Feelings climb out of me constantly
Twisting my stomach and pulling at my heart
For once
I wish i didnt feel sick
So nauseated by my emotions
So extreme
Stuck inside
Such a fragile case.

you wanted to keep me close
so that you had something
but you had everything
and didn't even care
I was whole when you met me
and shrunk to nothing
when you left me.

The love you share
Is one i want
One i dont think ill ever get
Not that it is out of reach
Just that
Everything i end up grabbing
I squeeze too hard
Everything i end up grabbing
Crumbles.
At least
I can watch the people around me
Maybe that will be enough

I thought I was done losing
Done pretending
Done trying to prove
My heart only wants you
To be happy
If you don’t know that by now
I will never be enough
Nothing will ever be enough

i know what i love
i just dont know
where that fits in the world
i mean maybe it doesn't
and maybe thats the point
but where do i carve space for myself
who will help me once i do
and who will try and bury me to cover up the mark i make?

Sometimes I just feel like I’m destined to be alone.
To travel the world and let my mind be the only love of my life.
I feel trapped inside of myself trying to be understood but not willing to put myself out there enough to let anyone.
I’m not sure why.
I don’t feel like I need anyone,
I don't feel like anyone needs me.

Your eyes are about as sharp as the knife I always imagined piercing myself with.
So look away,
Unless you want my blood to be on your hands.

I sat in fear of rejection,
Wanting you to pull me close.
We both knew we were wrong,
But for once,
I wanted wrong to be right.

I'm lost between what I said and what I did.
The separation from my words and actions,
Lets me stay calm and in the body I live.
I don't feel at home here.

Where am I going?
Point it out on a map.
In this head of mine I am already in the clouds,
Counting stars,
One, two, three.

Until the world goes dark,
I will keep counting stars.
One, two, three.

Instead of saying,
"I hope you don't forget me",
I hope that when you want to remember me,
You can.

I wonder how much time has to pass
for feelings to fade away forever
I haven't seen you in years yet
I still love you like you never left.

Sometimes I think I'm helping make you happy
But then I remember
I don't know what that word means

Your lips touched mine
and just in time
I pulled away.
I almost fell,
but the thought of you catching me
scared me half to death.
Just because your lips are filled with good intentions,
doesn't mean your heart is too.

i stood in front of you
a shell of a girl
and with every shaking breath
i tried to stand tall
show you i was incapable of quivering
show you i was cool enough
good enough
brave enough
but the truth was i was running out of air
and every cover-up
proved to cover-up another piece of me
you would never know
when i gasped for my last breath
i collapsed
and it wasn't your arms that caught me
it was the floor
and there i stayed until morning
where the bright sunlight exposed the bruises
and all I could do
was let time do the healing

Looking for stability
I can't seem to stand
Won't someone around me
Just please hold my hand

i get all caught up
in the words you say
i forget i can speak
and i'll be okay.

Taking it slow is one
Type of relationship
But what do you call
Not moving at all?

I woke up today not thinking about anything,
or that's how it felt at first.
I moved my hand,
and it was as though it belonged to someone else.
I looked at this foreign part of my body,
and closed my eyes.
My heart pounded inside of me,
I can't get out.

Right when we get close you're ripped away.
The tears I have can't show the hurt in my heart,
They aren't enough.
The pain I feel will never be exposed for others to see,
They wouldn't know what to do with it.
Trouble is,
Neither do I.

i know something doesn't feel right,
you know it's got to feel right.

i wish it felt right,
but no one ever taught you how to wish.

so maybe that's why I'm still here
and maybe that's why you're not.

just as the flowers on my bedside died,
so did we.

As fast as you were remembered
You were forgotten

You're not the one

Why do I think I loved you,
When I didn't even like you?
I find all of the reasons I can to hate you:
Your condescending humor,
Your manipulating smile,
The way you made me feel small, smaller than I've ever felt before.
All of these are real reasons,
Valid reasons,
Truthful reasons,
But I think the biggest reason,
The saddest, and really only reason,
is that you didn't love me back.

I'm sitting here.
Here seems to be the place I come often, to think.
Today I'm sitting here thinking about what I think about too often.
I'm not good enough for anyone.
The pieces of me that thought I was were given as parting gifts to all the ones I used to love, the ones I loved too much, the ones that loved my love.
The ones who's egos were fed with my love, thrived off my love, and simply existed because of my love.
I was tricked into thinking I was your lifeline, until you left and I realized,
you still had a healthy heartbeat and I was the only one hanging in the balance.

How can I please you?
How can I please you?
How can I please you?

By losing myself.

Just when I think I'm fine,
You reach out,
Pull me in ,
and I remember what it was like when you were mine.
I want to go back,
but turning around has always proven pointless,
the ending is always the same.
There are books I would love to re-read,
but you are not one of them.

You'll find a girl
much simpler than I,
much softer to touch,
much sweeter to smell,
but I don't know
I will find a boy
fiercer to love,
or nicer to look at.
When I look at you,
my world stops,
my heart opens,
and there is no place
I'd rather be.
I know you'll be able to find another,
but I'm just hoping,
that maybe,
you'll choose me.

Missing you
Has become my way of breathing
Everyday, always
I am missing you.

I sat and wondered
everyday
wondered why
why me
why this life
answers?
none.
I only had myself,
and all I did was wonder.

I felt at home with you but
Home to me meant broken
And I didn't want to love something else that could break into pieces
If home is where your heart is
Mine is scattered throughout history
It's never been altogether at once
And I don't think it ever will be

The thing is
you didn't have to leave
and all that says to me
is I wasn't enough
to make you stay.

I can't think of a reason why I love you,
But I think that's exactly why I do.  
I'm not sure how something could be,
Certain yet so uncertain simultaneously.

... I'm willing to silence all but one question to walk with you.

             Will you hold my hand?

Terrifying
Is one word
To describe
My love for you

I thought I knew myself in the city but everything I knew turned out to be everything I hated
Now I'm just alone and a shell of who I used to be
Staring at the streetlights
Hoping they will guide me home

If only heaven had a mailing address,
Maybe then I could send all the letters I've written to you,
Maybe then you could know how much I've been struggling living in reality,
When my thoughts of you seem so real.
I'm hoping that all of the things left unsaid,
Are sitting in the space between here and there,
Between where you are and where I am,
And you've read them all a million times over.

I’m not sure if you are meant to be mine,
but something inside of me is willing to wait.

I’ve never felt this before,
this calmness.

I know if I push,
you will not be ready,
you will not be healed.

I want all of you, forever,
not some of you now.

So I will wait until the sun shines in your bedroom again,
until the air re-enters your lungs once you’re finally breathing.
I will be waiting for you when you are reborn,
and you can be in comfort knowing:
you will never have to go through that alone again.

i'm tired of being kissed
i want to do the kissing without
threatening your masculinity or
making you feel small
isn't there something powerful in a woman
licking her lips and
swallowing you whole?

I lay here,
Exhausted from the work,
Not knowing why I do it,
But someone along the way said it would be worth it.
I ask what is worth,
Living your life as a silhouette?
They silence me and say, pay your dues, pay your dues.
Sometimes the hardest thing to say,
Everyone else is thinking,
So say it,
And maybe,
We can all stop paying for something that was given to us far before we knew the value of a dollar.

Sometimes,
when you look close enough,
you can find tears in the eyes of your heroes.

I see the stars in your eyes and I forget,
That this is what darkness looks like.

I loved you,
And it's taken me this long to see,
The past years of my life have been passing by,
racing by.
I'm standing at the train stop,
Watching as each comes to pass,
Not actually stepping on,
Just letting the breeze it brings touch my hair and dishevel me.
Much like how I describe you and I,
We never really made the leap,
We were never really going anywhere.

When the storm ends we are left with silence, which sometimes, is even more painful.

You woke me from a deep slumber,
And I've been awake ever since.

Her petals were always the first to be noticed,
their sweet smell and softness distracted strangers' eyes.
She managed to blossom for a while,
entertaining their idea of her perfection,
but after a while,  
her thorns would ***** the flesh of those who dared to come closer.

All have ran at the sight of blood.

Will anybody ever stay?

Did
I
do
the
right
thing?

An escape plan
to leave the world behind
to leave and never return
to rid the red
to paint my own mural
soft blues
grey hues
purple
splashes of white.

To think, I might,
escape.

This life has taught me a lot about goodbyes
They either come now
Or later
In every I love you I'm silently letting go
So that when goodbye comes maybe it won't hurt as much as the first time I lost someone.
I can only try my best to live as unattached as I can
Because this numbness feels better
Than the pain I refuse to remember.

I was wondering why
The other day
Why they were ten steps ahead when
Last I checked
We were heading down the same path
On the same train
We had seats beside each other
Didn't we?
That's when I realized
We were standing still.
I stared at you for a year,
And when I finally came to blink,
Everything had changed.

It would be nice
if our eyes
never ran dry,
I would have never
had to blink.

The world gives us art everyday,
And everyday,
I struggle to thank it.
We forget we are not the creators,
Builders or movers.
We are the tenants,
We do not own the land we reside on,
We are temporarily keeping it warm,
Waiting for a fire to start.

I spent the last year digging with two other people,
I thought we were building a tunnel,
To carry us from one side of the earth to the other,
A magical place, unlike anything that's been done before.
All the while I was digging,
You both were standing at the top,
Waiting for the right time to bury me.

I'd like you to know that you can try your best to bury me alive,
But watch how many people you cover in dirt,
You one day will be down here with us,
And on that day,
I wouldn't want to be you.