we walk beneath the weight of the outside
birds sing in tune with the collective
& trees reveal their 50-year-old whispers

homes along the way glide above the sunshade
in-between blanketed shadows and sidewalks covered in gum

neighbors swim in the darkness behind blackout curtains
their beds balance on cups of bedside water
& a yellow candle glows above the city

I intend to love the air in my lungs —
as I wake.
Compelled to peer through coke bottle glasses of glitter.

I intend to be unseen.
A whispering ocean concealed beneath the piers of Santa Monica.
I have so much to say, so much to share
as I wake.

Here in my bed,
Frozen between planks of wood and placid sea.
I laugh in my sleep,
groan as I wake.

I fear the here the now
and encourage the dreams,
the sounds.

Bamboo spine
bones and all,
stand tall

Soak up the
sour & the sweet

Remove yourself from
soil so dry

Plant your body
& your soul
in self-loving hands

Sway with the wind
but remember to
create your own someday

Nurture your warmth
don't let it die  

You are free to grow
in this landscape.

Remind your mind's eye.
This is your time.

Don't give me that
Smack me with a brick
before you flash that
Colgate smile
Take your eager flight
to your far off place
and leave me to
my sugar coated
shards of glass.

                             {Flight Departing At: 9:30AM}

Remember when we would sing
to the radio
                        and laugh because
                                                                ­                     we didn't
know
                                             the lyrics?

                 {baggage}    
                                               or the time
{security}
              {Take off shoes. Remove Belt}
                you cried   
                                                              ­                   in  my bed?

                          {How many bags are you checking in today?}

we both got so
sunburned   once
you had the imprint of your
                                                            ­                           tank-top
on your back and
I thought my
                                         nose
would fall off

                                              {Flight Itinerary}  
{Drivers License}
                   we rushed through
sushi
and I accidentally ate
                                                      too much wasabi
                                                          ­                          {Is anyone sitting there?}
                                            awkwardly held on to each other
on top of that concrete sculpture of a
                                                                ­              cat
or was it a
                               pig?
                   {Airplane Mode}
            ran to the          
   beach and climbed that         really uncomfortable rock?
                      {sleep}          
     I was so
                                                                ­                                      content
next to

                                         you
                                      {Silence}

            ­                   {Fasten seat belts}

{Baggage claim}
                                        there was a time when we made each other                             
       happy.

                              
you had to                                                           move.
All the way to                                        good Ol' North Carolina.

It was a
                             chance                        we took.

What we had was only               temporary

                                A               looming                     date.

At some point
@ some                         airport           in               San Francisco
you would leave                                                            ­        


                                                      ­               me


at 9:30AM.



{gone with the clouds}

I dreamt of bridges as I slept,
So far from where I wept.
Metallic rust, uneven spokes
So far from where I slept.

Give me damage
hand me the key
to my misplaced love, my grinding teeth tangle your fingers in
                                                                            mine take what
you                                                                      want          then
                                                                            
leave

damage my soul set me free.

A coy fish in a pond with nowhere to swim nor splash. The clear water allowed him to see in all four directions, though there was nothing to catch the eye but four concrete walls and bunches of lily pads.

A tiny spectator circled the grass surrounding the pond. She looked as though she were only 5 years old. A second later she was hastily ripping a lily pad from its roots. Upon discovering no magic beneath its belly, she dropped it and began on her way.

The lifeless plant rested at the ponds edge for weeks before the wind carried it back to its place. It was somehow different now, wrinkled and stretched at the stem, though it floated uniform among the rest. The coy hid in the shadows created by the walls, and watched.

I have fallen
I won't be there
to break the waves,
to dust the dirt
with bare skin
off your face.

You either
wither and die
or dance with
the coral.

Catch the sun
with your eyes
break the surface
while your body
sings.

Swim with
the kelp beds
or tangle beneath
the hooks &
the strings.

pull me near
   and embrace
      my palpitations,
         the spiders
            in my throat,
               my caffeinated blood,
                  my weakly ghosts

Encased in metal, their bodies careened towards the city. The grinding, the metal on metal screeching, quieted their thoughts.

Head against glass, crowded and foggy, the mother in grey plots her scheme to the nearest bottle of liquor. The man with guilt in his eyes, clutches her hand and wonders when he can get away.

They coast past creeks of muck and cigarette butts. Two bodies on their way to the next hour.

The small girl sleeps on her mothers chest breathing foul ash from the air. Her father smokes with his hand behind a book and exhales sour remorse from his worn lungs.

The mother with heavy eyes, avoids wishful thinking. She has never relied
on luck, so she sits, encased in metal ignoring faces and avoiding eyes.

dad grills carne asada as he always has since the beginning
his golden retriever gazes out beyond space and time
the sky forgets to turn blue, the Sun takes a breath
all the stars begin to look the same.

every summer a piñata swings from the pepper tree
as dust and ice pirouettes around Saturn and the party
a streetlight flickers on K avenue, a shower of silver
crescent moons igniting California smog.

In these moments she shatters her past like glass. Today she is miles from her visions of grandeur and grandmas home cooking. But, beneath the shade of her plastic sun, she chars her soul with self-doubt. Some would say she is more honest now, truer than she ever was before.

I lull the salt
and the rain
with the company of
sour visitors
perpetual silence
stabbing me in
my palms
I strung it together
with thin white exhales
In the morning
I become tangled
apologetic veins
a rib cage and
a buoy, white endless
silence
tangled at the root.

"Dreams are foreign and uncomfortable. The common dreamworld never quite mimics life in its truest form."

I flew over snowy mountain peaks on my way to Amsterdam, dreaming of existing in my truest form. My layover in Reykjavik was only three hours long, & I was traveling alone. Three hours is just enough time to worry about getting lost & I pondered what it would be like to let go.

My trip would take me to Amsterdam, then London. I would find myself in Amsterdam again by day 10. I chose to ignore the loneliness by drinking a pint of Belgian beer in a bar that was much too small and enveloped in tobacco smoke.

On my way to the bathroom I spotted a cat prowling the floor like he was hunting for a bird. He was out of place, yet here he was in his truest form. Forever hunting for a bird that was nowhere to be found.