I was really born with green eyes
They resemble emeralds
But it seems the biggest green eye I have
is the eye of jealousy
I see beautiful people doing beautiful things
Making art, making jewelry, getting photographed
All while getting paid to do what they love
Half of me wants to be happy for them
but the darker half gets glowing green eyes
My biggest dream is to do what I love while supporting myself and my loved ones
Yet people as young as my age are already doing it, and have been for all of their life
Makes my soul wary and weak and just want to sleep
I'm so jealous of all of you

Tired physically.
Tired emotionally.
Tired of *******.
Tired of money.
Tired of ****** drivers.
Tired of ****** people.
Tired of headaches.
Tired of back pains.
Tired of anxiety.
Tired of depression.
But most of all,
I'm just tired of being tired.

I fail at life so hard
I say I want a job
But when I get called my anxiety takes over and makes me want to be invisible.
My mind is muddled and my soul is sad
Why, at life, must I be so bad

Here I am, drunk again
Bombay sapphire, that sweet sweet gin.
The warmth it brings, the cares that leave
Even if it's just momentarily.
I feel good!
No,
I feel GREAT.
I want to hug all of you, who think you're a mistake.
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
no matter what your past.
I promise you you're beautiful, as I sip on my newly filled glass.

money has me so tightly wound
I'd rather be dead in the ground
I have more bills than I have cash
don't know how much longer I can last


sad to say,
I'd rather be dead today...

haven't been writing
been too busy working
finally I have found my place,
my grind, my groove
I've made friends
I've made money
but most importantly
I've made myself proud

I want to move far away,
even just for one day.
Everyone's reality and expectation
is taking a serious toll on me.
I constantly have the mountains on my mind.
Wind in my hair, with absolutely no cares.
Money should not be able to dictate your life, yet we let it.
I just want to move far away,
tiny house,
heirloom seeds.
Growing and sustaining for myself.

Tangled, sweaty
Breathing heavy
I can feel your love drip onto my skin
My heart bursts with emotions I didn't know exist
Immense love like this is always tricky
But what's life without being risky?
After the love has been made,
we tangle up in embrace,
I trace your back, spine, up to your beautiful face
Those blue icy eyes keep me alive
I want nothing but to do this for the rest of my life

Money hungry
Describes our world
We destroy and harm
(Ourselves and the earth)
For pieces of paper
It's repulsive
A waste of human labor
We're meant to live
Not to sit at a desk
People forget there's more than this
9 to 5, working over time
Everyone's eyes looking beyond tired
Losing communication with one another
I'll smile and wave
Nowadays most people don't even bother
Kindness is embedded in me
Where did it go
Life is supposed to be so much more beautiful

I thought my past was all I had,
I didn't understand
The struggles, triumphs, pain
Is the reason that I am
Judge me if you must,
But no one judges me like I do
My past makes up myself
And I swear to the tree tops
To help anybody else

I didn't ask to be pulled into this world
Ripped out of the quiet and comfort of the womb
To be branded and twisted into what they want
Another mindless worker, another dollar
They want you to think life is about work
It's not, life is about LIVING
The sadness I see in a crowd is unbearable
Everyone longs to free themselves
Of these heavy shackles of society
So tell me, fellow beings
How do we break free?

I want to love you in ways people only dream of being loved.
I want to lift you up, make you mine, and make you nothing but happy.
I want to kiss you from head to toe, until my lips hurt.
I want to undress you, lay you down, and hold you until every bad thought you have in that beautiful mind of yours dissipates.
Then I want to make love until the sun comes up, and fall asleep intertwined in your arms and in your soul.

What do you do when someone has your whole soul wrapped around their finger?
Love is such a sweet yet scary word.
In the blink of an eye they could be gone, and there you'll be, right back where you started,
The only difference being your heart is ruptured, and your eyes are constantly damp from your thoughts about the past.
Love can be oh so sweet,
it can bring you to the highest places.
But it can also be oh so brutal,
creating your own little personal hell.
Yet when you find that sweet, fearless love, you forget about all of that and jump right in, ready to try again.
Wrapped around their finger.

Wrap barbed wire around my body
Pull it tightly, watch the blood come out
It'd cause me some discomfort
But nothing stabs my soul
More than my bare emotions

exploring my mind for a topic,
and all that comes up is you;
I miss the taste of your skin,
and the look of infinite love in your eyes.
you're the only soul in this world that's lifted me up with just a smile,
a word,
a look.
you have me forever.
love like this is irreplaceable.

I wish humans could see
we're meant to be free
Only some understand
Most are asleep
We are meant to be
up in the trees
or running through fields
and jumping in leaves
It's make believe
what we've come
to believe
And it's sad to see
From up in my tree

Perhaps instead of thinking negatively, I'll think positively today.
Negativity is embedded in my brain like my DNA is to my body.
I've got to kick these thoughts of mine, I forget I can control them.
Subconscious, it's time for you to
SHUT UP.

Scared of how perfect you are
Up close and from afar
Your mind is of the highest
One of the purest, mightiest
It's intimidating to the core
But when you speak, I want more
I get caught in my thoughts
Thinking of you
When I'm silent, I'm reeling
Don't understand what I'm feeling
Is this real? Or are you an illusion?
Seems too good to be reality
Everything always seems to be a fallacy

When I hear the word "friend" not many people come to mind
One or two, perhaps three;
Doesnt really matter anyway.
Just less to keep up with...

I already think enough without carrying the worry of fake friendship on my shoulders.
Less is usually more when you get down to it.

This life can be so unbearable.
What is the point?
I ask myself that question more than any other.
Ask most this question, you recieve the same response
"To live."
Well, ****.
Maybe I don't want to anymore.
I was never asked, just pulled into this warped reality.
What is the point...

I found out I have a couple of best friends today
I like to compare that to having quarters instead of pennies
Time to start being grateful
I have everything I need

Two cups of coffee,
12 AM.
Let the thinking begin.

I'm clueless as to how you really feel
When it happened first it all seemed
Too good to be true
Then you left
And it was

I feel so old
yet I'm so young
I can tell you stories upon stories,
experience upon experience
yet I'm always craving more.
Lying awake on those 2 AM-can't sleep to save my life-nights,
all I have is guilt on my mind.
I've been through so much,
but my mother has been through much more at the hands of me.
Why must I have a wild soul?
Why do I love to alter my mind?
Why?
It hasn't become a problem,
though it could at any time, I'm sure.
People don't go altering themselves with the intent of getting addicted, but it happens more times than not.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
I believe it's because I want out of this world.
My soul screams through my chest to be let go, released into oblivion.
Yet I cannot abide by this request, so I drudge on another day, beverage in hand, pop a pill, escape escape escape.

Spending my Friday night
Weeping over my thoughts
And getting drunk alone
I'm embarrassed to the core
My soul hurts
I think it wants out
This life isn't for me
I don't know what to do

This modern world
Makes me cringe
Why was I chosen,
Chosen to live
I don't believe
In this society
The more modern we are
our minds drift farther
We are one with the trees
Flowers
Animals and bees
It's not hard to look
This universe is us
But no one is paying attention
Because of all these new inventions

Take the phone cord
Wrap it around my neck
Pull as tight as you can
Make sure the life leaves my eyes
Swollen from tears
Tired of living in fear
My mom doesn't even care
She's on the forefront of my despair
I should've just off'd myself last night
I thought I'd give it another chance
What a ******* mistake

Literally shaking from the feelings
Tears rolling down my body
Sadness exhumes me constantly
Nothing helps, not even sobbing
My soul burns so hot
I'd rather touch fire
Scorching my bare skin
Instead of my emotions scorching my bare heart

Spent enough time being depressed
Time to get back on my knowledge ****
Expand my mind instead of my heart
Focus on my body, soul, and purpose
***** about to get real and I can't wait

I sit here in the dark filled with tears
No one seems to care to hear
Always filled up with electric emotions
All I want is one loves devotion
I want arms wrapped around me tightly
Holding me by day, ******* me nightly
But ultimately I just want someone to care
At the level that I do, so I don't have to fear
These electric emotions are all that I have
And to be honest I'd rather be grabbed
Taken away from this time and place
Fast forward to my time of elegance and grace
There's got to be something better awaiting me
My heart is so good and gold, but the world's making it escape me