My poems are the life of me
They are who I choose to be
and if you read them you will find
the keyhole view into my mind

You will be lost in rhymes
hearing the ticking and chimes
of my life translated into word
with nothing obscure or blurred

You will see my imagination
overworked with frustration
It's an art of the mind
Twisting and unraveling refined

If you read enough of them
You will find the gem
That will tie them all you see
At that moment, you will know I better than me.

The nickname given by an ex
That made me realize I never
Want a next

I'd rather be alone
And forget how to care

Than to find someone for me
Only to find out too late
That it's not meant to be

Is this safe is this alright?
Trust me I won't put up a fight
Then turn down the light
We'll try to find each other all night
Fingers making traces
As we keep making faces
About the task at hand
Worn out like the crowd of a metal band
Liquid lust streams down your nose
Right past those eyes that say where this goes
I have no reason to fight
Just excuse the occasional grasp or bite
Again and again we continue to find
What we know in mind
So why not cave and settle the score
Let's leave knowing we'll only want more
Let imagination take lead
I'll show you how to feed
That side that always thinks it's in need

I'm lost within the dangers of my mind
I'm unable to escape, scared as to what I will find
Stuck in an oblivion of hatred and fear
How did I end up here

Why is it I feel this way
Why can't I seem to make it go away
I am now unable to move stuck in place
It's then I realize me and my demon are face to face

Wretched and horrid the face of my fear
It stares at me hungry, knowing I don't belong here
but before this demon could take me away
I heard your voice so soft and loving say

*"I love you darling, you are going the wrong way"

"A rubber band he avoids, top a bunch of polaroids."

The only feeling that is literally a heaven and hell.

The most Horrifically Dangerous yet absolutely Wonderful feeling ever experienced.

"Little does she know, loving her is all I know."

What is Love?
Does anyone know?
We all seem lost
With nowhere to go.

I'd rather sit and remenice
Thinking,
I miss this.
Adding 'Something Real' to my
Wish list.

My heart doesn't even want to give.
It's even failing to remember
Why it wants to live.
Thinking it gets better if you just
Forget and Forgive.

What is Love?
Does anyone know?
I just don't think
This was how it's supposed to go.

You weren't meant to be a lover, but a lesson.

I'd start that the thighs
While locked on to your eyes
One less thing to think about
You've got no reason to pout
We'll work all our feelings out
Like a joust just a simple bout
Let's snort this Lust
Because it's a must
No need for clothes
It's all trust
Despite the bad that we just
But why not
I don't think we forgot
How to sate our desire
We'll dance on our funeral pyre
Let's just hope that one isn't a liar

True anger is just the release of your inner madness.

What do you see
when you look at me?
Do you see the fire and demise
or the love and happiness in the skies?

When you look at my eyes
Can you see all the lies
or do you see all the hate?
There is very little good, it's my fate

When you hear my words
Is it beautiful like chirping birds?
Or do you hear the hurt
so much pain, crumpled up in the dirt

When you hold me tight
can you see the light
that you radiate so bright?
It makes my world so right

When you look at me
I hope you see
The love, the birds, the good
and to be your light too,

I would.

Let me face your fears,
Let me soak in your tears,
Let me stitch your open heart,
Let you live within me,
I will then show you what true happiness can be.

I find myself drowned in the wretched sorrows of my past.
I lay here dying and suffocating ever so slowly, never fast.
My mind has become a war zone to the most atrocious of thought.
Lash out physically at the unseen, my wake people hurt, the ones I fought.
I'm defective, broken and torn.
I'm used, battered and worn.
I find it harder each day to find a reason to fight.
I see my world being slowly consumed by darkness, where is my light?
I am growing sick of the constant pain.
Timeless, everlasting catastrophe of emotion I can't contain.
I feel my hearts will to beat beginning to fade.
I should just give in to the call, let myself die and in my sorrows, my lifeless body will wade.

My minds weaponized thoughts will be my downfall and suicide.

Walking out to the side of the ship
The wind cold and crisp
looking to see the Moon's reflected light
kissing the ebony sea's surface with caress
Like rolling bright white silk, looking soft to the touch
The edges looking like thousands of camera flashes
I look up to see millions of twinkling dots
of stars long gone, though the beauty remaining
I close my eyes, take a deep breath
And smile, grateful to see something so beautiful before my death.

Browsing women like a catalog
But I'm wrapped up in the fog
In the trail of destruction you left behind
You never look back so no knowledge you find
I think you need to just rewind
And learn to be kind
To yourself and all you consider a friend
Or you'll just be alone in the end

I write these words from the heart
Bringing together what falls apart
In my inner nether
To the living, my words; the tether

I love you
Oh, so very much I do!
Your beauty is the drug for my eyes
Your laugh is the melody for my ears
Your touch is the ecstatic sensation for my mind
Your sweet loving ebrace is the home for my soul
Oh how much I love you
So, so much I do.
May these things I forever feel
For you my darling I would kneel

I find myself in that familiar place
where wounds reopen
and the feeling of danger
beckons to race

Old scars wanting to tear apart
like a stray bullet to the heart
Old habits emerge so mindless
despite being met with kindness

I question if I've really healed
If these years have anything to yield
Uncomfortable is how I've felt
Do I peek at this hand that is dealt

I'm at a crossroad of old and new
Simply locked scared at what to do

Yet I know I will choose you

I will always wear my heart on my sleeve
No matter the times it's torn away
In the work I've done I believe

Will keep you beside me day by day

This 'uncomfortable' is my test
Trust me that you'll get my best
My work will not be undone
because what we have has just begun

How do I escape my own hell
there is no way out that I can tell
I'm lost in the torment of fear
The roars of my demons is all I hear

I don't know how to get out
All I do is get lost about
Til I crumple to the ground
Giving up because there is no hope to be found

This hell of mine is claiming me whole
I will eventually take the toll
They will soon catch up to me
My demons face to face with me

I am close to caving in to their demands
Lost is this land
Of my own personal hell
Though reality and this have no difference as far as I can tell

I'll lie down for hours in my bed
You think I'm asleep but I caged in my head
I'm getting tortured from the inside out
I'm getting thrown and tossed about

I'm a prisoner to my own thought
I am forced to remember ever ounce of pain I fought
It is a never ending reel of self-inflicted pain
I have no scars to show or retain

It's screaming and blood lust in my mind
On the outside quiet and peace, is what you find
I'm getting weak with every passing night
I'm slipping away losing might

I'm still a prisoner to my ******* brain
I think It's time, I step out of that lane

"I won't ***** you over."

For once in my life,
I need this to be real.
You know my past and present
understand how it might feel.
I know your situation
and I know it in and out
But despite it all I can't help but feel
That I'm only around from partial desperation.
I mean not this so harsh
But it's the bold reality
I'm so scared that you could leave a permanent laceration.
You can tear me apart
Without using your hands
You can take control of me
With such simple demands
I am scared that I might end up the puppet
and not the puppeteer
So please don't let me down
I have given you it all
If you choose to fail me,
Just simply let me drown.

My mind is a vast universe
With words and rhymes and so diverse
Which galaxy will I traverse
Must go forward not in reverse

I shall find and collaborate
the right words to elaborate
The message I wish to divulge
For hungery minds to indulge

But these words are spread afar
Dancing and gleaming off every star
But some get lost and forgotten
My rhymes misbegotten

But with all the time and space
I must build my base
and slowly weave these words with grace
With a piece of my heart to trace

It was you,
                             That made my wall**
                                                          ­     *crumble to dust.

Awake in nothing
Hands shaking
Eyes darting
Heavy breathing
Not your own
Blind darkness
The ringing
In your ears
The scratching
The knocks
The voices
Driving you
To insanity
You run
They laugh

What to do?

*You awake
In your room
To look over
To see that they caught you.

What is love while you think of another man
I think you need to revise your plan
It's not working out
Your past clarifies that no doubt
Take that step into loneliness
And you'd stop being such a mess
Accept yourself and all your flaws
Only then your glow will drop jaws
Stop believing your self-deception
Leave yourself, go alone, and face self-reflection

Nicotine kisses
And high hope wishes
Doping up on addition
Disguised and good conviction
To lie to the jester
Rests the demons to fester
Nicotine kisses
And high hope wishes
Now we're swimming with the fishes
Caught up in old lines
Disguised as I'm fine
Cheers, to another glass of wine
Nicotine kisses
And high hope wishes
My heart knows was it misses
The look on your face of pride
The only side I never saw hide

I hate you
Yes, yes I do
Through it all and in the end
I choose to hate you dear friend
I don't lie
Don't look me in the eye
Pay no mind to me
Its you I never want to see

"You could be telling the truth, but I can't believe."

God be mad that I'm disappointed
That it was you I appointed
To receive all of my guidance
Like that last dance
Anger in each step made
In the fantasy of other men to be laid
In one ear and right out the other
Chances? Really, another?
We'll see what you really are in time
If you are reborn or stuck in grime
That you secretly created
To help you seem so sated
But I know I am real
But there was a gap in the deal

A note to the wise
That a Demon's eyes
Whisper sweet lies
To devour you like frogs to flies

I've lost my way
I dont want to speak
I have nothing to say
It's all so bleak

The future I thought would be grand
Derailed, the opposite of what's planned
I'm in a plane but it's not manned
Diving towards my mental
No mans land

Where I bottle all my pain
Where I always return
Forced to remain
My heart will just burn

Forced to remember what I sought to forget
No way out
I'll just lay on my bed of regret
With these blankets of doubt

"It's a time of quiet,
when we would normally riot."

"What's it like to experience love?"


"Hmmmm, Have you had Bernie Botts Every Flavor Beans?"
.
.
.
.

"Oh."

I'm wrapped up in my head
Through that forest fogged with dread
Congrats to my demons you won
I'm tired and numb

You've convinced me my fears are real
That I've lost and made a deal
Trapped in rewind
The same emotions are what I find

It's too good to be true
Now I wonder what to do
I'm angry and morose
Taking in depression like a drug overdose

I hate my own reflection
I'm always trying a new deflection
To pretend that I can't feel pain
In my forest, it begins to rain

I'll choose to die inside
I'll choke on my pride
***** what we call life
Next time, stab me with a real knife

Saw Death today, oddly looked a lot like my wife.

My feelings have turned to stone
I'd rather say **** it
And live to die alone

Saying I'd never love anymore
As if I have a say
Or ability to shut that door

But I do know that its painful
To let them in
Only to be stabbed by a knife that's dull

Feelings of stone
Won't even date
At this point I'm convinced
Its Fate

Deep within blue eyes
I see a constellation
I'll find nowhere else

My life is rain to a flood,
only getting
*worse