Colouring the world
with nothing more than her
Fingertips.

Your face isn't the same face
That scowled me when I was a child
Its softer now - wiser and older.

Your body isn't strong like it should be
A sickness has seeped into
The crevices of your being -
But its spared your heart.

Through a child's eyes you were selfish
Strict and staunch and angry -
Never letting us do as others did.

I thought as a child when I grew up
I'd see differently through an ageing mind
Of how you only meant to protect me.

Sometimes I long for the return of my child-innocence
I am still young, but my life has made me cold.
An aged mind shows a story of a different kind.

All the times I found you crying on the tiles
The way you'd scream and panic in public
Why no one was ever aloud come to our door.

You struggled with the darkness placed in your mind
Day after day you scuffled through
Raising three screaming children
Protecting them from the world and you.

I long to be strong like you mother -
To guide you to the light
And apologise for all the times I added to your plight.

I do not need you to love me
like an insecure youth.
Life has been cruel
and taught me that such words can be mute.

I do not need you to hold me
each and every night.
I have learnt that such demands
can drive one further away.

I do not need you to change me,
or me to change you.
Such actions are poignant
like a steak through the heart.

I do need some sense of security though,
to know that you trust me
to be there when you need me
and when you don't,
and for you to do the same for me.

As long as our hearts may desire,
and faith that when they no longer do,
that I will be a sweet fading memory
for you.

We met,
And then you chased me
Until you could call me yours.

You loved me!
And I loved you,
until you were the stars in my eyes.

And then I loved you,
As you grew bored -

I loved you,
As you left.

You broke me,
And yet, I love you still.

If it doesn't
              set your soul on fire -

Don't do it.

The walls came tumbling down,
as if a wrecking ball
had broken up that brick and mortar
displacing it, from its position.

Really the crack formulated
several years ago,
and in honest truth
was no bigger than hair.

Ah, but this crack was placed
within the foundation,
and as you walked away
so did its disposition.

I failed my mother – she failed me first.
All through childhood I held your hand as you wept –
You sighed and cried and denied a mothers love.

I was twelve when I sliced my first cut –
I weaved artistic patters all over my arm,
Each hack felt like a distorted piece of sympathy.

You have been cured for many years –
The disease was just passed, unquestioned to me.
You have never asked, or even glanced twice.

Last night I saw you crying –
Your friends’ daughter had cut – it was a tragic devastation.
Everyone was making plans, dinners, lunches, supportive hugs.
You went to help – to empathise like her mother never could.

I have never punished myself for attention,
It’s a sad and sick release from my insanity – for me.
You birthed me and gave me life, fed and clothed my pathetic body.

I know there is so much that I can never repay –
I know I failed to make you happy when I was young –
But why do you give this girl a mother’s love??
When all I have are forced hugs -

You called me a heretic,
as I fought for what I believe
is right.

With my whole heart
I try to achieve
the commandments laid out for me.

I live by The book,
loving Him
my neighbours, enemies and my friends.

Old scars
bring new flesh wounds
as secrets hidden
bring to life
the trials of being human.

Plagued with suffering,
is the test of a follower.
Though I get tired of crawling -
dragging my devout being
through a fallen world.

I have been cheated,
as I have failed.
I say I won't return,
but I never learn.

I have been burned
by that to which I have devoted my life.

Who is a heretic now?

The world is on fire
and we've been burned again
sinners and devout alike.

I know every line
I've traced them like endless braille
That always has another message to tell

I've coloured every each in and out
Wiping away the evidence of sadness,
Intrigue, shame and curiosity.

I have woken up to those eyes
Every morning that mattered
And slept with it through the darkness.

I know of the wonders that eyes mask
What each glint of the eye means
And that arched eyebrows are a sign of defeat.

I know all its secret blemishes and shame
The freckles which few see -
We are good friends the mirrors face and me.

Love, is the weapon with the sweetest ****,
Hallelujah!
as I count my blessings,
which are far and few.

Love, is my solitude's King,
Hallelujah!
as the world tumbles around me,
I stand still, poignant and smiling.

Love, is a conqueror,*
as all else fails,
or ceases to be.
Hallelujah!
His love is real,
His love is all that can judge me,
and will set me free.
Hallelujah....