"The only words I head, speaking it's you I need."

These destructive thoughts are a calamity
Driving my mind to the brink of insanity
**** this
Oops, excuse the profanity

But this is the last of this thing called sanity
I can no longer be part of humanity
I am now so far from sane
My thoughts are simply not humane

Not quite sure what made things this way
Maybe the RedBull made my brain grow wings and it flew away
I don't really have much to say
This poem really has no point anyway

Maybe it's to clear my mind out
.
.
.
I am the most sane inhumane insane humane person, no doubt.

That unexplainable feeling you get when you say, "I'm okay"

and they respond, *"No you're not."

Stars show their absolute beauty, in the aftermath of destruction.

I had the stars to gaze upon
To escape to when I feel I have not won
An endless beauty one can soak in for hours
Within the nature as the wind rustles the trees and flowers

Then life changed and I could not see my stars
I could only see lights and the sound of the cars
I lost my escape and fell into a abyss
Where all I could do is see the stars when I reminisce

Then I met a woman with that glimmer
A glimmer that I knew and my spine let out a shiver
In time I saw her soul
And in her soul, I found them shinning and whole

I found the black canvas in her eyes
I found the colors in her beauty
I found the shine in her soul

She and only she became my new escape
Where I can always see my stars

*I can even see them with the lights and cars

My heart tried to write something happy
My brain trashed it as fallacy

You are a high that I want to keep forever
I need to keep smoking in your soul
Taking you in, my past you sever
Never have I reached such an ecstasy of feeling so whole

I wait each moment to take the next hit
To take in something new
Something I can never forget
Never again will I feel so blue

In my galaxy you are such a perfect arrangement
Of flawless stardust from the most fascinating fire
You are simply a being of pure astonishment
It's your love and being that has only taken me higher

Take my hand and let’s go on an adventure
Get lost in the stars and explore the future
Take my hand and climb into my mind
Where you will see my world and words outlined
Take my hand and climb into my heart
You will find that it’s not so bitter and ****
Take my hand
Let’s walk on the sun
Take my hand
Your journey has begun

Just don’t let go
Because if you do, my mind, my pen will lose its flow

"I weaned off your poison, to just start smoking cigarettes."

Cleaning the gun knowing you will use it anyway
Putting it back together like the life you wish you could say
Taking the cold lead and pressing it into the mag
Looking at your smoke taking your last stress free drag

Shaking and Screaming as you fight yourself for control
Anger and depression take hold
Feeling the cold barrel press it's steel lips to your skull
Finger shaking on trigger waiting to take your life whole

But you drop the gun and it clatters to the floor
and at that moment you are grateful you didn't close that door.

It was your **** eyes alone that recreated my universe.

I'm in complete disarray.
My life is in shambles and there is no return I say.
I'm a wanderer of my own cataclysmic oblivion.
Though I see all the doors, but escape is one in a million.
I'm pulverized by my past mistakes.
My soul is burdened and morose, are there any retakes?
But life is not a quiz, but a lesson to learn.
If you can gather the knowledge, will happiness return?
I'm in a constant state of bewildered frustration.
I need another dose and a recalibration.
Someday I will escape from my own mind.
But it's the answers and hopes that are scattered within, that I must find.

She is the wave that breaks down my rock wall.

My anger is my nuclear fallout
It's what is killing me and choking me out
It's not only sabotaging who I am
But all those around me have faced the slam

The concussion blast of this vicious mood
Unable to control myself, only to know I'm *******
I can only sit and watch like a movie on display
What actions I take and the horrific things I say

These words reach out to those I have wronged
To those situations I only prolonged
These words are not a justification
These words are for you to have relation

This is my apology for what I could not control
I have gotten better and will never let this take me whole.

"We quote the good, but are poetic of the bad."

Glass Animals in my ears
More than ready to face fears
I can't let them whisper in my ears
My demon only nears
Each sip and drag a stimulation
To make everything a simulation
We have little in relation
Except in the act of creation

I thought I found the best
A god among the rest
But it was just a test
It's just a jest

A joke to show me I'm not real
To show me I'll never truly feel
How to love in life
Without the strife

Without the pain of past
Showing me it can't last
A fist full of lies
Punching the inner me as it dies

I'm on my last bump of hope
As if it's a form of dope
Thinking I'm gonna be alright
Without the will to fight

I just lie here and frown
I'll wear my smiling painted mask
And I'll drown
In enough liquor to fill an endless flask

Rip apart all our clothes
Letting it all go to our foes
To fight our own battles
The rocking and bed clatters
Hair in complete tatters
We'll just remind each other nothing matters
Just follow my eyes
No need for hello and goodbyes

Our love is like a match.
It's a burst of love and life,
That finds a steady pace.
Until death comes along,
And wins the race.

Let's just **** it out in the end
But let's be real you're just a friend
Over the end of a pickup truck
So I sit here and write to pickup luck
With hair like that it was a match I struck
Get down to luck and a quick ****
We'll find that reason soon
That stole my moon
So I'll sit here and attempt move along
Or ponder the next color of your thong
But we'll skip the details like we did before
Hence why the **** I wanted to close the door

I've been chewed up and spit out
Dropped like a bad habit and slapped with doubt
I went inside myself to rid me of shame
Yet I'm looked at and easily blamed

My past forever left a burn
Melted and scared away, with no more places to turn
So I dove inside myself and threw out the key
Hoping that no one will ever hurt me

In that time all I needed was someone to try
To gather my shattered remains and rid the tears I cry
I longed for someone who could bring me to my feet
and bring back my dying heartbeat

I don't want to stay here anymore
Please find that key and open the door
Tell me that I'm truly needed with no doubt
and teach me what life is really about

My thoughts are stretched and hazy
Driving me absolutely crazy
Without you here I feel so alone
My world is quiet, just a steady tone
The melody we would create
that started on our first date
is slowly going out of tune
Don't be gone too long, come back soon
I have nowhere to go
except the only place I know
That is inside
The only true place anyone can hide

I feel like my words are failing me
My thoughts are simply not there
What I write is not what I want it to be
My mind has become blank and bare

I'm lost in this nothingness
Feeling empty with nothing to confess
My fire becomes less and less
These words and rhymes are more a mess

No matter how hard I try
to put down my pen
I always look back
and lift it again

I must gather myself and collaborate
Look at my words and rhymes and elaborate
Make them more in depth and intricate
Expand my heart and make it infinite

I must become the words I scribe
Using them on my demons as a bribe
To break a piece off my existence
To incorporate it into my poems with persistence

I must truly write how I actually feel
nothing obscured, it must appeal
To the minds and hearts of the readers who care
hoping to cause a spark, arc and a flare

I will open my mind and dig in the dark
And through
All the Words and Rhymes
On new journey I will embark

Let me tell you I still love you
You as in the things you are and do
I sit and remenice
About how badly I didn't want this
But the irony for me is you went free
I try but in the end sitting alone with a cup of coffee
And for right now as I can see
I'm only capable about writing of you and me

Help me darling to find who I was
I seemed to have misplaced it just because
Without you here to hold you near
I live in myself bottled with fear
That I may never find another love
The rain dances on me from above

Help me darling to find who I was
I miss being close while our hearts buzz
I sit here waiting in this lonely place
Me and the ground staring face to face
I wait to feel your presence close
The rain dances on me dose by dose

Help me darling find who I am now
I need you here to show me how
I need you here to make me stand
I need you here to take my hand
I need you to be here with me
The rain now dances slowly
I need you to calm my inner seas
But I’m that not real, I’m crumpled to me knees
The rain now dances on your stone
Where your last day with me is shown

I'd rather you hate me
and move on dear

Than love me
and be stuck, I fear

In the midst of sadness, the only solace is anger.

My one wish? *To have met you so much sooner.

If there one thing driving me insane
Is that I still have the pain
Of my anger inside me
Anger that you can see
Why couldn't you give, to hear my plead
That I am in fear and in need
That this anger could overtake my mind
Who knows what you'd find
If you told me not to do that now
Or to find ways to figure out how
To quell my inner child's rage
But you skipped that page
and went right for my heart
Then wondered why I ripped you apart
You sought not to help with what remains
You forever sought personal gain
Let that sink in to your soul
You cared not to help a part, of someone that gave
themselves whole

Sometimes I wonder if I can ever
climb out of this feeling that is so clever
It stays with me when I eat
It lives in my heart with every beat
It craves when I get dragged down
It lives when I wear my frown
It stays with everything I do
except when I am with you
but this feeling I have long known,
*It's being Alone

Time feels like two steps forward and seven steps back.

Hope and Faith decided it was time to pack.

So, I smoke another bowl to drown it all out.

That gut slaughtering emotion, of true
self-doubt.

Wondering if any choice you make is right.

Pondering, if there's anymore reason to fight.

Just another smoke after a ****,
Forcefully laughing at another joke.

But now I can't even speak.
Time's a great teacher, but it's future is bleak.

From the start, it was you.
It's always been you.
The difference is, this time I found you.

For Her my heart feels
With Her my heart heals
The pains washed away
Leaving my horrid past to decay

With Her I feel alive
For Her I will strive
But I am still

Waiting

For Her to arrive